Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I don't even know my address

It's true. I have no idea what my actual address is, and until a few days ago I didn't even know what town I live in.

If I haven't been clear about this on my blog, here it is: Keith and I aren't living together. His parents are very generously and graciously allowing me to live in the house they have about 10 minutes away from Keith. So really, it's the best of both worlds. I still get to technically live alone, but when my boyfriend is home from work I get to hang out with him and watch TV and stuff. And FYI, "and stuff" means watch TV. We have like forty-seven billion shows that we're watching right now ... some that are on currently and some that we are trying to catch up on, like Amazing Race from 2013 and Survivor from this past spring. And some are brand new shows that we haven't gotten around to watching yet, like Gotham. 

But anyway, back to the address. Here in the mountains, mail doesn't get delivered to homes, it gets delivered to PO boxes. I'm using Keith's PO box for all my mailing needs because his parents don't have a PO box and I don't feel like going through the hassle of getting my own. So I know my mailing address but if you were to ask me my address of residence I'd be like ... deer in the headlights. I don't think it really matters though ... at least not yet. I'm sure it will when people want to come visit and I'm like, "Uh, just drive around and look for the green house with the awesome deck."
Isn't it fun reading all this stuff about my address? You're welcome. Since I'm already on a roll I'll just go ahead and share with you some bits and pieces of what my life has been like for the past week and a half.

// I still like this guy. Weird, right? Especially considering the SF Giants are currently playing (and leading) in the World Series. It's pretty painful and the mimosas I've consumed have slightly helped ease the blow to my ego but all the orange and black still hurts my eyes.

// My days have pretty much been filled with organizing and job hunting. When I moved here, Keith and I just dumped all of my boxes into his spare room because I didn't feel like figuring out what to keep at his house and what to take to his parents' house. But now that I've had nothing but time to watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix organize and stuff, I've had to go through boxes and figure out what I can store in the extra closets at Keith's and what I'll need on a daily basis. And then there are things like my vegetable steamer and coffee creamer, that I know I'll need to use on a daily basis but I'm not sure if I want to use them at my house or at Keith's. For now, they're both at Keith's because that's where the cable and internet is.

// Did you know that when you spend all week watching Netflix and adjusting to living in a new place you get really really tired? I figured that out over the weekend when Keith found me cuddling and sleeping with his beagle, Clementine. Can we also please pay attention to what a good blogger boyfriend he is for taking this picture without even being asked? THIS IS CALLED CANDID.
// Last week, on Tuesday I think, I decided to make a trip to the grocery store. You need to understand, there's a grocery store just down the street from Keith, and then there's a Stater Bros like 15 minutes away. The grocery store close to Keith jacks up the prices on things because it's not a chain, and Stater Bros has normal prices. Like, based on this close grocery store I feel like I understand what Faith and the other Canadians are complaining about when they say that Canada has such high prices on alcohol. Faith, maybe this grocery store is Canadian! If it is, I feel sorry for you. 

Anyway, I decided I was going to take some back roads to Stater Bros so I just went on my merry way listening to Lady Antebellum 747 and didn't get nervous until I saw signs for "North Bay" and a "museum" and I have never seen these signs before EVER. SO I did the most reasonable thing: I kept my GPS off and I just kept on driving. Here was my reasoning: up in the mountains ALLLLLLL of the roads are winding and it's really hard for a FLATLANDER like me to recognize the roads, so I just stupidly figured I would eventually get where I needed to be. And I did ... after I had turned on my GPS. If I hadn't done that I have no idea how long I would have traipsed all over the mountains. But when I finally got to my destination this is what I saw and that helped my freakout session lessen.
// Sometimes when you have blogs posts to pen and boxes to organize you end up just drinking a mimosa and staring at the forward facing camera on your iPhone 4s.
// I've been spending some quality time with Keith's dogs: Nostril and Clementine. You read me right, the golden retriever is named Nostril. Keith is aware that his future naming privileges have been revoked and he thinks I'm joking but I swear I'm not. 

// I finally found some radio stations to listen to in the car.

// I seriously LOVE it here. Like SO MUCH.

 That's all for now because I have to go switch  my laundry.

Friday, October 24, 2014

A week ago, everything changed

Apparently moving to a new town where I have nothing but time to blog makes me a horrible blogger. The truth is, I have so many thoughts and emotions about this move that I can't seem to get them together enough to actually form a blog post. So, I guess we should just start at the beginning?

