Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: Weird Wedding Traditions

It's Wednesday, which means it's the day where I come to you complaining about how hard wedding planning is and how every day I become a little more open to the idea of eloping. Last week I wrote all about how difficult it's been finding a venue, and for those of you who are emotionally invested in this process you should know that we still haven't found a venue. It's super fun being in limbo like this.
Lately Keith and I have been talking about the ceremony and reception, and the things we want to do and the things we don't care about. Actually, it's been more of me telling him what we will not be doing. Like, "Keith, we aren't doing the garter. I don't want you sticking your head under my dress in front of 125 people," and, "Oh, when we feed each other cake you are NOT allowed to smash it in my face." Then he says stuff like, "Wow this will be such a fun day for me," and he's totally deadpan and makes it seem like he's being sarcastic but I'm sure he's probably not.
In discussing the things I don't want to do, I decided to check the origin (or supposed origin, in most cases) of some of what I think are the more strange traditions. Once I started Googling I couldn't stop, and I feel like this information really really really needs to be shared.
1. The garter. This is the tradition I'm the most opposed to. Maybe I'm a prude, but the idea of sitting on a chair and having Keith stick his head under my dress and remove the garter with his teeth while my parents and 99 year old grandmother and other people watch just makes me really itchy all over. And I know people usually remove the garter with their hands now but do you know Keith at all? He likes to do whatever is the most embarrassing option. Anyway, when I checked the origin of the garter tradition I became shocked and appalled and even more against the tradition than I was before.
Here's the story: apparently, hundreds and hundreds of years ago, it was considered "good luck" to own a piece of the bride's wedding dress. Right after the ceremony was over and presumably while the bride and groom were still at the altar, the guests would rush the altar and rip her dress to shreds in order to keep a piece for themselves. There was also a think called "fingering the stocking" where the bride's undergarments would get checked the next day too make sure they consummated the marriage. Do not google "fingering the stocking." Just don't do it. Or do it and tell me what you find because I'm too afraid to do it myself.
2. Carrying a bouquet down the aisle. I'm not really opposed to this, but I was really curious about why we do it. One website said that one reason brides used to carry the bouquet was to make sure they smelled nice. Apparently Chanel fragrances didn't exist back in the Middle Ages (Chanel sounds pretty selfish to me), so they would use flowers as perfume. Not baby's breath, though, because I recently learned that baby's breath doesn't smell great for long periods of time. Another thing brides carried was spices, or dill and marigolds. Why? Oh, because it made people get filled with lust.
So obviously the people who fingered the stocking didn't go to weddings where the bride carried dill and marigold, because if they did their stockings wouldn't have needed to get fingered. Or at least, not in the way I mentioned above. LET'S JUST MOVE ON.
3. Matching bridesmaids dresses. I don't want my bridesmaids to wear matching dresses. Cassie pulled this off flawlessly and this post she wrote about mismatching dresses (and all her other wedding posts) is permanently bookmarked, and was even before I got engaged. So anyway, I decided to look up why people have bridesmaids and why they always wear matching dresses, and do you have any idea what I found out? Do you? Maybe I won't tell you.
Just kidding, I will. In the olden days the bridesmaids not only wore matching dresses, but they wore dresses that matched the BRIDE. Down to the veil. The idea was that a bride was prone to evil spirits, and if there were multiple women dressed the same, the evil spirit would get confused and not know which one he wanted to enter and infest or whatever. Also, the best man was to serve as armed backup for the groom in case he had to resort to kidnapping his intended bride away from disapproving parents. "Best" referred to his skill with a sword.
Romantic.
4. It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the ceremony. This goes back to arranged marriages, when the bride and groom often didn't meet before the wedding. The groom wasn't supposed to see the bride because what if he thought she was ugly and refused to marry her? Awkward for everybody, and also the reason for the veil over the face.
I won't be wearing a veil over the face, and I would love to do a first look instead of waiting to see each other until I walk down the aisle. Keith doesn't want to do a first look because it seems like too much pressure, and that doesn't make sense to me. Wouldn't there be more pressure if 125 people are watching your reaction to seeing the bride for the first time? "Nobody looks at the groom," Keith says. To which I reply, "YES THEY DO!" And he fires back with, "Ok fine, only people who've seen 27 Dresses look at the groom." And that's the end of our conversation.

 That's all for now because all of this is making me go crazy. Check back next Wednesday because I'm either going to complain about how everybody says the wedding is about you two but it's really NOT just about you two; how people are really bad at pretending they aren't judging you for wanting a buffet; or how I think I'm going to do my own nails and my own makeup because I'm low maintenance and super picky about my eyeliner.

Bye and please send Xanax or money.

23 comments:

  1. I wore a garter, two actually so I could keep one, but my reception dress was short so there was no groom under my dress. And we didn't have matching bridesmaids dresses. I just told my sister and friends "as long as it's black and knee length or longer you're good".

    Also, try to not stress about the wedding too much. The marriage is what's important.

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  2. Do you read Meg's blog? If not, check it out!! She does a Wedding Wednesday link up. :)
    http://www.myborrowedheaven.com/2015/05/wedding-wednesday-continues-entrances.html

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  3. I read that back in olden times the groom matched his groomsmen so his enemies wouldn't know which one was the groom and might kill a groomsmen instead. Similar to the evil spirits idea. Seems like a good idea, why risk your husband getting killed at the alter?

