Tuesday, May 19, 2015

It's Inevitable

This post was inspired by my trip to the grocery store, where I walked in for some yogurt and walked out with approximately 17 other items. 


It's inevitable...

...that if I go into the grocery store with only yogurt on my list and a basket in my hand, I'll walk out with 8 containers of  yogurt, one pie crust, two containers of cool whip, two things of coffee creamer (it was on sale! $1.99! You try saying no to creamer that cheap), four oranges, three pears, seven banans, one Clif bar, and an emptiness in my heart because my favorite Snyder's sourdough pretzel bites were out of stock.

...that if we're going to be taking our engagement pictures the next day and I decide to paint my nails myself, I won't be able to. They'll smudge and I'll cry and say everything is ruined.

...that when Keith says, "I'm going to take a shower please DO NOT turn on the faucet in the kitchen," I'll get so focused on repeating in my head, "don't turn on the faucet don't turn on the faucet don't turn on the faucet" that I'll forget that I'm not supposed to turn on the faucet.

...that when I decide I'm finally going to start #sheddingforthewedding (and get rid of those 12 pounds I've gained since I moved last October) I'll go to the grocery store for some yogurt and somehow cookie dough, chocolate bars, ice cream, movie theater butter popcorn, and wine will somehow jump into my card without me noticing.

...also that when I've finally decided to start #sheddingforthewedding I'll decide to go for a run or a brisk walk and I'll only be able to find one of my tennis shoes. It's been a month and I still haven't found the other one.

...that when I finally make a beautiful and almost symmetrical egg white omelette...


...I'll get impatient and not let it cook all the way on the inside.


...that when I actually get out of bed at my first alarm and give myself enough time to get ready for work and stop for my favorite 7-11 coffee and still be 2 minutes early to work, one of two things will happen: 1) they'll be out of the hazelnut coffee, which is stupid because obviously the hazelnut blend is the best blend so WHY do they only make ONE container of the hazelnut???? and my whole 7-11 trip will have been pointless, or 2) I'll get my delicious cup of liquid crack but get stuck in line behind the elderly lady who wants to check to see if her scratcher was a winner, and when the checker says, "No, sorry," the lady goes into her whole speech about how she could have SWORN she had a winner and the whole thing will last for like 5 minutes and I'll be late for work.

...that I'll have a good idea for a blog post and 95% of it is about food.

Whatever.


10 comments:

  1. Ha, I can so relate. I am so add in the grocery store, my boyfriend won't even let me go alone anymore. I also always screw up my nails before important events. And I bet that omelette was yummy anyway.

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  2. I miss the Honey Boo Boo juggling gif...

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  3. Hahahaha I can so relate to the grocery store thing and the omelet! The worst is going to the store hungry and then eighty million things some how magically end up in my cart.

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  4. I went to the grocery store to buy gatorade and left with cheezits, macaroni and cheese, and a TV antenna. The TV antenna was actually genius because now I can watch The Bachelorette live.

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  5. It's inevitable .......that I won't spell "inevitable" correctly the first time. And also that I will giggle multiple times when reading your posts.

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  6. Is that canned cranberry sauce in her hands??

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  7. Made Derek a SLIGHTLY undercooked omelette this weekend and when he asked about it I said it melted cheese. He didn't die so I guess all is well.

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  8. Hahaha! I am the WORST grocery shopper ever.

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