Sunday, March 19, 2017

A poem about spiders

The weather is getting warmer and the spiders are becoming more and more daring and showing up on the walls and ceilings of my house, and it's ruining my life. In the last week I've found 5 spiders ... and one of them was IN MY BED. I was pulling back the covers right before going to sleep and a giant jerk spider crawled out from in my blankets and I almost burned the entire house down right then and there. Since I've been finding these stupid eight-legged monsters all over the place, I've been thinking more and more about where I really don't ever want to find a spider. So, I wrote down all the places I don't want to find them. And to make it more fun, I made it into a stupid rhyme.

(I hope you don't have arachnophobia.)

Do you like eight legged spiders?

I do not like eight legged spiders.

I do not like them in my bed.

I do not like them on my head.

I do not like them in my shoe.

I do not like them in the loo.

I do not like them in the bath.

I do not like them in my path.

I do not like them in my sink.

I do not like them in my drink.

I do not like them on the stair.

I do not like them in my hair.

I do not like them ANYWHERE.

(This may have been the dumbest thing I have ever posted. And I can't even blame it on wine.)

Monday, March 13, 2017

5 things I still do the old fashioned way -- and why

1. I write checks.. I write checks for most bills I pay and I love it! I remember being young and always wanting a checking account and begging my dad to let me fill out the check at the grocery store. When I got my first job at 15 I was finally allowed to get a checking account and I was certain that I had made it. That the ability to write checks instantly made me cool, mature, and date-able. Spoiler: it was none of those things. It was especially NOT cool when my dad (who had access to my account because remember I was only FIFTEEN) told me I should probably stop writing stuff like "Crap" in the memo line. But anyway. I still use checks and I love them and I hope they never go away. (Stupid E-pay.)

2. I pay bills by mail. I have some bills come out of my bank account automatically (Netflix, car insurance) but most of them I'll actually mail in using the USPS and A STAMP. Do you remember what stamps are? They're sticky and $.49 but I would rather spend $.49 to mail a bill than to have to remember yet ANOTHER log in password to be able to pay online. Just no. I don't want to do that. Plus I still have lots of stamps left over from that wedding I had.

3.I only listen to CDs in the car. The only iPod I've ever owned was a shuffle that my aunt gave me almost 10 years ago, and while it still works, I haven't added any songs onto it in 5+ years and plus I like to be able to know exactly what song I'm going to listen to. So, I buy CDs. And I'm not apologizing for it. And yes, I have thought about condensing everything to my phone so I can just have everything there, but I need a way bigger storage plan for that. So for now just expect to see me driving down the road bustin a move to Ed Sheeran on CD.

4. I don't use a Keurig (at home). I really feel like the little pods are WAY more expensive than a giant tub of coffee, and something about an actual coffee pot is super nostalgic to me and I don't want to get rid of that feeling. We have a Keurig at work, so I use one there, but at home I'm Team No Keurig.

5. Use a pen and paper instead of the notes app on my phone. I like actually writing things down. Plus, I make too many typos on my phone and if I'm typing while I'm lying down I tend to drop it on my face. It's also easier to go back and read if I have something tangible and I can read and turn a page and read and turn. Just something I like.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

A strong and beautiful friendship

I started college in 2006 (has it really been over ten years?????). While there I had a lot of friends who came and went. I always imagined that my freshman roommates and I would be lifelong friends, but that wasn't the case. However, during my freshman year I became friends with a girl named Morgan who lived one floor below me and across a corner, so we could see into each others dorms if we wanted to. Morgan's roommate was Lisa, and it wasn't until sophomore year that my then-roommate Rachelle told me she had a friend who sold Mary Kay and was I interested in looking at some?

MAKEUP? PERFUME? HELL YES SIGN ME RIGHT UP PLEASE. The consultant turned out to be a childhood friend of Rachelle's and Morgan's freshman roommate: Lisa. She sold me at least two perfumes that night (there's a 48% chance I still have both of the bottles) and sold me on her as a human being: she was hilarious and obviously a good friend.

Fast forward to 2009, Lisa, Morgan, and another girl all lived together in Downtown Fullerton (commonly referred to as DTF). This was when Keith and I were dating the first time. I turned 21 in that Fullerton apartment, and Lisa bought me a long island iced tea which I tried to pretend that I liked but really it was just not good. Then we asked our waitress if we could maybe have a to go cup for our alcohol since we just lived in that apartment right over there? Shockingly, the waitress said hell no.

