Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: Traditional Registry vs. Honeyfund

I've been enjoying discussing wedding details with friends, family, and the entire internet. I haven't gotten very many shocking or unwelcome opinions, and the ones that I have I've been able to mostly ignore. However, there have been a couple of decisions that have resulted in some debate. One of those things was whether to have Keith and I stand inside the gazebo or outside of it during the ceremony (we're going with outside), if we're going to do a first look, and how we should handle our wedding registry.

Keith and I are currently registered at Bed Bath & Beyond and on Amazon. Going to BB&B and scanning all the silicone and collapsible kitchen gadgets (collapsible funnel! collapsible measuring cup! collapsible dish dryer! collapsible lettuce keeper!) was a lot of fun for me. I've always looked forward to being able to do that. To be honest, I was more excited for that than to go dress shopping. But, in talking about our registry and what sheets, bathmats, and baking pans we should add, we began discussing a honeyfund.

Have you heard of that? It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like: people give you funds for your honeymoon. From what I've read you can create your a honeymoon website and people can go on there and give you money to go toward certain things, like fancy dinners, a sky diving trip, a night in a hotel, and the list goes on and on. Your guests can even print out a certificate to wrap or place inside a card and then they're sort of giving you something tangible for your wedding.

I've heard a lot of differing opinions on honeyfunds vs. traditional registries. The other day someone sent me a link to this article, which is not in favor of honeyfunds. The author, Rachel, says she hates honeyfunds because she wants to give the bride and groom a gift that will stay with them forever. She wants them to use the gift for the next 50 years and think of her when they use it. Rachel argues that when we think back on our romantic dinner we had on night 3 of our honeymoon, we won't be thinking of her.

Rachel is probably right. However, I can't think of anyone who remembers what gift every single person gave them for their wedding. In fact, I can't think of many people who can remember what they gave a bride and groom for their wedding. So why should I make a traditional wedding registry just to appease Rachel? It's not Rachel's day, it's our day, right?

Then there's this article, in which Marianne argues that it's silly and pointless to register for things you don't want or need when instead, you could ask people to contribute to the first trip the two of you will take as husband and wife. She says that for a couple who doesn't need much to build their life together, a honeyfund is very practical. Trips are expensive, especially if you want to go out of the country (like we're planning to do) and be gone for more than a week (which we're also planning to do).

But is a honeyfund tacky? Are you basically just asking your guests to give you cold, hard, cash? Is it greedy? Is it wrong?

I'm conflicted. At first, the idea of a honeyfund seemed really tacky to me and I was just like, "But I want the STUFFS!!!!!"

But now that I've thought about it more, it makes sense. I understand why people would be opposed to a honeyfund, and I also understand why it's a really great idea. But I want to know what you think. Does the idea of a honeyfund turn you off? Do you think wedding registries are basically archaic?

Either way, you're pretty much charging your guests admission to your wedding. (Although I have to say, if someone showed up to our wedding sans gift, I wouldn't be offended at all.) So, since they'll be spending the money anyway, is it really a faux pas to dictate even more specifically what you'd like? Or, are you robbing your guests of the job of purchasing you a gift that you'll be [theoretically, unless it's a pair of ceramic cows or something] using for the next 50 years? How likely am I, twenty years from now, to serve salad with a pair of tongs that Susie gave to me at my wedding? In twenty years will I place salad on a plate and think to myself, "Susie sure was a gem for giving us these salad tongs!!" I mean, really.

I'm pretty sure we're going to end up doing the regular registry and a honeyfund, but I'm really curious now how other people think. Is it just a generational thing? Am I asking too many questions? Should I go to bed now?


Also, in case you were wondering, 59 days. #ReamTeam2k15

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Things I should have known at a much earlier age

This is the face I make when I learn something NEW.

That Budapest is in Hungary. I literally just learned this a few days ago. If you'd asked me last week I would have said, "I don't know, China?" I also thought Hungary was like, Northwesterly (HAY KANYE AND KIM) of Italy. Geography is hard.

