Friday, May 29, 2015

Happy Birthday Keith

Today, my favorite person turns 28. Keith doesn't like people to make a big deal out of his birthday, so naturally I'm posting about his birthday on as many social media outlets as possible. Well, except Tumblr. I've never really understood Tumblr, I just know that Taylor Swift has one and she's really popular on there.

Back to Keith. I'm not good at all the sap and romance so I'm not going to write something all sweet and mushy. I tried to, and I deleted like 5 paragraphs because I'm a sarcastic person, not a sappy and romantic person. However, I will say that Keith is the most amazing man ever and I'm so #blessed to be marrying him. He's a genius, he's hilarious, he's super handsome, he's good at everything he tries... I could go on and on but I won't.

Happy birthday, Keith! I love you!


Thursday, May 28, 2015

I need answers and I need them NOW


Yesterday Natalie asked a question that got me to thinking about some things. She asked how often you're supposed to clean your toilet. I think this is a great question that doesn't have one right answer. I'm willing to bet NONE OF YOU clean your toilets as often as you probably should. And if you do, well maybe you have too much time on your hands and you should probably start wasting more of your life on Netflix.

Anyway, her question reminded me that I've got a lot of questions that I just don't know the answers to, and since it's your lucky day I'm going to ask my questions and give you all a chance to answer them, because whenever I try to answer them myself I feel like Joey from Friends:

~What am I supposed to do with the toilet brush after I clean the crusty toilet? Like, how do I rinse it off? Do I do it in the sink or in the bathtub? Because that seems disgusting. And do I just put it back in the holder while it's wet? That seems disgusting but like what other choice is there???

~At what age am I supposed to start using fancy face creams? Most things I read online say 25, and I'm past that line and I still wash my face and moisturize with Up & Up products from Target. I just don't want to spend $30 on face cream. I don't really want to spend $30 on anything really, unless it's dinner, and really only if it's dinner, drinks, AND dessert. And what kind of fancy face cream should I use? What about under eye cream? (This is where you offer me your suggestions)

~If you use that Biotin stuff to make your hair and nails grow, what else grows? I'm assuming that when it says it "makes hair grow" it can't only be referring to the hair on your head, right? Like, if I start using that stuff will it make my beard thicker? And my mustache? And what about the four little hairs on my big toes? Will I get SIX little hairs on my big toes??? THE HORROR.

~Where should I keep my toothbrush? I keep reading articles talking about all the nasty particles that get on your toothbrush if you leave it on the sink (FECES! EW!), but if you close it in a drawer or a medicine cabinet then it can get bacteria on it that way, too. Storing it in a little container seems worse and like it will get covered in mildew. What is the cleanest way to store a toothbrush??

~How does the iCloud work? I honestly have no idea but I'm pretty sure I have two iCloud accounts and no idea how to access them. 

~What's the best way to freeze meat? I'm mostly asking about chicken boobs and ground beef. If I find a good deal on meat, I want to buy it, but I don't necessarily want to eat it right away. One time I loosely wrapped a hunk of meat in some aluminum foil but that sucker got horrible freezer burn. The same thing happened when I put it in a Ziplock bag. WHAT DO I DO?

~How much damage am I really doing do my hair by trimming it myself? More damage than I'd be doing by letting the split ends hang out and get comfy? Because I trimmed it last night and I don't feel like apologizing for it.
~What's the difference between a vase and a vahz? Also how do you spell vahz? Do you just say "vahz" when you want to be pretentious? Are you only allowed to say "vahz" when you're drinking tea while having your pinkie up in the air?
Also, all these questions make me feel like Joey. ALL OF THEM.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: When we almost lost our venue


Last Thursday was one of the scariest days of  my life. Or at least one of the scariest days of wedding planning. Most of you have enjoyed reading about how insane I'm going with all of this wedding planning, and you know how much of a royal pain in my honkeytonk to find a venue. You also know that we finally found a venue, and our wedding is now less than 4 months away.
Except that last Thursday, I thought our wedding wasn't going to happen because some people are incompetent think it's funny to ruin my life.

