Monday, March 30, 2015

When your neighbors are 12-year-old boys...

I have a story to share but first I have to share some photos of the most adorable shoes I found at Target on Friday. Why don't these come in my size? Seriously you guys, I'm jealous of a 1 1/2 year old's wardrobe.
Sandals. Glitter slip-ons.

Also take a look at the view from the Rim of the World Highway! Keith's parents were in town so after church we all went to try this Mexican restaurant that everybody says is OMGTHEBEST, and it was good but I'd rather go to the closer restaurant that makes the one-and-done margaritas Kristie and I had on Tuesday. OH YEAH WE HAD A BLATE more on that later.

Come visit me.

Moving on.

A couple of weeks ago some neighbors put up a basketball hoop across the street from Keith's house. I always park on the [very narrow] street, so he had gone out there and said they better never hit my car with the basketball because I'm very mean and scary. I mean, just look ^^^ clearly scary, right? Right. So.

Last night, I was downstairs for a few minutes, and when I came upstairs the front door was open and Keith came inside and said, "Hey, come outside and meet the neighbors!"

I was thinking, Uh, ok, I've lived here for five months and now it's time to meet the neighbors? Okay..." but I went outside without asking any question and the man, woman, and two junior highish aged boys introduced themselves and shook my hand while looking extremely nervous and terrified and I was like awww they're nervous to be meeting a girl! Adorbs.

Then, the mom (whose name I can't remember because I'm the best neighbor ever) said, "So..." and pointed to my car, Bruce Wayne, which was right next to me but which I hadn't been paying attention to because hello, greeting neighbors and stuff.

I turned around and gasped because...

I had no more back window! I heard the dad say to Keith, "You didn't tell her?!?!?" and Keith laughed and said, "No way!" and I just stood there with my hands over my mouth and straddling the line between laughing and crying.

"So... this boy was throwing and this boy was catching, but this boy threw it poorly and this boy couldn't catch it, and the ball kind of bounced off your window and broke the whole thing. We'll pay for it though!"

And like, you guys, what do you even say in that situation? Everyone was awkwardly laughing and the parents kept talking about how they'll pay for it but I should call my insurance and they had a shop vac that they could use to clean all the glass (is it even glass? I feel like those windows are made of something way stronger than glass) up from inside my car, and I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind:

-Is it legal to drive without a back window?
-It's going to be really embarrassing when they see all the junk in the trunk of my car when they try to clean all the shards of Bruce out of there. I should try to keep my car cleaner.
-Should I tell them they don't have to pay for it? I feel bad for them. How embarrassing.
-I need to pee.

One of the kids did comment on all the crap in my car and his mom said, "Come on, how often do you see me clean out my car? Girls' cars double as extra purses!" and I couldn't tell if she was serious or just trying to make me feel better, but whatever.

Then one of the boys told me the ball didn't land in my car because it just bounced off, and I said, "So I don't even get a free baseball outta this??" and the mom offered to have them sign the ball for me and I seriously considered

It was really difficult watching them basically gut Bruce's backside.

Then they vacuumed it and I kind of wanted to ask them to vacuum my entire car but I refrained because MANNERS.

And now I have a black tarp on the back of my car. The dad asked if I wanted black or clear and I said, "Black. I've been wanting tinted windows anyway."

So now I don't really know what to do. I mean, I guess I'll call my insurance and then call some car window replacement places and try to find the best deal but that just sounds like SO much work and I'm way too lazy for all of this.

Anyway, that's my story now I need to go take a nap bye.

Monday, March 16, 2015


*Insert obligatory "I hate Mondays" sentence here*

I used to really like Mondays and Wednesdays because I didn't have to go to work until noon, but on Friday my schedule got changed and now I have to be at work at 9 Monday through Thursdays so my partying Sunday and Tuesday night are over. But on the plus side I get every Friday off so I can't complain. And also at my last job I had to be at work at 7am five days a week so compared to that I really have nothing to complain about. Also at that job I could drink wine at 10am and nobody cared. But anyway.

If you don't mind I'm just going to catch you all up on my life lately because I know everybody is probably like, "That Juliette hasn't posted in a week or so and I feel so left out on her life so I'd really appreciate some pictures and bullet points of how she's been doing." Well you're lucky I'm a mind reader because pictures and bullet points are what I'm bringing to the table today you're welcome.

- I can now officially take shots of brandy without throwing up. Keith decided to buy some fancy flavored brandy and then he was like, "Let's do a shot for fun!" and I was like, "How bad can it be?" And you guys brandy is disgusting. Like, it tastes and smells like rubbing alcohol (not that I've ever tasted rubbing alcohol I mean, what kind of person do you think I am?) and I wouldn't mind never taking a shot of brandy ever again. But like an hour after we did the first shot I was like, "Let's do another!" so I guess I'm hardcore.

