Thursday, July 24, 2014

Body Talk: The Comparison Game

Amber from Mr. Thomas and Me and I are hosting this link-up today: Body Talk. I strongly encourage you to read Amber's blog and follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Her writing is absolutely beautiful, and her Instagram game is incredible. Thank you Amber, for coming up with this link-up idea and for being such a generally wonderful person.

"Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closes to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes."
-Tina Fey, Bossypants

When I was a kid, I never worried about how my body looked. I was always skinny, thanks to sports and the fact that my friends and I liked to play outside riding bikes and running around. I never thought about what size my clothes were, or if my thighs jiggled, or if I had a double chin. The first time I paid attention to a size on clothes was when I was in Gap with my mom and I ended up leaving with a pair of size 0 khakis. I remember being proud of that 0, and I wore the crap out of those khakis. I also had really great style in general, as evidenced by this photo of me wearing a fruit shirt and socks with my ballet flats.

When I started high school I thought about my size every single day. I constantly pulled at my love handles and judged any place on my body that jiggled. I thought that because there were people I knew who were thinner than me, that meant I was fat. One of my friends in high school was a runner, and one day we walked through Ross (which always smells like stale urine) and she pulled three pairs of jeans off the rack; all size 2.

"Aren't you going to try them on?" I asked, incredulous.
"Nah, I'm always a size two at Ross. Let's go get some ice cream," she replied nonchalantly.

I remember two things about that experience: 1) being astounded that she could eat ice cream and be a size two, and 2) feeling ashamed because I knew I would never be that size. My thoughts drifted back to those pants from The Gap and I silently shamed myself for "getting fat."

When I was 18, and absolutely thought I was fat. And cool. I was neither.
The truth is, I wasn't fat. I wasn't skinny, either, but I definitely wasn't fat. I was playing the comparison game, which I'm willing to bet every single one of you has also played at one time or another. I was comparing myself to my friend who was 6 inches shorter than me and had a different body type, and I was comparing my 16 year old body to my 12 year old body or any body I saw that was smaller than my own.

In college, I tried to stop thinking that way. I was surrounded by all kinds of different body types, and I tried to stop comparing myself to everyone else. I failed miserably and in turn, I made myself miserable. I got mad at my body because my metabolism didn't move at warp speed and I didn't look like so many other girls. I got mad at myself for not having self control and not working out every day and not eating salads at every meal. I would look at pictures and judge myself harshly, pointing out all of my flaws to myself and thinking, "If you weren't so lazy and if you had any amount of self-control, you wouldn't be feeling like this right now."

I wish I could say that the cycle has ended and I now have a healthy relationship with food, with working out, and with my body, but the truth is I don't. I have a better relationship with all of those things than I used to, but I still struggle all the time. In fact, earlier this week I was tagged on Facebook in a bunch of pictures from the wedding I was in back in May, and the only thoughts running through my head were negative thoughts. I picked apart every single photo and judged myself so harshly for the way I looked in those photos, especially compared to all the other girls in the pictures.

The comparison game will never end, but that doesn't mean I have to let it win.

My body will never look like my high school friend's body, whose hip bones stuck out so far and who is still a size 2 at Ross, but that's ok. I will probably never be a size 0 at Gap again, but that's ok. What's not ok is feeling bad about my body and consoling myself by eating a bag of gummi worms for dinner. What's not ok is saying, "Well, my pants don't fit anyway, so I may as well eat two donuts for breakfast." What's not ok is judging myself based on the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my jeans. Even when I was smaller in high school and college, I wasn't healthy. I just had a good metabolism. Now that my metabolism has slowed down (screw you getting older), my body shows me when I'm being unhealthy. So I'm trying to shift my focus off of the numbers and onto just making better choices and being healthy, because that's what's important. I'm focusing on little changes, like drinking water over diet coke, or eating fruit for breakfast instead of donuts, and especially snacking on healthy things like cucumbers instead of Ritz crackers dipped in frosting, and hiking over Netflix. I think the biggest change I'm trying to make is taking action instead of just comparing and complaining.

The numbers aren't what matter. What matters is that I'm healthy and that I'm not constantly telling myself negative things, that I'm not always comparing myself to my jr. high body or anybody else, and that my self-worth isn't based strictly on my outward appearance. It's a hard lesson to learn and a hard mindset to have, but I'm getting there.

