I am so cranky today. I think it's just one of those weeks and every little thing is getting on my nerves. Please join me in feeling sorry for everybody who comes into contact with me this week because I don't think it will be a very pleasant experience for anybody... especially for a certain passive aggressive person who insists on asking me to get him or her a cup of coffee by saying, "Do we have any of that coffee left?" or "I sure could go for a cuppa joe right about now!"
I'm sure the best thing to do would be to just ignore my blog today and work on my attitude buuuuuut I'm never one to choose the most logical course of action so instead I'm going to share all the things that are getting on my nerves right now so you can either be like, "OMG you totes have reasons to be annoyed," or "wow you really need to just loosen your bra and take a chill pill."
+ Every time I take a shower, I feel like I'm back in college*. My mom's style of decorating is "bare and minimalist," which means she likes the house to basically look like nobody lives there. Seriously. My parents kitchen has a lot of counter space on it and the only things on the counter are: a bottle of hand soap (in a pretty bottle that matches the main color of beige), a towel on a hanger, and a basket of bananas. I think it was a fight to get my mom to agree to the basket of bananas but I'm pretty sure my dad was like, "Look, if you want me to make your breakfast every day -- your breakfast which includes bananas -- you're going to have to let me make the bananas easily accessible to me and that means letting them stay out in the open on the counter so that everybody who comes into our home will see them." And my mom was like, "Ok fine." She even likes the inside of the fridge to be as bare as possible (food? who needs chilled food?) and she's constantly going through it saying, "Juel, do you really need this half of an avocado or can I throw it away?" and I'm like, "Mom, that's like $1.50 worth of avocado right there, please leave it," and she's like, "Well ok but how about these 6 cans of Dr. Pepper, can I throw those away?" and I'm like, "Mom those aren't mine but I would leave them there because they're brand new cans of Dr. Pepper and throwing them away would be wasteful," and my mom's like, "I just want things to be bare and empty and pretty." But weirdly, she likes to have like 12 throw pillows on the sofa which totally contrasts with her "bare and minimalist" decorating style.
All of that to say that my mom doesn't like to leave shower things in the actual shower. I'm allowed to leave my loofah in there because I replaced my hot pink one with an off-white one (again with the beige color scheme), but my bottles of lotions and potions? They're locked in a cupboard until I decide my body reeks enough to take a shower. So when I go to take a shower I have to take my towel and clothes to change into and set my shower up and then when I'm done I have to wipe of the glass shower doors (WATER SPOTS ARE THE DEVIL) and dry my bottles and put them away and then get dressed while my skin is still damp. Normally I would just walk around in my birthday suit but well, now I live with my parents and I don't really think it's appropriate for any nudity to occur and is it just me or did this blog post just take a turn into awkwards-ville?
So anyway, I feel like I'm back in college because I have to share a bathroom and I can't leave all of my stuff in the shower when I'm not in there. And I just miss the days where I didn't have to plan so much for my showers.
+ Bikers and college kids and people who generally don't know the rules of the road. Can we all just agree that bikers are the worst? If you're a biker it's ok to be offended, but could you also just agree that it's true? Now that college classes have started there are all these bikers trying to get to school and they're cutting me off and I'm terrified that when I'm trying to turn one of them will just come out of nowhere and I'll barrel into them and I don't know who would be at fault in that situation but I really hope it wouldn't be me. Also I hope that it never happens. PSA to bikers: There is a BIKE LANE for a reason. USE IT. If people using the road were parts of a loaf of bread, drivers would be the middle pieces that everybody uses first, motorcyclists would be the heel, and bikers are the crumbs that are left over that you don't even feed to the ducks at the pond when the bread goes stale.
+ I had a dream last night that my landlord gave me back my security deposit and he gave me $8,000 because I'm such a nice person.Obviously this one is self explanatory.
That ostrich is a b-word, just like the fact that I don't have $8,000.
+ I'm getting wrinkles. Crows feet, forehead wrinkles... and I don't know what to do about that so could you please recommend a good anti-aging or wrinkle cream or whatever that won't break the bank? And that I can get at Target? And that smells good?
+ I keep shilling and shilling and asking you guys for stuff. I have several sponsored posts coming up, and I know a lot of people hate those, and I'm sorry. The reality is that I'm trying to save save save for something that's coming up and I'll tell you about it soon but for now I just have to be vague and ask you to click here and here and here and here because if you don't click, I don't get paid. And if you hate that I'm asking you for stuff, well we can just skip right over that and still be friends. Does that sound ok to you? I hope so. Click.
+ I have a lot of cleaning to do. I haven't had time to really clean my room since I moved home because I've been really busy catching up on The Blacklist and playing candy crush. My brothers and sister-in-law are coming into town this weekend for a family birthday celebration and I have to give up my bedroom (which is fine, that's not bugging me) and I have to actually clean it but there's so much to clean and organize that all I can do it just lie down and stare at the ceiling and let the overwhelming feelings wash over me like a flood. Maybe later I'll explain why I'm such a procrastinator.
That's all. Don't you love it when I'm so open and honest about things?
*I love my mom and I know that anything I do is far more annoying than her "bare and minimalist" tendencies.