During senior year I lived with some other friends, and then halfway through senior year I moved in with another friend's mom. While I lived with the mom, Keith and I broke up. Lisa, Cortney and I moved in together in Brea 5 months later, right after college, on a Saturday where I was so hungover that my nose was bleeding.

Lisa and Cortney saw me at my absolute and very worst. I used to write very sad and depressing poems and I would drink champagne and make them read them. They were there while I drunk dialed Keith. They were there when I switched from selling wedding dresses to becoming a nanny, and then when I decided it was time to move back to San Luis Obispo.

We were in Cortney's wedding, then we were in Lisa's wedding, and then we were in my wedding.

We visited each other during those years after I moved away in 2012. I went back to Brea, they came to San Luis Obispo, and through all of the years and the miles, we remained close, and I will forever be grateful for that. I have had many friends which I thought were going to be lifelong friendships, and then something happens and all of a sudden that friendship which seemed to be so strong has just disappeared and you can't even pinpoint what happened so you can't really try to fix it.

This friendship is not like that. This weekend, Lisa and Cortney drove up to Lake Arrowhead to spend some time together. We went to Strawberry Peak (which is where Keith proposed to me and also where he told me he loved me for the second first time)


We also went to Hortencia's at the Cliffhanger, where you basically get to look out over all of San Bernardino County (which I believe is the largest county in California). It's beautiful, the food is wonderful, the drinks are strong, and the views are amazing.

We were able to catch up on so many things. Lisa's newest nephew Luke, Cortney's new house, my niece who is with Jesus. We caught up on our lives, on our husbands lives, on our friends lives, on The Bachelor, etc etc. It was such a beautiful time together.

The rest of the night we stayed at Keith's parents cabin (it happened to be vacant that weekend and we were given permission to use it and I will never be more thankful!), drank wine, at cupcakes, and talked until nearly midnight. In a lot of ways it felt the same as when we all lived together in that little Brea apartment. Still talking about our jobs and boys, still talking about the future, still laughing about how ridiculous the Kardashians are. But this time was sort of different. Our talks of the future were more meaningful and everything seemed to have more depth.

When you have friends who have seen you at your best and seen you at your worst and still stick by your side, those are the friends to keep. Those are the friends who will always be there for you. Those are the friends you never take for granted. Those are the friends for which I am forever thankful and I just hope those two beautiful souls know that.

Friends come and go, it's true. But some just come and stay. They come and they claim a spot in your heart and they're going to be there no matter what. I don't deserve to have wonderful friends like Lisa and Cortney. Lord knows I am not a good enough friend to them. But I will continually thank the Lords for keeping them in my life and I will keep texting them random gifs and I will always invite them up to the mountain.

I love you ladies, I hope you know that.

(lol because they don't really read here.)

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Secret Married Behavior

When I was single I wrote a post called "Secret Single Behavior." It was written after I'd watched the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie just wants to eat saltines with grape jelly on them while standing at her sink, and while Charlotte just wants to spend an hour every night inspecting her pores. I was all proud of myself for telling the world what my secret single behavior was. Now that I'm married, I still have secret single behavior, but it's different.

It's different because I'm married. It's also different because it's not really a secret. But it's the same in that it is things that I like to do by myself with no interruptions from my husband. So, I present to you, my secret married behavior.

+Netflix and bathe. I love drawing a really hot bubble bath and watching Netflix while sipping on a glass of wine. Currently I'm working through Sons of Anarchy. Fun fact, a couple of weeks ago I ran out of hot water and I was FREEZING so I screamed for Keith and he finally called my cell and I asked him to heat some water in the teapot and bring it down for me. He huffed and puffed and he brought the tea down. And it didn't help like I thought I would so that was definitely an instance of "it's the thought that counts."

+Wal Mart and Target and Home Goods and World Market and ALL OF THE HOUSEWARES. On my days off I love to to look at housewares and think of how I'd like to improve my home. I usually come away feeling disappointed, inadequate, and hungry. This may not be a very healthy behavior.

+Scrubbing and washing and sweeping and purging. I like to take my days off when I'm alone and deep clean the kitchen, vacuum the carpets (and also brush them with a dog brush because that actually gets the fur out of the carpet AND it's a workout for me), mop the floors, do some laundry, and drink several glasses of wine in the process. It's therapeutic.