Mr. Thomas & Me


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Currently I'm looking at llama GIFs

Today's prompt is, "Currently." I really wanted to find a GIF of somebody yelling, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" but I'm like, extra lazy today and didn't feel like searching too hard so when this GIF of Michael Scott popped up I was like, that works for me and my low low standards. Also, a bonus goat GIF.

Here is a list of the prompts for the remainder of July. I do need to tell you though that I probably won't be participating in tomorrow's "Throwback Thursday" prompt, and I'll explain why at the end of my currentlys. Go ahead and start reading and be enthralled.

Reading: First Family by David Baldacci. It's ok, but not my favorite of his books. I also have a stack of old Cosmos my sister gave me sitting on the back of my downstairs toilet but I just can't take Cosmo seriously anymore. Not because of anything in particular, I just get bored reading the magazine.

Writing: This post? Nothing in my off time at the moment because my computer decided to quit turning on. THANKFULLY everything is backed up, thanks to my genius brother-in-law. Seriously, he's an actual rocket scientist. Also if you know of anyone selling a laptop for like, $60 let me know. It would be great if it was brand new. I can dream, can't I?

Listening to: I just listened to "Big Balls" by ACDC because Lindsay mentioned it to me and I've never heard it before. It was not a mistake.. I breathed extra loud out of my nose while I listened to it.

Thinking: About my dream last night. I dreamed that it was the night before my wedding and as I was drifting off to sleep I realized I hadn't hired a photographer and the person I was marrying (was it Keith? I think so but he wasn't actually in any of my dream) didn't care AT ALL. And then on the morning of the wedding the heater was on and my makeup was sweating and my dress was a top and a skirt and it was ugly and my veil was red and I had to do my own hair. I blame the spinach and ricotta pasta I had for dinner last night.

Smelling: My body.

Wishing: That I hadn't worn these pants. They're just a leetle too tight and they're digging into my stomach and I'm wondering if drinking coffee is going to make my situation worse.

Hoping: That I don't forget to renew my car registration this month. I'm pretty sure you can get in trouble for not renewing your car registration.

Wearing: Stupid tight black cropped pants from Express and a black top and a light purple sweater from Target that's really really faded and probably shouldn't be worn anymore.

Wanting: For Friday to get here really soon because that's when I go visit Keith and it's been 3 weeks since we've seen each other and that's too long and I hate it. I also want my pants to not be tight anymore.

Loving: What does it say about me that this question is really hard to answer? I'm loving these lime popsicles I found at Trader Joe's. They're amazing.

Needing: Coffee. It's time for coffee.

Tomorrow, Amber and I are hosting a link-up, and I'm really excited about it.

Mr. Thomas & Me

We're talking bodies and confidence and self-esteem. We're talking weight and frustration and exercise routine. Basically, we're talking anything that's got to do with your hot bod. So, steal that button from Amber's page and join us! We'd love to have you.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Becoming Adorrable

You guys, I'm really excited to introduce one of my sponsor's to you right now. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Becca Dorr! Becca and I have been interacting on Twitter for quite some time now, and I officially fell in (platonic) love with her one Friday night when she peer pressured me over Twitter to take a shot of Fireball when I was at home drinking wine by myself. Becca writes over at Becoming Adorrable, and I'm never disappointed when I read her posts. She writes about her life (don't we all?) but she also writes about all the summer TV shows you should be watching, tips for brightening somebody's day, and a post every blogger will love and relate to: growing your blog in 10 easy steps. I e-mailed Becca a list of some questions and YOU are lucky enough to get to read her answers!

1. We're going to happy hour, what are you drinking? How many shots of fireball are we taking?
I'm either drinking a Malibu & pineapple, or a rum and coke (because sadly, many bars don't have Malibu). Because I cave to peer pressure, you will eventually convince me to take a shot of fireball, but then I will demand that you take two or three more with me, because that's what I do. I make the people who are with me drink more. And then I will be dead in the morning.
(Becca, I have a feeling that if you and I went out together we'd have fantastic blogging material. I mean, it doesn't take much for me to be peer pressured into taking a shot of Fireball, and I definitely wouldn't have a problem taking two or three more with you!)

2. How did you and your husband, Tim, meet?
Tim and I met through the magical powers of the internet. We already had friends in common, surprisingly, so I confirmed with my friends from high school that he was not a serial killer and we met at the bar that I frequented with my friends.
(Isn't it great when internet matches aren't serial killers!?)