Let's back up: On May 12th I booked our venue. To book the venue you just have to say, "I want the venue on this date," and then it's yours. Then, within ten days you have to pay the deposit fee and you're totally set. I was told by someone whose name I will not share (mostly because I forgot it) that she would call me by May 25th to collect the deposit fee and then we'd be set. I told her, "That sounds great. I'd also like to set up a time to come view the venue on May 29." We're going back up there for Keith's cousin's wedding so the timing to view the venue worked out perfect. Anyway, she said I should call them by May 22 to set up the viewing time.

It sounds easy, right? Yes. Yes, it SOUNDS easy.
Last Thursday, May 21st, the venue called. I was in a work meeting (such important, so professional), and this is (basically) the message I listened to when the meeting was over:
Hi Juliette, this is Riley from the blah blah blah. I'm calling to collect the remaining balance for your event here next Friday, May 29. If you don't pay us we'll have to cancel your event. Your event next Friday, May 29. Please call me and give me money or else you can't have your event on May 29.

At first I only freaked out a little bit. I called Riley back and left a message saying, "Hi Riley, you're super wrong and I need to talk to you." Then I called him again, and got his answering machine. Then I called him again and got his answering machine AGAIN. Then I sat in the parking lot of Stater Bros and felt my body go numb because I'm nothing if not dramatic. I also had to pee a little bit. Then I called him and he FINALLY answered and I said, "RILEY, THANK GOD." And this is is how our conversation went:
Juliette: RILEY, THANK GOD.
Riley: Who is this?
Juliette: It's Juliette, returning your call about permit number blah 8675309 (<----- please tell me you see what I just did there). I'm calling to tell you that your information is like, really wrong. (Nervous laughter)
Riley: [sounding snooty] Oh, really? And just how is it wrong?
Juliette: Because my wedding is on September 26, not May 29. We're reserving the place for September 26. I called last week and spoke to a woman and she wrote it all down and took care of it.
Riley: Oh... interesting.
Juliette: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "INTERESTING."
Riley: Well, what's your last name?
Juliette: [Juliette's last name has been removed because of privacy and safety from inter web stalkers]
Riley: Hmm... and what's your fiancé's last name?
Juliette: [Keith's last name has been removed because of privacy and safety from inter web stalkers]
Riley: Hmmm. Nope, you don't have September 26 reserved.
Juliette: WHO HAS SEPTEMBER 26 RESERVED?
Riley: Unfortunately I cannot give you that information because of privacy.
Juliette: Well, unfortunately for that person they're going to have to switch their date because September 26 is MY date and you have no idea how much hell I've been through finding my date and I AM getting married on September 26 and you WILL be fixing this because that is MY date and you WILL FIX IT DAMMIT.
Riley: Unfortunately you don't have a reservation on September 26.
Juliette: When did this other person reserve that date?
Riley: Yesterday.
Juliette: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [trying not to cry and suddenly feeling very hot] Well, I don't know how you're going to do this but you WILL be fixing this and you WILL be calling me back by the end of the day and letting me know where you are with fixing this. If you don't you'll be ruining my wedding. I reserved that date. It's MINE. If you can't fix it I'll be expecting to speak with your supervisor about how you're ruining my wedding because THAT DATE IS MINE.


Then Riley said "ok" and I went into the grocery store to use the bathroom and try to find cheap boneless chicken breasts. Instead of finding chicken breasts I walked out with 10 yogurt cups, string cheese, Diet Coke, wine, and chocolate chips. And then I sobbed all the way home and I'm not kidding you when I say that I thought I was going to pass out on the road.

I didn't pass out. Instead I went home to drown my sorrows in Chardonnay and chocolate chips. Then I tweeted about my problem and texted people complaining about how hard my life was and I stared at the clock for like 4 hours. It was miserable.

THEN the heavens opened and angels sang and Riley called me back and said that the woman I had spoken to originally had gone on maternity leave the day after I spoke with her and he doesn't know what happened but he fixed everything and September 26 could be my wedding date again.

And then I cried, but this time from happiness. 

And that's the story of how I was a bridezilla for a moment and almost had to go all Bride Wars on somebody's butt and then in the end it always works out and isn't it a good thing I'm not dramatic?


And now, I have some questions. I've tried googling these things but I don't like the answers I've been getting, plus I trust all you readers way more than OTHER internet strangers. So please help me out with your opinions, either from your own bride experience or something you know from a friend or family member's wedding.

What one thing do you wish you could change about your wedding?

