Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I smashed my hand through a window because of a guy

I've mentioned a few times that I have a messed up pinkie finger, in fact I've even pointed out some pictures that show that pretty clearly. So today I decided to tell you the whooooooole story of what happened just so you can have some more insight into my life. Before we begin you should probably just know that this all happened because of a guy. MY PINKIE DOESN'T STRAIGHTEN BECAUSE OF A GUY. A GUY. A GUY RUINED MY HAND.

Growing up we lived in a house right next to the church my dad pastors. When I was in high school there was a guy, Sam (not his real name do we need to go over this again), who would come over and practice the piano almost every day, and my 15 year old brain was totally in love with him, so I'd find any excuse I could to go over to the church and walk past the room where he was practicing. Most of the time I just stared at him a little (I am the creepiest), but sometimes he'd be taking a break and he would wave or on my luckiest days he would speak to me and we would interact.

May 8th, 2004 was not one of my luckiest days.

I came home from work and Sam's car was in the parking lot, but for some reason I didn't really feel like stalking coming up with an excuse to talk to him, so I just went inside, where my younger sister was. She knew about my crush (the whole world knew, who do I think I'm kidding), and on that particular day she felt like teasing me about him.

Go over and talk to Sam!!!
Juuuueeeelllll .... Sam's at the church!
Oh there's Sam!! He's outside! Go say hi!!

Each of these things elicited nothing but a very mature eye roll from me, until she said, "OH MY GOSH THERE'S SOMETHING OUTSIDE THAT YOU HAVE TO COME AND SEE HURRY HURRY NOW NOW LOOK!!"

I totally fell for it. I ran outside and as soon as I crossed the threshold she started laughing and she ran inside. Her plan was to lock me out so I'd have to talk to him when he came out of the church. So I did the only reasonable thing: I tried to keep her from slamming the door by slamming my fist against the top half. The problem was that the top half of the door was glass, which didn't stand a chance against my fist. So I shattered the glass with my fist, almost to my elbow, and when I pulled my arm back out that's when the damage happened.

*This is going to get gruesome*

I saw blood. And I saw bone. And I saw shattered glass everywhere. And my thought process when something like this:

My parents are going to kill me.
I'm never going to play the piano again.
I'm pretty sure we don't have a bandaid big enough to take care of this.
How is my finger even still attached???
OMG how have I not gotten blood on my brand new white sweater??

It might be time to call 911.

I wonder if Sam heard all of that?

And then I held my arm out in front of me and screamed bloody murder all the way through the kitchen and into the dining room where I sat on the ground with my legs spread and let the blood pour out of my hand and onto the ground. And I kept screaming and my sister was screaming and finally my brother came out of his room and screamed at both of us to be quiet and then he realized I was screaming, "CALL 911!!! GET ME A NAPKIN!!! CALL 911!!! GET ME A NAPKIN!!  CALL 911!!!!" So he calmed down and told my sister to leave the situation and he called 911. I wrapped a paper towel around my hand and whimpered and heard sirens in the distance and when I realized, those are coming for me, I started crying. I thought I was going to lose my finger because I'm not dramatic.

The paramedics came and I refused to let them take the paper towel off to inspect my finger because, "If you take the paper towel off my finger will come off with it!!" Since my parents weren't home and my younger sister was on the verge of hyperventilating (you know, because this was so traumatic for her), it was just me and the paramedics and my tear stained face. My dad was officiating a wedding and he and my mom didn't have cell reception so they got a cool voicemail from my brother that said, "Hey ... um everything is fine but Juel is on her way to the hospital in an ambulance because she hurt her hand ... she's fine but you should probably just meet us at the hospital as soon as you can."

My poor parents.

The paramedics didn't even turn on the siren which was like SO disappointing, except not for my parents' bank account because do you know how expensive it is if the ambulance uses a siren??? Neither do I but I've heard it's pretty bad. So anyway, my aunt met the ambulance at the hospital and the very first thing she did was wipe off the mascara trails that were all over my face and I thanked her sincerely for that.

This is the longest story ever. That seems to be a trend of mine.

They took the paper towel off my hand and I was pleased to see that everything was still attached. A male nurse did something to my hand and when I asked him how old he was he said "21" and I sighed "good" and closed my eyes. They kept having to put new gauze on my hand because I was bleeding through everything ... and what else? Oh I have a picture but I'll put it at the end so you don't have to look if you don't want to.

My older sister cut her Santa Barbara shopping trip short to come to the hospital, my younger sister brought me a giant stuffed Eyore to comfort me (it didn't work), Jacey was there, and I demanded that somebody "BRING A CAMERA!" because my priorities are in place. Then some awful awful nurse shot Novocain into my open wounds and that is the absolute worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse than any of my piercings, even. But it numbed the pain so I was able to take a good look at my hand... but I'm pretty sure I was drugged so everything is foggy and I don't really remember what it looked like. But nobody thought it was as cool as I did.

Probably the most traumatic part of the event was when they had to cut my brand new white sweater off of my bloody body. I hadn't gotten any blood on the sweater but they couldn't get it off of my mangled hand so SNIP SNIP SNIP! THEY DIDN'T EVEN ASK. RIP white sweater.
I had to wait a few hours before I could go into surgery because I had eaten a gigantic delicious burger earlier in the day, so it was night before I could be put under. When I woke up from surgery I kept begging them for "something cold!" so they gave me stupid ice chips like I was having a baby or something. And I had to spend the night in the hospital all by myself and it was the longest night ever and I couldn't even pee by myself and I have the smallest bladder ever so I feel bad for whoever my nurse was.