That you shouldn't use a metal fork to stir things in a non stick pan. Growing up we didn't have non stick pans (my mom doesn't believe in them), so I'd use forks to scramble eggs, make taco meat, or whatever. Apparently metal and non stick don't go together. Wanna know who taught me that? Keith. A GUY. A guy who still has mac & and cheese that expired in 2009 in his pantry.
That Lenny Kravitz is Zoe Kravitz's dad. I thought they were husband/wife.
That confectioner's sugar is also called powder sugar. I once searched the grocery store for 20 minutes looking for something with the words "confectioner's sugar" on the label until I finally just googled it and realized I already had some at home.

You know those little lines that are on the rear windows of cars? I just thought it was a coincidence that had those. It was just a few months ago when I found out they're for the defroster. Keith had to tell me like three separate times that's what they were before I believed him.

That you should never pour melted candle wax down a kitchen sink. When I was definitely old enough to know better I wanted to make candles so I melted a bunch of wax in a pot and then decided I didn't want to make candles anymore so I poured the wax down the garbage disposal. The 3 minutes later I was perplexed because the garbage disposal wouldn't work. Then my dad had to disconnect the garbage disposal so when he was fixing my mistake he didn't get his hand dispoaled.

Why my pupils are always dilated. For years people have been commented on the perpetually dilated state of my eyeballs but I've never really given it a second thought. And actually I still don't know why they're always dilated. I just know it's not because of drugs. But you see those pupils in that picture up there? That's normal. WHY. HELP. Actually I just googled it and the interwebs told me it means I'm super smart.

That it's actually possible for a bug to crawl into your ear and die inside your head. I literally saw a dead bug get pulled out of somebody's ear last week and I'll never ever be the same.

K that's all for now. And in case you were wondering, in that picture up there I'm in Keith's guest bathroom and there's a good chance that's a sign that says SUBJECT TO FLOODING on it.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: What will my wedding FREAK OUT be? + Baby Kate weekend recapWe

I spent the weekend with family in San Luis Obispo doing wedding and just having a great time in general. My mom and I worked on decorations (I've never seen so much twine in all my life), we celebrated my dad's birthday, and my aunt and I went cake tasting.

First of all: I didn't really care about the wedding cake until I went to the tasting last Friday. YOU. GUYS. This cake is the most amazing thing I may have ever eaten. Thankfully the bakery didn't have very many options (for indecisive people like me limited choices is the key to happiness and low stress) so it didn't last for hours and hours.

We got to taste cupcakes and I spilled one of the cupcakes on the floor and seriously almost cried, but then Casey the cake decorator gave me a new one and life was good again. You're never too old to cry over a spilled cupcake or the first Land Before Time movie.

Me and Casey, obs.
My aunt and I spent the afternoon together and had a wonderful time, but then she asked me a question that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since:

On your wedding day, what's going to cause you to have a meltdown [a la Emma Stone]?"

When my older sister got married 5 years ago, she had a meltdown over her makeup. She hated it and ended up crying it off and redoing it before the ceremony. My aunt (and everyone who knows me) know that I tend to freak out a LOT (for example: when I was in high school I dyed my hair a lot and I would freak out thinking the only way to have pretty hair again was to shave my head), so she was wondering what my biggest stressers will be on that day.

How am I supposed to know??? From what I hear, your wedding day will bring you stress, anxiety, and crazy emotions like you've never experienced before. Well, just the mere thought of what I'll freak out over in 67 days made me freak out a little. Here's what I told her will probably cause me to melt down:

- My nails get chipped
-I get diarrhea
-People ask me question after question after question
-I gain 5 pounds the week of the wedding and my dress doesn't fit
-Chipotle gives us barbacoa instead of steak (I loathe barbacoa)

I'm hoping that by being sort of prepared for this, we'll have a perfectly stress free day and I won't yell or cry out of frustrated.

Flawless plan, right? Other than Xanax and champagne, any suggestions for dealing with wedding day stress?

Let's move on to Baby Kate, since she's way cuter and more popular than me.

We red this book called "Pete the Cat Loves His White Shoes." (This series was featured on Modern Family, fyi.) Basically Pete has white shoes and he steps in things and his shoes get dirty. Like, 4 times during the book you have to say, "OH NO!! PETE STEPPED IN A PILE OF______!!!" Katelynne's new favorite phrase is, "OH NO!!" She carried the book around and just kept saying, "OH NO OH NO!!!!" I died.