What was the best advice you've either heard or given regarding the wedding day?

What's one thing you always remember from weddings you attend?

Is it ok to wear my engagement ring while I'm washing dishes? What about while I'm showering?

What do you think is currently the most overdone wedding trend? Please be brutally honest, I can probably take it. And if not it's fine because I have wine.
K, BYE.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Mountain High Yoghurt: Simplify Your Life

Life is busy. It's always busy. It was busy when I lived in San Luis and worked 40 hours a week while having an extracurricular activity almost every night, and it's busy now that I'm only working 24-30 hours a week and planning a wedding and taking trips almost once a month back up to visit family and oh my gosh are you getting as tired reading that as I am just typing it?

The point is that life is busy, for all of us. I'm constantly searching for ways to live more simply and I'm willing to bet you are too! Today I have some ways to simplify your life using just one product: Mountain High Yoghurt.

Keith and I like to snack. We like to snack a lot. Keeping Mountain High Yoghurt in the house makes it extremely easy for me to whip up a delicious and healthy snack without having to worry about keeping dozens of different products in the house. Smoothies, yogurt bowls, fruit dips, or a sour cream yoghurt substitution are just a few of the ways you can use one product in an extremely versatile way!


The other day I made this amazing smoothie using Mountain High low fat vanilla yoghurt. For this smoothie you will need:

-Any flavor of Mountain High Yoghurt
-Frozen fruit (I used a mix of strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries)
-Milk
-Fresh fruit (I used bananas)
-A blender
-A fun straw

To make:

Here are two important things I learned: 1) If you use frozen fruit you don't have to use ice, and your smoothie will have an amazingly smooth consistency, and 2) Put the yoghurt and milk in at the bottom of the blender, because if you put the frozen fruit right next to the blades it will not be simple to blend your smoothie.

Next, blend! Next, pour into a glass and use a thick straw to slurp the simple deliciousness down.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Another simple snack you can use with Mountain High Yoghurt is a yogurt bowl. Simply pour your favorite kind of Mountain High yogurt into a bowl and mix with your choice of fruit (my favorite is strawberries, and Keith's favorite is peaches). 


Another thing I love about Mountain High Yoghurt is that their name is unique and meaningful. Are you wondering why I've been spelling "yoghurt" with the "h"? It's because that's the way it's spelled in many European countries. Back when Mountain High Yoghurt was first produced in the 1970s, it was being made "The Old World Way." This means that the yoghurt was slowly churned while sitting in the cup. So, Mountain High has been making their yoghurt this special way for around 40 years, and it's clearly a tried and true recipe!

Mountain High Yoghurt wants to help you simplify your life with their product. All you have to do is visit this website and subscribe to their newsletter, and you'll be rewarded with a coupon so you can try Mountain High Yoghurt for yourself! Try this smoothie recipe, a fruit bowl, or use yoghurt as a substitute for sour cream in your favorite burritos or tacos! Enjoy!

*Today's post is sponsored by Mountain High Yoghurt, but my love for their delicious product is all my own!*

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

I care what you think about my wedding

This is a feelings post, not a funny post.

I've really been enjoying writing these Wedding Wednesday posts. It's been a lot of fun to have this great outlet for everything that stresses me out and everything that's just ridiculous about planning a wedding, and I truly appreciate everyone who has given me suggestions, pointers, or just laughed along with me! Sometimes it's really difficult to plan a wedding from 300 miles away and without having our family or close friends nearby, but it's still been largely enjoyable and I feel like I've learned a lot about a lot of things.

Also, I want to just take a second to express how truly excited I am to marry Keith. I really never thought this would happen, but I'm so happy it has, and it's still pretty surreal that our wedding is in just over four months. (We still haven't made the date "official" but I feel confident in saying that September 26 will be our day.)

OKAY now that the mush is out of the way... I mentioned that I've learned a lot about myself through this process. The biggest thing I've learned is just how much the opinion of others means to me. We haven't really committed to anything (except Chipotle) yet, and over the past few days I started to really think about why. Why do I not want to tell people our colors or that we aren't serving alcohol or that we don't want a unity candle or communion? Here's the answer: because I really care about what people think, and I don't want anybody to think we're doing something dumb or wrong. I'm terrified of people thinking that my colors look stupid, or ugly. I have a real concern about people telling me to my face that my ideas are "so pretty!" "so original!" "so artistic!" when they're really wondering why I want a blue cake stand or why I want to do my own makeup or why I want the bridesmaids to wear totally different dresses.