- For a while I was doing like, REALLY well at eating healthy, but lately that has gone out the window. Like, two weeks ago I went to Target on an empty stomach and I bought so much food and I'm not going to tell you how much of it I ate but you should know that none of this food is in the cupboard or the fridge anymore. I'm seriously considering doing some kind of week long challenge of only eating "clean" and documenting the results. Because it would be nice to wear my pants without having to have them unbuttoned all day.

- No job has ever stressed me out as much as the job I have now. Not even the job where I had to walk a $3.6 million dollar check a few blocks down to the bank and make sure I didn't drop it or lose it. And not even the job I had where I had to pour beer out of a tap but I'd never done that before so I was just giving people glasses of beer foam and then all judged me.

- One of my friends came down to stay with me for the weekend and I realized that I'm a horrible hostess. I provided her with a lovely assortment of chips, cereal, soda, wine, and chocolate and we watched Survivor for most of the weekend and I mean, I loved it but I know not everybody enjoys that level of sloth and gluttony so, sorry Jennie.

- I painted my nails and I'm proud of the result. You guys, did you know you can do french tips with just using the nail polish, remover, and Q-tips? Maybe one day I'll make Keith take pictures of the process and I'll teach you all how to do this. Maybe. I don't want to make you an empty promise.

- Does anybody know of ways to make a lot of money really fast? And please don't suggest the lottery or selling my organs on the black market because I've looked into those and they don't seem promising.

- That's all. What have you been up to? How do you convince yourself to stop eating junk food and try to be a little healthier? Is there any kind of alcohol more disgusting than brandy?

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Really mature things I've done out of anger

Sometimes I'm so mature that I have to stop, pause, and say to myself, oh em gee, Juliette, you're being too mature and it's weird just calm down for a second and giggle at inappropriate things.

Also balls. Hehehehehe balls.

That's better.

I decided to give you some examples of times when I've been REALLY extra mature. Specifically when I'm angry. Below is a list of all the really mature things I've done when I'm angry you're welcome.

The silent treatment. I like to think of myself as the queen of the silent treatment (+until I have a couple of glasses of wine in my belly). But sober, I can ignore a person for days upon days upon days. Once, in college, my dad found my secret blog where I talked about boys I liked and I refused to talk to him for like two weeks until he swore he would never ever mention my secret blog to me (not this blog). And guess what? We've never discussed that blog. HA. I win.
Once I farted on my roommate's pillow when she wasn't home. She totally deserved it, I swear.
When I was in middle school my older sister gave me this really sweet card and then one day I was mad at her because she would let me hang out with her and her friends or borrow her clothes or something else that was obviously a huge deal so I ripped the card up right in front of her face. (I felt really really horrible about it immediately afterward and my sister ended up taping the card back together.)
One time Keith and I were in a fight so I said "there's dinner in the microwave" but then I ate what I left for him and if he asked me about it I was going to tell him I threw it down the hill in his back yard because I didn't want him to know I ate 6 salmon quesadillas out of anger.
I'm really good at stomping my feet and slamming things. Lots and lots and lots of stomping and slamming things. Doors, drawers, cupboards... one time I even succeeded in slamming a shower curtain. THAT'S how mature mad I was.

Another time I got mad at my hairbrush because I was trying to put my hair in a slicked back ponytail WITH NO BUMPS but I was failing and it was obviously the brush's fault so I slammed it against the counter and it broke in half.
On more than one occasion when somebody who may or may not have been my employer, I got sick of his attitude and when he asked me for coffee I gave him decaf and when he asked me to refill his water bottle I gave him tap instead of filtered. I totally showed him.

When I was little I was wearing roller blades in the house (not allowed) and my brother locked me out of his room so I kicked the door and put a hoe in it. That hole was there for like 15 years at least.

That's all. We're getting too honest now.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Our second one-year anniversary // how we met

Tomorrow is Keith's and my second one-year anniversary. If you weren't aware, we dated for a little over a year back in college, were apart for 4 years, and then got back together. Today I'm sharing the (very wordy) story of how we started dating... the first time.
If it wasn't for Facebook, Keith and I probably wouldn't be celebrating our second one year anniversary tomorrow. Let's take a trip back to December 24th, 2008...

