Hi good morning you guys. Does anybody want to talk about how I woke up at 5 this morning for no good reason? No? Some of you get up that early just for fun (NATALIE)? Ok FINE then, never mind. Do you want to talk about how I bought International Delight coffee creamer instead of usual Natural Bliss just because the ID kind had hazelnut AND it was only $1.99? Anyone? Bueller?
I guess I'll just go ahead and bore you with a long winded story about Keith's and my (also fyi: it is NEVER "Keith and I's") night last night?
GOOD BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.
First, some background: apparently about two weeks ago, a few days before Halloween, I was stupid and told Keith, "Sure! We can watch a scary movie on Halloween! The Conjuring? OKAY THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!" (That was probably one of the nights when I had one too many mimosas and I really wanted to be the fun agreeable girlfriend.) Well, on Halloween night we didn't watch The Conjuring and I don't remember why but it probably had something to do with me insisting that we binge watch Jeopardy! instead, and for some reason I got my way, but that just meant that I was putting off the inevitable.
I loathe scary movies, especially scary movies involving demons, because I believe in demons. I don't believe in ghosts, but I truly believe that demons and spirits are real and the more you know about them the more likely you are to be aware of their presence. So like, ignorance is really bliss, in my opinion. Anyway...
...the inevitable happened last night.
Around 6:30 I said, "You know, I think I would like some ice cream tonight," and Keith said, "That would be great." And then I realized that we hardly had any ice cream available to us so I generously offered to go out into the frigid (40 degrees) evening and brave the darkness and go to the grocery store so we could have more ice cream. And Keith was like, "Cool. Bye."
I came back with 2 cartons of ice cream, a chocolate bar (which I'm hiding in my car because I don't want to share), bananas, avocados, salami, and coffee creamer. I had [stupidly] assumed that I would scoop us each giant bowls of ice cream and I would be able to take my mind off the scariness of the movie by focusing on shoveling the ice cream from the bowl to my mouth.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, silly Juliette.
Keith: Let's watch The Big Bang Theory while we eat our ice cream.
Juliette: ...why can't we just start the movie? Keith: I don't want to eat while we watch the movie.
Juliette: But that's the WHOLE REASON why I went out to buy more ice cream... so we could eat it WHILE WE WATCH THE MOVIE.
Keith: But if you're eating then you can't concentrate on the movie.
Juliette: It's called MULTITASKING. [picks up phone]
Keith: What are you doing?
Juliette: Tweeting this.
Keith: Hey! You're making me sound dumb! Like I can't concentrate on more than one thing at a time!
Juliette: YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.
Keith: If we eat the ice cream while we watch the movie won't be as scary because we'll have to stop the movie so you can go take the dishes to the kitchen and wash them.
Keith: *smiles angelically*
Juliette: I'm not going to wash the dishes tonight. I always leave dishes in the sink for like, three days before I wash them, so that argument doesn't work here, sorry. You can eat your ice cream now and I'll just wait til we start the movie to eat mine.
Keith: Fine. Well, when you eat you tend to talk more and I don't want you to interrupt the movie by talking.
Juliette: OH, NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. [continues tweeting and laughing hysterically]
Keith: You're REALLY not going to eat your ice cream until we start the movie?
[five minutes later, TBBT is still on tv and my ice cream is melting.
Juliette: FINE. I'll eat my ice cream now but YOU OWE ME.
Keith: No, we were supposed to watch this movie WEEKS ago but I let you put it off, you're welcome. YOU owe ME.
Then later we argued a little bit about how FREEZING COLD it was in his house, and he was insisting that the heater was on and I was like "no buddy, it's not. I can practically see my breath." But I was wrong because the heater actually WAS on, it was just set to like 50 degrees to keep the pipes from freezing. So I kept going on and on about how it was just blowing around cold air and it was basically air conditioning, and he was saying that the air that was being blown out was warmer than the air in the house (by like, one degree), and I kept saying that it wasn't WARMER, it was just LESS COLD, and then Clementine the beagle sat on my lap and she was a heater and it was warm and everything was fine.
So, when we FINALLY started the movie, it looked like it wasn't ACTUALLY The Conjuring. The beginning was about this doll, Annabelle, and we were really confused because there's a movie called Annabelle and the doll in that movie looked exactly like the doll in The Conjuring, so we spent probably twenty minutes trying to figure out what was going on. Finally we just decided to watch the movie and guess what? It was The Conjuring and we just found out this morning that Annabelle is apparently a prequel to The Conjuring. Maybe the doll thing would have made more sense if we had watched the prequel first, but it really just felt out of place.
Also, Jack Berger from SATC and Renesmee from the Twilight movies were in The Conjuring and one of the other women looked like Kristin Wiig and another lady looked like Dolores Umbridge and that was distracting enough to help me not wet my pants from fright.
There's a chance that at one point I got so scared that I let out a little toot. Fine, it happened four times.
THE MOVIE WAS SCARY and I should have done THIS from the moment Keith suggested that we watch it:
And that's all. Aren't you glad you read this story? Have you seen The Conjuring? What about Annabelle? What are your feelings on scary movies? What about ghosts/spirits/demons?