The beginning begins exactly one week ago. My alarm was set to go off at 645am, and I wasn't dreading it because my niece was being dropped off at that time, and nothing can get me out of bed faster than niece giggles. I was supposed to have everything all packed up the night before, a requirement I had set upon myself, but then I was too busy going to the pumpkin patch and saying goodbye to my Grandma and Aunt and feeling general sadness and anxiety to get much else done than taking pictures at that pumpkin patch.

Fun fact: I went to the patch with Keith's aunt, uncle, and cousin. Adorable, right? Even more adorable is the super cute time limit you have to pick your pumpkin. You get a wristband and 30 minutes in the pumpkin patch and then they kick your pretty butt OUT that's all goodbye. I mean, unless you want to pay $10 to go on a hay ride and do the corn maze or go down a slide and it was almost 6 when we got there and mazes make my head hurt so it was a timed picking I chose and I didn't even get a pumpkin and I'm ok with that ANYWAY LET'S MOVE ON TO THE MOVE.

So 645 came and I had SOME stuff packed up but mostly I had just spent some time rearranging clothes, and when Kate came over I had to spend a lot of time hanging out with her because have you seen her? She's adorable. So when Keith rolled up at like 8am I was like, "Oh hey dude, you don't have anywhere to be today, do you? Because I am SO not ready, plus we have to go into town to pick some stuff up which will definitely take an hour out of our day because we're going to Target YAY!" and my perfect boyfriend responded with, "That's fine, I want to go to Sports Authority and buy something because I have a coupon." and I tried to get him to buy something for me but he's selfish.

FINALLY we got everything locked and loaded, and my dad made us pancakes AND BACON for breakfast and we set off on our 17 minutes journey to his grandparents' house. Seriously. We took the obligatory "I AM MOVING!" photo complete with my bed in his trunk (does that sound dirty or is it just me?) and we headed off to have lunch with the grandparents.

You should know that that box spring and mattress absolutely DID NOT MOVE during the entire SEVEN HOUR drive to the mountains. I couldn't tell Keith enough how impressed I was with his mattress binding whatever skills. Seriously. You try and tie a pillow-top mattress into a truck and tell me how it goes, and when it doesn't go well you let me know and I'll have Keith call you.

We had BBQ sandwiches for lunch. I'm trying to ignore bread but hello, it was BBQ SANDWICHES and if you know me at all then you know that sandwiches are my favorite food group and I couldn't say no because the last time I had a sandwich was .... I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN IT WAS SO I DESERVED THE FREAKING SANDWICH.

So, like I said, the drive took 7 hours. We left his grandparents at 245 and we FINALLY rolled into my new mountain town at 945, and it's not like we even stopped for dinner or anything. We stopped a couple of times for food and candy bars and the bathroom but no actual food. And now that I think about it I'm pretty annoyed that I didn't get dinner on Friday. Rude.

The last week of my life deserves an entire post on its' (is there supposed to be an apostrophe there? I never know) own, but I don't feel capable of doing that right now because it's too emotional. All you need to know is that it's (I DO know that there's supposed to be an apostrophe THERE) involved a dead mouse, multiple trips to the grocery store, lots and lots of football, getting lost, and some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen because hello, MOUNTAINS.

Here's how happy we are to be living less than 10 minutes away from each other for the first time in our lives.


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Hello Rigby! and I discuss Halloween

 Hello hello hello, and happy Thursday to you and yours! Today I have a special guest: Jenn from Hello Rigby! We decided to collaborate on a post that is all things Halloween since, you know, Halloween is in a mere 8 days. EIGHT DAYS? I'm sorry, what?!?!?!? How did that happen?? Ok just ignore my freak out and let's go ahead and get to our responses. I made Jenn's answers as close to orange as I could and left mine black to get into the spirit.

What was Halloween like for you growing up?

Halloween was by far one of my favorite holidays growing up! Why you ask? Well, obviously because of the non-stop parties! In elementary school, that means classroom parties where the classroom parents made us "Witches Brew" complete with dry ice. As I got older, that obviously meant fun college parties, which I'm sure we've all experienced and may or may not remember.

Halloween for me meant freedom though - my parents are kind of health freaks, so I never got candy or junk food, and Halloween was all about that! Pizza parties, trick or treating, and gorging on candy for days after was my jam!

Growing up, my parents didn't let us celebrate Halloween, which is pretty common in Christian families. For a few years our church had a "harvest festival" where kids could dress up and you could bob for apples (gross) and play carnival style games to win prizes. We never went trick-or-treating but I don't remember it being too big of a deal to me.

Ugh bobbing for apples is gross! I'll take a Caramel Apple over that anyday. Or even a popcorn ball.