I took her to get a donut and all she wanted to do at first was pick all the sprinkles off of it and lick it.

Then she turned into cupcake Gollum.

 Then we made faces with my sister and Maid of Honor.

That's all for now. I miss this space and I miss all of you, fyi.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Wedding Insomnia

Last night I could.not.sleep and it was pretty annoying. I could tell I wasn't tired so I settling in for a few hours on the internet and entertained myself by looking at old friend's wedding albums on Facebook, taking all the Buzzfeed quizzes (I'm more of a hipster than a Grandma and I'm Tammy 2 from Parks & Rec FYI), and browsing Amazon. It was right after I bought a Yoda and a Darth Vader costume for Keith's dogs and a waterproof shower notepad for all of my brilliant shower-time ideas that I decided I should probably leave the internet alone before I accidentally spent $200 on a moss bath mat.

I was lying in bed with the window open and the fan off and there were noises outside. I couldn't tell if it was rain or if somebody was just riding a bike on some loose gravel. Since there isn't any loose gravel around here I figured it had to be rain, but I checked the weather app and was told it was only "partly cloudy" outside and technology is always right, right?

After I was finally able to ignore the rain/loose gravel noise happening outside, a symphony began. I'm pretty sure some dogs were trying to fight to the death, and their owners must have been on vacation or something because the dogs kept making these vicious noises for what felt like 7 years but was really only like 20 minutes.

And then a donkey started to get tortured. At least, that's what it sounded like. There was some really intense braying happening and nobody tried to stop it. I didn't even hear any neighbors yell out, "SHUT UP!" so maybe I was the only one who heard it?

I'm not sure if the noises began dying down or if I just became immune to them, but I started trying harder to drift off. Usually when I'm trying to fall asleep I'll count backward from 100 and I couldn't tell you how successful it is because I've never gotten down to 1 and I think I always end up thinking of other stuff and forgetting to count.

Last night I forgot to count and instead I began thinking of ridiculous wedding things.
What color am I going to have my nails?
What happens if I chip a nail the day before the wedding??? (I actually spent an absurd amount of time thinking about this)
What if I'm not able to get my hair highlighted before the wedding and I'll be a mousy brunette bride?
Am I supposed to give Keith's parents a gift?
What about the grandparents?
When should we do the bouquet toss?
Should I get a wax?
What if I get stung by a bee during the ceremony?
What if a spider crawls on me during the ceremony?
What if I get shingles the week before the wedding?
What if I get mono the week before the wedding?

...and so on and so forth. I finally fell asleep between 430 and 5, and then around 530 I got up because it was just pointless to try and sleep and plus I really wanted some macaroni and cheese.

And that's how we got here. I finished a box of macaroni and cheese before 61am PST and I put whipped cream on my coffee and who wants to take bets of how long it'll take before I fall asleep in the middle of a sentence?

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I'm accidentally a hermit

I'm basically cut off from the outside world and it's weird. My phone is still broken, and it seems to be getting more broken every day. Would you like a list of the things my phone can do?

-Open Instagram
-Set an alarm
-Make and receive phone calls

That's about it. On Instagram I can only "like" photos. No commenting, no uploading, no searching for users. Every time I try to type something into my phone it restarts. Also, when my alarm sounds in the morning I can't turn it off because it just insists on turning off, turning on for about 2 seconds and sounding the alarm, turning off and then repeating the process for about 20 minutes. It's adorable.

When I open my texts I can sometimes see the names of people who have texted me but I can't read anything they've texted.

It's really a worthless piece of junk and I know I need a new one (because I know you're all probably in @jliette Instagram withdrawals) but I'm on a family plan with my parents and they think that since I'm getting married I shouldn't be on their plan anymore and I don't feel like sticking myself with an $80/month cell phone plan SO

if anybody has an old Verizon smartphone you want to sell me, let me know. I'll pay you $20 and some blog pimping. This is serious.

I do actually have some pretty cool news to share: I got a new job! I've tried not to post about how miserable I was in my last job but you guys, I was pretty miserable in my last job. I've never been so stressed out in a job before. No, not even when I had to babysit a $3.6 million dollar check. No, not even when I was in charge of keeping young children alive for a week straight.