Want to come to Del Mar park with us for a few hours? I saw the text from Karen and thought nothing of it. I was so close with their family that it would have been weirder not to hang out with them on Christmas Eve. I texted back quickly, Sure! Be there in about a half hour and thought of all the fun times I'd had with that family.
Karen and Mike were my high school youth leaders, and since their oldest daughter was a few years younger than me (which in high school was a pretty big deal) I spent most of my time with Karen and Mike. They were the chaperones when the other high schoolers in the church and I went on National Bible Quizzing trips to Omaha, Fort Worth, St. Louis, and Chicago. I was over at their house all the time, and the two of them were basically my "other" parents.
So, I wasn't nervous to go spend part of Christmas Eve with their family. I drove the 15 minutes over to the park, I got out to go greet everybody, and I stopped for a second because oh my gosh is that Hot Keith?

Hot Keith, Karen's nephew, or the guy I'd had a subtle crush on throughout most of high school. So subtle that at one point he sent me a message over MySpace (much cool, very hip) saying, "Could you not call me Hot Keith anymore? It's making my girlfriend jealous." (Side note: Justin Timberlake up and bought MySpace and changed everything and now I can't see my messages like I used to and everything is different and I really hate it.)
I took a deep breath, walked toward the playground where Keith was adorably hanging out with all the cousins... and ignored him and, instead, talked to all the adults (such grown up). If Keith and I spoke at all, it was a quick, "Hey, what's up?" But believe you me, my heart sure was racing and fluttering when I was watching him entertain all those kids and actually enjoy himself. Also I was a little jealous that I wasn't sliding down that slide with all of them. I mean come on, it looked like fun!
I left pretty quickly and honestly can't remember if I told him goodbye or not, but that night after the Christmas Eve service at the church, when I was up late waiting for Santa, I took a deep breath and hit "Send friend request" on Keith's page. And you know what?
Santa came.
The next day - Christmas Day - I had a message on my Facebook wall from Keith. That message spawned the beginning of our relationship. For about a week we messaged back and forth on our Facebook walls. The public walls. I've always thought it was really cool that we did that on the public part of Facebook instead of the private messaging aspect. I vividly remember staying up until 4am multiple nights in a row, sitting in my dad's bathroom on the toilet (with the lid down, what, do you think I'm disgusting?) waiting for that little red "1" to pop up alerting me that he had written more sweet nothings on my wall. Then I'd wait the obligatory 5 minutes before writing on his wall again. I had to wait 5 minutes. I mean, I couldn't have him thinking I had nothing to do at 3 in the morning other than write on his wall, right? RIGHT?
We talked about everything: politics, Bible verses, sports (#dodgers), movies... we talked about everything. He told me about what he was studying at Fresno State, and I told him about Biola. We talked about music, our families, funny stories... nothing was off limits. And then Karen invited us both to her house for New Year's Eve and I can neither confirm nor deny that I jumped up and down and squealed with delight.
Waiting for New Year's Eve to arrive was basically torture. He and I were still only communicating via Facebook wall posts, or with Karen as the in-between. And you better believe that when I saw him walking into her house with his 12-pack of Mountain Dew and some movies, my heart skipped a beat and I tried not to let him see how big my smile was.
I was in the kitchen helping Karen make dinner when he walked into the living room. He immediately came into the kitchen and started helping us make the tacos, and we talked like old friends and it really was one of the best thing ever. We made tacos for dinner, and we made oreo balls (hahaha balls) for dessert, and he was good at everything and I was swooning.

During the week I'd told him that I'd never stayed up for 24 hours straight, so he had issued me a challenge, which was to stay up for 24 hours (duh). I had a total of 10 shots of espresso that night and he kept bringing me cans of Mountain Dew so basically I was on drugs. We watched movies, we went on a walk, and when I got tired I would like my head on the sofa next to him and get goosebumps when he would shake me to make sure I was still awake. #romance
The next day, New Year's Day, we sat next to each other on the sofa the whole day and talked and watched tv. There were other people there but we ignored him. Well, except when his grandparents came over and his grandpa had a recording of "The Wedding March" that he played when he walked by us. I hadn't brushed my teeth or washed my hair in over 12 hours and he still sat next to me, talked to me, and let me rest my head on his shoulder while I slept. 
We stayed at Mike and Karen's house until about 6 o'clock that evening, and then we left at the same time. #convenient I remember my feelings got extremely hurt that when he left he gave me a hug #swoon but didn't ask for my phone number. What went wrong??? I thought to myself. It was really bothering me that he hadn't asked for it. Jerk, I thought maturely.
The disappointed feeling only lasted for a few minutes, because not long after he left, I got a text from a number I didn't recognize, but I knew exactly who it was, and I was thrilled.
And the rest is history.
But don't worry, I'll write about what happened next at some point, if you're lucky. Happy second one-year anniversary to us!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

This is what happens when a friendship ends

The friends I have today aren't the same friends I had when I was 5, or 10, or 15, or even 20. Some have stayed the same, but many of the friendships I've had at some point during my 26 years are either really different or just not there at all. I think this is the case with most people: your group of friends changes as you're growing up. Sometimes there's a big falling out and sometimes you just kind of drift apart and there isn't really any specific reason, but no matter what the cause, I think these things are what happen when a friendship ends [in 2015].

