Friday, January 30, 2015

Things I'm bad at + selfies

Oh I'm in a GREAT mood. JUST GREAT. You can sense the sarcasm, right? It's not that this week has been especially bad, it's just that I've been in an especially bad mood. SO. because of that I decided to grace you all with a list of things I suck at and also some lovely selfies of my face. You are so welcome. Don't say I never gave you anything.

I'm gonna start giving myself a combover. Ya like?
Being subtle. I'm so bad at this. Sometimes I think I'll subtly ask Keith if he wants to watch one of my shows with me, like Scandal, Parenthood, etc etc, but when you ask somebody, "Soooooo how do you feel about maybe watching a show I love?" it's not that hard to figure out the answer you want from them.

Cat eye eyeliner. How do you guys do it? I've tried that whole "draw a line from the corner of your eye out a half inch and then draw in the eyeliner" or whatever buy you guys, I can't even explain it so that should tell you how good I am at actually doing it. #tightliningforlyfe

Prioritizing. This is actually a big part of what I need to do at work and I'm terrible at it. The problem there is that there are SO MANY THINGS that are important that I have a hard time making the decision about what is MOST important. Which leads me to the next thing...

...making decisions. I do NOT like making decisions. Keith and I are trying to decide what to do for the Super Bowl this weekend and he keeps asking me what I want to do and I honestly don't care. And sometimes he's like, "what do you want for dinner?" and I'm like "I don't care," but he doesn't interpret that as me not caring, so we end up having like an hour long conversation about what to have for dinner and it usually ends up with either flautas or vegetables and I don't even know why he bothers asking anymore.

Showering daily. I mean, if I work out or do something where I get gross, I have no problem showering daily. I'm not disgusting, you guys. I just don't see the point of showering unnecessarily.

Tweezing my eyebrows. Look, I have a boyfriend, and it's pretty serious. I don't need to impress anybody anymore aaaaaaaand I kind of hate tweezing my eyebrows.

Getting up at my first alarm. It doesn't matter if my alarm is going off at 7am, 9am, or 11am. I will NOT get up at my first alarm. In fact, if I'm setting my alarm for 9 when I don't need to get up til 11, I won't get up til 1015! Suck it, alarms.

Going to the eye doctor. I haven't actually been to the eye doctor since like.... either 2012 or early 2013. It's been at least if not more than 2 years. When I'm wearing my contacts I have to squint, and when I wear my glasses I should probably be considered a danger to society but like, the eye doctor is expensive.

Not picking my cuticles. Keith hates this about me. We'll be sitting on the couch watching tv and he'll elbow me frequently which I've come to realize means, if you don't stop picking at your cuticles I am going to murder you and bury you in a field somewhere nobody will ever find you. But still, I can't stop. SORRY.

Blogging on a regular basis. This was super easy back when I had a job which didn't require me to do much work and which allowed me to drink wine at 930am and nobody either a) cared, or b) had any idea. But now I have more work than EVER and it's stressful and when I'm not working I'm like, "Blogging? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *SIPS WINE*"
Doing anything on my iPhone which requires iOS7 or later. I can't facetime, I can't check my bank account on the Chase bank app, I can't download the paypal app... basically anything fun I can't do. It's fine I'm fine (stealing that phrase from Natalie because I love it.) Except tonight I had a serious challenge because all I wanted to do was facetime slash skype Melanie and MY STUPID PHONE WOULD NOT LET ME DAMMIT. Thank god for work computers.

I WOULD like to say I'm an expert at wrapping my blanket scarf around myself. Ya like, right? RIGHT? Too bad it hasn't been cold enough to wear it lately ugh life is so hard and my blanket scarf is so lonely.

COME BACK NEXT WEEK SO I CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY BLATE WITH AMBER. Also check Instagram this week because hopefully it'll be poppin' with our shenanigans. IF YOU'RE LUCKY.


  1. I am right there with you on the eyebrows and the eye doctor! I have to make an appointment now though because I am running out of contacts to wear and I hate my glasses! Also they won't let you order more if you haven't been to the doctor in over a year...whomp whomp! Hilarious list though! Happy Friday!

  2. Every time I try to do cat-eye liner I end up looking like I belong in a drag show.

  3. I hate going to the eye doctor. Like I don't want you to puff air into my eyes, and I just honestly am content with not being able to see. I also can't make a decision to save my life, which annoys Paul. And cat eye eyeliner? Forget it.

  4. I checked just about every one of these things. You and I are on point :)

  5. SERIOUSLY IT'S FINE. Sip wine and repeat.

    I haven't been to the eye doctor since I was 7 and I'm just assuming I have 20/20.


  6. What is subtle? There is really such a thing? Ha ha! I haven't even attempted the cat eyeliner because I know that I will fail miserably. Decisions aren't easy, I hate making them. You basically hit the nail on the head with this post.

  7. You wanted to Skype me?????


  8. I can't be subtle for the life of me hahaha and when I try you just don't get results hahah!

  9. Probably my favorite post you’ve ever written. Except for the part where YOU AND AMBER ARE HANGING OUT WITHOUT ME. So rude. #ItsFineImFine

  10. Okay here's the game-changer right here and it totally altered my eyeliner game: Rest your elbow on something. It makes every bit of difference, I swear. I have one of those soap dish things attached to the wall right by the mirror in my apartment and it's the perfect thing for resting on when I try the cat eye. It's changed everything.

  11. I.



    I mean I love them because we would look FOOLISH without them, but I HATE tweezing them because they're just OUCH ALWAYS. ALWAYS. And I do love getting them waxed because it is fast and done with less extended pain over time. BUT when she does the underneath of my brows I ALWAYS twitch in precipitated pain. It never hurts that bad, but then I still twitch.

  12. Ugh, eyebrows are just NEVER done. That's mostly why I hate plucking 'em. You spend 20 minutes plucking them and then walk into another room with different lighting and realize there's like 50 zillion more hairs to pluck. Boo.

  13. I don't get how people do the cat eye eyeliner either! I feel like when I do it, one eye looks somewhat decent but then the other eye looks like a disaster! Also, I haven't been to the eye doctor since early 2013. I don't even know how often you're supposed to go! But it's like, I have my glasses and I can see okay with them so why go more than I need to, right? Haha.