Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dear She Who Has Not Been Named (because she's still in utero)

Dear She Who Has Not Been Named (my niece, if you didn't catch on),

     You'll understand that ^^ when you're older, I promise. If you don't, I haven't done my job correctly. I'm anxious to come up with a really cute nickname for you but your parents are refusing to tell anyone your name until you pop out sometime in the next 12 days. Technically your due date is Monday but your mom's side of the family is perpetually late so everyone is expecting you to inherit that quality. But I promise I won't be mad if you don't get that gene. Although, your mom made your 5 aunts and 3 uncles and 10 grandparents write down what day/time we think you'll be born and I'm pretty sure my official guess was Tuesday, September 17th, so if you want to hold out a day past your due date I won't mind.

Your aunts and uncles on your mom's side on the day your parents told us about you!
Actually, I already knew, but don't tell them that.

     You're breaking my bank account and guess what? I don't even care. The day after your parents told me about you I hauled your mom to Target and bought you a gender neutral bathrobe because I'm selfish and I wanted to be the first one to buy you something and therefore solidify my role as the "best/favorite aunt/family member."

Your mom would kill me if she knew I'm putting this picture on the internet. Don't tell her.

     Since that picture your wardrobe has grown by probably 5000%. Here's a sampling of what you can look forward to wearing all day erry day (sorry sometimes I talk like I'm a G. You'll get used to it).

     That last picture is only about half of your clothes. And I've got some more in my car that I'm giving to your mom today. I'm seeing her for lunch, and guess what? Today will be the last time I see her until she's in the hospital getting ready to have you! But now just because I said that I'll probably see her before that and you'll be born thinking I'm a huge liar. I'm not, I promise.

     You're pretty luck, you know that? Your parents are theeee best. I mean just LOOK at them.

     Just a head up, you're going to have a lot of hair and it's going to be reeeeeeeally curly. That is, unless you take after some random cousin on your dad's side and you come out with red hair, which would really throw off your Great Grandma because she had a dream about you the other night and you had dark hair. Don't break her heart, k? Thanks.

     Also, you're probably going to be a thumb-sucker, because your mom has a habit of putting her finger in her mouth and humming when she sleeps. (If she ever reads this I am DEAD MEAT. Really though, she still does this. I guess it's kinda endearing...? but I'm glad I don't have to live with it.

     Your dad is pretty cute with how excited he is for you. He bought you a chandelier for your bedroom and he gets this proud smile on his face when we talk about you. He even built you a closet! I'm secretly jealous and I wish I could live in your room because in addition to the chandelier you have pink stripes on the walls. Holy cuteness overload.

     Your mom is pretty experienced with kids. Look, here she is at 5 or 6 pushing me in a stroller! Say it with me now: awwww! I hope you inherit my slim physique and defined cheekbones.

     Now, let's talk about my duties as "best aunt ever." Obviously you're going to have a wardrobe which will rival that of Suri Cruise, and it's going to be filled with normal clothes and the occasional Halloween outfit. Like this one I saw at Old Navy the other day that I may or may not have bought for you already:
   It's a unicorn costume. Obviously you need it. I'll even let you wear those pink cowgirl boots with it! I'm really starting to wish they made that costume in my size...WE COULD BE TWINS! 

     As soon as you're old enough to nod "yes" or shake your head "no" I'm going to take you shopping and teach you how to pick out your own clothes. You'll be just like this little girl I saw in Baby Gap in Santa Barbara.   

Side note: If any strangers try to sneak pictures of you I'll probs punch them. Only I'm allowed to be a creep.

     I'm fully prepared to spoil you rotten. When you're old enough you're going to come to my house for sleepovers, we'll both wear our footie pajamas....

     ....and you'll get a bottle or a sippy cup of carbonated juice fo' kidz and I'll get a sippy cup of carbonated juice fo' adultz (sorry there's that G again) and we'll recreate this picture .... 