I really like bobbing for apples ... but only if I'm the FIRST one doing it! All you do is trap an apple to the bottom of the barrel and bite and you're done and you probably will have won AND not gotten other peoples' spit in your mouth!

What is your favorite Halloween movie?

My favorite Halloween movie is Hocus Pocus. It's a cult classic (okay, maybe not, but let's just pretend it is) complete with my girl SJP.

I didn't watch many Halloween movies growing up. I remember watching Halloweentown on the Disney channel and I always really liked it!

I loved Halloweentown... until I rewatched it a few years ago. So not what I remembered.

You know, it's been a really long time since I've seen it and now I want to rewatch it to see if I still like it!

What do you not like about Halloween? 

Hmmm, that's a tough one. I actually love that people will go a little nuts over their costume, though of course I think anyone that pays retail price at a costume store is a cheater. I've always been a fan of making my own costumes with thrift finds or things in my own wardrobe!

I don't really like how crazy people go over costumes. I think that's just because I didn't grow up with that mindset. A few years ago I had several co-workers who would start planning their Halloween costumes in JULY! Also, i'm not creative so I hate trying to think of something funny and unique. A couple of years ago I just wore a fake engagement ring and told people my costume was "engaged."

JULY?! Okay, maybe that is a little too nuts.

I felt like it just gave me more time to realize how supremely NOT creative I am!

What is the best costume you've ever had?

As much as I love those that go a little crazy for costumes, I never really have gone too off the deep end with mine. I've been a witch, a hippie twice, Morticia Addams, Avril Lavigne (yeah, I know), Hello Kitty, a "sexy" princess (my college years, sorry), and many others over the years...
Halloween Costumes Through the Years - Jenn at hellorigby!

But the ultimate in best costume goes to Rigby. He absolutely hated every second of it, and it is my duty as his dog mom to embarrass my poor dog child:

Rigby the Shiba Inu in a Skeleton Costume

You NAILED Avril!! Complete with the tie... I love it! My favorite costume I had was a bird costume. Four years ago I got a cheap ruffly yellow dress and sewed a yellow feather boa around the hem of it and colored feathers all over the rest of it and wore orange leggings and gold heels and told people I was a bird. I wish I had pictures of it but that was before Instagram and stuff and I ended up puking on my costume that night ... so.... actually, I think some of my best costumes wasn't even for Halloween. Shortly after I graduated from college I went to a Jersey Shore party and dressed up as Snookie and I'm pretty sure it was awesome... I mean, I ended up hugging the toilet after too many shots of jaeger so you do the math.


What about YOU? What are your favorite things about Halloween? What are some unique traditions that you and your family/group of friends have? Jenn and I would love to hear what you have to say! And don't forget to go check out Hello Rigby! like, now. RIGHT NOW. Go ahead. Thanks for collaborating, Jenn!! Happy Halloween!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Fall outfits with Sarah Christine!

I'm Sarah Christine, and although I normally blog over at SarahChristineStyle, today I'm excited to be over here on Juliette's blog. SarahChristineStyle is a life and style blog about my journey to becoming my best version and inspiring others to become theirs along the way. I think that becoming our best version is a lot about the inner journey, for me that includes learning to live with anxiety, finding my passions, getting healthy, and chasing my dreams, but I think it is also about the outer appearance as well. I love playing around with fashion and beauty because at the end of the day it is a great way to express our inner selves to those around us. One of my favorite things about fashion is that we all have our own style and when we are really true to ourselves we can all try out the same trends and make them completely different and individual. Today Juliette and I are playing around with that idea a little bit, we chose 3 great Fall trends/styles and each styled them in our own way.


I love a great flannel for Fall, maybe it is the Pacific North-Westerner in me but either way I can't get enough. Whether you are tying it around your waist (hello 90s!) or buttoning it up, I personally believe you can't go wrong with a good flannel for Fall. I went to a few fashion shows in the past couple of weeks in plaid and square prints were all over the runway, so again flannels generally fit perfectly into that trend as well.

For this piece Juliette played up the comfort level that can often be associated with flannel by leaving it open and pairing it with some black jeggings and those super comfy looking moccasins. I decided to play up the fact that I am a Seattleite and paired my favorite green and gray flannel shirt with my puffy vest, skinny jeans, and of course a great pair of boots.


I'm also a sucker for a good scarf (really I'm just a sucker for all things Fall). I may have a large drawer full of them but I don't think you can go wrong with a scarf this time of year. I'm not sure that scarves will ever technically go out of style because there are just so many options, the shape, the way to wear it, and the prints will definitely change over time, but the scarves themselves will always be a part of my wardrobe at least.