1. Your text messages get shorter, more formal, and less frequent.
2. You both regularly respond to a text from the other person with, "K." with a period at the end, which make it so much worse.

3. You don't comment on each other's Instagram posts anymore.

4. You don't even like their Instagram posts anymore.

5. You delete the person on Instagram...

6...but still check their page weekly to see what they've been up to.

7. And you get annoyed if their Instagram is private.

8. You used to be such close friends that you have many, many inside jokes, and even though you aren't spending time together anymore you still find yourself giggling about your inside jokes when you're with other friends, which naturally makes your other friends think you might be a little crazy.
9. You post something funny/exciting on Instagram and secretly hope she sees the post and is either sad that you didn't text it to her privately or jealous of how awesome your life is.
10. You find out about all of her life updates from Instagram/Facebook, but know none of the intimate details.
11. You see something that reminds you of your old friend but resist the urge to send a text about it because it would just be weird.
12. You spend more time than you want to admit reminiscing about the days when you were friends. Sometimes you're sad, sometimes you smile at the memories, and sometimes you're mad. But in some way, shape, or form, you'll always miss the friendship.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

What I miss about home

I've been living in the mountains for just over four months, and let me tell you, it feels like a lot longer than that. I almost typed the cliche, "But at the same time it feels like I just moved here!" but that's not true. It feels like it's been a really long time since I lived in San Luis Obispo. In those four months I've finally learned my address, I survived my first snow (barely), I don't need my GPS anymore, and I got a job. I'm really enjoying the mountains and I have no regrets about moving here, but to be honest... I miss SLO so much. Or slo much. Ha ha... get it? Shut up, Juliette.

I didn't start really missing it until the past couple of weeks. When I first moved I told Keith, "Be prepared, because I'm probably going to be pretty sad from leaving everything, so if I just start to cry all you have to do is bring me chocolate and tell me I'm pretty," but that didn't happen because I was so deliriously happy to be living so close to Keith. So, a few weeks ago when I started feeling pretty down, at first I didn't put it together. Why was I all of a sudden feeling so sad? PMS? General hormones? The altitude? I blamed it on everything, but then I realized: it's because I miss home. 

...I miss my family. I miss the lunch dates I had with everybody during the week. I especially miss Baby Kate and watching her grow. She just learned how to count to three and she figured out that farts are hilarious, and it makes me sad that I'm not there to see it. And what if she forgets me and I'm that weird aunt who she only sees a few times a year and she never really likes me? It's fine, I'll just give her presents and buy her love and affection. #itsfineimfine

...I miss the hiking. Last year I got really into hiking and most days after work I'd go up and down some mountains and jog around my neighborhood, but I'm not doing that here. It's not for lack of options, it's because I'm too insecure to go hike a trail I don't know very well. Also I heard there are snakes around here and just NO.

...I miss having lots of grocery stores within a few miles of my house. There's only one store close to me, and I'm there a lot. Like, just yesterday I was there twice: in the morning to buy Cheez Its and in the evening to buy cheap wine and salami. And the same person was the checker both times and even though I know the people who work there have better things to do than judge my grocery choices it still makes me a little insecure and embarrassed and I just want the option to be able to go to one store for  my wine and one store for my sour candy and another store for my 'Nilla Wafers.

...I miss living 5 minutes away from a Target. I didn't think I would mind this but oh my gosh I do. My plan was to just order things online but turns out I'm horrible at that. When I last ran out of BB cream I ended up cutting my tube open and digging out every last drop because it was going to be so long until I went to Target. So finally I just went to Rite Aid and did you know Rite Aid is way more expensive than Target? Well, it is.

...I miss my job. I KNOW, I KNOW. If you talked to me pretty much at all last year you probably heard me complain about my boss. I hated how he passive aggressively asked me for coffee on a daily basis, how he would sit and shoot the shit with me for hours when all I wanted to do was Gchat and read Buzzfeed, and I hated how I always had to entertain clients and wholesalers while he finished up phone calls that had bled into appointment times. But you know what? I hate my current job more than my last job. We're not getting into it but it's so stressful and I sort of dread going to work every day. It's also not paying much which is why I'm writing sponsored posts like this one and asking you to click for me. I mean hello, I have a wedding to plan (unofficially) and BB cream to buy.
K thanks for letting me be sad for today I appreciate it and I appreciate you and that's all for now byeeeeeeee.