Friday, September 27, 2013

Taylor Swift is really singing about donuts

I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift on Grooveshark
     You guys have heard this Taylor Swift song, right? Of course you have. You've probably even heard the version where the goat is the star of the show. I know Taylor wants you to think this song is about a guy, but guess what? IT'S NOT. I've spent a lot of time really listening to the lyrics and thinking about their significance and metaphors and other philosophical crap like that and I've discovered the truth. And you might be shocked but just hear me out: this song is about her relationship with carbs, specifically donuts.

     This picture was taken right after Tay-tay's manager or PR person told her she couldn't eat donuts for dinner anymore. She's apologizing profusely to the donuts. Shortly after she gave up donuts is when she started wearing her hair straight. Her hair lost the will to curl when it was no longer being fed the nutrients of delicious carbs and sprinkles and glaze and Bavarian cream.

     According to Taylor, the song is about losing yourself. She can't remember who she was before she met him...HIM. A DONUT. What she means is basically how I feel: I can't remember how my hips used to fit in my size 6 jeans before I started eating donuts for breakfast. Infallible logic.

Let's go deeper.
That's what she said.

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me-e-e-eeee

It's starts out as a few donut a week... two donuts a week ...a donut every other day ... and then it turns into two donuts a day

I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

LOL Tay-tay, donuts don't care about anything but themselves because they're donuts and incapable of feeling anything other than the desire to tempt you with their deliciousness.

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
What she really means is "I knew you were trouble when I walked in[to the donut shop because your sprinkle and glaze glory was tempting me beyond anything I can bear]."

So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

The happiness that is felt by eating sprinkle donuts is rivaled only by the happiness and joy of biting into a fresh In N Out double double with grilled onions and that is obviously what she's talking about by "places I'd never been."

Uh hello they're obviously in a donut shop and they're bonding over their magical donut breath.

No apologies, he'll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn't know that he's the reason why
You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

Obviously the donut won't see you cry. He's already made his way to your large intestine by the time you get home and try to fit into your jeans. And it's definitely not a coincidence that she's not wearing pants... obviously she's eaten so many donuts that she can't fit into her pants anymore.

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see

I think what she really means is that the donut will be a new notch in her belt because she will have to let her belt out to make room for the fourteen donuts she's eating for breakfast.

And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah

LOL joke's on you Taylor. Donuts don't have feelings, donuts give you feelings of happiness and joy. And donuts don't love anyone or anything because they're just donuts.

     Oh look at Tay just casually doing sit ups because she realized that she's eaten way too many donuts and sweat pants are the only thing that fit her right now.

     She's lying, of course. The worst part was losing the donut. Look at her, sitting in a wasteland just searching for a donut to numb the pain...but all she can find are kale chips and shots of wheat grass. YOU WON'T FIND ANY DONUTS TAY-TAY BECAUSE YOUR PR AGENT DEMANDED THAT ALL DONUTS WITHIN A 500 MILE RADIUS OF YOU BE LOCKED AWAY UNTIL YOUR 25TH BIRTHDAY.

And now that I've done that I'll just go ahead and link myself up with Whit.
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png


  1. First, is this the reason you were asking how to spell donut vs. doughnut? Second, I like her hair better curly fa sho. Third, now I want a donut. Thanks.

  2. I definitely want a donut (or ten) now. Thanks Taylor Swift...

  3. HAHAHAHA. You are so odd and I love it so much. The fact that you just successfully turned that song into one about donuts is some real talent. Next time can you make a Gavin DeGraw song about me? KTHANKS.

  4. I can't believe you didn't even touch on the Boston Creme in here. I mean the that's what she said jokes would have been golden....

  5. ALL I WANT IS A DONUT RIGHT NOW, preferably with googly eyes. Also, you are a genius and I'm happy you spelled it "donut."

  6. Haha! AMAZING! And obviously true. Now I'm hungry... and I blame T-Swift.

  7. Sooo pretty much this just made my morning. I love Taylor, I love carbs and I love your,win,win!

  8. Haha I love this because I recently went through a short phase where I couldn't stop going to Dunkin Donuts in the morning on my way to work. I say short phase, but we all know it was not short at all.

  9. I randomly clicked on your name in the link up and now I think I'm in love with this post. THIS IS HILARIOUS!! And also, I really want donuts but my lunch break is over :(

  10. I see a dozen doughnuts in my near future, thank you for this. (My jeans don't thank you though ;D ha ha!)

  11. Bahhahaahha I am in love with this post. I love Taylor, and I couldn't care less if she did sing about donuts ahahahah. OMG I'm seriously dying because this whole thing is great :)

  12. Now I want a donut and a Taylor Swift concert!

  13. Well now that I want like 15 donuts....

  14. Hii!! Wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the sunshine award! The rules say to let each nominee know so they can participate! I promise this isn't spam lol. Here's the link:

  15. that song officially makes me uncomfortable.
    and not because it's obviously about doughnuts but because that girl has an unhealthy relationship with food.
    it's like looking in a mirror.

  16. OMG! Donuts are everything, I get why she would be heartbroken enough to write a song about them! lol

  17. Bahahahahahahaha.
    Now I want a donut. Dammit.
    Also - who knew I could, ever, actually enjoy a post about T. Swift?