How to avoid spoilers for all your favorite tv shows
Warning: this post may contain spoilers for some shows.
A couple of weeks ago I was walking down the street with Keith when I read a text from Sami. It said something to the effect of: I just saw a huge spoiler for Grey's Anatomy tonight, so stay off Twitter if you don't want it to be ruined. I literally gasped and then made her tell me what happened. When she did (this was from the April 23rd episode from which I still haven't recovered) my hand flew to my mouth and I choked, "This can't be real!" And then I watched the show that night instead of the next morning because I just had to find out if it was true... and then I sobbed for twenty minutes. Like, sobbed. Like, Keith came over and just stared at me half amused and half like, "I can't believe you're crying this hard over another man."
ANYWAY. All of that to say, it would have been way too easy for me to have accidentally read a spoiler from the show and then been super made about it. I'm sure you've all experienced that too: you're excited for a show and then you sign on to the internet or turn on the radio or just go out in public and your show is totally and completely ruined and you scream for hours and hours.
Haven't you ever wished there was a foolproof way to make sure you never read or hear another spoiler ever again? Well, don't worry, because I have the best plan ever for you. Seriously, you should all just thank me now.
Here's what you do:
Move to New Hampshire and build yourself a little cabin in the woods. Don't get cable or even electricity. Live off of water from streams and nuts and berries from the woods. Never interact with anyone ever again. And BAM! You'll never find out another spoiler ever again. It'll just be you, some snow, and a barrel filled with hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Ok, obviously that isn't a real suggestion. So, how do you really avoid spoilers? The answer is easy: you don't. It's pretty impossible. The other day I was watching Friends, and it referenced the ending of a movie I've never seen (I don't remember the movie so don't ask), and now that movie is ruined and I never have to watch it again. Another time, Jeopardy! ruined the ending of a movie. Another time a pastor ruined the ending of a movie in one of his sermons. Another time I read a Buzzfeed article called, "The 30 tv show deaths we'll never get over," and it spoiled Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones, and others. But that was seriously my own fault. So you have to remember:
YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM SPOILERS FOREVER.
BUT. I think people should take some precautions when it comes to spoiling things. For example, don't spoil a tv show or movie in a blog post title. Just don't do it. You'll probably get more clicks if you're vague, anyway, fyi.
In my opinion, people should be allowed to live tweet tv shows. LIVE TWEET. This means you can tweet about what's happening as it's happening. Don't go doing it if you're catching up the next day. Like, you can tweet about it but you have to be vague. So if I had been catching up on Grey's Anatomy the Friday after the worst episode ever, instead of tweeting, "OMG SHONDA RHIMES YOU KILLED DEREK AND YOU CRUSHED MY SOUL," I would instead tweet something like, "OMG SHONDA RHIMES YOU HAVE NO SOUL AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID." See the difference?
Also, if I'm not able to watch something live, I'll stay off of Twitter (and probably Facebook and Instagram, but definitely Twitter) while it's airing, because I know people will be posting about it and I'm taking responsibility for the information I let myself see. Don't blame other people because you're on the internet basically asking for it. And here's something you have to remember: TIME ZONES. Like, on Mondays if I don't want anybody to spoil The Bachelor, I can't get on Twitter starting at 5pm PST. It's just me being responsible.
So for the TL;DR version: only post spoilers as they're actually happening, and if you don't want things to be spoiled then stay off the internet while your show is airing in any time zone.
Ok gotta go, it's like way past my bedtime and I think I've done enough rambling.
What do you think? Am I totally off base? Have you gotten shows ruined for you in some other way? Are you going to move to New Hampshire?