Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I'm accidentally a hermit

I'm basically cut off from the outside world and it's weird. My phone is still broken, and it seems to be getting more broken every day. Would you like a list of the things my phone can do?

-Open Instagram
-Set an alarm
-Make and receive phone calls

That's about it. On Instagram I can only "like" photos. No commenting, no uploading, no searching for users. Every time I try to type something into my phone it restarts. Also, when my alarm sounds in the morning I can't turn it off because it just insists on turning off, turning on for about 2 seconds and sounding the alarm, turning off and then repeating the process for about 20 minutes. It's adorable.

When I open my texts I can sometimes see the names of people who have texted me but I can't read anything they've texted.

It's really a worthless piece of junk and I know I need a new one (because I know you're all probably in @jliette Instagram withdrawals) but I'm on a family plan with my parents and they think that since I'm getting married I shouldn't be on their plan anymore and I don't feel like sticking myself with an $80/month cell phone plan SO

if anybody has an old Verizon smartphone you want to sell me, let me know. I'll pay you $20 and some blog pimping. This is serious.

I do actually have some pretty cool news to share: I got a new job! I've tried not to post about how miserable I was in my last job but you guys, I was pretty miserable in my last job. I've never been so stressed out in a job before. No, not even when I had to babysit a $3.6 million dollar check. No, not even when I was in charge of keeping young children alive for a week straight.

Now I'm working at a doctor's office on the mountain and I have to work on Fridays now, which is a bummer, but I get to wear scrubs so it makes up for it. Oh and I don't want to shove bamboo shoots up my fingernails on a daily basis anymore so that counts as a win. It's strange not being on gchat during the work day but I've survived so far. It's only been 3 days so that's not saying much.

OH. On Sunday I watched A Deadly Adoption. TWICE. Have you heard of that? It's the Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell Lifetime movie. It's pretty confusing because it's not supposed to be funny, but it's a hilarious movie, simply because it's not funny at all. There's a ton of slow motion, gratuitous overall wearing by Kristen, and at one point Will Ferrell shouts,

"You KNOW the dangers of diabetic ketoacidosis!!!!'

I've looked on Buzzfeed and apparently it's a spoof? But they were SO SERIOUS, you guys. It was super weird. Just watch it and then we'll discuss.

My wedding diet is still a thing but I just had a handful of Cheezits and a symphony bar with toffee nuggets so you can probably guess how well that's going for me.

That's all because The Bachelorette is about to start and you know where my loyalties lie.


  1. I actually might have a phone you can use. It'd be a Samsung Galaxy S3 mini (with a Harry Potter case). Let me see if I can find it!


    I'm so happy you're away from that terrible terrible job - GOODBYE M!
    But I really hate that I can't talk to you on gchat all day e'ryday :(

  3. I am just throwing this out there, but maybe we must watch A Deadly Adoption together at our next date. PS when is that going to be, because I am a hermit too. Literally, I never leave my house unless it is for work or $3 wine.

  4. Even though I'm across the country I may have a phone for you, it's verizon, and workable. I DO miss you :( I have the need to find and stalk you other ways. I am glad that this job isn't making you torture yourself on the daily. Misssss your face filling up my instagram!

  5. AH I'm so mad I missed a Deadly Adoption - I need to watch it. I still don't get it, though...?

    Congrats on the job! And yeah...time for a new phone methinks.

  6. I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST IGNORING ME. I don't have Verizon, sorry.

    Are we REALLY sure that movie's not supposed to be funny? Because I think they might be trolling all of us.

    I'm glad you left your stressful job.

  7. I'm sorry about the phone. That's a bummer. Congratulations on the new job!

    And that Deadly Adoption movie...I read just today that it was actually NOT a spoof and that Will and Kristen just wanted to do a Lifetime movie.