3. It rained on your wedding day... how did that affect things? Were you expecting the rain? I've always wondered what a rainy wedding day is like.
The rain only changed the fact that I was more concerned about my hair frizzing and our cocktail hour, which was supposed to be outside on this pretty patio. Luckily, our photographer was awesome and able to work with it. But honestly, I don't remember thinking too much about it. I don't remember many details from that day. It's all a blur.
(Helpful hint: You can read all of Becca's wedding related posts here. Do it. Do it now.)

4. What's your favorite makeup product?
It's really hard to pick just one, because I love makeup. But if I had to just pick one thing forever, I'd use Cover Girl Clump Crusher mascara. It doesn't make my eyes itch and mascara makes such a huge difference.
(Mascara DOES make a huge difference. And now I have to go to Target to find this mascara.)

5. Tell us about your job.
After working in childcare for 8 years, I'm now a housewife. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't mean I sit around gulping wine all day. I do all the things Tim doesn't want to do around the house so that he can work harder. And I take care of all the animals. I can probably drink wine while I do that, though.
(Becca has 3 cats and 1 dog, and I mean, I don't have any pets but I know they're a lot of work and it kind of exhausts me thinking about cleaning up after all those animals. So kudos to you!)

6. What's your least favorite household chore?
Vacuuming. It doesn't matter how nice the vacuum cleaner is. I just hate lugging it around and pushing it back and forth. I'd rather scrub toilets. Not that I particularly love scrubbing toilets.
(If you want to come scrub my toilets I'll vacuum your house. Please? PLEASE?)

7. What are three words your husband would use to describe you?
When I asked Tim this, he said "funny, caring, smart". I think if I didn't cook his food, he'd describe me as stubborn, overly affectionate, and nurturing. Even though I do not know what to do with babies.

8. What's your favorite form of social media?
Twitter, by far. I know it's hard to get used a character limit when you first start out, but once you do, you realize that short is sweet. No one can post a long soapbox rant on twitter like they can on Facebook.
(And again, we agree. Follow Becca on Twitter and maybe she'll pressure you into taking shots on a Friday night!) 

9. Your one year wedding anniversary is coming up! Do you and Tim have any big plans?
No solid plans. We'll likely do something, but our vacations are already planned for July and October. I'm thinking about going to the aquarium where he proposed two years ago.
(Cue the "awwwwwwwwww"s.)

10. What's something that surprised you about being married?
How often people ask "So, how's married life?" I never know what to say. We'd already been living together, and I'd say that is the biggest adjustment. I'm also surprised at how difficult it is to adjust to being a unit. We have to make plans with the other person in mind, and his commitments are often my commitments.
(That question is kind of strange, because what do people expect you to say? "Married life sucks, I hate it." Uh, no. Sorry. So good answer, Becca.)

Ok, now no excuses, go visit Becca's blog and then continue to stalk all of her social media. I promise she won't mind.

Things that make me go, "Hmmmm...."

Today's prompt: Things that make you go, "Hmmm...." and if you need a refresher, a list of the prompts can be found here. We're almost done! I don't know what I'm going to do in August... I won't have this challenge to force me into blogging every day so chances are pretty good I might go back to my usually 2 or 3 times a week posts. But anyway let's not talk about the future right now and let's just stay in the nice comfortable present and go with all the "Hmmmm's."

-Ok probably the thing I question and don't understand most often is this: How am I not bald??? I ask this most often when I'm in the bathroom and see hair covering the counter and the floor, and in the shower when I run the conditioner through my hair and pull so much out. I know it's normal for strands of hair to come out of your head during the day, but like, there is SO MUCH HAIR in my bathroom. And in my car. When I was in that wedding in May I drove some of the girls to get Starbucks on the morning of the wedding and one of the girls said, "Juliette, do you have a dog?" And I was like, "Uh, no... why?" And she got all uncomfortable and I could tell she wanted to just drop it but I have this problem where I don't let things go, so finally she said, "Well, it's just that there's a lot of hair in your car." And then when I was looking for a gas station she said, "Oh, you could go to that gas station because they have a car wash!" And I looked at her very seriously and said, "Um, what are you trying to tell me?" But she couldn't tell that I was just joking and she got really uncomfortable and then I turned the radio on really loud. Wow, hi there tangent, didn't see you there.

