Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Mistakes I make in my relationship

I hate taking pictures in bad lighting because then I have to use the flash and then our eyes are all red and my face is shiny and white but I figured you would probably want to see a picture from when we watched the Packers blow their lead and crush our dreams of them going to the Superbowl. You would think that because I'm a Dodger fan I'm used to disappointment but I'm not used to it. I hate it, actually.

Moving on...


I was planning on coming to you guys and bragging about how I'm an expert at relationships since I've had a boyfriend for 10 1/2 months, but I'm honest with myself and I know that really the only thing I'm an expert at is making sandwiches and sleeping in til noon. So instead of bragging (and lying) about how awesome I am at relationships, I decided instead to share with you some of the mistakes I've made. I KNOW, I KNOW. I make mistakes??? IT'S TRUE. I DO. Sometimes and only on days ending in "-y."


The first and possibly worst mistake I've made so far was cooking chili for dinner on the first night we saw each other after 4 years apart. Seriously, that was awful. The chili was delicious, of course, but you know the jingle, "beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot!" Well, it's true. We both had awful gas but of course we couldn't let the other person know because I'm a lady and everybody knows ladies don't fart pass gas. Finally I got up to go to the bathroom but in doing so I pressed down r i g h t on his stomach (AKA the danger zone) and I will always be thankful that he was able to hold everything inside. The next night I made tacos. I'll never learn. This is probably TMI. A lot of TMI. Sorry.



Something I do way often is telling him, "It's fine, you can do whatever you want" when he asks what I want to do on a given day. For some reason he takes that to mean he can actually do whatever he wants so he'll watch a tv show I don't care about or play a video game I don't care about while I'm left to my own devices. Usually I end up playing trivia crack or watching Gilmore Girls and I love both of those things, but I also get offended that he doesn't just want to sit and watch Titanic and You've Got Mail with me while he massages my shoulders and feeds me grapes. What do boys learn in school???



Another mistake I make constantly is Assigning Intent. That's a fancy term I learned in college for "thinking you know why the other person did something." Like, oh, Keith didn't hold my hand while we watched Arrested Development? He's obviously mad at me or he doesn't love me anymore. He didn't comment on how my hair still looks okay even though it's been five days since I last washed it? He doesn't feel attracted to me enough to pay attention to my appearance. He didn't read my mind and know that I have PMS and be really affectionate toward me? He's probably going to break up with me.

This is awful for relationships, either platonic or romantic, and it's something I really need to work on. I'll assume I know why he did or said something when really, I have no idea. Then I get all mad and give him the cold shoulder because he should just know what I'm thinking. Nine times out of ten I'll storm out of the room and leave him with whiplash wondering what on earth just happened. It's super fun.


Sometimes when he's taking a shower and I'm upstairs watching Netflix or something I'll accidentally turn on the water in a sink or flush the toilet and forget that I just inadvertently made him feel like he was showering in the waters of Antarctica.

The other night I accidentally forgot to put the sour cream in the fridge and when I saw it on the counter the next day I was like "CRAP!" but then I figured that his house is like, 40 degrees at all times so it was basically in the fridge anyway, right? And both of us have since eaten that sour cream and nobody died or got indigestion so my logic was PERFECT and now that I think about it, this wasn't actually a mistake.

Sometimes, if I'm showering at his house, I don't clean out the drain and then when he pulls my hair clumps out - side note, how am I not bald? - I blame it on my dog. Because his golden retriever and beagle can TOTALLY leave long dark hairs in the tub. Totally.


No, because I don't want you to think I'm the only one who makes mistakes, let me air some of Keith's dirty laundry. His mistake is this:

He hasn't proposed yet. Oh and also he doesn't keep his wine cupboard stocked with cheap wine. And also he doesn't have a wine cupboard.

16 comments:

  1. I think it is a girl thing to over analyze things. I will do the same thing with John -- wonder why he isn't tending to my every need -- then I get kind of annoyed about it. He catches on pretty quick that I am miffed about something and when I tell him he laughs at me.