Juliette chose an amazing printed scarf that just looks like Fall to style for this look and she paired it with a really comfy looking green sweater and flats that pulled color from her scarf. I decided to dress my scarf up a bit for this one wearing it with a contrasting colored shirt, some basic jeans, and then some fun heels that pull the animal print out of the scarf and tie the whole look together.


Do I even have to say that this is another thing I love about Fall? I have loved layering clothes for as long as I can remember, and one of my favorite things about what I saw on the runway this year was that layering has been taken to the next level. I saw so much layering that consisted of differing lengths of pieces this year and I always love seeing layering of different textures as well.

For this look Juliette a really cute pink and purple plaid shirt with a denim jacket (can I just say I'm jealous of that jacket I've yet to find a good denim jacket myself), and finished it off with those comfy moccasins again. I pulled straight from what I saw on the runway and layered a navy sweater over a longer blouse mixing both lengths and textures, then I finished it off with some forest green jeans and my new favorite shoes of the season.

Now it's your turn. How would you style these Fall staples? Feel free to share in the comments, head over to my blog to let me know, or post a picture on Instagram and tag both myself (@SarahChristineStyle) and Juliette (@jliette) so we can see.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Hashtag dramatic

I cried at work yesterday, and not just because it was Monday.

I get to work at 7 and my boss doesn't usually show up until 9 at the earliest. I love having a couple of hours to myself in the morning to drink my coffee, be quiet, and look over my work load and set up a game plan for the day. On Sunday night I didn't sleep well at all so when my alarm went off at 6am I felt dead to the world and I knew I'd be a couple of minutes late to work but I knew it wouldn't be the end of the world. When I pulled in at about 7:07, I saw my boss's car and in my state of exhaustion and general overwhelmed-ness of everything happening this week, I groaned.

While my coffee was brewing I cut into my breakfast peach and realized that peach season is definitely over because this is at least the 5th peach I've cut into in the last month that has been mealy and disgusting and has made me want to vomit. So basically between being exhausted, my boss being at work earlier than normal, and having my breakfast hopes and dreams crushed by the mealy peach, I was not in a good mood.

My boss made the mistake of asking me how I was doing, and that's when the waterworks started. Through my blubbering I told my boss I was just crying because "it's the last week" and he took that to mean I was going to miss him SOOOOO much and that I was so sad to not be working for him. "It's ok!! I'll send you Christmas cards! You can call any time! I'm sure you'll come back and visit the office! I won't change my phone number!"

Am I a bad person because I let him believe that was why I was so sad? Maybe. I don't care.

Oh oh oh, THEN he sat down and started discussing Gone Girl with me. He kept talking about bits and pieces of the movie that just didn't seem realistic, so I gave him my most condescending look and replied, "You know it's just a MOVIE, right? Those people are ACTORS. None of it was REAL. They were reading from a SCRIPT. IT. WAS. FAKE." If I had been sitting closer to him I would have patted his head. Luckily for me my boss has a pretty good sense of humor and he just laughed at my condescending tone.

That's all I have for you today unless you'd like to see some pictures of my niece that I already posted to Instagram but I'm posting here too because I'm a woman of abundance or something.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Let's be positive, for a change

This week hasn't been the best. I've been in a pretty bad mood for the majority of the week and have made about zero effort to snap out of it. But, since it's Friday and I have a full weekend (of goodbyes) ahead of me, I decided to be a little more positive than I have been the rest of the week and try and not write a blog post that's just me complaining about stuff. YOU'RE WELCOME I DO THIS FOR YOU.

// I used to think I was the only one my age who loves Jeopardy so much and I felt like that made me unique and quirky and nerdy, but apparently it doesn't make me that special because everybody loves Jeopardy. That's fine, now we can all talk about it together! First of all, I'm a huge fan of Trebek's mustache. I think it makes him look so distinguished and I hope he never gets rid of it. What do you think? I heard that people have been voting on which look they like better and it's split pretty evenly, which surprises me.

But let's move on from the mustache because last night one of the most exciting things ever occurred while I was watching Jeopardy with my parents. Are you ready? Are you sure? Fine, I'll tell you. I got Final Jeopardy right and all the contestants and my parents got it wrong hahahahahahaha. 

Historical Figures
A 2012 poll by Britain's National Army Museum voted this man, born in 1732,
as the nation's greatest military enemy.

Do you know it? Make a guess and I'll tell you if you're right. I bet you will be. You guys all seem pretty smart to me. I never get the historical/geographical/scientific questions right so I was super proud of myself. My best categories are "food" and "movies/tv." But mostly food. Especially candy. Suck it, Trebek.