+Fill in my eyebrows. If there's one part of my makeup I basically always have to have done, it's my eyebrows. I just LOVE filling them in. It's kind of cathartic. I fill them in if I'm not going anywhere or if I'm going to sleep. I don't care. I just don't want to be caught with patchy eyebrows.

+Painting my nails. Sometimes I'll kill two birds with one stone and I'll paint my nails while I'm in the bathtub chilling with Netflix and wine. This is only if I'm feeling like overachieving, though.

+Taking naps. Did you know naps are scientifically proven to make you happier and more productive in your daily life? No, they aren't. That's made up. It could be true though, I guess.

+Buying impulse trips. I like to search the internet for good deals on flights right before I go to sleep, ad one night I actually booked a trip to Iceland, complete with a hotel. The trip began in 5 days. I canceled it. Since the Iceland debacle, I've looked at (not booked!) trips to Italy, New Zealand, Ireland, Spain, and New Zealand again, because I really want to go to Hobbiton.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Sorry this post didn't have any pictures.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Five on a Friday

1. Eye Problems

When I was 15 I had a REALLY bad case of pink eye. I know, gross. I couldn't wear contacts for a year and I had to use like, 4 different kinds of eye drops a day, and it seemed like I was at the optometrist's office every other day. Because of that gross problem I have scars on my corneas (mostly my left one) and I get weird infections, bouts of bad dry eye, and just general eye discomfort pretty frequently. I also have astigmatism in my left eye. And my prescription is -6.50. AND I have to wear daily disposable lenses instead of the ones you take out every night and can use for 2 weeks or a month or whatever. I should wear my glasses regularly to give my eyes a break from the lenses, but my glasses Rx isn't up to date so it's hard to see and they sort of give me headaches.

All that to say, right now I'm going through one of my bouts of the dry and burning eyes. I have some steroid drops that I use when my contacts aren't in but OH MY GOSH it's so painful! My eyes have been all squinty and red and I basically just look high all the time. It's really fun. I have an eye appointment next week and I'm going to update my glasses prescription so CALM DOWN I am working on fixing things.

Doesn't this make you want to hang out with me so you can be subject to my fun infections? Which, by the way, are not contagious because nobody has ever come down with an eye infection after hanging out with me. So I'm not THAT gross. They're probably not even infections, just inconveniences.

2. Netflix

I routinely rewatch shows on Netflix. I've watched Parenthood, Breaking Bad, and Orange is the New Black three times, The Office like a billion times, and I'm working on the third round of Sons of Anarchy. I like to put Netflix on when I'm doing dishes or getting ready for work, and I can usually get through shows pretty quickly if they're just background noise. What shows do you love to watch over and over again?

3. Being sort of healthy

For the whole month of January I was basically the healthiest person on the planet. In this post I wrote about the changes I'd been making, but once February hit I started slacking BIG TIME. I'm still buying mostly healthy foods and prepping lunches and drinking tea, but I'm also reverting back to my old habits of not working out and eating lots of candy. Send help. And broccoli.

4. Curating Instagram?

Do you curate your Instagram feed? I LOVE looking at feeds that have a "theme" and have beautiful pictures, and I want my Instagram to look like that. On the flip side, I love seeing peoples' "real life" posts, where you get to see their real, unfiltered lives. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Hashtag first world problems.

5. Thinking of a 5th thing

I literally could not think of a 5th thing to post. So now, thanks to this post, I know that my life is sufficiently boring. And you've all been subjected to the boring-ness! YOU ARE SO LUCKY. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

How We Met: Part II

At some point I'll have our entire "how we met" story all written out, but because I am very wordy, that will take a while. I haven't written anything about our story in two year, so it's time for part II of a story that will probably have like, 50 parts. If you want to catch up on Part 1, it's right here.


Hey, is this the Juliette who recently surpassed her previous record of being awake for 22 hours straight?

He didn't even have to type his name; I knew exactly who he was. I don't remember what our net texts were about (because I threw away the book that had everything written down), but I remember we texted all day and all night. A few days later I moved back to my Southern California college dorm room and he moved back to California's Central Valley, and our text messages turned into late night phone calls.

