Saturday, August 27, 2016

If you sit in 8 hours of traffic for somebody, you are a really great friend.

Does anybody even read these on weekends? I'll admit, I sometimes do, and I LOVE IT. I'm posting today to tell you that my friend Mallory is visiting me this weekend! She drove like 8 hours in traffic to get here - that's a good friend, people. Mal and I have actually known each other since I was less than a year old. Her family was a part of the church my dad because the pastor of. We knew each other and were in the same youth group growing up but we weren't really the kind of friends who "hang out" and "text" until I moved back to my parents house in 2012. Since then Mal and I have grown really close and I am so grateful we are friends!

Here she is catching the bouquet at my wedding. 

I'm doing this on my phone so I'm really struggling with the pictures. Sorry. I'm a failure. Anway, this weekend we have already eaten our weight in meatloaf and cheesy potatoes, played ping pong, warched baby raccoon, and introduced Mal to the amazingness that is whipped cream vodka. Put it in Diet Coke, put it in Dr Pepper, put it in a ninja mimosa, I don't care. Just trust me that it's delicious. 

The rest of our weekend will be lake walking, antiquing, going to a restaurant on a cliff, watching Netflix, eating brownies, and documenting all of it on Instagram so make sure you're following. 

And now I'm ending this because blogging from an iPhone is HARD. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016


Today's post is going to be some general life confessions. But not the humble brag confessions like, "I didn't work out this week and all I ate was crap and I somehow STILL managed to lose five pounds!" No, these are actual kind of embarrassing confessions that I will only tell to my closest friends and the entire internet.

I confess...

+ I fill in my eyebrows almost ever night before I go to sleep. This is equal parts because I genuinely love filling in my brows and what if there's an emergency in the middle of the night and I have to be rushed to the hospital or rush the animals to the vet or there's a fire and I need to be evacuated? God forbid I be evacuated without properly filled in brows.

+ Wednesday morning I posted a picture of a coffee tumbler in front of our trees... And there was never any coffee in the tumbler. I literally pulled a pretty tumbler out of the cupboard, positioned it in front of the trees, and took a picture. I even enhanced the sun flare because I am just that fake.

+ I buy junk food and hide it from my husband.

+ I'm rewatching Parenthood for the third time.

+ I hate how every time I mention that I don't feel great I ALWAYS get asked, "ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

+ I still don't know how to answer when patients at my work ask me why I'm not pregnant or when Keith and I are going to have a baby. Nobody is satisfied with my response of, "we're waiting a while," or, "we want to travel first."

+ I routinely stalk the Facebook pages of people I knew in high school, even if we aren't actually friends on Facebook.

+ The other night I cut my own hair because I'm much to cheap to pay somebody else to cut it for me.

+ I'm a hypochondriac and that fact has only been exacerbated by the fact that I work in a doctor's office.

+ One time I left cheese out of the fridge all night and still ate it the next day.

+ Sometimes at night I lie in bed trying to think of what I should post on Instagram the next day.

+ I feel uncomfortable that this post doesn't have a picture.

+ I am always silently judging your grammar.

That is all.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

If these were Olympic sports I would have so many gold medals

The Olympics may be over, but that doesn't mean I have to stop writing posts related to them. I know I'm not the only one who watches the Olympics and thinks about all the gold medals I would win if certain things were Olympic sports, RIGHT? So, because of that I present to you my list of gold medals I would win if certain things were Olympic sports.
// Eating popcorn. Did you know popcorn is actually healthy for you? Not the way I make it, because I like to get the movie theater butter kind and then put some extra butter and salt on it ... but apparently plain popcorn isn't very bad for you. But I mean, if you're going to eat plain popcorn you may as well just eat a cardboard box. Anyway, I could probably set an Olympic record for "most popcorn eaten in an entire sitting." In case you're wondering, PopSecret makes the best popcorn.
// Holding babies. I can hold a baby for HOURS. DAYS. WEEKS. I mean, probably.
Kynlee, Maggie, Maggie
// Showering quickly. I do not understand people who like to take long showers and use that time to "think." I like to get in and get out, which is a good thing because my state is currently experiencing a 5 year long drought.

// Talking about working out without actually working out. Did you know if you just talk about running 5 miles you burn as many calories as you did if you actually ran 5 miles? Wait, that's not true. Oh. Crap. #mywholelifeisalie

// Reading peoples' TMI posts. Nothing excites me more than a good dose of TMI (unless it's a giant bowl of overly-buttered popcorn). I can't stand vague-posting but when people want to rant and rage about all of their problems on the internet? I LOVE IT. TELL ME MORE.

