Tuesday, November 18, 2014

What happened when we watched The Conjuring

Hi good morning you guys. Does anybody want to talk about how I woke up at 5 this morning for no good reason? No? Some of you get up that early just for fun (NATALIE)? Ok FINE then, never mind. Do you want to talk about how I bought International Delight coffee creamer instead of usual Natural Bliss just because the ID kind had hazelnut AND it was only $1.99? Anyone? Bueller?
NO??
FINE.
I guess I'll just go ahead and bore you with a long winded story about Keith's and my (also fyi: it is NEVER "Keith and I's") night last night?
GOOD BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.
First, some background: apparently about two weeks ago, a few days before Halloween, I was stupid and told Keith, "Sure! We can watch a scary movie on Halloween! The Conjuring? OKAY THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!" (That was probably one of the nights when I had one too many mimosas and I really wanted to be the fun agreeable girlfriend.) Well, on Halloween night we didn't watch The Conjuring and I don't remember why but it probably had something to do with me insisting that we binge watch Jeopardy! instead, and for some reason I got my way, but that just meant that I was putting off the inevitable.
I loathe scary movies, especially scary movies involving demons, because I believe in demons. I don't believe in ghosts, but I truly believe that demons and spirits are real and the more you know about them the more likely you are to be aware of their presence. So like, ignorance is really bliss, in my opinion. Anyway...
...the inevitable happened last night.
Around 6:30 I said, "You know, I think I would like some ice cream tonight," and Keith said, "That would be great." And then I realized that we hardly had any ice cream available to us so I generously offered to go out into the frigid (40 degrees) evening and brave the darkness and go to the grocery store so we could have more ice cream. And Keith was like, "Cool. Bye."
I came back with 2 cartons of ice cream, a chocolate bar (which I'm hiding in my car because I don't want to share), bananas, avocados, salami, and coffee creamer. I had [stupidly] assumed that I would scoop us each giant bowls of ice cream and I would be able to take my mind off the scariness of the movie by focusing on shoveling the ice cream from the bowl to my mouth.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, silly Juliette.
Keith: Let's watch The Big Bang Theory while we eat our ice cream.
Juliette: ...why can't we just start the movie?
Keith: I don't want to eat while we watch the movie.
Juliette: But that's the WHOLE REASON why I went out to buy more ice cream... so we could eat it WHILE WE WATCH THE MOVIE.
Keith: But if you're eating then you can't concentrate on the movie.
Juliette: It's called MULTITASKING. [picks up phone]
Keith: What are you doing?
Juliette: Tweeting this.
Keith: Hey! You're making me sound dumb! Like I can't concentrate on more than one thing at a time!
Juliette: YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.
Keith: If we eat the ice cream while we watch the movie won't be as scary because we'll have to stop the movie so you can go take the dishes to the kitchen and wash them.
Juliette: ......
Keith: *smiles angelically*
Juliette: I'm not going to wash the dishes tonight. I always leave dishes in the sink for like, three days before I wash them, so that argument doesn't work here, sorry.  You can eat your ice cream now and I'll just wait til we start the movie to eat mine.
Keith: Fine. Well, when you eat you tend to talk more and I don't want you to interrupt the movie by talking.
Juliette: OH, NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. [continues tweeting and laughing hysterically] 
Keith: You're REALLY not going to eat your ice cream until we start the movie?
Juliette: Nope.
Keith: REALLY?
Juliette: Nope.
[five minutes later, TBBT is still on tv and my ice cream is melting.
Juliette: FINE. I'll eat my ice cream now but YOU OWE ME.
Keith: No, we were supposed to watch this movie WEEKS ago but I let you put it off, you're welcome. YOU owe ME.
Then later we argued a little bit about how FREEZING COLD it was in his house, and he was insisting that the heater was on and I was like "no buddy, it's not. I can practically see my breath." But I was wrong because the heater actually WAS on, it was just set to like 50 degrees to keep the pipes from freezing. So I kept going on and on about how it was just blowing around cold air and it was basically air conditioning, and he was saying that the air that was being blown out was warmer than the air in the house (by like, one degree), and I kept saying that it wasn't WARMER, it was just LESS COLD, and then Clementine the beagle sat on my lap and she was a heater and it was warm and everything was fine.
So, when we FINALLY started the movie, it looked like it wasn't ACTUALLY The Conjuring. The beginning was about this doll, Annabelle, and we were really confused because there's a movie called Annabelle and the doll in that movie looked exactly like the doll in The Conjuring, so we spent probably twenty minutes trying to figure out what was going on. Finally we just decided to watch the movie and guess what? It was The Conjuring and we just found out this morning that Annabelle is apparently a prequel to The Conjuring. Maybe the doll thing would have made more sense if we had watched the prequel first, but it really just felt out of place.
Also, Jack Berger from SATC and Renesmee from the Twilight movies were in The Conjuring and one of the other women looked like Kristin Wiig and another lady looked like Dolores Umbridge and that was distracting enough to help me not wet my pants from fright.
There's a chance that at one point I got so scared that I let out a little toot. Fine, it happened four times.

THE MOVIE WAS SCARY and I should have done THIS from the moment Keith suggested that we watch it:
And that's all. Aren't you glad you read this story? Have you seen The Conjuring? What about Annabelle? What are your feelings on scary movies? What about ghosts/spirits/demons?

22 comments:

  1. The Conjuring is SO SCARY! I hate scary movies as well, so when my boyfriend wanted to watch it the other weekend I flat out refused. I just sat next to him and watched Gilmore Girls on my ipad while wearing headphones haha. The parts I did see were so scary though!

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  2. We watched The Conjuring when it came out in theaters and I made sure to go to the bathroom before we went in. There were a few parts that I had to cover my eyes and I am pretty sure that by the time we left John had no feeling in his hand from me squeezing it so hard. It was a legit scary movie!