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  2. Haha assinging intent....Hmm so that's what I'm constantly doin. I feel all fancy and college-y now that I can use that phrase. And yes boys who don't propose are making big mistakes :)

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  3. Assigning Intent is by far my worst habit, the worst is I do it without even really thinking about it. I've only been in an official relationship for 6 weeks and he's called me out on it multiple times...I may or may not have gotten mopey a few weeks ago because he didn't come over, except I didn't actually invite him over, I just hinted that I wanted him to and then was sad/mad when he didn't offer then later after I was good and peeved about it he said something about how if he knew I wasn't doing anything he would have come over but it was too late now. The moral of the story is girls are crazy and boys can't read our minds. (But maybe they'll learn if us girls keep forcing them to??)

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  4. First of all I would just like to commend you on finding and USING a Golden Girls gif. Like, bravo.

    Second of all. I don't have a second of all. That was entertaining. I'm coming to California to see you.

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  5. OMG I love this. After a rough start to my morning I definitely needed this. The chili and taco combination is the best, and while I do assign intent I do it less often because I wear my feelings on my chest like 2chainz wears his "necklaces". I am the worst at hiding my feelings so they are out there in the open. Also I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, I know the feeling. I waiting 5 years to be proposed to so I know the feeling, but now I am like what was the big deal. We are going to be married for the rest of our lives. We have been together a total of 10 years in March. You just start all over when you get married. Thanks for the laughs.

    Vashti
    www.herestotakingchances.com

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  6. UGH, the Packer game. I could cry. And I totally do the assigning intent thing. It's the WORST. Usually I catch myself when I'm doing it, but that doesn't mean I stop. Annnnnd this line made me spit my soda out, so thanks for that. "Sometimes when he's taking a shower and I'm upstairs watching Netflix or something I'll accidentally turn on the water in a sink or flush the toilet and forget that I just inadvertently made him feel like he was showering in the waters of Antarctica."

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  7. Assigning intent. OOPS. Even after 6 years, I'm only marginally better at not doing it than I was when we first started dating. Keith should propose likerightnow. You two are so cute together!

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  8. ohhhh this is good because i'm pretty sure we've all been there! especially that crazy 'assigning intent.' that's something i work on a lot too in my relationship because my mind can go craaaaazy and that's not healthy for anyone involved. on a serious note, how do we lose so much hair?!

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  9. Oh yes, the assigning intent thing. I realized sometime last year that this is something I do a LOT (I always called it "inventing thoughts for other people," but your collegey term works much better) and there's no limit to whom I invent thoughts for — friends, family, my bosses. I try to be really cognizant of it now but it is HARD, yo. But for real? Good on you for bravely professing your mistakes to the whole wide Internet. (Bad on Keith for not proposing though. #TeamJuliette)

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  10. Oh man. I have been RIDICULOUS at the over-analyzing and taking things totally wrong lately. I was convinced Chris was going to break up with me last week because we hadn't gotten to talk for, like, 2 days. It turned out he was just really busy.

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  11. Hi my name is Lindsay and I am guilty of all of these things. Not usually all at once, I generally like to stagger them to further enhance my widespread path of destruction.

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  12. I'm still waiting on that proposal, too.

    I'm pretty bad at assigning intent (thanks for that fancy term -- now I can sound smart). Like "Oh, you didn't pick up food for me even though I refused to tell you what I wanted? You must want me to STARVE."

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  13. You make me laugh so much! I agree about his mistakes! Big ones!

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  14. You're so kind to not toot in front of your boyfriend. I've long since passed that milestone. I wanted Derek to know what he was in for, so when we got married he couldn't be all like "You lied to me! You said you were a lady!" (which is something I did say when we started dating). I've read that her diary/his diary thing before too. Completely accurate.

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  15. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, that is all.

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  16. ADORABLE PACKER FANS.

    and now i'm sad all over again.

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