I was able to go home the next day, but I had to have another operation on my hand on Tuesday. So until Tuesday I had a GIANT cast that went from the tips of my fingers to my elbow. And it was so heavy. The first surgery on Saturday night had basically been damage control where they tried to just close everything up and make sure there was no serious damage other than the fact that I was missing part of a tendon. The glass had cut the tendon in my pinkie in two places so I lost almost an inch of tendon. (When they told me that I was like, "what do you mean lost? Like is there an inch of tendon just floating around in my body?" They told me no but I'm not entirely sure I believe them.) So they reattached my tendon and put 40+ stitches in my hand and sent me on my merry way but don't worry I got this sweet brace cast thing to wear for the next solid month.
Fun fact, Sam is in this picture. OMG what is it with me and guys with straw hats???

And then I had to go to physical therapy FOR MY PINKIE where they tried to get the tendon to straighten but I sucked at physical therapy. It was AWFUL that it happened to my right hand because I'm RIGHT HANDED so I had to work really hard at doing my hair and makeup with my left hand and as you can see in the picture up there ^^^ I never got very good at it.

And that's the long long story about why I have a crooked pinkie and I can't give high 5's with my right hand I can only give high 4's. Or 4 1/2's. The end.

Also, here's the bloody picture. It's really not even that bad.

 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png


  1. Holy Jesus?!?!?!? Not that bad! I've been in my share of health related emergencies due to my mom's health problems, but that shiz right there would have made me pass the eff out. OMG...I'm going to have to go look at pictures of cats now or something. Seriously my hand hurts. OMG. And your sweater. I'm sorry. That sucks. (I leave the weirdest ass comments...)

  2. Probably not suppose to be, but that is an awesome story!! What ever happened to Sam? Did he at least do something since essentially HE was the one that ripped an inch of tendon out of your finger?

  3. That is an amazingly epic story. And also terrifying.

    Did Sam ever find about all this?!

    (PS - New reader and I love your blog :)

  4. Oh my goodness. Your life. But I'm curious about Sam too... wasn't he outside when this whole thing went down? Some gentlemen he is (NOT) if he just disappeared in your moment of pain! Unless he did do something, then I take it all back!

  5. wow! that is quite the adventure! thanks for sharing!

  6. Ouch!! That sucks that you can't straighten out your pinkie though!

  7. WOW that was quite the story!!! Thank you for the prime entertainment on a Tuesday afternoon!

  8. Woah! That is such a crazy story! I can't believe you did that much damage by punching a glass door. I am never ever going to even pretend to punch any glass...TWO surgeries? Geeeez louise

  9. Yes we all need a follow up on two things: 1. did sam ever find out he was the cause of said injury and 2. why were you all holding hot dogs in that picture?

    & i cant believe you smashed a glass window! bad ass!!

  10. So does "Sam" know this was all his fault? Also, glass is a pretty hard thing to break so you are now officially a hard core bad ass in my book.

  11. wow! WHAT a story!!! i can't imagine the pain you were in. i broke my pinky over a damn parakeet but it was no where near as bad as this. i just had to have it re-set in its socket. yikes.

    so what happened to sam?? did he give you a feel better card or anything !?!?

  12. Okay yeah that is a lot of blood. Hope that you at least hooked up with Sam even for a little sympathy or something. I mean you lost some tendon over him!

  13. holy shit thats crazy hahaha! i would pass out from all of that blood

  14. I would have straight passed out. Oh my gosh, that is a lot of freaking blood. Yikes!

  15. I am sorry for laughing but they way you shared this story made laugh!


  16. Nah, not that bad. LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD!

  17. O my gosh that's A LOT of blood--yikes, girl!!! I would have completely passed out btw I really want to know if Sam ever found out he was the cause of your damaged pinkie and the loss of your sweater.

  18. That is a crazy story and lots of blood! My dad's pinkie on his left hand won't straighten just like yours, but he doesn't have a great story like you.

  19. Um so, I just stumbled across your blog, and I can TOTALLY RELATE TO THIS.

    One time shortly after college, I was playing football with a group of friends, one of whom happened to be my boyfriend at the time, and another who was one of his ex-girlfriends (a.k.a. I hated her guts because she was a flirt AND rude to me all the time). She had the ball and I was trying to chase her down, the grass was wet and I slipped and fell on my right hand (also right handed). My pinkie (yep, pinkie) finger bent ALL THE FREAKING WAY BACK and tore my tendon. When I realized a couple months later that it wasn't healing properly I went to the doctor and they said there was nothing they could do to fix it, that I was going to have to live with a...yep...BENT PINKIE FINGER.

    So to this day my right hand's pinkie is permanently curved. Because of a stupid ex-boyfriend and his stupid ex-girlfriend.

    The best part of all this? I play piano too (at church no less) and I had to re-train myself to play octaves. I still have a hard time reaching any wider than that (annoying!).

    So glad someone else in this world understands my predicament.

    do you have some sort of hulk strength that we don't know about? f'ing going around breaking glass and shit.