// Making Honey-Do lists. It is so much easier to make a list of all the things I need my husband to do than to make a list of things I need to do. It's really fun, too. For both of us, probably.

// Filtering the crap out of pictures. Don't get me wrong, I'm not on the level of Michael Phelps, but I love adding a good 30 filters on my pictures. I've toned it down a lot since 2013 when I first discovered editing apps and made my eyes look like they were about to pop out of my head, though. You're welcome.

// Taking pictures of my cat. This is pretty much what I do with 90% of my life. In fact, the biggest reason why we don't have kids is because I don't have enough memory on my phone.
Now it's your turn: in what "sports" would YOU win an Olympic gold medal?

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

When does home stop being your home?

When does "home" stop being your home? 

When I was 18 I moved out of my parents' house to go to college, and no matter where I've lived since then, their house is always home. The house looks totally different than it did when I was a kid, but it still smells the same and I still feel a peace and a comfort come over me whenever I can see my first glimpse of the foggy beach town during my visits. I have a lifetime of memories there. I have memories on nearly every street of that town. I feel like I could drive down the streets in my sleep and get to where I need to be with no problems. Almost every corner of that town is significant. It's where I grew up. It's where I became me. And I don't know if it will ever stop being "home."

I've lived on the mountain for nearly two years, and while it's become more familiar than it used to, it doesn't feel like home. I have a husband, a job, pets, and a whole life here, but whenever I talk about going back to Los Osos I say I'm going "home," and I don't even realize I've said it until I've said it. Lately I've been trying to make an effort to simply call it "my parents' house," or "where I grew up," but in my heart, it's home.

How many memories does it take to make a place a home?

Is it a change that just happens without you realizing it, or can you make a conscious effort to change what "home" is?

Is "home" even a place? Or is it just a feeling? A feeling that is familiar and has equal parts good memories and bad memories? Is "home" a feeling you get when you go back to a certain place, or is it a feeling you get when you're with all the people who make you feel that you're home?

When will home start to smell like the mountain air instead of the beach breeze? When will it start to look like the lake instead of the bay? When will it start to feel like 5,000 feet of elevation instead of sea level? How many memories will it take until I pull into my driveway and finally feel like I'm really home?

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

11 times I got too emotionally attached to fictional characters

I cry a lot, just in general. It's super fun for everybody involved and it doesn't make me seem crazy at all. Pretty much anything on tv will make me cry; from commercials (any Budweiser commercial) to sports (gymnastics) to the news to a documentary about how sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't float away from each other. Side note: that otter fact is not true, at least not according to a guide I met while on a kayak tour in Monterey Bay, California one time.

BUT ANYWAY. This post is dedicated to the 11 times I cried the most during a tv show/movie. Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly emotional and a good cry seems fun, I'll watch some of these. It's not weird at all.

Spoilers for The Office, Grey's, Parenthood, Army Wives, Inside Out, Breaking Bad, Parenthood, The Time Traveler's Wife, About Time, and Sweet November.

The Office: Jim and Pam's Wedding

But strictly the Niagra Falls boat part. I cry every single time I watch them run away from the church and laugh their way onto the boat and then all of a sudden you realize they're there to get married and they just want to be together and omg brb need to go grab all the tissues.

The Office: Michael Showing Up At Dwight's Wedding To Be the Bestest Mench

One simple inappropriate line can reduce me to a puddle of tears and laughter. It's great because it's so unexpected and takes you all the way back to the very first episode of the show. Plus, Michael sort of became a silver fox.

Inside Out: When Bing Bong Gets Forgotten Forever

I think everybody but me saw this coming. I really thought Bing Bong was going to be saved but then he didn't and he disappeared forever and then I felt so awful for all of my childhood toys and imaginary friends that I've probably forgotten and then at the end THEY GO TO THE MOON.

Army Wives: Jeremy's Death

Let's be honest: every episode of Army Wives is a tear jerker. I never even liked Jeremy all that much but his death was just so sudden and it tore his parents up. Plus, we went an entire episode not knowing which character died so it was just an hour of emotional distress and when you saw them hand Denise and Frank the flag and you realized Jeremy had died it was just like, sob city.

