Monday, September 8, 2014

Conversations with my new roommate

I spent the weekend moving back into my parents' house. For some reason I'm really really sad about leaving my little apartment. Like, yesterday maybe I just sat on the sofa and stared at the wall for a good 20 minutes and cried a tiny bit. My mom had really wanted to come over and help me pack and clean, but I had to tell her "no" because I just wanted to be alone with my apartment, because I am dramatic.

One of the things I loved the most about living alone was that I didn't have to talk to anybody. I could come home from work and nobody was there to ask me about my day or ask me my plans for the night, and I could just do whatever I wanted in silence (or with Netflix on in the background). Well, that doesn't happen at my parents's house because they're both talkers. I know it could be way worse, I mean, my parents wanting to talk to me is not a bad thing, but my attitude about this move is really horrible so every little thing is bugging me.

My dad is pretty sarcastic and one of the funniest people I know, and usually my conversations with him are really light and full of sarcastic remarks, which usually make me laugh. The following conversations did not make me laugh at the time but I made a mental note to blog them because maybe then I'll be more thankful that I'm able to live at home instead of just festering in the pit of my bad attitude.


When I was walking out the door to my car to bring some boxes inside...
Dad: Wait! Where are you going?
Me: ...just out to my car.
Dad: Now that you live here I have to know what you're doing AT ALL TIMES. Will you be gone long?
Me: ...I sure hope so.

Me: Dad, what's the WiFi password?
Dad: I'll tell you that when you give me your first rent check.

When I invited my dad to go to the grocery store with me...
Dad: [looking at my dirty car] Do you ever think about washing your car?
Me: I THINK about it all the time but on my list of priorities it's pretty lo-- what are you doing?
Dad: [changing the radio station WITHOUT ASKING ME] The Cal Poly football game is on and I want to listen to it.

At the grocery store trying to find a ripe avocado...
Me: Ugh, dad, we're going to Vons. None of these are ripe.
Dad: You want to go to ANOTHER grocery store?? Here, what about this avocado? No? This one? This one?
[He hands me about 8 avocados that are all hard as a rock, because he really doesn't want to go to the other grocery store that is RIGHT NEXT DOOR. The 9th avocado is ripe and delicious, which I do not tell my dad because #pride.]

On Sunday when I went to lunch with my parents and I got out of the car without letting my dad open my door...
Dad: You're supposed to let me do that for you.
Me: But it's faster if I just do it myself.
Dad: Does Keith open doors for you?
Me: Sometimes.
Dad: He should do it all the time.
Me: I don't want him to open my car door when I'm getting out because I'm impatient and it's faster if I just do it myself.
Dad: I need to have a talk with him. What's his email addres?
Me: mindyourownbeeswax@aol.com


27 comments:

  1. I love these! I hope these conversations will become a regular thing. Also, good thoughts for living with your parents again! Sending lots of good thoughts!

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  2. Your dad is hilarious!!! (and super sweet for opening your door) Hope the new living arrangements start to smooth out soon - sounds like you will be laughing quite a bit. (Or- blogging about it in which case WE can laugh) ;)

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  3. You were meant to move back in with your parents JUST TO MAKE ME LAUGH ON MONDAYS.

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  4. I'm staying with my parents Saturday - Wednesday next week, I think I might need to do one of these posts.

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  5. Oh dads, they are the best yet most nerve grating men on earth!

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  6. These made me laugh so hard which is so very much what I needed today! (and, for what it's worth, moving back in with your parents is probably not as bad as moving in with your in-laws, which is an unfortunate event that has happened to me in the past...so there's that...)

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  7. Hahaha oh yes. I loved living alone too and not having to talk to anyone hahaha

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  8. I feel terrible admitting it but that was one of the best things about being single! Now that I married someone is constantly ask me what plans or heaven for bid the awful what's for dinner question! It drives me crazy and I really miss those times when I was on my own! Also I think your dad and my dad would be BFFs, my dad acts the same way!

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  9. Please always text me similar conversations as they unfold in real time. Thank you very much.

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  10. Hah! Your dad is pretty hilarious! I am sorry you're having a bit of a tough time though. xo

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  11. Haha, these remind me so much of my dad and me. :) Especially the grocery store one, though I would be shocked if my dad ever asked to go to the grocery store in the first place.

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  12. Your Dad seems like someone I could get along with. Just saying.

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  13. I totally understand not wanting to have conversations with parents, I live with my mom and she can talk my ear off sometimes but I've figured out ways to get around her talking. One day we will miss all the talking.

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  14. 'I need to talk to him, what's his e-mail address?' hahaha I like your dad. I think him and Peter would be best friends.

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  15. Oh gosh, you two are so funny! I do agree that getting home from work to no one is actually really nice. I very much enjoy it :) Good luck on this new "adventure"

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  16. @aol.com. I'm dying. Do you know anyone who uses an aol email address?

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  17. lol I love your dad! Ummm....do you still have aol email account?? And, I'm impressed your dad asked for his email! I thought all parents still operated under phone calls!

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  18. Your dad is hilarious! Reminds me a bit of the conversations I have with mine, but your dad is definitely more wittier.

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  19. Oh man, this was hilarious and totally relatable! I moved back in with my parents a few years ago and let me tell you—it was a blast! Between the constant nagging about rent that they thought I'd pay to the chores, I don't know why I chose to move out! Oh and my mom still has an AOL email account, with 2002 at the end of her email address…I die a little inside every time I have to email her.

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  20. oh man these are hilarious!!!

    i am a person that decompresses in the quiet too,i get home from work and take 15-30 mins of quiet/computer time. then maybe i will talk to my family :)

    (i still live at home,too,but hopefully not for much longer with my new job!)

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  21. Oh my gosh, I love him. But girl I feel for you. My parents are the exact same way. If I ever stay with my parents for more than a day or two, they literally expect me to do my high school chores again.

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  22. So see, my dad and I are the same way. Like I intentionally bug the shit out of him. My mom will say something and I'm like "yeah dad" and he get's all pissy. It's the best.

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  23. Awwww! I feel for you, my dad is similar! But it's all out of love!!!

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  24. I was literally laughing out loud! Sounds exactly like my dad, gotta love em!

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  25. Ok, I'm in stitches. But mostly I love that you call your parents your roommates (even in a joking way) because my brother lives at home with my mom for money saving measures and always says, oh, yeah, my roommate's asking where I am. Or, the other day my roommate bought the ugliest blanket for the couch... To which I say, I helped her pick it out! To which he eye rolls and says leave the decorating to Pinterest.

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  26. Your dad seems like a pretty funny guy. I love the one about talking to Keith about opening up doors for you all the time.

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  27. but did your dad send an email to that address?
    the world wants to know.

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