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  3. I can handle gory scary movies about stalkers, people that hack you up into a billion pieces, jaws.. those kind of things. I know how to avoid that, you don't talk to strangers and you stay out of the effing deepest part of the sea. Demons? I don't know how to avoid that shit. You, my friend, are a brave woman.

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  4. I agree with you on the spirit/demon thing and sometimes I just have to pray about it until I feel safe again! Also - I have a love/hate relationship with scary movies. I always want to watch them but then regret it later. The worst ones were the Paranormal Activity series. I only watched two of them because they gave me the worst feelings afterward!!

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  5. I just do the skunk thing with the “NOPE NOPE NOPE” and the “F--- THIS.” Scary movies are SO not happening in Andy’s and I’s house.

    Just kidding. We both know I mean Andy’s and my house.

    Scary movies are also not happening in any other house/movie theatre/film viewing locale, just to be clear.

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  6. I STOPPED READING AFTER THE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS BECAUSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOME VERY IMPORTANT THINGS RIGHT THIS SECOND.

    1) I'm basically a celebrity because you mentioned my name and I WILL die happily now.

    2) The creamer you need to try RIGHT THIS SECOND is the ID Dulce De Leche. I have very strong (and perhaps sexual) feelings about this creamer. GAME CHANGER.

    3) "and I's" It makes me actually want to murder people who use that as a phrase. Like, NO. It's just - it's not okay. Also, it doesn't even SOUND right. At all.

    Okay, I've gotten that out of the way. Now I'm actually going to go read the rest of the post like a good little blog follower.

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  7. OKAY. I'm ready now.

    Scary movies are horrible. The older I get, the less I am able to handle them. Which maybe should be the opposite? I don't know. My tolerance for actual EVIL things get less and less as I age. Demons? No. Not funny. Not entertaining. Why do filmmakers think it's a good idea to tease them? IT'S NOT. When I was in college, Taylor dragged me (ok I probs went willingly because our romance was new and precious at the time) to see Paranormal Activity and I am still horrified by it.

    The only real scary movie I enjoyed was The Sixth Sense - because plot twists are the greatest. I do enjoy a good murdery mystery every now and then but it must have minimal violence and very likable law enforcement characters with some type of romantic premise.

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  8. I completely agree with the whole demons thing, I have a strict policy against watching those kinds of movies. My thirteen year old sister wanted to watch the conjuring a week ago and I practically ran out the room…. NOPE.

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  9. Demons and ghosts and all that stuff is real and so nah, I'm good on scary movies please get even the trailers away from me, thanks. !!!!!!

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  10. The Conjuring is one of the scariest horror movies I've seen! I loved it but I don't have the nerves to watch it again. Annabelle was horrible (sadly) because it wasn't written and directed by the same people from The Conjuring. Save yourself the trouble and skip over Annabelle! It wasn't scary and you don't need to watch the movie to understand The Conjuring!

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  11. I basically watched the movie through my fingers because HOLY BALLS IT'S SOOOOO SCARY. I definitely didn't pick it, my brother and dad did because they are so CRAZY.

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  12. Now I kinda want to watch this movie to see if it's scary enough to make me fart too.

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  13. UGH I hateeeeeeeee scary movies. I basically just spend the entire time with my face in my hands so I don't have to watch it. Nope nope nope.

    Also, the tooting thing? Probably my favorite thing about this post.

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  14. I watched Annabelle. Its jumpy but not as scary. I am a baby when it comes to borror though and can't sleep for days!

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  15. I absolutely HATE scary movies and you will not catch me watching them... like ever. My best friend tricked me into seeing Amiltyville Horror in the theaters when we were in college and it gave me nightmares for weeks so I said never again lol

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  16. I have NEVER heard of someone who takes issue with eating ice cream during a movie. What a wierdo, and you can let him know that I am judging him for it. That is hilarious. Also hilarious? That creature gif (badger?). Awesome.

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  17. I think your rambles are my favorite of your posts...I can hear myself saying exactly what you are saying!!! And omg that movie was soooooo ridiculously scary I can't even stand it!!

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  18. I refuse to watch any scary movies. I hate them I am scared of everything I do not watch them

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  19. I loved The Conjuring. But it was a HARD task to go to bathroom after that movie night because I believe on ghosts and they usually hide in bathrooms, behind your mirror. GAH!!

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  20. I loved the Conjuring. But, I am not a fan of scary movies that are based on true stories. Although the conjuring is more based on fact then the new Annabelle movie. Even though Annabelle is real. But, a demon doll scares me way more then the conjuring.

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  21. I really enjoyed The Conjuring, but I didn't watch Annabelle because I can't handle creepy possessed demon dolls. The beginning of The Conjuring was a little bit stressful for that reason.

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  22. I am with you on thoughts of scary movies. Murder type movies? Sure, I'll watch all of them. They spook me when things jump out, but I don't get scared. Ghost movies? Scare me a little but I don't believe ghosts are bad. I find ghosts interesting and I've watched a lot of documentaries on them. The experts say ghosts are just people who have passed but are scared to leave this world for fear of what meets them on the other side. So they just go about their day. Stuff falling off things to scare you? Not a mean ghost, just a ghost that was a prankster in their living days and gets a kick out of those things. Sure, there are angry ghosts that are mad you changed their house but they aren't harmful, just angry. Demon movies? No way. That's what scares me. I do not want to do anything that gives a demon any indication that I want them to enter my life or my body. I wanted the first Paranormal Activity and it scared me so badly, especially because that demon followed her to each house she lived in! She couldn't escape. The only demon movie I like is The Exorcist. Maybe because part of it took place in St. Louis? Who knows, but I do love it. But only that one!

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