Breaking Bad: Hank's Death

"My name is ASAC Hank Schraeder, and you can go **** yourself." You could just tell that Walter White really thought he'd be able to keep Hank alive and when he had to watch his brother-in-law get shot right in front of his eyes it just tore me up. I watched this at my parents' house and my dad walked into the living room right after the shot and I was just blubbering, "Not Hank! NOT HANK!"

Grey's Anatomy: When McDreamy Died In The Worst Way

If we're being honest we know that there could be a list of 500 times when Grey's tore your heart out, ripped it to shreds, and set it on fire, but Derek getting hit by a semi just made no sense. I had no idea this was coming and then I just felt all the stages of grief at how The Devil Shonda Rhimes decided to kill him. I mean, what moron just sits IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING ROAD to look at his cell phone? And then he would have been saved if he had been taken to a hospital with competent doctors, and then Meredith threw himself on him in despair... I think I cried for 3 hours straight.

Grey's Anatomy: McSteamy Surging And Having The Plug Pulled

After Lexi died Mark really had no reason to go on living. Except, I mean, his daughter. But he and Lexi were soulmates and a world without her just wasn't a world he wanted to live in, so it just seemed like he totally gave up. And then at the end of the episode when they had a shot of him in a home movie just staring and laughing at the camera... Mark you had so much steamy life left to live and you had grown so much as a person YOU WERE GONE TOO SOON.

Parenthood: Every Episode But Mostly When Camille Found Zeek Dead In The Living Room

Parenhood might just by my very favorite show of all time. It was SO well done and just reminded me so much of real life, and when Zeek died I just kept thinking that life is so short and everybody dies and then I thought of my parents and just got really sad thinking about loss in general. Damn you, Parenthood.

About Time: The Last Memory Of Tim And His Dad

About Time is such a good movie and I think I've watched it about 17 times and sobbed every single time. When Tim's first child was about to be born and he realized he could only go back to be with his dad one more time and then they go running and playing on their family's beach one last time... nope, I can't handle it. I CANNOT HAND IT.

The Time Traveler's Wife: When Claire Sees Henry After He Dies

I saw this movie when it first came out in theaters with some friends and some people I didn't really know, and I literally cried off all of my makeup when Claire ran down to the meadow where she first met Henry and she had like, 2.6 seconds with him before he disappeared again, and then she was just left with her child and her dead husband's clothes and it was beautiful and heart wrenching and I'm not kidding when I tell you that nobody liked that movie nearly as much as I did.

Sweet November: When Sara Blindfolds Nelson And Then Just LEAVES

DAMMIT SARA, NELSON JUST WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU! I can't stand Keanu Reeves but I've watched this movie on November 1st since 2010 and I cry every time. I cry when Nelson gives Sara 12 gifts for the 12 days of Christmas (I would love to be given a dishwasher bc washing dishes is AWFUL) and then I cry when she blindfolds him and leaves and he takes off the blindfold and is just so shocked and sad that she's actually GONE.

So now that we've gotten all of this out of the way I'll just be in a corner shaking and sobbing from reliving these horrors again thank you and GOODBYE.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Things I Don't Understand About the Olympics

// Why the female gymnasts have to cover their entire arms but leave half their bootys and entire legs bare, but the male gymnasts have bare shoulders and arms but have everything else covered all the way down to their toes.

//Also why this year all of a sudden it's ok for the male gymnasts to wear flowy shorts that make viewers really nervous every single time they do a handstand.

//How come in swimming you're not allowed to have a SINGLE BODY hair but it's totally ok to wear earrings?

//How synchronized diving is scored. I saw a team execute what looked like a horrible dive because they weren't in sync at all, but the announcers said it was executed "nearly perfectly!" And then another team was perfectly in sync but one of the divers didn't enter the water totally vertically and that was probably going to be "a devastating blow" to them.

//How exactly do you go about being a world famous trampolinist?

//When you're done with the Olympics do you have any future careers that don't have to do with being an announcer for future Olympics? (Looking at you, Tara Lipinski and Nastia Lukin.)

//How come some of the swimmers wear swimsuits practically down to their knees but some of them only wear the bikini kind?

//How are the female beach volleyball competitors comfortable competing in underwear? Aren't the worried about something slipping? Or like, sand getting places where you NEVER want sand?

//Does anybody actually watch all 6 hours of the cycling race?

//Why do the table tennis players stare so intently at the ball before the serve?

//Do the winter Olympic athletes and the summer Olympic athletes ever hang out?

That's all, if you need me I'll be feeling patriotic and un-athletic by sitting on my sofa drinking wine and wearing red, white, and blue.