// Speaking of candy, for the past few months I've not been eating it much. This could be a whole other blog post, but for the past few years I've been steadily gaining weight and making some half-assed attempts at getting rid of it. The number on the scale kept creeping up and before I knew it, I had gained 55 pounds since my college graduation. None of my clothes fit (not even my sweatpants!) and I was self-conscious and uncomfortable every day. I came down with some kind of stomach bug a while ago and couldn't eat anything for a couple of days and when I could eat again, I felt like the crap I'd been filling myself with was gone and I decided I wanted to put healthier things into my body and get more active. Since then I've lost a little over 40 pounds and I feel better than I have in a LONG time. I can tell a big difference in my face, so for your viewing pleasure here are two pictures of my face for you to look at you're welcome. You may not be able to tell a difference, but I can and I'm pretty proud of myself.

// My niece is startling to talk more. I haven't heard it but my sister said she says, "Uh oh," "What/s this?" and "Moo." The "moo" is my favorite and I can't wait to hear it.

// Tomorrow is Saturday and I get to sleep in.

// Today I get to eat fish tacos for lunch and I don't know if you know, but these fish tacos I get are starting to rival sandwiches as my favorite food. SO GOOD. I could eat like 12 of them at a time ... but that would probably not be good for the last 13-15 pounds I'm trying to lose. Whatever. I hate you, calories. You have no friends.

I think that's all. Writing down these positive things has actually put me in a better mood ... or maybe that's just the three cups of coffee I've had so far this morning. Who knows? Happy weekend I love you goodbye.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Worry is like a rocking chair

Today begins the first of many "lasts" over the course of the next 8 days. Today is my last Thursday at work, this weekend is my last weekend living in my town... and I'm excited and sad and feeling guilty and nervous and worried and a whole potpourri jar of emotions that got poured into a blender and turned on high and everything is really confusing and overwhelming and also the Dodgers lost and I'm so pissed about it.

But anyway, let's talk about the worry. I know, I know. Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. Thanks for those words of encouragement; they're very helpful. Except I'm still going to worry.

First of all, since I don't have a new job lined up, what am I going to do all day? What I should do is work on the book I was writing that I realized is weird cross between The Lakehouse and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Or I could read some books, like the books Lindsay and Amber suggest. I guess I could be active and jog around the lake or take the dogs on walks or clean or something, but I'm worried that I'll just be really lazy and watch Netflix all day while eating Ruffles... and I'm worried that I'll get bored.

I'm a little bit worried that I'm going to use my move against Keith. I can't decide if this is a serious worry or if I just laughed a little too much at this picture ...

...but I can totally see myself saying, "Well, I moved here so I get to pick where we eat dinner/what movie we watch/etc." 
And then there's the snow. Apparently it snows in the mountains, and I don't have much experience with snow. I'm pretty sure my Target ballet flats aren't appropriate snow shoewear, and my Fuggs went to Fugg heaven and I don't have any boots (Fuggs are fake uggs, if you didn't know) to keep my piggies warm. Can I wear moccasins? Will moccasins work? Mine are gold and shiny. They're fine, right?
Don't even get me started on chains for my car. I don't know the first things about snow chains, except that they're a pain in the a$$.

I'm worried that his dogs are going to spend so much time with me that they'll start to love me more than they love him and he'll feel neglected so he'll have to buy new dogs but they'll also love me more than him and then he'll resent me and I won't even notice because I'll be too busy paying attention to the 17 dogs that now need my attention.

Sometimes I get a little worried that all my friends who say they're going to come visit me will decide they don't want to drive up the winding mountain road and they'll just want to Skype instead.

There's no Target up there.

That's it for now. I feel like recognizing these worries is the first step toward nipping them in the bud, right? Probably. In case you didn't notice, a lot of these are sarcastic because I use humor as a defense mechanism when I'm overwhelmed or stressed or feeling like things are getting too serious. It's super healthy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to rocking in my rocking chair. Focker out.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The things I used to love

Much of my time lately has been spent packing and trying to get rid of stuff. What this mostly entails is me finding a box and spending 2 hours digging through memories and reminiscing and then stuffing everything back in the box because I just CAN'T get rid of the fake Louis Vuitton sock that my friend Ashley bought me when she visited China in 2008, even though they're still in the wrapper and I have zero intention of EVERY wearing them. I'm always shocked at the things I've saved and usually it makes me laugh to think about all the things I used to be obsessed with. And since I'm a really nice person I thought I'd share some of these things with you. You're welcome.