Everywhere I look I'm bombarded with people saying, "I don't care what people think," or something to that effect. It feels wrong to care. It feels weak. But it's the truth. I do care what people think, and that's why even though it's our wedding, it doesn't really feel like it's our wedding.

If we only use the plastic utensils that Chipotle provides and their cardboard bowls, will people think I'm not classy? Will they think I don't care about nice things?

I'd better give a corsage to every single woman in both of our extended families so no one feels left out.

How am I going to choose in what order to place the bridesmaids without making someone feel bad about having to stand at the end?

My Grandma loves hymns, so if we don't have a hymn during the ceremony will she be offended and disown me?

Will anyone think I'm being disrespectful for wearing sandals? Are sandals even disrespectful?

If we don't invite the girl who babysat me twice when I was five will she unfriend me on Facebook?

I know I'm being ridiculous. Trust me, I know. It feels wrong to share this on the internet, because it's not inspirational, or uplifting, or brave, or even funny. It feels pointless to be writing it. But it also feels honest, and it feels real. I care about what other people think, and I always have. Usually I can fake it and pretend like I don't care and I can just "do me," but not with the wedding.

The wedding is too important to us for me not to care. Not necessarily the actual wedding, but what it represents. The two of us making those vows to each other in front of the people who matter most to us is the important part. Maybe I should get that tattooed on myself so whenever I start getting insecure I can remind myself that September 26 is not about cake stands or cardboard bowls.

But then ... would you make fun of my tattoo??


Do you have any words of wisdom? When you planned your wedding, or a friend's wedding, or a birthday party, did you share any of these concerns? How did you get over them? Please provide me with a detailed list, complete with index and bibliography, thanks.

Also, send wine.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

It's Inevitable

This post was inspired by my trip to the grocery store, where I walked in for some yogurt and walked out with approximately 17 other items. 


It's inevitable...

...that if I go into the grocery store with only yogurt on my list and a basket in my hand, I'll walk out with 8 containers of  yogurt, one pie crust, two containers of cool whip, two things of coffee creamer (it was on sale! $1.99! You try saying no to creamer that cheap), four oranges, three pears, seven banans, one Clif bar, and an emptiness in my heart because my favorite Snyder's sourdough pretzel bites were out of stock.

...that if we're going to be taking our engagement pictures the next day and I decide to paint my nails myself, I won't be able to. They'll smudge and I'll cry and say everything is ruined.

...that when Keith says, "I'm going to take a shower please DO NOT turn on the faucet in the kitchen," I'll get so focused on repeating in my head, "don't turn on the faucet don't turn on the faucet don't turn on the faucet" that I'll forget that I'm not supposed to turn on the faucet.

...that when I decide I'm finally going to start #sheddingforthewedding (and get rid of those 12 pounds I've gained since I moved last October) I'll go to the grocery store for some yogurt and somehow cookie dough, chocolate bars, ice cream, movie theater butter popcorn, and wine will somehow jump into my card without me noticing.

...also that when I've finally decided to start #sheddingforthewedding I'll decide to go for a run or a brisk walk and I'll only be able to find one of my tennis shoes. It's been a month and I still haven't found the other one.

...that when I finally make a beautiful and almost symmetrical egg white omelette...


...I'll get impatient and not let it cook all the way on the inside.


...that when I actually get out of bed at my first alarm and give myself enough time to get ready for work and stop for my favorite 7-11 coffee and still be 2 minutes early to work, one of two things will happen: 1) they'll be out of the hazelnut coffee, which is stupid because obviously the hazelnut blend is the best blend so WHY do they only make ONE container of the hazelnut???? and my whole 7-11 trip will have been pointless, or 2) I'll get my delicious cup of liquid crack but get stuck in line behind the elderly lady who wants to check to see if her scratcher was a winner, and when the checker says, "No, sorry," the lady goes into her whole speech about how she could have SWORN she had a winner and the whole thing will last for like 5 minutes and I'll be late for work.

...that I'll have a good idea for a blog post and 95% of it is about food.

Whatever.