- How is my niece SO freaking adorable? 

-Who was the first person to look at a chicken and think, "Yep, I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of that animal's butt." ??

-What exactly was wrong with my shneck? By the time I went to the doctor it wasn't hurting anymore but I figured better safe than sorry, so I shelled out $60 for him to say, "Well, it looks fine now. It was probably tendinitis but there's nothing to do now so if it hurts again just call and we'll try to get you in a little sooner." Aw how sweet, you'll try to not make me wait a month for an appointment? Such a gem, you are. But last night in softball I got beaned in that shoulder by the ball so maybe that will make my random phantom injury occur again. Who knows.

-Why are we having so much humidity here??? Last night at that softball game I felt like I was swimming. There was sweat everywhere and my pants kept slipping and when I'd pull them up I kept giving myself a wedgie and I'm blaming the humidity for everything. I mean, yeah it's only like 53% but we're spoiled here and when you're used to 0% humidity anything above that feels like cruel and unusual punishment.

-Any time I think about like, math or chemistry or biology or physics or the stock market I always glaze and say, "Hmmmm?" so there's that.

-Do people actually think platform sneakers are a good look? Hmmm?

-This Google Glass business... who is using this, hmmm? And why exactly is it useful? Because I feel like it mostly just makes people look like big ol' bags o' douchery.

-Yesterday I read an article about people who are going to take a one way trip to Mars and see if it could ever be an inhabitable environment (at least that's what I got from it, maybe I'm wrong, who really knows). Space freaked me out even before Gravity came out, and I cannot understand why people would want to be like, "So long, peace out earth, I'm gonna go try and live on the Red Planet and it probably won't work out but I'm never ever ever ever ever coming back because the technology to bring me back does not exist." Although I guess maybe an argument could be made that the limit to which they are willing to go in the name of science does not exist... whatever. I still say, "Hmmm?" and plan on staying on earth.

That's all for now. Catch ya on the flippity flip.


Monday, July 21, 2014

My day in GIFs

UGHHHHH today's prompt is to write about your day in GIFs? But I HATE GIFs. Hahahaha just kidding. I love GIFs. Everybody knows that. I apologize right now if all these GIFs make your computer slow or if they don't work properly on your phone, but I don't know what to do about that so let's just look at some moving pictures and be entertained.

On a normal weekday I set 5 alarms: 5:45, 5:48, 6:10, 6:15, and 6:25. I usually get woken up by that stupid bird outside my window around 5:30, and I shut off all the alarms until 6:15. They I don't usually get up until 6:30 and I always want to murder my alarm clock when it goes off for the last time.

Then I like, put my face together. I have a routine and I never waver from it. What's that? You want to know what it is? Ok. Wash face brush teeth do hair do makeup get dresses. I've gotten pretty good at doing all of that when I'm half asleep. Then I give some shirts the smell test to see if I can wear them once more before washing them, and that's how I get ready for work.

I have to leave by 6:55 to get to work at 7. Yeah I know, my commute sucks SO bad. I have a desk job so I mostly just sit at a computer all day and make phone calls and try to avoid getting my boss coffee and sometimes I think about crawling under my desk and taking a siesta but I never do because I think the floor is gross and plus I think I'd get in trouble for sleeping at work.

But sometimes I'm so tired that I feel like this adorable bunny.

Let's see... lunch happens around 1230 and I have a schedule for those. Mondays I meet my dad, Tuesday and Thursdays I have lunch with my Grandma, Wednesdays I go home and take a nap, and Fridays I meet my mom, sister, and niece. This is really great whenever my boss wants to have lunch because I can just tell him how busy I am and how it won't work out ... bummer dude.

Sometimes my work gets pretty exciting, like when a light bulb goes out and everybody decides I'm the one who gets to replace it so I have to stand on my desk in heels and try to reach the light. Probably the most exciting days are when my boss decides we're going to have happy hour at work. That's actually my favorite.

Once 4pm rolls around I scurry my patootie out of the office and into my car as fast as possible.

Sorry about the F-word.
When I get home it's usually about .05 seconds until I've put on the baggiest, least attractive sweat pants and T-shirt I own and have set myself up on the couch with Netflix and popsicles.  