During the end of high school and the beginning of college I wanted EVERYTHING to be neon. Bath towels, pillows, sheets, lamps, clothes, head scarves, backpacks ... E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. had to be neon. I even searched for a hot pink shag rug to match the refined and tasteful decorations in my room but sadly, I never did.

Elijah Wood.
The Lord of the Rings movies came out while I was in high school, and while all the other girls were wetting themselves over Orlando Bloom, I was the unique and quirky girl who was obsessed with Elijah Wood and that adorable gap between his front teeth. Why pick an elf when you can have a tiny hairy hobbit?

I'm really shocked that I don't have any pictures of this. I used to wear ribbons in my hair, around my wrists as bracelets, around my neck as chokers, on my keychains... errywhere. And not just plain ribbons, but like, curly ribbons, polka dotted ribbons, giant ribbons... anything. The more obnoxious the better.

This continued through at least my freshman year of college.

Side bangs.
All. about. the side bangs slash combover look. What? 2007 was the year everybody wanted to look like Donald Trump.
Changing my voicemail message.
When I first got my cell phone I would change my message whenever I went anywhere even though the only people who had my phone number were my parents and they chauffeured me everywhere so it's not like they needed all that information.

"Hi, you've reached Juliette. I'm at work right now but I'll be off a 4 so leave me a message and I'll call you back!"
"This is Juliette's phone. I'm at home right now so if I don't answer it's because I don't have service or I'm busy! Leave a message."

"Hi this is Juliette, I'm at a piano lesson but I'll be done in an hour. Leave a message!"

I think we can all agree that my biggest mistake was asking people to leave me a voicemail. Voicemails are THE WORST.

Bucket hats, newsboy caps, beanies ... it didn't matter. GET ME THE HATS. I also had neon hats and used them to help decorate my neon room. Sadly, I have zero pictures of this. I do, however, have a picture of me wearing a newsboy cap and pigtails and making a modified duck lips face. SPESHUL.

That's all for now because I'm getting sucked into the vortex of old photos and I need to stop before my entire day is wasted and also I'm getting embarrassed looking at all of these pictures thanks goodbye.

Monday, October 6, 2014

A weekend conglomeration (we went to Hooters and stuff)

Ugh, you guys. I don't want to complain that it's Monday because that's what everybody does, but not only is it Monday, it's the Monday after a four-day weekend (should there be a hyphen there? Idk) and I didn't get home until like 2am or something and my sister's dog who sleeps in the bedroom with me kept making some weird and disgusting swallowing/smacking noise and it kind of made me want to vomit but getting out of bed was way too much effort so I just resorted to clenching my teeth and snarling, "COCO. SHUT. UP. NOW." and it didn't work and will you hold please while I go get my 7th cup of coffee?
On Wednesday I made my last drive down to the mountains to visit Keith for the weekend. It was really weird thinking that the next time I make that drive will be when I'm moving there. To live. Indefinitely. Like, until we win the lottery and retire at 30. #whoadreambig

Anyway, on Thursday I woke up bright and early at 9am and procrastinated as much as I could until I decided it was time to go scatter my resume throughout the mountains. I did not eat breakfast because all Keith had in his cupboards was bagels and I'm trying hard to #justsaynotobread so I got a McDonald's iced coffee and hit the road and then everything went downhill.

Did you know it's really nerve-wracking to be sitting in a parking lot realizing your clothes are covered in dog hair and you don't have a lint roller and you need to go into random offices and be judged while people tell you, "Oh, we're not hiring now but we'll keep your resume on file"? Well, it is. And that's why I sat in my car for a good 30 minutes and nervous texted people until I got psyched up enough to go into like, 10 places. Then I decided that was enough and I went to the grocery store and spent an absurd amount of money on food and alcohol because I had big plans to play 'Drinking Jeopardy' that night. But first I watched Hulu and let Clementine sit on my lap and she loved it more than I did.

The rules for Drinking Jeopardy are as follows:
Take a sip any time ...
-Alex Trebek speaks in a [bad] accent.
-A contestant speaks in a [bad] accent.
-Alex Trebek makes fun of a contestant for giving the wrong answer.
-Somebody wagers a "true daily double."
-Don't make up any other rules or you'll be drunk in 5 minutes which you would think is great but trust me it's not.

Thursday night Keith told me "SURPRISE WE ARE GOING TO THE ANGELS VS. ROYALS PLAYOFF GAME ON FRIDAY!" and I was SO excited because hello, it's BASEBALL and I love baseball. We decided to make a day out of it so we left around and got sandwiches (#sayyestobread) (bad blogger didn't take a picture don't care it was delicious) and then we were going to go see The Maze Runner but we passed a Target and decided to go there instead. Then we were like, "Ok now what?" So we went to Hooters like the classy individuals we always are.

