Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The not-so suspicious mole

For as long as I can remember, I've had a giant mole on the back of my neck. The mole has never bothered me; in fact, I've always kind of liked it. I always thought it just looked like somebody stuck a dark brown pencil eraser on the back of my neck and um, if we're being honest, I've always thought it was kind of sexy. Marilyn Monroe had a sexy mole, why can't I have a sexy mole?
Aside: it turns out the word "mole" isn't sexy when you use it seventeen times in a row.
For many years my aunt (who is a nurse) has been telling me I should get my mole removed "because why not?" or something like that. I never wanted to get it removed because 1) it wasn't suspicious, and 2) I didn't want to pay for somebody to slice into my neck just for fun. But now that I work for a doctor I can have fun elective cosmetic procedures like that at no cost to me. So, when Keith told me my mole was "gross" I decided I would get it removed as his Valentine's Day present, because I am a good wife and also it was free.
So that's why on Tuesday I had NECK SURGERY. TO REMOVE HAROLD.

Do you see Harold?


CAN YOU SEE HIM NOW?

CAN YOU SEE POOR INNOCENT HAROLD POKING UP OUT OF MY PERFECTLY COIFFED HAIR??
HOW ABOUT NOW??????
After reviewing these pictures I'm now convinced that our wedding photographer photoshopped Harold so that he wouldn't be the focal point of all the pictures taken of the back of me. I guess I should thank Kristina, but also like, poor Harold. It's not his fault he was so unsightly.
Back to the story of my surgery. Tuesday morning I got shot up with Novocaine which was supposed to burn but I didn't feel a thing. As in, the doctor said, "You're going to feel some burning" and after a minute I was like "Ok when are you going to start the injection bc I feel nothing" and he was like "Um I'm done" and I was like "I AM AMAZING I FEEL NO PAIN."
I was pretty nervous for Harold to be cut off because it just sounds super gross, but I literally felt nothing. It's like how I imagine an epidural to feel, except there wasn't any afterbirth and also I don't think anybody cared if Harold slipped and fell on the floor. Also nobody weighed him or congratulated me.
So Harold got shipped off to a path lab, I got two stitches in my neck, and I spent the rest of Tuesday telling everybody I could find that I'd just had neck surgery and I don't think anybody found it as funny as I did. Also nobody thought it was a big deal. Apparently getting moles removed isn't commonly referred to as "major surgery." *Shrug*
After the procedure I texted people about my news and found that everybody who knew Harold thought he was disgusting and said THANK GOD I finally got rid of him. My sister even told me she thought it was weird that I kind of miss him because he was so gross. I literally had no idea so many people had such strong feelings about him until I got rid of him. Is it normal for people to have such strong feelings about a piece of your skin that isn't hurting ANYBODY (except me when I would get my hair done and the hairdresser wouldn't know about my mole so she would comb the hair onto my neck and scrape him)?
The worst part of the process is that the bandaid hurts like a mother. Whenever I peel it off to apply some ointment or check on what's left of Harold I feel like I'm ripping off two layers of skin. I have pictures of how red and angry my neck is but I'll spare you because I'm a nice person. I'm also sparing you the pictures of the blood and the stitches so you all owe me big time.
The stitches come out on Friday and then I won't be able to milk my "surgery" anymore and I'll probably have to stop snapchatting about how upset I am over losing Harold. Apparently it's "annoying" and "juvenile" and "gross."
And I'd just like to say that I'm very thankful that I have a job that allowed me to have this done for free.

14 comments:

  1. Did you have a funeral for Harold? I have one bigger than Harold in the bra strap area of my back. No one knows about it but husband since it is so hidden. Now I am thinking about naming it. Hmmm

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  2. My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with me ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min, Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working beg and apology for his mistake,and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

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  3. I got my mole removed last January and it was worse for me because it was on my face! by my nose. It started getting bigger and bigger over the years and I didn't even want to take videos of myself or I would snap pics but would turn my face so you couldn't see it. I didn't name mine, but I know what you mean when you say you missed Harold. I missed mine too for a few days, but then I felt better. Even though mine cost $225, I felt like it was free since it was already in my health savings account that my previous employer deposited the money for me so it was time to use all that money up. Money well spent.

    I don't know why I got a little irked that your husband said your mole was gross. He has a pretty big one on the side of his face! haha. Let me stop. I got defensive for you, that's all.. or for Harold?

    Glad to see you're doing well hun!

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  4. you named it harold? of all the names in all the world... HAROLD?

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  5. My husband proposed to me again in November 2016, and by Christmas 2016 he was asking for a divorce. He had fallen in love with a gal at work. I struggled to save my marriage, I changed everything. He struggled with who he wanted to be with. The new gal, who has no history and family with him or me, his wife of 24 years. He struggles with depression, refuses to take his medication and drinks. We are officially divorced now, I’m devastated. He is dating the gal from work, living the free life. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and finish raising our boys. I love him more than anything, and I pray that he figures it out and comes home. Not sure this will happen, but I want to help him, because i love him so much my husband is the best that has happen to me in life i was really desperate and ready to do any thing to bring him back home. so one day going through the internet, i saw a post of a lady call Junia Noel testify on how this man help her out with her situation when her husband also left her with out no reason, so i was over joy to see her testimony that Dr happy help her out so i pick a challenge and email him urgently at //happyspelltemple.webs.com/ give him all details he wanted and he respond also to my email with in 30 mins, and gave me the reassurance that my husband will come back after the love spell i never believe in love spell, or magic so i gifted and put my faith on him, so the next day after the spell like he promise, my phone ring guess who it was my husband calling i pick up and he was crying and begging for what he did to me and our son.this time i was so surprise coz i never believe my husband will call and come back home today am fill with joy and happiness coz love and happiness is the key of life indeed Dr happy is a real man a father and a savoir plz email him if you have any difficulty getting your husband back, or stop your marriage from divorce, get your ex boyfriend and girlfriend back now at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

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  9. My husband proposed to me again in November 2016, and by Christmas 2016 he was asking for a divorce. He had fallen in love with a gal at work. I struggled to save my marriage, I changed everything. He struggled with who he wanted to be with. The new gal, who has no history and family with him or me, his wife of 24 years. He struggles with depression, refuses to take his medication and drinks. We are officially divorced now, I’m devastated. He is dating the gal from work, living the free life. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and finish raising our boys. I love him more than anything, and I pray that he figures it out and comes home. Not sure this will happen, but I want to help him, because i love him so much my husband is the best that has happen to me in life i was really desperate and ready to do any thing to bring him back home. so one day going through the internet, i saw a post of a lady call Junia Noel testify on how this man help her out with her situation when her husband also left her with out no reason, so i was over joy to see her testimony that Dr happy help her out so i pick a challenge and email him urgently at //happyspelltemple.webs.com/ give him all details he wanted and he respond also to my email with in 30 mins, and gave me the reassurance that my husband will come back after the love spell i never believe in love spell, or magic so i gifted and put my faith on him, so the next day after the spell like he promise, my phone ring guess who it was my husband calling i pick up and he was crying and begging for what he did to me and our son.this time i was so surprise coz i never believe my husband will call and come back home today am fill with joy and happiness coz love and happiness is the key of life indeed Dr happy is a real man a father and a savoir plz email him if you have any difficulty getting your husband back, or stop your marriage from divorce, get your ex boyfriend and girlfriend back now at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello Every One
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