Thursday, October 2, 2014

If I could have any job...

If you're reading this, then I actually got my shiz together and scheduled a post before I leave to visit Keith. Either that or he gave me the password to his computer and I'm blogging in my pjs while he's at work, but it's most likely the former. What am I doing today? Well, I'm taking 51 copies of my resume with me all over the mountain towns and telling unsuspecting business owners/managers, "HERE I AM HIRE ME I AM VERY HIRE-ABLE AND STUFF HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME." And then I will go back to Keith's house and watch tv until he gets home at like 8pm.

What businesses am I going to go to? I don't know, specifically. Anywhere and everywhere that is closed on nights, weekends, and holidays. So if you could all say some prayers for me that I get the perfect job sometime like, this month, that would be awesome. Either that or I'll just go ahead and elope and stick myself onto Keith's insurance plan and be a Real Housewife of the Mountaintop. I'd be great at it, I bet.

Speaking of things I'd be great at, I took the liberty of coming up with some things that I really wish I could get paid for. Like, paid enough to make a living. 

Googling.
I'm pretty good at googling. I used to have a friend who would text me things because she knew I'd google until I found the answer, and that way she didn't have to do any work. Like, I'd get a text asking, "What's the population of Nigeria?" and four seconds later I'd send her the answer. Or, "What's that song that about the starships and stuff?" and I'd find it. I'm SO good at googling. Plus, I can google while I watch Netflix. (Say "google" one more time, Juliette.) This actually segues really well into my next ideal job...
Professional Netflix Watcher.
But I want to be the kind of watcher who just tells you which shows are worth your time. I don't want to have to sit through seasons of shows I totally hate... I want to watch things like Dexter, House of Cards, Gilmore Girls, etc etc etc and so on and so forth. So if somebody wants to pay me to write reviews of Netflix shows I like, you can e-mail me at theotherjuliette@gmail.com and we'll talk pricing. Also are you providing me with popcorn or do I have to get that myself?
GIF Finder.
Who doesn't love a good GIF? WHO? EVERYBODY loves GIFs. I could spend all day searching for GIFs, and I think I should, because when I googled "best GIF ever gifs" this is the first thing that popped up:
I just really want to know what that guy said to piss that cat off so much.
And the runner-up for "best GIF ever gif"? Ladies and ladies, I present to you:
I don't even ... a cartoon trying to seduce me with his dance moves? With bullets strapped to his chest? And is that a fanny-pack or a gun attached to his hip? Maybe it's a cell phone... or a pager? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY DID THAT POP UP?
If we're going to watch a sexy dance, it should probably be something like Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords. Dude nails it every time.
Jeopardy binge-watcher.
Is Jeopardy on Netflix yet? I bet if somebody paid me to watch Netflix I'd know the answer to that question. OH WAIT, I could just google it! I googled. It's not. And I didn't even get paid for that. WHAT A STUPID RIP-OFF.

Professional people-watcher and outfit-critiquer.
I would just love to get paid to sit outside of Starbucks or anywhere else with food and/or beverages and watch the passersby and critique their outfits. Not "judge," that sounds to negative. I just want to notice if people are following the trends, or creating new styles, or if it's possible for anybody to actually wear overalls and not look like Blossom or one of the Mowry girls from Sister, Sister.
That's all. I have to go now. Say your prayers for me pretty please (and remember to click all the links in this post yay thanks you rock).

25 comments:

  1. If I had more than $5 to spare I would absolutely hire you to find gifs for me. I always spend way too much time searching and even still I can never find the perfect one so I either use the same like 5 over and over again or just don't use them at all anymore. Also I vote for Jeopardy! on Netflix too, because duh.

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    1. I am posting on this site on how a great Dr Brave help me bring back my wife ??

      Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

      Delete
  2. I would like someone to pay me to come up with Jeopardy questions. We run Jeopardy as a rainy day program during the summer at camp and the day I get to spend googling to my heart's content coming up with new categories and new sets of Jeopardy question is the best. I mean I guess I technically get paid for it…but just the one day and I think summer camp Jeopardy and TV Jeopardy are two different competition levels.

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  3. Come be my live-in friend. I will pay you in boxed wine and tacos.

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  4. I feel like I am a really good Googler, too! And if you lived on the east coast I would totally pay you to come like cook or clean my house or something. Even though you didn't mention you like those things, you can drink wine and watch netflix as you do them. Sound like a plan?!

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  5. Ok not even kidding finding appropriate GIFS IS SO HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I really think you have a career path there.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Being paid to watch Netflix is A REAL JOB! Your dreams could come true...

    sinsider.com/netflix-hiring-someone-to-watch-netflix-2014-7http://www.businessinsider.com/netflix-hiring-someone-to-watch-netflix-2014

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  8. Apparently I'm having trouble posting links today

    http://www.businessinsider.com/netflix-hiring-someone-to-watch-netflix-2014-7

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  9. I must say, you do have the best GIFs.
    So, when I'm feeling lazy but need a question answered, I can just text you and you'll find it for me???

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  10. GIF Finder! Yes...we all need that job!

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  11. Yes totally a pro Netflix watcher! That SOOO needs to be a job!

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  12. Please let me know if you ever find a job of watching funny youtube videos while googling. Thank you very much!

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  13. I wish these were jobs.. I would be so successful!

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  14. OMG everyone tells me that I am an expert Googler!! Glad I'm not the only one!! And YES to Dexter!!! The hubs and I are about to finish Season 4 again and OMG Trinity!! And NOOO Jeopardy is still not on Netflix!!! I have to DVR it every night so that I can binge watch when we are not waist deep in a Netflix series!!

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  15. I should get paid for CLICKING YOUR DAMN LINKS ALL THE TIME. But no, I'll just settle for you telling me I'm such a good friend. You're welcome.

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  16. HAHA I died at the Mowry girls from Sister Sister reference

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  17. I think watching Netflix for a living would be totally awesome. And also being a GIF finder. I literally looked at GIFs one day for an hour. And I didn't get paid for it.

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  18. The 2nd best gif ever is from Team Fortress 2. #nerdspeaking

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    1. Was just about to say :P Got really excited to see The Heavy shakin' dat ass on here!

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  19. I LOVE that you know Flight of the Conchords! Jermaine is my #1 biggest man crush ever. All the coolest people watched FOTC. Lxo

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  20. I am posting on this site on how a great Dr Brave help me bring back my wife ??

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Praying! Also, will you google for me when I'm in China? Seriously. BUT FIRST GET WE CHAT UGH.
    kbye. good luck!

    ReplyDelete

  22. I want to testify that my wife is back after a Divorce !!!

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

    ReplyDelete





  23. My name is yurich jerry am from USA. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.Ogboni brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that's why i want to say a big thank you to DR.Ogboni spiritual temple. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him at: ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete