Monday, April 14, 2014

At least the bacon was delicious

My idea of cooking is going to Panera and ordering a bacon turkey bravo, or just sitting at home with a bottle of champagne and some Cheez Its. But every once in a while I decide to broaden my horizons, like when I read a delicious recipe on Lindsay's blog or when I think it might be fun to impress Kevin with my skills of domestication (that's a word and it'a also sarcasm). So on Friday I decided to make pulled pork sandwiches and it was the easiest thing I've ever done. If you want the recipe just google "Pulled pork sandwiches crock pot" and you'll get a bunch of ideas. All I did was throw a 2 lb. hung of pork shoulder or loin (hehehe) (I can't remember which one) into a crock pot with a chopped yellow onion, some BBQ sauce, and honey, and I let everything get all friendly up in there for like 8 hours. Dee-LISH.
After that Kevin was like, "Ok, it's time to watch the horror movie Sinister that you said you'd watch with me!" And I was like, "Ok, we can watch it, but I think I'm going to need 3 shots of Fireball and also some mimosas to help me not pee my pants from fright." So we took shots and I took zero pictures of it, and the movie is really creepy because it involves children and children in horror movies are the epitome of horror and awfulness, in my opinion.
Saturday Kevin asked, "What's the plan for today?" And I hadn't made any plans because I am not a planner, so I stammered "Uhhhh oh, well, um, I'm a bad hostess and I don't have a plan sooooooo what do you want to do?" And we decided to get massive sandwiches and eat them by the lake, and it was cool, except my sandwich was huge and it was messy and we didn't have any napkins but whatever. I just told him to not look at me when I had food all over my face and I THINK he obliged.
Then before we left we decided to climb some trees because we're 11 years old, but I was having the most difficult time ever because did you know that climbing trees requires arm strength and core strength?? I tried like 20 times to get up into this one tree but I kept just running and jumping at the branch and hitting it with my chest and falling. It was embarrassing. And look at this dog!
It looked nothing like this but this dog is amazing.
FINALLY I got myself into a tree and I yelled, "HEY KEVIN. Take my picture so I can internet it and show people I can climb trees!" And he laughed and said, "But you're only two feet off the ground," And I got a little huffy and said, "I DON'T CARE." And he took a few pictures and laughed at how awkward I looked and I said, "Wow, you're never going to be allowed to take pictures for my blog," and he said, "GOOD."
Then, I stole some movies.
LET ME EXPLAIN. We went to the video store (video stores still exist in my town, just little ones though, not a Blockbuster or anything) because we wanted to watch Captain America and The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, but we couldn't find either of them on the shelves. So I asked the owner if they had Captain America and he finally found one copy, and I replied, "Cool."
Then we were looking in the new releases section for The Hobbit and we saw some hoodlums having some problems.
"Dude, they're probably out of The Hobbit Two." And I was thinking "THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S CALLED." But I stayed quiet.
"Wait here it is!"
"That's the first one."
"Damn, they probs don't have it."
 Uh people, please don't speak in abbrevs. Thx.
"Just keep looking, I really want to see it."

I decided to outsmart them (wasn't hard) so I asked the owner if they had the second hobbit movie and he looked in the RETURN bin and said (loudly), "OH HERE IT IS WE JUST HAVE ONE COPY." So I very quickly said "Ok we'll take it here's your money thanks BYE." And we left and Kevin was like, "Wow. that was really mean of you and those people were glaring at you big time." And I was like, "Oh, did I get some side eye?" And he asked what side eye is and thus ensued a discussion and demonstration of side eye but he still didn't get it so whatever Kevin, you're fired from blogging.
I tried to make Lindsay's recipe for cream cheese filled, bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers and I failed.
But the bacon was still delicious. There was a bunch of grease in the pan and since I'm really smart and I know grease isn't supposed to go in the sink drain I grabbed something to pour the grease into. Genius Juliette just got the first thing her hands touched, which happened to be a styrofoam cup. Do you know what happens when you pour hot grease into a styrofoam cup? THIS.
Moving on....we watched Captain America and you guys, I like superhero movies A LOT, but I just couldn't love Captain America. I just kept laughing at it and Kevin was like, "STOP LAUGHING," but I didn't. We were about to turn on The Hobbit but then Kevin was like,
K: "I wish we had some cookie dough."
J: "Let's go get some."
K: "Not the already made stuff, though. I want to MAKE cookie dough."
So we went to Food 4 Less and got ingredients and sat on the sofa and stuffed our faces with homemade cookie dough and watched the hobbit movie and it was really awesome and I liked that movie more than Captain America, but I was pretty annoyed that it deviated so much from the book. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS. But it never fails to piss me off.
We're almost done, I promise. On Sunday we had a pretty full day. You may or may not remember that my dad is a pastor. April 1st marked his 25th anniversary of pastoring the church I grew up in, so there was a celebration. It's pretty rare for a pastor to stay at the same church for so long, so it was a big deal and there were a bunch of people there. A bunch of people that I've known since I was 9 months old. A bunch of people who have never seen me with a boyfriend except Kevin the last time we dated, who kept asking me when we're getting married. So that was fun. At the end we took our first family picture with Baby Kate and that was my favorite thing.

That's about it.

But since it's been a while, I'll just end with some pictures of 6 month old Baby Kate, aka my favorite person in the world.

Thanks for reading, come again please.

Ameliorer la Vie


  1. Getting take out is definitely my idea of cooking too!! My husband does all the cooking!

  2. There's a ring on your left hand in the last picture so like probably don't confuse people. Also, LOTR is for nerds. JK LOL LOVE YOU.

    The second one was actually realllllly good.. so shut it.

    Good job on stealing the movies.
    I love baby kate so much.
    Also, I want to make pulled pork so badly now, dammit.

  4. Sounds like such a fun weekend! I just love you and Kevin so much. Is that weird?

  5. Ohhhh. I can't get over that dog. And now I need to make cookie dough. brb.

  6. Sinister scared the hell out of me. Like I can never have kids because they're obviously really easy to possess. Now I want bbq and cookie dough. Just when I was trying to be healthy... Love that you're happy!

  7. I had to stop reading around the styrofoam cup part because I just sat here going... "Well shit, I would have grabbed the same cup...". So yeah, we're REAL special.

  8. Yum. Those baked beans look soooo good.

  9. Crock pot recipes are my favorite! I'm all about a recipe that's just like pour this and this and this and then just wait 5 hours for deliciousness to happen

  10. First of all, I freaking love you. Second, you should learn how to make bacon in the oven because it turns out perfectly and you can just use foil on the pan & throw it and the grease away once it cools! Also, Captain America is totally the best thing ever... but that's the only negative thing I can say about your post because you're just great :)

  11. Don't worry. I still forget that aluminum foil (tin foil?) still catches on fire in the microwave. Also. GIMME DAT BABY. When did she become 6 months old, cause she was JUST BORN?

  12. Hahaha...I'm laughing because I can totally relate to your cooking woes! At least you didn't have any disasters with the cookie dough. :)

  13. Just found your blog and i LOVE IT! I just started mine and would love you to check it out =] you're gorgeous btw!

  14. Sounds like such a fun weekend! You two are too cute. I still haven't seen Captain America or The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug but I want to see them SO BAD! I'm a bad tree climber too btw, ha ha!

  15. you are hilarious and i wish my weekend was as much fun as yours

  16. interesting post thanks for the insight :)

  17. This post makes me happy and you and Keith are the most adorable couple.

    P. S. - I've done the exact same thing with hot grease and Styrofoam before