Friday, January 2, 2015

I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I almost died.

Happy New Year! I don't have  super fun and exciting New Year's Eve story to share with you today so instead I'm going to tell you about the night that I almost died slash almost had to sleep in my car slash almost froze to death.

Tuesday was supposed to be a snow day. I was pretty excited about the snow, even though I still have neither snow shoes nor snow chains for my car. Really, I just wanted to see it snow. Falling snow is pretty beautiful and I haven't seen it since January of 2007 so I'm due for a good beautiful snowfall. So anyway, I was sitting with a co-worker learning how to do lots of billing (insurance and county and billing stuff is hard, you guys), and all of a sudden she says,
"Oh cool it's snowing." and it was like she didn't care at all even though I know she LOVES the snow. Naturally, I flipped out.
"OH MY GOD IT'S SNOWING? SNOW IS FALLING? IT IS! SNOW IS FALLING! LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS!" And she thought I was a little insane until I explained to her how long it's been since I've seen snow, and then she was like "Ohhhhhh now your crazy makes sense," and then I just sat there learning with a dumb grin on my face and she was like, "Hey, let's get back to the learning," and I was like "UGH."
So then I went to my office (because I have my own office and it's a corner office so I'm totally a baller even though I'm not allowed to turn on the overhead light but whatever) and on the way I was like, "I'm going to take a pretty picture of snowflakes and instagram it!" Except then I realized the snowflakes weren't showing up and there were ugly power lines and my hand looked really wide and I'm a little self conscious about my hands so I kept the picture to myself except now I'm putting it on the internet for you YOU'RE WELCOME.


I spent the remainder of the work day being really productive and staring out the window at the falling snow. Keith and I had planned that if it was snowing hard when I got off work at 5pm, I would just hang out and wait for him to come pick me up. BUT. I'm stubborn and he had called me and told me he had no idea when he'd be able to get up the mountain because lots of roads were closed because people had crashed, so instead of asking a co-worker who had 4-wheel drive if she could drop me off at home, I just decided I'M NOPE-ING OUT OF HERE AND LEAVING BUH BYE SUCKERS! But the joke was on me.
I went out to my car and was like LOOK HOW PRETTY THIS IS! and took a picture of my car.
And then the fit hit the shan.

I drove out of the Valley of Enchantment (that's where I work, fancy, I know) at a speed of about 7 miles an hour and then my tire pressure light came on but I ignored it, and then the light that tells me I'm losing traction came on but I ignored it and just slowed way down, and I made it the the main road and I was like a mile away from Keith's house (there was no way I was making it to my house... it's like 4 miles away on really winding roads and it just wasn't going to happen in the snow) and I thought everything was going to be fine but I WAS SO WRONG.
To get to Keith's street you have to take a small road that's at like a 40 degree incline and I took a deep breath and turned onto the steep street and huffed and puffed my way up and THEN.....
I got stuck. Actually, I didn't get stuck, I was pushing on the gas but I was sliding backward. BACKWARD. ONTO A BUSY STREET. I'm proud to say I acted smartly: I slowly stopped my car and called Keith and said, "I'M STUCK ON THE STEEP STREET WHAT DO I DOOOOOO???" I had to keep taking deep breaths because I was thisclose to crying and he told me to let myself slide slowly backward onto the busy street and then park at the grocery store.
"SLIDE BACKWARD ONTO THE BUSY STREET???" Have you ever heard of such a dumb idea?? I had, because Keith had told me about a time when he'd had to do the same thing, so I knew it could be done. I left my car in drive and let my foot off the brake ever so slightly and let my car slip backward. I heard awful grunting and my car was like "What are you doing to me??" but I was like "I'm sorry Bruce Wayne I know this hurts and it's scary but it has to happen! It'll be over soon. It's ok. We'll make it. It's almost over." and Bruce Wayne was like "Ugh fine you win but I hate you."
And we made it onto the busy street and it wasn't actually busy and Keith said "do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" and I said "NO" and I hung up and promptly hyperventilated and cried and decided to stop by the library before the grocery store because I needed some books if I was going to have to wait in a parking lot for my boyfriend to come save me.
I covered up my fear and the prior crying pretty well, I think.
But I was wearing ballet flats and my feet were FAH-REEZING.

All of the books I was looking for were already taken out, so I picked up three random books and so far I hate them all, but when I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot I decided my book would make a good photo op for instagram so I snapped this gem you're welcome.

Instead of reading I played trivia crack, texted people, ate some See's chocolates that I found under the front seat that were surprisingly delicious, and reached outside and made a snowball. The snow was falling so hard that it got caught in my hair and you guys THERE ARE SNOWFLAKES IN MY HAIR.

At one point I called Keith and whined, "Where aaaaaaaaare you???" and he said he might not make it up the mountain and I was like "LIFE IS SO HARD" but really it wasn't because I could have called Krista since she lives on the mountain and actually knows how to survive in the snow, but I like being dramatic so I was like "I'm probs going to have to sleep in my car tonight UGH." So I wrapped my feet in my scarf and took some pictures of the outside.



