Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Oh, Canada!

It's been over a month since my amazing Canada trip so I guess it's about time I blogged about it, right? I HAD THE BEST TIME VISITING MY INTERNET TURNED IRL FRIEND. Faith and I "met" almost 3 years ago, when we were both blogging super regularly and maintaining our online presences much better than we are now. It all started the way "regular" friendships do - with insane amounts of Tweeting back and forth to each other, commenting on blog posts, and gchatting the days away at work, and before we knew it we were texting and FaceTiming and talking about how cool it would be to meet SOMEDAY.

SOMEDAY came at my wedding last September, and I was extremely jealous that Faith, Sami, and Lindsay all got to spend so much time together while I was busy being a bride. So then one night a few months ago I had a few glasses of wine and found a ridiculously cheap flight to Very North Washington and the rest will be history after you've finished reading this annoyingly long post with far too many pictures.

I had to leave at 6am so naturally at 5:30am I had gotten this much packing done:

Then, I put on my best Snapchat filter and got the first of many many Starbucks drinks. (I seriously think I drank more Starbucks during this weekend than I had in the past year and a half combined.)

The weeks leading up to my trip consisted mostly of me and Faith texting each other saying "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO HANG OUT WHAT IF WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IF IT'S BORING OMG THAT'S OKAY THAT'S WHY THERE'S WINE." When I boarded the plane Faith asked me to take a selfie on the plane so she knew I wasn't catfishing her, but I couldn't do that because there were people next to me (who would not stop talking) and selfie-ing while next to people is really awkward.

So instead, I sneaked a picture of the plane ceiling.

And then before I knew it I was walking toward Faith at the teeniest airport ever and she had a hand-lettered sign with my name on it and we hugged for an uncomfortable amount of time. (Uncomfortable for the people around us, not for us).

We made it across the Canadian Boarder without TOO much trouble from the Canadian Border Control, and that's only because Faith warned me ahead of time to "let her do all the talking" and "only speak when you're spoken too" and "don't act suspicious even though we have a liter and a half of drugstore wine in the trunk."

It worked and I only peed my pants a little bit.

We crossed at the Peace Arch, which I kept hearing as "P. Sarge" and the whole weekend I was wondering who "P. Sarge" was and then on my last day I was informed of what an idiot I was.

After an insane amount of traffic and making some stops for the essentials (food + wine), we made it to Faith and Justin's house. And here are some pictures of overcast Vancouver.


We also stopped at Wal Mart (they have Wal Mart in Canada!) where I learned some very important things:

1) They don't have regular Sun Chips in Canada
2) They call "Kraft macaroni and cheese" "Kraft Dinner."
3) Their cheese is sold in weird shapes. This picture doesn't really show you the weird shape but just take my word for it. It's super flat cheese. Super flat.


We made sure to get a good night's sleep because the next day we had plans to eat a LOT which required lots of energy. I never realized eating took so much energy. We ate breakfast at this place called Jethro's which served us THE BIGGEST PANCAKES OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I kid you not when I say they were as big as the tires on my car. And they were THICK.

Three people could hardly even finish half of the pancakes. We also tried to eat a giant breakfast burrito. When we were done I REALLY wanted a nap, but we had sights to see. We drove all over Vancouver -which is a really giant city, in case you're wondering - and you guys IT'S SO PRETTY! Faith and Justin drove me alllllllllll around and I just couldn't get over it!

Then we had to stop for wine and pictures. I thought we were stopping for poutine and I had no idea how I was going to fit any more food in my body but THANK GOD it was just for wine. There's always room for wine.

We also did this thing called "pull tabs." It's like lottery scratchers but instead of scratching you pull these tabs (get it?) and I WON TWO LOONIES. Not to be confused with a toonie. I did not win a toonie, I won a loonie two times.

That night we went out with Faith's old roommate slash her (and my!) friend Amanda, and I got to experience Vancouver nightlight.

AND CAESAR'S. A Caesar is a Bloody Mary made with clamato juice instead of tomato juice (clam/tomato juice). I was convinced I would have a Caesar but I tried Amanda's and was like OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING. I think I had 5 that night.

You can see way more of our night in the video Faith made at the bottom of this post, but for now all you need to know is that our Jethro's breakfast had been soaking up ALL OF OUR ALCOHOL. Those greedy pancakes took up all the booze and we were like "what's going on?????" and then after like two hours we figured it out. DAMN YOU JETHRO'S. (jk i love you)

The next day Faith took more to explore MORE of Vancouver. You're going to have to forgive me but I can't remember the names of the places we went. But here are some pictures.

Being a tourist
Being a tourist in the snow on Grouse Mountain (Peak? Hill? IDK)
Being a fashion blogger
Being a-nnoying
On a SUSPENSION BRIDGE that was slightly terrifying
We toured Vancouver allllll day and then they made me try poutine. What's that? You're American and don't know what poutine is? NEITHER DID I and I had no clue what to expect. Poutine is fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. Sound disgusting?

It is.