This was back in the days where you really had to pay attention to how many minutes you talked on the phone, so we had to wait until after 9pm to start our phone calls. But once those calls started, pretty much nothing was going to stop them. Classes hadn't started for either of us but we both had to be back at school to continue our jobs (his on campus, mine at Disneyland and Panera Bread). We talked on the phone for hours every night, about everything. School, childhoods, past relationships, life goals... everything. For hours. I think our longest conversation clocked in at about 10 hours. TEN HOURS. I remember smiling the entire time. I remember smiling for 10 hours straight really makes your cheeks hurt.

After a week or so of talking Keith brought up the idea of him coming down to visit me, and that was the infamous day that I actually peed my pants. No, just kidding. We decided he would come down on January 13th and we would go to dinner, then he would stay at a hotel and the next day we would go to Knott's Berry Farm. Did you know it's actually possible for time to move more slowly when you're excited for something? It has something to do with science and math and the curvature of the earth and also grey matter, probably.

The day he was supposed to arrive I spent the whole morning looking out different windows and talking to all the girls on my floor about my outfit and if I should shake his hand or hug him. We had only actually seen each other once - other than that it had been texts and phone calls. What if it was weird?? (Let's be real: I always make things weird.) When he finally drove up and I saw him get out of his car I actually screamed and experience incontinence for the second time in my life. I went to greet him and it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. We hugged, I showed him my dorm, and all of my friends who he knew had just been staring at him walking up to the building, and then we walked around campus.

It was a fun robotic tour.

"This is the fountain."
"That building that looks like a mental hospital was where I lived my freshman year. But no no no, it wasn't a mental hospital then."
"This is the library."
"This is the post office."
"My brother works at the post office do you want to go say hi? Ok probably not. Maybe that's too much for today."
"Oh crap that's my brother driving up in the mail truck! Hide!"
"What? No I'm not embarrassed of you. Don't know why you'd think that."
"This is a brick pathway that's really pretty in the fall but right now it's winter and uh it doesn't look that great so let's go see the bell tower."

Finally we decided to drive a few towns over to walk around (more) and then have dinner. We walked around Fullerton, which is an adorable little place, and talked more about our lives and I tried really hard not to accidentally bump his hand with mine. I was very aware that my armpits were sweating and I was hoping it wasn't noticeable. Even though it was January and there was a crisp chill in the air, I was nervously sweating. I am always nervously sweating.

Finally, on a pathway next to a white picket fence and beneath a large oak tree, our hands brushed and Keith grabbed mine and my stomach dropped out of my butt. We eventually ended up at an Italian Restaurant called Roman Cucina which thankfully offered dishes that weren't super messy to eat, so I was still able to sort of look like a lady.

After dinner we went back to Keith's hotel to watch a movie, and we turned on Zoolander since I'd never seen the movie. Let me just say, that is a HILARIOUS first date movie!! It was getting late and we were cuddling and I really thought I was being subtle by inching my face closer and closer to Keith's... you know, just trying to make it really obvious I was open to a kiss! I got so comfortable that I ended up falling asleep. Keith tells me I didn't drool or snore but there's a possibility he's just being a gentleman. We ended up sharing our first kiss that night (after I'd woken up) and then talking until about 5am. Since we had plans to go to Knott's Berry Farm in a few hours and we both needed to sleep Keith drove me back to my dorm where we kissed some more by the elevators before saying goodnight.

You guys, THEN.

We were hugging and saying goodnight and I just HAD to ask, "So, um, what am I supposed to say to people when they ask what we are?" Keith paused and I was sure I'd just ruined everything. I was mortified. I tried to save it by telling him I was just sleep deprived and omg forget I said anything and omg I need to go craw into a hole and die right about now.

Five minutes later Keith held me close, cupped my face in his hand and said, "You kind of stole my thunder earlier, you know that? But that's ok. I'd like to tell people we're dating. So Juliette, will you be my girlfriend?"

And then angels sang and my stomach dropped out of my butt again and my whole body started tingling. "YES!" I shouted, and then realized it was 6am and there were people leaving for work and everybody could see us. "Yes," I whispered again, closed my eyes, and we kissed.

I went to bed with the biggest smile on my face because finally, finally, I had a boyfriend.

And it was Keith.

Photo from our date at Knott's Berry Farm on January 14th, 2009,
Part three will be live in like, 3 years or so. It really and truly depends on the feedback of this post.