One time when I tried to make muddy buddies in my old apartment I succeeded in getting powdered sugar aaaaallllll over the kitchen. Oh and did you know powdered sugar is also known as "confectioner's sugar"? I learned that the hard way when Keith's mom gave me a recipe for one of his favorite desserts and I hunted all over the grocery store looking for something called "confectioner's sugar" before I finally decided to google it and then I was both embarrassed at myself and annoyed that she didn't just write "powdered sugar."
One time I dropped a brand new carton of eggs on the floor. I think one of them stayed intact and I'm also weirdly proud of that one yolk that didn't crack.
I tried to make jalapeno poppers and failed miserably.
HARD BOILING EGGS IS LIKE THE HARDEST THING EVER. I've never been a fan of hard boiled eggs (unless they're deviled eggs) so when I tried to hard boil eggs for the first time I actually googled how to do it. Unfortunately the instructions didn't tell me not to use a lid. Did you know when you use a lid the eggs explode?
Finally, Keith showed me his fancy egg timer he has. You put it in the water with the eggs and it turns colors and you take the eggs out when the egg timer reaches the color that corresponds with the hard boiled-enss of the eggs you desire. This works great when I remember there are eggs on the stove. But this one time I forgot for like, an hour, and the only thing that reminded me about the eggs on the stove was the loud "POP!" which was the teflon or whatever part of the pot exploding.
The egg below is just a mutant egg. The other three in the pot turned out just fine but this one decided it doesn't like rules or order or looking normal. Nobody ate it.
Crock pots are like, the best invention ever. So whenever I see cheap chicken at the grocery store I'll buy it and toss it in the crock pot with BBQ sauce or salsa and that makes a few meals. Well, the other night I found some SUPER cheap chicken that was already marinated. It was "asada pollo [some other Spanish word]." It tasted great right when I cooked it but then I put it in the fridge and then the next night I looked in the container and saw what you see down there.
I think that's fat. I still mixed it with other stuff and I served it to Keith and he thought it was delicious until he found some cartilage in it.
Another time I tried to crock pot some pork but it turned purple. Legitimately purple and I'm an idiot who didn't take pictures.
And finally we have this lemon onion chicken barf. I found a recipe that told me to dredge the chicken, and after I googled "how to dredge chicken" I chopped up some purple onions and some lemons and looked for dill and parsley and the other spices the recipe called for and tossed some salt and pepper and chili powder on it and stuck it in the oven and when it came out it looked like vomit.
It tasted ok but it was SUPER slimy, and the leftovers the next day were really HEAVY. Apparently vomit weighs more the next day.