Thursday, July 9, 2015

Wedding Insomnia

Last night I could.not.sleep and it was pretty annoying. I could tell I wasn't tired so I settling in for a few hours on the internet and entertained myself by looking at old friend's wedding albums on Facebook, taking all the Buzzfeed quizzes (I'm more of a hipster than a Grandma and I'm Tammy 2 from Parks & Rec FYI), and browsing Amazon. It was right after I bought a Yoda and a Darth Vader costume for Keith's dogs and a waterproof shower notepad for all of my brilliant shower-time ideas that I decided I should probably leave the internet alone before I accidentally spent $200 on a moss bath mat.

I was lying in bed with the window open and the fan off and there were noises outside. I couldn't tell if it was rain or if somebody was just riding a bike on some loose gravel. Since there isn't any loose gravel around here I figured it had to be rain, but I checked the weather app and was told it was only "partly cloudy" outside and technology is always right, right?

After I was finally able to ignore the rain/loose gravel noise happening outside, a symphony began. I'm pretty sure some dogs were trying to fight to the death, and their owners must have been on vacation or something because the dogs kept making these vicious noises for what felt like 7 years but was really only like 20 minutes.

And then a donkey started to get tortured. At least, that's what it sounded like. There was some really intense braying happening and nobody tried to stop it. I didn't even hear any neighbors yell out, "SHUT UP!" so maybe I was the only one who heard it?

I'm not sure if the noises began dying down or if I just became immune to them, but I started trying harder to drift off. Usually when I'm trying to fall asleep I'll count backward from 100 and I couldn't tell you how successful it is because I've never gotten down to 1 and I think I always end up thinking of other stuff and forgetting to count.

Last night I forgot to count and instead I began thinking of ridiculous wedding things.
What color am I going to have my nails?
What happens if I chip a nail the day before the wedding??? (I actually spent an absurd amount of time thinking about this)
What if I'm not able to get my hair highlighted before the wedding and I'll be a mousy brunette bride?
Am I supposed to give Keith's parents a gift?
What about the grandparents?
When should we do the bouquet toss?
Should I get a wax?
What if I get stung by a bee during the ceremony?
What if a spider crawls on me during the ceremony?
What if I get shingles the week before the wedding?
What if I get mono the week before the wedding?

...and so on and so forth. I finally fell asleep between 430 and 5, and then around 530 I got up because it was just pointless to try and sleep and plus I really wanted some macaroni and cheese.

And that's how we got here. I finished a box of macaroni and cheese before 61am PST and I put whipped cream on my coffee and who wants to take bets of how long it'll take before I fall asleep in the middle of a sentence?


  1. hahahaha I do this sometimes (minus the wedding thought process on things)! You will be FINE! Everything will be GREAT! Mac & cheese fixes everything :)

  2. you made kraft dinner, not mac and cheese - it is called KD, woman!

    also, you're worst than me - I at least managed to somehow get about 3 hours of sleep last night (and running on 42 shots of espresso)... get on GCHAT

  3. First of all, great minds think alike. I just ordered a waterproof notepad for the shower too!!! I keep saying I get my best ideas in the shower but never remember them when I get out!
    Also, when you have insomnia, text me. Odds are I'm awake too #NewbornMama and I could use some adult interaction since Nick is gone a lot these days ;)

  4. It's been a few minutes since I've checked in with you/read about you hilarious adventures (my fault). First of all, WEDDING?!?! I can't believe I missed this. Congratulations you beautiful lady! Secondly, mac and cheese is all that matters. Still/forever in love with you. <3 xoxoxo


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