Recently I mentioned that I have to figure out where to move when the lease at my apartment ends. Well, it's decided. In two-ish weeks I'm moving... back in with my parents.
To be honest, I'm really dreading this. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I am really thankful that they're willing to let me live with them while I figure out my next move (pun sort of intended but only if it made you laugh), but I feel like in the last year, and especially the last three months, I've gotten really good at living on my own. It's just one of my many special talents. Coming home to an empty apartment and doing whatever I want (which usually involves a hike, some Netflix, and then general laziness) is pretty great and I'm sad to be giving that up.
Financially though, this is definitely the best decision. Anything that involves free rent can't be a bad thing, right? (Joke, don't take me seriously.) Living with my parents will allow me to savesavesave which will, in turn, make whatever comes next much easier. I'm just kind of sad. Last night I was going through my closet trying to get rid of old clothes (six bags of clothes are ready to be donated or given to my sister or something) and I ended up just wandering aimlessly around my apartment thinking of all the things I'm going to miss. I reminisced about the memories in the apartment over the last year... some made me really sad but most made me smile, and I just let myself feel sad to be saying goodbye to this stage of life.
I just wrote three whole paragraphs about all the little details I'm going to miss, but if I were you I'd probably just skim those paragraphs, so I deleted them. You're welcome.
Probably what I'm going to miss the most is my independence. I won't be able to leave dirty dishes on the coffee table or the counter and just think, I'll get to that later, like I do now. I'll have to actually be clothed when I'm walking around the house. I won't be able to have a bottle glass of wine or a ninja mimosa whenever I feel like it. I won't live .75 miles away from my favorite mountain to hike. I won't live 7 minutes away from Target. But I also won't be woken up at 530 every single morning by that stupid bird and his incessant squawking. Silver lining, right?
Sometimes you have to take a step backward to take some steps forward, or something like that. And even though I know I'm being dramatic about this and it's probably not a big deal and it's for the best and tons of people live with their parents, I'm sad. Last year when I moved out of their house I felt like I was taking this huge step forward and I was finally on my own, but I feel like I'm just backpedaling and I think a little bit of me is embarrassed. Part of me feels like a failure, which is stupid. I know so many people who live with their parents and I've never once thought "Oh, that person failed and that's so lame that she lives with her parents." Not once have I thought that. I guess we just judge ourselves harder than we judge other people.
This weekend Keith and I are going camping in Yosemite (I should have written a post about how I'm freaking out about camping for the very first time and what the heck am I supposed to pack???) and then I only have one more weekend in my little apartment before I officially don't live on my own anymore. It's probably safe to say that the ninja mimosas will be flowing heavily that weekend.
Ugh I'm really sorry this was so depressing. I thought writing was supposed to make you feel better but for some reason this just made it feel more real and I'm still sad so it's probably a good time to take a look at some of my favorite GIFs.