Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Yosemite: Things I learned and stuff my boyfriend said

Well, I'm back from spending the weekend in what I'm pretty sure is the most beautiful place in the world. Seriously you guys, put "visit Yosemite National Park" on your bucket list because it's incredible. I'll be sure to bore you with all the details of my trip later in the week once Keith sends me the pictures from his camera. In addition to photos of the majestic mountains there are also a few pictures of me kneeling by a river looking like I'm pooping (but I wasn't) and a couple pictures of me being a daredevil and climbing out onto some rocks over a cliff. You're excited, right? Good.


If you follow me on Instagram you've already seen that picture and I'm sorry but not really. Yosemite is even more beautiful in person and I don't think it's possible to take too many pictures of it. Since I don't have all the pictures yet though, let's just go ahead and get right to some of the things I learned and the "stuff my boyfriend said" while we were on our trip. Ready? OKAY!

You're going to be a filthy, sweaty, disgusting mess while you're camping. I was under the impression that the campground we were at would have showers because I have a misconstrued definition of "roughing it" apparently. I'm not sure if it was the drought or if there are never showers, but we ended up rationing the 20 baby wipes I had brought and just cleaning the most important parts of ourselves with those. I also tried to wash my legs in the sink but people kept giving me looks that were dirtier than my legs so I had to stop because I guess you can't be that disgusting when you're camping. Once I just embraced the fact that I wasn't going to be able to wash my hair or exfoliate or anything, it was fine, and I didn't care that I was going to have disgusting hair or rank body odor. Confession: I hadn't washed my hair since Tuesday, maybe Monday, and it was a giant greaseball by Sunday. My Sunday shower was probably the best shower of my entire life.

Bears are a real threat. We had to keep all of our food and toiletries and anything that had a scent in a giant "bear locker" which was great because it kept the bears away but annoying because any time I needed anything I had to go through like 17 steps open the doors of the locker and I'm not patient enough for that. On Saturday night I woke up because I really had to go to the bathroom (because TMI ALERT I had painful gas which I'm blaming on the delicious cookies and cream s'mores we had) and I had taken my contacts out and I didn't have my glasses handy so I had to go to the bathroom blind. And I thought everything was a bear. Then I thought I heard bears growling but oh no, that was just other campers snoring. I hid in the bathroom for longer than I needed to because I was legitimately afraid that a bear would eat me on the way back to the tent.

I don't actually need my cell phone. I didn't have reception the whole time we were camping (which I was prepared for), and it was awesome. I loved being "off the grid" and it was really nice not refreshing Twitter or Instagram of Facebook every five minutes. I had my phone on airplane mode the whole weekend and just used it to take pictures and that was perfect. Constant communication is not a necessity... but you better believe that as soon as I had reception again I was posting pictures and catching up on everything I missed. I guess that lesson didn't actually sink in as much as I thought it did.

Hiking is hard. Because I've sort of been a hiking fiend the past couple of months, I felt really good while we were on our 7 mile hike on Saturday. It was great to not feel like I was going to pass out or puke on every hill we climbed, but still... hiking is HARD. I was out of breath and my muscles were burning, but it was a good burn and it made me want to hike more often so that one day I can conquer Half Dome.

Communicate with your camping buddies. We didn't do this very well, and because of that we had an excess of food. Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing, but when you have to keep everything in a bear locker it's kind of annoying to have to take out your Skittles and granola bars and bread and schnapps just to get to your s'mores ingredients. However, I would definitely rather have too much food than not enough.

Be adventurous: But don't be stupid. We ventured off the trail a few times to climb some rocks and that was a lot of fun. Keith wanted to climb over a railing at the top of a waterfall and hang off the edge like he did a few years ago (DUMB!) but I was really mature and freaked out and yelled at him and started to cry so he didn't do it. I did go over the railing and walk onto some rocks, but not super close to the edge, so I wasn't in any danger. Keith has pictures so DON'T WORRY, you'll get to see how daring I am.
There are more things but I can't remember them right now, plus this is getting long, so let's just have a mini installment of "Stuff my boyfriend said."