And then 8pm comes around and it's time to get ready for bed. Then around 9 I'll call Keith and we'll be on the phone for like, 20 minutes to an hour and we usually hang up when I start talking gibberish because I accidentally fell asleep on the phone. And that's pretty much it. Sometimes it varies a little, like sometimes I actually eat dinner instead of just sucking on popsicles, and sometimes I watch About Time instead of watching Netflix, and every once in a blue moon one of my friends will come over or something, but for the most part this is what my day looks like. Exciting, RIGHT? I know. You're welcome.


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Would You Rather (sorry for the disgusting GIF on question 6)

1. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Definitely deaf. If you're blind you can't do anything by yourself and you can't drive... but if you're deaf you can still SEE things and be independent. Plus I took ASL for three years in college.

2. Would you rather be taller than you are or shorter than you are?
Shorter. I'm 5' 9" and I've always wanted to be 5' 7" because right now, regular pants are just a LITTLE too short and "long" pants are way too long. Plus everybody is always asking me to get things off of high shelves for them and I'm lazy and don't want to.

3. Would you rather be a teenager or a senior citizen for the rest of your life?
Senior citizen. I mean, at lots of places you're a senior citizen if you're over 55, and that really isn't THAT old. My dad is 68 and last weekend he ran a 10K and a 5K in the SAME day and won his age group in both races. Plus if you're a teenager nobody takes you seriously and you can't buy alcohol, and I'm actually excited to be a senior citizen so I can yell at kids to "GET OFF MY LAWN."

4. Would you rather have no hands or have no legs?
THIS IS HARD I DON'T WANT TO PICK. Probably no legs. I mean, sure I wouldn't be able to walk, but I could get an electric wheelchair. And if I had no hands I couldn't really text or blog or put on makeup or make myself a ninja mimosa soooooo yeah... no legs.

5. Would you rather lose your front teeth or both of your eyebrows?
Both of my eyebrows because I could just draw them on.

6. Would you rather eat a work or a cockroach?
WHAT SICK FREAKS CAME UP WITH THESE QUESTIONS. (Cough cough it was Allie.) A worm because I wouldn't have to hear it crunch. And cockroaches are just nasty. Also I read a story online about a guy who died during a cockroach eating contest. Well, although I wouldn't want to eat the worm that Bear Grylls ate. This is gross.

7. Would you rather spend a day in the Sahara or in the North Pole?
Easy: North Pole. I HATE the heat.

8. Would you rather have a personal chef or a personal driver?
A CHEF. I like to drive and I hate to cook, and if I had a chef he could make me healthy food and I wouldn't just eat popsicles and bacon for dinner.

9. Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?
Whisper. I'm not a fan of shouting and at some point you'd lose your voice and you wouldn't be able to talk at all. And I know you're probably reading this like, "But Juliette, you're always typing in caps so you're sitting on a throne of lies!" But you guys, I only like online shouting. I need to preserve my vocal cords (chords?) duh.

10. Would you rather not be able to taste or not be able to smell?
Did you guys know these two are linked? Like, if you couldn't smell you wouldn't be able to taste, either? So I'd rather lose my sense of taste, because then I could still smell flowers and candles and chocolates and farts. Just kidding about the farts.

11. Would you rather wipe with sandpaper or with saran wrap?
GROSS. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS?? Actually this was my submission. And I pick saran wrap (I feel like that's supposed to be capitalized? Whatever. I don't want sandpaper anywhere near down there.
12. Would you rather have Twitter shut down for a day or have your blog disappear for a day?
Uhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW. I guess Twitter? Because I mostly use it for complaining and I'd just text people and complain instead of tweeting my complaints.

13. Would you rather have the text of your blog screwed up or have all of your pictures be blurry?
Hmm. This is a hard one... they would both really really suck. Probably the pictures? I guess? Because I think if I clicked on a blog and there were blurry pictures I would still read the text, but if the text was screwed up I'd just say "oh forget this" and click the fun red X and nope out of there.

14. Would you rather never be able to post a GIF or never be able to receive comments on your posts?
If you've read any of my posts ever you know how much I love GIFs... I mean there are two in this post alone... you guys would just tweet and text me to tell me how much you loved my post, right? Right. Cool thanks.

15. Would you rather have a permanent wedgie or have the tag on your shirt constantly scratch your neck?
You're a sick freak. (This was my submission.) An itchy tag. Wedgies are the devil.