Now I'm working at a doctor's office on the mountain and I have to work on Fridays now, which is a bummer, but I get to wear scrubs so it makes up for it. Oh and I don't want to shove bamboo shoots up my fingernails on a daily basis anymore so that counts as a win. It's strange not being on gchat during the work day but I've survived so far. It's only been 3 days so that's not saying much.

OH. On Sunday I watched A Deadly Adoption. TWICE. Have you heard of that? It's the Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell Lifetime movie. It's pretty confusing because it's not supposed to be funny, but it's a hilarious movie, simply because it's not funny at all. There's a ton of slow motion, gratuitous overall wearing by Kristen, and at one point Will Ferrell shouts,

"You KNOW the dangers of diabetic ketoacidosis!!!!'

I've looked on Buzzfeed and apparently it's a spoof? But they were SO SERIOUS, you guys. It was super weird. Just watch it and then we'll discuss.

My wedding diet is still a thing but I just had a handful of Cheezits and a symphony bar with toffee nuggets so you can probably guess how well that's going for me.

That's all because The Bachelorette is about to start and you know where my loyalties lie.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: It was supposed to be a simple wedding

Have you seen the Sex and the City movie? If you haven't and you don't want to know anything that happens in it, stop reading. Do you remember how Carrie and Big (dumbest nickname ever, I think)  were originally planning to have a simple wedding at City Hall with only their closest friends in attendance? But then all of a sudden Big opens the paper and their engagement announcement is plastered all over Page Six (I think it's an important page which is why it gets capital letters), they've invited like, 300 people, they're having the wedding at the New York City Library (is that what it's called?), and Carrie is going to wear a huge poofy ball gown made by THE Vivienne Westwood herself. Big is like, " did this happen???" And Carrie is like, "IDK man but Imma put an entire bird on my head now."

I feel like that's what's happening with our wedding. I was truly planning on having a simple wedding. I was going to wear an inexpensive white bridesmaid dress, I was going to do all the flowers myself (baby's breath and pink roses or something), I was going to make our cutting cake myself and let everyone else eat Costco sheet cake, there would be a maximum of 100 people... it was going to be simple and small.

Then I got the ring and the universe was all...

And like tbh I don't even know how it happened. IT JUST DID. I tried to buy an inexpensive white bridesmaid dress but then I went dress shopping and this other dress LITERALLY jumped off the hanger and onto my body and forced me to buy it. And then my dad and I met with a florist who has done the flowers for my parents' church for like, ever, and she showed me dahlias and I didn't know what dahlias looked like but now that I do I'm like... whoa, BEAUTIFUL. And she showed me "stock" which is a really pretty filler flower that now I love more than baby's breath. And like one minute we were talking about corsages for the grandmas and then she was like "Oh and obviously you'll need to have giant pillars and vases up by the gazebo with you two, otherwise it will be way too blah," and I was just like... "Uh huh yes you're so right."

Our honeymoon was going to be pretty simple too, like we were going to spend 7-10 days in one place probably, and just relax, but THEN Keith started googling. And NOW our honeymoon is turning into possibly being a 2 week long romp to like, Greece, Istanbul, Ephesus, and Stockholm, and there might be a hot air balloon ride thrown in there somewhere because WHY NOT?

And let's not even get started on how I really need to lose three fifteen pounds but I've been doing a LOT of stress eating and I can't get enough ice cream or Cheez Its and it's beginning to be a problem.

Also I've been having trouble sleeping because I've been finding one giant wolf spider a night roaming about my home. Yeah you heard me: a WOLF SPIDER. Don't google that. Just DON'T do it. I warned you.

So that's what I have for you today. We're almost at the 3 month mark and I've started to freak out, and I know that because I have pimples on my forehead, and for me forehead pimples = stress pimples.

My questions for YOU are:

What are some good stress relievers?
Have you ever planned something (a wedding or anything else) that ended up being way bigger/more elaborate than you originally intended?
Where can I buy the wine that is calorie free?
Why do I have a receding hair line?
I bet you think that one ^^^ is a joke but it's not.