Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Really mature things I've done out of anger

Sometimes I'm so mature that I have to stop, pause, and say to myself, oh em gee, Juliette, you're being too mature and it's weird just calm down for a second and giggle at inappropriate things.



Also balls. Hehehehehe balls.

That's better.

I decided to give you some examples of times when I've been REALLY extra mature. Specifically when I'm angry. Below is a list of all the really mature things I've done when I'm angry you're welcome.

The silent treatment. I like to think of myself as the queen of the silent treatment (+until I have a couple of glasses of wine in my belly). But sober, I can ignore a person for days upon days upon days. Once, in college, my dad found my secret blog where I talked about boys I liked and I refused to talk to him for like two weeks until he swore he would never ever mention my secret blog to me (not this blog). And guess what? We've never discussed that blog. HA. I win.
Once I farted on my roommate's pillow when she wasn't home. She totally deserved it, I swear.
When I was in middle school my older sister gave me this really sweet card and then one day I was mad at her because she would let me hang out with her and her friends or borrow her clothes or something else that was obviously a huge deal so I ripped the card up right in front of her face. (I felt really really horrible about it immediately afterward and my sister ended up taping the card back together.)
One time Keith and I were in a fight so I said "there's dinner in the microwave" but then I ate what I left for him and if he asked me about it I was going to tell him I threw it down the hill in his back yard because I didn't want him to know I ate 6 salmon quesadillas out of anger.
I'm really good at stomping my feet and slamming things. Lots and lots and lots of stomping and slamming things. Doors, drawers, cupboards... one time I even succeeded in slamming a shower curtain. THAT'S how mature mad I was.

Another time I got mad at my hairbrush because I was trying to put my hair in a slicked back ponytail WITH NO BUMPS but I was failing and it was obviously the brush's fault so I slammed it against the counter and it broke in half.
On more than one occasion when somebody who may or may not have been my employer, I got sick of his attitude and when he asked me for coffee I gave him decaf and when he asked me to refill his water bottle I gave him tap instead of filtered. I totally showed him.

When I was little I was wearing roller blades in the house (not allowed) and my brother locked me out of his room so I kicked the door and put a hoe in it. That hole was there for like 15 years at least.

That's all. We're getting too honest now.

19 comments:

  1. Dying over the decaf coffee and tap water. AHAHAHHA.

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  2. This only confirms that we are soul mates.

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  3. Giggled through this entire post and then did a Jimmy Fallon "EWW" at salmon quesadillas. Come on Juliette, you're better than that.

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  4. I can totally laugh at all of these things because they're not directed at me.
    Also... salmon quesadillas? Ewwww J. Ew.

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  5. HAHA this made me laugh because I'm super immature when I'm angry, too.

    Also, THIS: "Another time I got mad at my hairbrush because I was trying to put my hair in a slicked back ponytail WITH NO BUMPS but I was failing and it was obviously the brush's fault so I slammed it against the counter and it broke in half."

    #LOLZ

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  6. Hahahah this whole post was perfect! Tap over filtered? Perf!

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  7. HAHAHAH I needed this today because my Wednesday started out SUCKING

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  8. When I was a flight attendant we used to only brew decaf for 6am flights because everyone was cranky on them and it's their faults for booking it in the first place and if everyone just showed no interest there would be no 6am flights and I wouldn't have had to wake up early and pretend to be perky so would everyone just go to sleep so I can focus all my energy on remembering how to save you if you have some medical emergency?

    So basically I think you're passive aggressive enough to be a flight attendant. I don't know if thats a compliment or not, but take it like one please.

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  9. This cracked me up!

    One time I was really mad at my mom so I went into my bedroom and SLAMMED the door so hard that it broke and got jammed in the doorway, so I was stuck and had to call for help.

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  10. HA! And oh man I'm the queen of the silent treatment until wine happens...then I can't shut the eff up.

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  11. You really showed that hair brush. It deserved it.

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  12. Juliette, I cackled in my cubical when I read what you did to that asshole of a hairbrush.

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  13. If the silent treatment was an Olympic sport, I know I would be a contender for gold!

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  14. "Another time I got mad at my hairbrush because I was trying to put my hair in a slicked back ponytail WITH NO BUMPS"

    OMG. My life used to be consumed with bumpless ponytails. Now I'm lucky is all of my hair makes it in. My mom can't understand it because I used to drive her nuts over the bumps.

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  15. You crack me up! I do the silent treatment now. Well, semi-silent treatment. I respond in short, snotty tones so that Nick knows I'm mad or annoyed. He usually doesn't care though and just goes about his business and hopes I wake up in a better mood the next day lol

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  16. But that cat. Seriously, that's Hazel. She walks by like she isn't doing anything wrong and then LETS ER RIP right there. Like, really, not casual.

    Anger usually comes out of me in two forms. 1. SILENCE. 2. YELLING. That is it.

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  17. OMG Juliette!! I can't stop laughing at that secret blog

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  18. I'm still laughing about eating the food in the microwave. At first I thought about Matilda and how her mom would always leave soup or fish sticks in the microwave, but she wouldn't eat them and made things like pancakes. But then I just couldn't stop laughing because I think I could legit see the determination in your face to eat all 6 salmon quesadillas just so Keith couldn't have them. LOL I love you.

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