I kept saying I didn't want a bachelorette party. I felt bad about asking all the girls to travel somewhere and give up another weekend and spend more money and I just kept saying, "it's fine I'm fine I don't need or want a party." They planned one anyway, and it happened this past weekend and now you get to read all about it.
We all met in Santa Barbara and when I wasn't in traffic I was pretty excited:
Don't worry, I was at a standstill on the freeway when I snapped this picture. It was one of like 47 times traffic was so clogged that n o o n e was moving and there's really only one way to entertain yourself in that kind of situation and it's staring you in the face.
Lisa, Cortney, and I all met in SB to do some shopping before dinner. If you haven't ever been to Santa Barbara, well, there's shopping and food and shopping and probably other stuff but I usually just stick to the shopping and food.
And photo ops. Obvi.
I was searching for something to wear to the rehearsal THIS FRIDAY and also for some long and stretchy denim shorts for the honeymoon, but none of the stores were helpful. However, I did succeed in finding a snake.
A snake. A boa constrictor. Which I first referred to as a "restricter" because sometimes words are hard. The snake was some kind of Columbian ball python, I think, and my two lovely friends forced me to put it around my neck.
They're so great.
"So, you want me to put a snake WHO KILLS ITS PREY BY STRANGLING THEM TO DEATH around my neck and just let it chill?"
"Well, actually what the snakes do is they attack and bite their prey and then pull it toward them and THEN they strangle it."
"So.... Basically I'm just doing half the work for him."
"Here, hold the snake."
....it went well.
He told me to relax and I did my best.
And then I felt like Voldemort, basically.
Then, we went to this Mexican restaurant for dinner and YOU GUYS I ate a burrito. I haven't eaten anything like a burrito since AUGUST and my taste buds were like "THIS IS MAJESTIC PLEASE ALWAYS FEED US BURRITOS." and I was like "OK HERE'S SOME MORE BURRITO AND LET'S JUST ADD A DOLLOP OF GUACAMOLE WHILE WE'RE AT IT."
If I had been thinking I would have taken a picture of my burrito because you guys, it was a really really really good burrito.
Or maybe I'm just hungry. But I'm pretty sure it was just a really majestic burrito.
My two sisters and my sister-in-law were also there and here is a picture for your viewing pleasure.
AND THERE WAS CAKE AND I ATE THAT TOO.
It was everything I've been dreaming of for the past 3 weeks. And everybody in the restaurant kept telling me "Happy Birthday!" which was very nice but also WRONG. But their intent was good.
After the cake we left the restaurant and headed down to a hotel in Carpinteria and I opened some very special gifts that I am not planning to discuss on the internet. Just use your imagination. Lisa and Cortney had to leave after the gifts and then my younger sister declared that we were going on a mission to find alcohol.
We're totally related.
First we went to this sports pub thing that was filled with people in their 50s and 60s who were watching sports and playing pool and I felt extremely out of place in my heels and flashing sash. So then we drove around and looked for a liquor store and after like, 20 minutes we finally found one. It had a meat section which just looked like it was begging for me to take a photo in front of it.
The guy who worked there kept asking if it was my birthday, and my sister-in-law Amy kept saying, "B A C H E L O R E T T E P A R T Y" but he didn't understand. How do I know this? Because he asked me how old I am and when I said, "27," he got all confused and then handed me three free mini bottles of alcohol.
Beggars can't be choosers!
Angenette decided we needed to take shots and I decided we needed to pour vodka in the champagne and at first everything was super normal.
...but then things got weird.
We ended up just staying up talking until after 1am and it was seriously so much fun. Yes, it got weird but you don't get to hear about how weird our conversations were. Sorry but some things get to stay private.
The next morning we all had to leave but first we went to this little diner called The Working Bee and their food looked SO GOOD but I had to go back on my diet of sadness and depression so I just watched everyone else eat their scrambles and breakfast burritos and I only drooled a little bit.
And that's how you have an awesome bachelorette party.
THE WEDDING IS IN 4 DAYS.