Then I got thirsty so I ate some snow. In 2012 my roommates and I took a roadtrip and when we went to Christine's house in... I can't remember the name of the town but it's kiiiind of near Fresno I think? I ate the snow and it was delicious and I also put some snow in a cup and poured orange soda over it and my taste buds are salivating just thinking about it. But you guys, fyi, grocery store parking lot snow does not taste nearly as delicious as the snow from wherever it was that we were.


After waiting a little over an hour, my knight in a shining truck pulled up next to me, offered me a snow jacket, and drove me home where I took the longest and hottest shower of my life and tried to thaw the inside of my body.

And that's the story of how I almost died when I had to let my car slide backward on a snowy road.

Also since this happened I have gotten chains, and I probably won't ever take them off because putting them on is a PAIN IN THE TUSHY. I still need boots, though. Send boots.

17 comments:

  1. OK I WAS FINALLY INTRODUCED TO TRIVIA CRACK THIS WEEKEND AND WHOA LIKE WHOA.

    Also, that's a LOT of snow.

    Also also, Valley of Enchantment?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Omg that's terrifying! I would have been bawling my eyes out! I love all of the pictures though, I'm glad your knight in shining truck saved you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep. And that is exactly why I refuse to drive in the snow anymore!! I wrecked the first time I drove in the snow...front of my car was in a SWAMP. So I either beg people to drive me places or I take the bus. Because snow is terrifying.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ohman, Bruce Wayne must be pissed. I'm glad you didn't die for normal reasons, but also so I can play you in trivia crack!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yikes! I've gotten my car stuck in the snow quite a few times but have always had random people help me out. I've learned that if it snows more than two inches I just need to stay home ha ha. We haven't gotten any snow this year and surprisingly I am a little sad..

    ReplyDelete
  6. First I'm glad you are okay. Second this story is freaking hilarious and totally something that would happen to me. Yes it is totally a good idea to wear ballet flats in a snowstorm....I mean I'm walking just a short distance to my office who needs snow boots right? Definitely laughed at my desk like a crazy person.....parking lot snow probably doesn't taste too amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poor Bruce Wayne, he had the same traumatic experience as you and didn't even get a nice, hot shower afterwards. Just kidding, I'm really glad you're alive. ORDER SOME BOOTS they're worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. First off... trivia crack is addicting and 2nd I feel you on the driving in the snow thing and being stranded and having to wait for someone to pick you up. I actually always keep a blanket in my car now and when it is going to snow a lot of times I make sure I have water and some snack food because I am TERRIBLE driving in the snow, yet I still always insist on doing it and almost always tend to get stuck. Not sure why the husband still continues to let me drive at times lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. Okay, for future, CALL YOUR CANADIAN BFF TO TELL YOU HOW TO HANDLE SNOW.

    Secondly, if you get stuck on a hill again, put the car in NEUTRAL to slide backwards down the hill.. sliding backwards while in drive can hurt your poor Bruce Wayne.

    Also, PLEASE GET SOME BOOTS. AND STOP EATING SNOW.

    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BAHAHAH this made me LOL. I have only seen snow like once and am sooo jealous of the snowflakes in your hair. All I am thinking is how the fashion bloggers would be all jelly of you as you sashay with a purse in your picture while the snow is all pretty in your hair.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The fact that you thing snow is cool is so presh. I hate snow. But that's probably because I live in Wisconsin and it's literally a snowball from October-March.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I spent a winter in Quebec. I almost got stuck going up a snowy hill one night. That is TERRIFYING.

    I'm so glad you survived!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Snow is evil. I was actually worried about you with those snapchats, though. People do die like that.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Being from a non-snowy area I would've handled that the same way you did. Probably with more drama. Glad you're okay! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your snapchat reminds of Just Married when they got stuck in a snow bank in Switzerland, I think? RIP Brittany Murphy.

    Also. Glad you're safe. GET SOME BOOTS.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am not kidding that I would have peed my pants.
    One time I was stuck and blew my transmission. I was at a friends house and went to leave. My car was parked downward in a parking spot at an incline. There was ice under my car. I hit the gas. Tires spun and no movement. I kept trying, pushing harder on the gas. I finally gave up and stayed with her. The next day, it had melted enough that I got out. But when I got to the main road, my car wouldn't accelerated above 25 mph. I pulled over in a parking lot and called my dad. It was his day off so he drove two hours to my college and sure enough, I had blown my transmission. He drove me to class, then sat with my car until the tow truck came and helped me pay for the $2000 dollar fix :( So, if you're stuck, don't floor your gas to get out!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ugh! I feel your pain, I absolutely hate driving in the snow, we had a little 3 inch storm this morning and my 12 minute commute took me 34 minutes (back country roads are pretty in summer, hell in winter). I'm glad you didn't have to stay overnight! Good story to tell now though :)

    ReplyDelete