Looking over at the people in the campsite next to ours:
Juliette: Look, those people brought air mattresses.
Keith: I knew they were soft.

Watching a bunch of kids run right through our campsite and disturbing our peace:
Keith: And this is why people build fences.

In one of the stores in Yosemite Village where Keith was buying me a light blue Gatorade:
Keith: How much is that Gatorade I'm buying you?
Juliette: $1.79.
Keith: Ok, you owe me $1.79. But I'll take one 69.
Juliette: [eye roll]

When I showed Keith another bug bite on the back of my thigh that looked like the one on my lower leg a week or two ago:
Keith: Ewww! It's all bumpy!
Juliette: ...no, that's just cellulite.
...and later...
Juliette: Gimme a little sugar. (which is what I say when I want him to kiss me)
Keith: If that's cellulite on your leg maybe you don't need any more sugar.

Hanging out around the campfire with Keith and our two friends:
Juliette: I'm dainty, like a bird.
Friend: Juliette, I think we all know that you're NOT dainty.

While hiking and talking about how I really wanted a juicy peach that I could just suck down and not have to chew:
Juliette: I want to just suck it down, I don't want to chew it. Who even chews their food, anyway?
Keith: Skinny people.
Juliette: [Glares]
Keith: ... I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
[...and that's how Keith died.]


  1. Oh my gosh I want to go camping with you and Keith so badly. PLEASE. Take me to the beautiful hiking places and let me LOL when Keith says hilarious things (which seems to be rather frequently).

  2. hahah. The cellulite comments cracked me up! My boyfriend said something like that to me the other week... I wasn't sure if I should be angry or if I should just laugh at him. I'm happy you had a great time!!

  3. I am so jealous of your trip! Yosemite was already on my bucket list, but now I want to go even more. And the stuff Keith says (and you actually) just kills me!

  4. So beautiful! I just laughed so hard at Keith's comments. Y'all seem like such an entertaining couple.

  5. So, I thought I'd been camping before, but I think I was confused. I have never been that long without a shower, and I didn't even know bears were a real thing, so turns out I have NOT been camping.

    And hey. Thanks for clarifying that it was light blue gatorade.

  6. Hmm Keith needs to watch those comments about weight! Although, I'll admit, they had me giggling. I surely would have died on this trip. I trip over air.
    And I'm impressed. My hair would have looked like I just took a swim if I hadn't washed it in that long! But I'm kind of glad you didn't stow me away in your suitcase because I would have had to travel back in your rank clothes. And then we wouldn't be friends anymore.

  7. That last one though... I laughed pretty hard.

  8. Haha such a cute post!! I love your conversations!! Cute pictures, looks like a fun weekend!

    xo, Taylor

  9. Relationship goals: Have conversations like Juliette and Keith. Looks like you had fun! ;)

  10. I feel like these comments made me like Keith a little more.

  11. ...and that is how Keith Died......I laughed so hard I literally fell out of my chair! That is exactly how my husband would die too!!! LOL!

  12. hahahah the last one. Sounds like you had a great time!

  13. I could never go camping, but your trip looks like so much fun! Also, I'm glad you didn't get eaten by a bear.

    PS: "And that is how Keith died" sounded like Cady saying "And that's how Regina George died" in my head, so... good job. :)

  14. This is hysterical!! Plus this place ia gorgeous and I give props to your boyfriend for being a Redskins fan!!!! #httr

  15. LOL to all of this. I'm starting to think I just want to be a fly on the wall whenever you and Keith are around each other because I would be one hysterically laughing fly. Wait. Do flies laugh?

  16. Yosemite is amazing! You took some wonderful pictures. And, yea, I can see why he would end up dead at that point.

  17. HAHAHA love this so much. Looks like an amazing trip too!

  18. Haha it's a good thing you get his sense of humor or else I'm sure he really would be dead haha. I love your stories, keep em comin :D

  19. camping is my jam because it's like 100% encourage for you to not shower because HELLO everyone else isn't showering so it's totally cool.

    ALSO - we typically replace teeth brushing with chugging peppermint schnapps.
    ALSO ALSO - can i come with you next time?