And before you ask, NO WE DID NOT GET FRIED PICKLES. We got cheese sticks and alcohol and watched baseball and there were a LOT of people there and then we walked over to Angels Stadium but not before we took a photo. While we were at Hooters I thought of some questions that are plaguing me right now:

-How come the Hooters girls were wearing all black instead of white and orange?
-I think I heard somewhere that the company pays for "body enhancements" if you know what I mean. Is this true?
-What happens if the girls eat too many fried pickles and can't fit into their shorts? Do they have like, weekly weigh ins or something? How is that legal?
-Why couldn't I taste the vodka in my vodka/cranberries?

I'm just now noticing that his sunglasses are messed up and it's driving me insane BUT my hair looks really long so I'm leaving it. And then we took another photo in which neither of us looked drunk. At all.

The Royals won but I didn't care because the Dodgers had lost and I was just "Royally" (get it?) pissed off.

The game ended late and it took us like 3 hours to get home because parking garages SUCK when there are thousands of people trying to exit through one lane. Somebody needs to come up with a better system. Also, it does absolutely ZERO good to sit in a long line of cars who are all waiting to exit and just honk and honk and honk. NO GOOD. DO NOT DO THIS.

Saturday there was just football on allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day so I got myself some sweet headphones...

...and caught up on ShondaLand and Parenthood. We can talk about TV shows another time. I don't have time to discuss those train wrecks at the moment.

And Keith cuddled with Clementine and it was pretty adorable.

While sort of watching football but mostly paying attention to Hulu, I learned:

-a "safety" scores the team 2 points if the tackle the other team in their (the other team's) endzone.
-the "endzone" is not the last 10 yards of the field. It's actually the part where you score the touchdown.
-a "touch back" is different than a touchdown.
-a team can decline a penalty if the play made when a penalty was called works out in their favor.
-football is more fun if you enjoy some ninja mimosas while watching.

And that's basically it. On my drive home last night I splurged and got Starbucks and took a photo to document my full-fat full-sugar beverage, and in my effort to rid myself of red eyes I succeeded in making myself look really creepy but I don't care because I also succeeded in making my teeth look really white.

The end bye.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

If I could have any job...

If you're reading this, then I actually got my shiz together and scheduled a post before I leave to visit Keith. Either that or he gave me the password to his computer and I'm blogging in my pjs while he's at work, but it's most likely the former. What am I doing today? Well, I'm taking 51 copies of my resume with me all over the mountain towns and telling unsuspecting business owners/managers, "HERE I AM HIRE ME I AM VERY HIRE-ABLE AND STUFF HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME." And then I will go back to Keith's house and watch tv until he gets home at like 8pm.

What businesses am I going to go to? I don't know, specifically. Anywhere and everywhere that is closed on nights, weekends, and holidays. So if you could all say some prayers for me that I get the perfect job sometime like, this month, that would be awesome. Either that or I'll just go ahead and elope and stick myself onto Keith's insurance plan and be a Real Housewife of the Mountaintop. I'd be great at it, I bet.

Speaking of things I'd be great at, I took the liberty of coming up with some things that I really wish I could get paid for. Like, paid enough to make a living. 

I'm pretty good at googling. I used to have a friend who would text me things because she knew I'd google until I found the answer, and that way she didn't have to do any work. Like, I'd get a text asking, "What's the population of Nigeria?" and four seconds later I'd send her the answer. Or, "What's that song that about the starships and stuff?" and I'd find it. I'm SO good at googling. Plus, I can google while I watch Netflix. (Say "google" one more time, Juliette.) This actually segues really well into my next ideal job...
Professional Netflix Watcher.
But I want to be the kind of watcher who just tells you which shows are worth your time. I don't want to have to sit through seasons of shows I totally hate... I want to watch things like Dexter, House of Cards, Gilmore Girls, etc etc etc and so on and so forth. So if somebody wants to pay me to write reviews of Netflix shows I like, you can e-mail me at theotherjuliette@gmail.com and we'll talk pricing. Also are you providing me with popcorn or do I have to get that myself?
GIF Finder.
Who doesn't love a good GIF? WHO? EVERYBODY loves GIFs. I could spend all day searching for GIFs, and I think I should, because when I googled "best GIF ever gifs" this is the first thing that popped up:
I just really want to know what that guy said to piss that cat off so much.
And the runner-up for "best GIF ever gif"? Ladies and ladies, I present to you:
I don't even ... a cartoon trying to seduce me with his dance moves? With bullets strapped to his chest? And is that a fanny-pack or a gun attached to his hip? Maybe it's a cell phone... or a pager? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DID THAT POP UP?
If we're going to watch a sexy dance, it should probably be something like Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords. Dude nails it every time.
Jeopardy binge-watcher.
Is Jeopardy on Netflix yet? I bet if somebody paid me to watch Netflix I'd know the answer to that question. OH WAIT, I could just google it! I googled. It's not. And I didn't even get paid for that. WHAT A STUPID RIP-OFF.

Professional people-watcher and outfit-critiquer.
I would just love to get paid to sit outside of Starbucks or anywhere else with food and/or beverages and watch the passersby and critique their outfits. Not "judge," that sounds to negative. I just want to notice if people are following the trends, or creating new styles, or if it's possible for anybody to actually wear overalls and not look like Blossom or one of the Mowry girls from Sister, Sister.
That's all. I have to go now. Say your prayers for me pretty please (and remember to click all the links in this post yay thanks you rock).

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Oh, the guilt!

This is the month I move 300 miles away. You're definitely going to get sick of reading about it and I'm probably going to get sick of writing about it, but I'm still going to do it because I can't really think about anything else. I've been thinking about my move so much that I had forgotten that tonight I'm driving down to Keith's house to stay until Sunday. Tomorrow I'm going to traipse all over the mountain towns and barge into small business and say "HIRE ME PLZZZZZ" and that's my grand plan for finding a new job. Other than that he and I are going to catch up on The Blacklist, Revenge, Gotham, Jeopardy, and watch football and baseball. I'm mostly excited about baseball because MY DODGERS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS. SUCK IT. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high though because the same thing happened last year and I was basically in a deep depression for like two weeks after we lost to the stupid Cardinals (SHUT UP MELANIE) and I can't handle that kind of disappointment this year.
My move is public knowledge. I mean, I haven't posted an official announcement on Facebook, but that's largely because I restrict my Facebook activity to posting pictures of my niece. And also stalking everybody. Like, I'll click on the page of a friend from college and then see somebody who looks familiar so I'll click on her page, then I see her brother and I wonder if he knows my brother, so I get to his page, then before you know it I'm on the page of my grade school piano teacher's second cousin's husbands pet. It's creepy but I'll never stop.
Fun fact, sometimes Keith will tell me things from the four years that we were apart and I'll be like, "Oh yeah, I remember when you posted about that on Facebook." And then he gets weirded out and I'll be like, "I also remember when you made a status about eating beef stroganoff while watching The Walking Dead, and as I'm writing this I'm kind of amazed that I didn't creep him out of the relationship.
ANYWAY. So people know that I'm moving. People know why I'm moving. And people have been making me feel exceptionally guilty over it. I know they're not doing it on purpose and that they are genuinely happy for me, but that's how it's making me feel. Let's just explore some of this guilt, shall we?
Boss: Look at all of these e-mails from two years ago when I was looking for someone to hire.
Me: Wow, that's a lot.
Boss: I think I got about 400 applicants.
Me: ....whoa.
Boss: And I picked YOU. And now you're LEAVING and I have to go through this process AGAIN.
Me: [sobs into coffee cup which is filled with wine] [that's a joke] [maybe]
At lunch with my dad on Monday...
Dad: These Monday lunches have been so much fun.
Me: They really have. Especially when it's your turn to pay.
Dad: I'm going to miss them so much!
Me: Me too. [eyes begin to water]
Dad: It's just going to be me... going to Apple Farm or Sally Lou's or Bon Temps alone... sitting at the table reminiscing... without you... all alone....
At lunch with my mom, sister, and neice on Friday...
Mom: I'm going to miss these Friday lunches so much.
Sister: I can't believe you're leaving your niece.
Mom: Fridays will be so lonely.
Sister: Katelynne will miss you SO MUCH!
Me: OMG you guys knock it off, it's NOT THAT FAR AWAY.
Aunt: So when do you think your sister will have another baby?
Me: I don't know, maybe in a couple of years.
Aunt: I think it will be less than two years. Not that you'll be here to see it or anything...
Grandma (who will be 99 in January): Well, at least you'll be home for the holidays.
Me: Of course! I wouldn't miss them.
Grandma: I just hope I'm still alive by then...
So basically my world consists of conflicting emotions, job searching, and packing. It's super fun, guys. Oh also it consists of asking you to go to this post and click the links because two weeks from today is my last day at my job and I'm a little freaked out about that and the bigger my cushion is, the better. THANKS YOU ARE THE BEST.
I'll repay you in v-blogs from Keith and myself. And I'm sure his dogs will make several appearances. Love you mean it.