Ok ok, to be fair, maybe "disgusting" isn't the right word. It was ... confusing. The cheese curds squeak in your mouth and it's just a lot of different tastes that I wasn't sure what to do with. Separately, all three of those ingredients are delicious, but it was kind of like Rachel's Christmas Trifle... when you put it together it's just confusing. Unless you're Joey. Or Canadian.

That evening Justin made the most amazing macaroni and cheese I've ever had in my entire life. I'm not even kidding. It was the cheesiest and creamiest mac and cheese IN THE WORLD and I'm drooling just thinking about it!! We spent the rest of the night watching Netflix, drinking wine, playing Heads Up, SnapChatting, FaceTiming, and then I passed out. BUT I WOKE UP AND RALLIED AND WATCHED BREAKING BAD SO IT WAS FINE AND I AM NOT PATHETIC.

And then it was the next morning and I had to go to the airport... but not before I got to try Tim Horton's!!! YOU GUYS. I'm not a big donut hole fan but ooooohhhhhh my gosh these were so good! And the coffee was good! And my bagel was delicous! And I got to roll up the rim! And it was all just SO GOOD! It helped soften the blow of the reality that I was leaving Canada.

I consider myself extremely blessed to have met such wonderful people through the crazy world of blogging. If you told me four years ago that some of my closest friends would have come to me through Twitter and Gchat I'd have been like, "What's Twitter and Gchat?" but I'm so thankful to have Faith and so many others in my life! There aren't many people who would help you to the bathroom when you're a little inebriated and spend a whole weekend driving you allllllll over Vancouver letting you freak out about how different things are North of the States, and I'm very lucky to have found a person who will do just that!

And just because this hasn't been long enough, here is a video of my time in Vancouver. Faith spent an insane amount of time on this and I was WAY too lazy to do that, so thank you Faith. A lot.

Monday, March 7, 2016

My thoughts about the Women Tell All (because I know you care)

Okay first things first: my second niece is being born today! Baby Kate's sister will make her way into the world sometime after 7:30 am PST and you guys, I'm so excited! At some point I'll post a picture of the newest little angel to grade this earth on my Instagram, @jliette #shamelessplug.

But enough about that - let's discuss the hottest topic of this morning: THE WOMEN TELL ALL. Keith and I have really enjoyed watching this season of The Bachelor together, and I wish you could all be here to hear the funny things he says each episode. It takes us about 3 hours to get through an episode because we're pausing and commenting so much. And yes, we are people who PAUSE to comment on shows. I learned fairly early on in our relationship that one of Keith's biggest pet peeves is people who talk during movies/tv shows, so I've worked pretty hard to yell "PAUSE IT!" Before I bestow my witty/sarcastic quips slash pearls of wisdom upon him. 
Bullet points are fun, right?
LACE. I think Lace handled herself pretty well on the WTA. In my opinion, Lace's behavior on The Bachelor was due mostly to copious amounts of alcohol given to her by the producers who saw an opportunity for television gold. It was smart of her to leave the show of her own volition, and it was smart of her to change her hair.
JUBILEE. Jubilee was in "the hot seat" for way too long. I got bored by the end of it. Basically the whole thing with Jubes was "she said/she said" and it got old. And I would appreciate it if someone could explain what was so offensive about her calling herself "full black." WASNT that just ... The truth? What am I missing?
And in case you're wondering, her classy chest tat says "the past is practice." I googled it so you don't have to.
CAILA. Caila has amazing hair but that's the only nice hong I have to say about her. She doesn't come across as sincere to me, not one bit. She reminds me a lot of Britt in that regard. She also reminds me of a girl I knew in college who wanted to be a famous actress and who knew how to work a crowd. I don't buy any of what Caila is selling, and I've seen rumors that she's the next Bachelorette which I believe was her goal in coming on the show in the first place. 
OLIVIA. Poor Olivia just can't win. She said some hurtful things while on the show, but she took responsibility for them and I just feel badly for her. Nothing she said was going to make anybody happy, and I'm really curious about why she went on the WTA. Contractual obligation? That's my first guess. I'm also wondering why she colored her eyebrows in so much. YOU ARE NOTCADA DELEVIGNE.

BEN. Ben is SO BORING TO ME. I also feel like he's fake, and I think he does an awesome job of telling everyone what they want to hear. I'm not a Ben fan at all and I hope he really did find love and decides he wants to stay away from the spotlight because I'm tired of seeing him everywhere. 

Other notable things:

Ben and Chris Harrison had on matching outfits. 

Sheila the chicken was more entertaining than half the women. 

Why did Shushanna get so much screen time?

Does anybody actually know who Jennifer is?

Chris Harrison literally has the easiest job in the world. He gets over $100k per episode and a few weeks ago I counted how many words he spoke: 16.  That's like, $6,250 per WORD! AT LEAST!! Disgusting. 

I don't feel badly for anybody who had a hard time with being on the show and then goes on Bachelor in Paradise (coughLACEcough). At some point you're just asking for it. 

The end thanks for caring love you byeeeeeee