It's officially Wedding Month and I'm trying not to freak out all of the time. Lately I've been having a really hard time falling asleep because my mind goes a million miles an hour and just won't shut off. I struggled with this when we first got engaged but thought I had gotten through it. WRONG. This time is my life is so wonderfully strange and it's even stranger to think that I only have 3 1/2 more weeks of "this time" left. Marrying Keith is quite literally a dream (or a hundred dreams) come true. I wanted this so badly for so long but never thought it would actually happen, and now it has. Oh geez, now I'm getting all emotional.
Another reason this time is strange is because getting married is something I've dreamed of for my whole life. Every girl dreams of her wedding. When I was a child getting married seemed so far in the future, and then there was a time when I couldn't see myself getting married and I was okay with that, but now here I am getting married. When something you've wanted for most of your life actually happens it's hard to know what to feel. I have spent so many dozens of hours looking at cute Pinterest-y ideas for being engaged and had so many conversations with friends about my dream wedding, and now it's here, and I have fears.
Am I doing it right? Am I making the engagement time as special and memorable and Pinterest-y as possible? Am I forgetting anything? Will I look back on all of this and have any regrets?
I know, all that matters is that by 4pm on September 26, Keith and I will be married and it won't matter what things went wrong or what things I forgot. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if my chalkboard signs are perfect or if we have enough flowers or if I trip down the aisle (this will probably happen and I'm willing to bet money on it). I know it doesn't matter ... but at the same time it does matter.
I know I'll probably be able to look back at this laugh at the things that went wrong or how many times I cried out of exhaustion and being overwhelmed, but right now? Right now it's hard and it's overwhelming but I'm too overwhelmed to make it less overwhelming. Does that make sense?
It's really weird to be this happy but to also cry almost every day. And I can't even drink my sorrows away because I'm crash dieting to fit into my dress!
On another note, I'm doing my own makeup and possibly my own hair for the wedding and I think I found the winning style.