     ....and we'll stay up way past your bedtime eating organic popcorn and organic ice cream and watching all the good Disney and Pixar movies. Then the next morning we'll go get coffee together (I'll tell you it's coffee but really it'll be weak hot chocolate) and go to the bookstore and the playground and the pool and TARGET. And I'll buy you whatever toy you want unless you ask me to buy you something absolutely disgusting like this.

     Speaking of poop, I won't freak out if you poop on me when you're teeny tiny. It's happened before and I was cool about it. Just please don't do it on purpose. I mean, I'll still love you but it would just be rude.

"It's all fun and games 'til the baby sharts on someone."

     Kiddo (I really need to come up with a nickname for you), you are already so loved! It's hard to believe you'll be here so soon and don't tell anyone but sometimes I get teary thinking about what a beautiful addition to our family you'll be. You'll probably never learn to crawl or walk because none of us will ever want to stop holding you. You'll be the most photographed baby in America, I'm sure (which reminds me that I really need to clear some space on my phone because I'm almost outta room), and everything you do will elicit squeals of joy. I can hear them now: look! She's smiling! look! She has gas! OHMIGAWSH she's yawning! she's sleeping! she burped! she spit up! she's laughing! she's sucking her thumb! she's blinking! etc etc etc times a million. You'll have dozens upon dozens of family and friends to cheer you on in everything, from your first dance recital to your first lost tooth to your driver's license to your college graduation and beyond.  I already love you and I just can't wait to meet you! Please come out head first.

Auntie Juel (I'm also hoping when you try to say my name something totally different and adorable comes out so I can have an awesome nickname. Don't let me down.)

PS: Just for kicks, I'm guessing your name will start with an "M" so my guesses are McKenzie and McKenna. I really don't care as long as it's not Helga or Wilma or Frances.

And a BIG happy birthday to one of my greatest blog-friends (and a real life friend too!!) who has the most amazing hair and taste in clothes EVER, SAMI!!! Love you and I wish I could celebrate with you!!
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  1. Being an aunt is the absolute best!! I have two nieces- and I have seriously spoiled the shit out of them. They both have bigger closets than I do, and they are full.

  2. Being an Auntie is the coolest! You get to do all the fun things their parents don't want them too! ;)

  3. Oh my goodness she will be one lucky girl to have you as an Auntie!!! Loved reading your post today.

  4. How fun! Holy crap on the baby shopping overload, but that'd totally be me with my sister's kiddo too :)

  5. This was how I was when my niece was born. I bought her her first stuffed animals and she LOVED them. She's already so old (5), make time go back!!

  6. So sweet! I'm going to be an auntie in about one month! Crazy!

  7. This was just too much cute for me too handle! You're going to be the BEST aunt ever. I hope she has your fabulous sense of humor and pretty smile :)

    Oh and thanks for being the best ever even though you're not here right this second celebrating with me. I'll forgive you this once!

  8. Hey Auntie J,

    I think you're going to be the best damn Auntie this side of Santa Barbara. I can't wait to see photos of the little lady. I bet you turn out like me: putting up photos of your nieces/nephews all over your office and finding random ways to brag about them all.

    What a lucky lady this niece of yours is!

    Auntie A

  9. I love this... so cute! I'm so excited for a little baby (sort-of) Juliette!!! Maybe we will share birthdays (but mine is the 24th so it'd be pretty late) :D

  10. This is the cutest post ever Juliette!
    I love your onsie and the unicorn out fit.
    Can't believe you got pooped on, I guess its a sign of love ha ha.
    Have a great week hun.
    Love Gi

  11. This is just the cutest friggin post I've ever read. I am so excited for you to be an aunt and I can't WAIT for the day that I can finally be an aunt too.

  12. My niece, nephew, and godchild are the reason I am in debt! DAMN THEM FOR BEING SO CUTE.

    I will not be happy until the baby has googley eyes on it...

  13. the baby section of any store is the most dangerous place on earth.
    i stand by that mainly because shitler doesn't allow me in those sections anymore.