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  4. Currently, I'm of the opinion that I want all of my bridesmaids to have matching dresses. But thats because I'm the type of wedding guest who notices all the differences in patterns and fabrics and shapes and shoes during the ceremony...and well, I don't want guests at my wedding paying attention to the bridesmaids, I want them paying attention to me. Hahaha.

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  5. This is all very interesting and I can't wait to elope.. seriously though. ALSO.. I read Cassie's post and I found the website where people rent bridesmaid dresses and that is GENIUS. Why didn't I think of that?

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  6. Thanks for sharing! We skipped a lot of the regular traditions including not seeing each other before the ceremony, the garter toss, and the bouquet toss (and obviously mismatched bridesmaid dresses). I'm not traditional at all apparently haha

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  7. Love all your wedding posts! Is it bad they make me laugh? Since you're so clearly going crazy :-) But I totally agree-the wedding is 100% about everyone else even though it's really supposed to be about you two!! And screw the judgers lol Til next Wednesday!

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  8. I *ALWAYS* look at the groom as soon as the bride walks in. Always, always, always. I think that's way more pressure. Some of those traditions are super weird - the garter one is gross!

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  9. I had all my girls wear the same color but they all had different dress styles. I guess I really didn't care enough, with the stress of planning the whole wedding basically by myself, to make them wear the same dress and endure the complaints or passive aggressive comments. At the end of the day, no one is looking at the bridesmaids!

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  10. That garter fact is the most disturbing thing I've learned in quite some time. I'm not engaged yet but every time I even start to think about planning a wedding I get the overwhelming urge to just elope.

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  11. So I have good room deals in Vegas if you need them... Just saying! And no, I will not google anything with the word "fingering" because GAG!

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  12. I wore a garter but I definitely ran to Hobby Lobby the day before and picked it up. Taylor isn't creative enough to attempt any kind of unique way of removing it so he literally just took it off and had the most fun throwing it at a group of guys (none of whom actually wanted it).

    I was team first look just because it makes the schedule of the day and photos flow so much smoother, but Taylor was against it and I didn't care enough to fight about it. It worked out though!

    I also can't even fathom why someone would EVER be against buffets in general. Like. what. Have you never been to a Cici's pizza?! People are crazy and you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

    I literally just went off on a RANT the other day re: bridesmaids dresses. I have very strong and unpopular opinions about them which I'll keep to myself because I'm already pretty unlikeable as is.

    LOVE YOUMEAN IT BYE.

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  13. I wore a garter and let me tell you, my shy, polite, introverted accountant husband PULLED IT OFF WITH HIS TEETH. His head was up my dress. In front of everyone. It's exactly as embarrassing as it sounds.

    Perhaps I should start carrying dill and marigolds around with me so people find me sexually appealing....

    100% team first look. It made me feel really relaxed and at ease, after being a jumble of nerves all day. Tell Keith he's wrong, it's a good idea. Also yeah, I've seen 27 Dresses so I would totally be looking at him.

    Putting a jumbo size bottle of wine in the mail for you now, love you bye.

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  14. I've been trying to convince Justin to do a first look with me for about 6 months... and we weren't even engaged. He's really against it, because he wants that special moment when I walk down the aisle towards him. And I'm like HELLO, IT WILL STILL BE SPECIAL. Come on, I've photographed 100 weddings, and many of them have done a first look - and it is AMAZING every single time.

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  15. The picture you used this week (about pissing everyone off equally) is pretty fantastic and perfectly sums up my life right now. THE. WORST.

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  16. Well, gee, the whole notion of weddings seems SO romantic now! ;-)

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  17. We did the first look, and it was so worth it! But realizing these traditions just makes the whole thing seem kinda... silly, doesn't it? So just let things happen, and enjoy the day. Easier said than done.

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  18. Learning all of the back stories behind traditions made me not want a wedding at all. Can I just go to Vegas and get eloped? Somehow I feel like that would come off less slimy than some of these traditions now.

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  19. At least I only did one of these... the garter toss...but only because we made it fun and not raunchy. Also we carried clutches instead of flowers and NO WAY I would make my girls wear matching dresses. (They didn't.)

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  20. This post is hilarious. I look back at my wedding day and loved it, but wish we had done some things differently. We aren't party people, and there wasn't alcohol at our wedding so it was kind of low key despite there being a lot of people there. One thing we did at the reception I haven't seen a lot of is a quiz type thing where we sat in front of everybody back to back so we couldn't see each other and each of us had one of our own shoes and one of the other's shoes in our hands. We had to answer questions with the shoes saying either the bride or groom. Everybody loved it, and it was pretty funny. And the cake in the face! We told each other we weren't going to do it, and then my husband did it. His explanation was that he thought I was going to do it (I wasn't) so he beat me to the punch. Not cool. Another not cool thing...my papaw came up to me right after and said I hadn't been married half an hour and my husband was already abusing me. So yea there's that.

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  21. This post was ON POINT. I love blog posts that are funny but I also learn things! Because I'm a nerd! haha.

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  22. Reading all your posts this week so just ignore the comment overload. Just FYI Derek's reaction of me walking down the aisle was AWFUL. He looked miserable. He claims the sun was in his eyes, but that's beside the point. Our first look was great though, he was the perfect amount of happy and "omg you're so beautiful, I'm speechless" tell Keith there's no pressure because it will come naturally. Also tell him he needs to do the first look because what if he screws one of them up?? IT CAN NEVER BE FORGIVEN. Also - didn't do a garter toss or bouquet toss. No one cared. Well, one person did ask when I was going to do it, and I said "I'm not" and continued dancing, that was the end of it.

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