Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I would be a horrible Canadian

Oh hey, hi, hello, and good morning to you all. Or, since it's Canadia Day, I guess I should say "Top o' the morning to ya!" or "Cheerio, old bloke!" I'm sorry what? Wrong country? Wrong countries, plural? GEOGRAPHY IS NOT MY STRONG POINT WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP.

...That whole into just inadvertently went to demonstrate one of the reasons why I would be a terrible Canadian. In case you missed the announcement yesterday, Faith, Allie, and I have started a "Blog Every Day In July" challenge. I have been forced to participate and I am supposed to make it clear that I do NOT hate it. Not even a little bit. Anyway, today is Canadia Day, which is Independence Day for Canadia. We have Fourth of July and Canadians have First of July. It's not that hard to wrap your brain around (yes it is). So, to celebrate Canadia Day, I'd like to present you with a list of:

Reasons I would be a terrible Canadian

1. I call Canada "Canadia." You thought I was just misspelling the name of the country for the whole intro to this post? No. You're wrong. I call it Canadia and I refuse to stop. This actually started ten years ago when I was living on a bus traveling around the country with 25 other people for an entire summer. That's a true story, FYI.

2. Canadians are nice. Much nicer than I am. Just spend five minutes talking to Faith and you'll understand just how nice Canadians are. She apologizes (usually for nothing) approximately once every 4.5 seconds. She gets what we like to call "Canadiangry," which is perfectly pictured in the below picture from the internet, and then 3 seconds after the fact she apologizes. She even apologizes for things that aren't even her fault.

Me: Ugh my boss is so annoying today.
Faith: I'm really sorry, eh.
Me: You don't have to be sorry.
Faith: Oh, right. Ok I'm sorry, eh.


3. There is a lot about Canadia that I don't know. Like, yesterday in anticipation of this post I googled a map of Canadia because of this Buzzfeed post and you guys, I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't even know there are "provinces" and "territories." I mean, I knew Canadia doesn't have "states" but if you had asked me what the parts of Canadia are called I would have stared at you blankly and said, "Well, Canadia is where they filmed Degrassi." The map you are about to see is one I took from that Buzzfeed post that cracks me up, mostly because of the conceited llama. Oh and apparently Canadia is the second largest country in the world. Uhhhh whodathunk??? 


 4. Canadia doesn't have Target. Or if they do, nobody cares about it. When I first started talking to Faith she was like, "Wait, what's Target?" and after I picked my jaw up off the floor I tried to explain heaven to her... and it was like trying to describe a rainbow to a blind person. Sort of.

5. Canadian bacon. THAT ISN'T EVEN REAL BACON WHUT ARE YOU DOING.

6. Hockey. Actually I take that back. I like hockey.

7. They have funny words. They call semi trucks "transports." They call bathrooms "washrooms." They call macaroni and cheese "Kraft dinner." They also randomly, carelessly, and with no regard for human decency change the spelling of words. Favourite. Colour. Centre. Fibre. STAHP IT.

8. Everything is more expensive there and I'm cheap. Stuff is just randomly pricier. Have you ever noticed that on some items here in the land of freedom there's a price for the US and a price for Canadia? The Canadian price is always more expensive. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I do not like that because I am a cheapskate.

9. Until recently (like last week I think), happy hour was ILLEGAL IN CANADIA. I'm sorry but I just can't get on board with a country that doesn't respect happiness and common human decency.

10. They celebrate Thanksgiving in October. I mean, ok, I get it. I'm not an idiot. I understand why they celebrate Thanksgiving in October, I just couldn't do that. It goes against everything I know and love and hold dear to my heart. 

To be clear, I do not hate Canadia. I love Canadia because duh, Faith, and I want to go there someday. I would just be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Canadian person.
Allieology





26 comments:

  1. so the target thing is not true for all of Canada. We adore Target in my city. Like... obsessively love it.

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  2. I couldn't live without Target :(

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  3. I also call it Canadia. I'm really glad I'm not the only one because I have to repeat myself to Jarrod every time I say it. I WON'T STOP.

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  4. Hahaha I loved this (and I am Canadian) but I gotta say two things. We've have Target for a little over a year now - and while I'll admit some people could care less, I effing love it!

    Also, happy hour totally exists! And lonnnnggggggg before a week ago. That was just some weird Vancouver thing. Out here on the East Coast (NS) we know how to do it right. Esp. this time of year. Patios + happy hour + summer = perfection, and all over downtown Halifax!

    Also - I'm a bad Canadian - I HATE hockey. I get the craziest looks from people when I say that too!

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  5. I love this! I am actually going to Canada in the fall and I can't wait.... Except for the fact that I call it Cananda. There is just something awesome about adding in that extra N! I am defintiely using today's prompt for inspiration, thanks.

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  6. Degrassi was set in Toronto which is, I believe, in Ontario... that is the extend of my knowledge of Canadia. But like, who can survive without happy hour? What even is that? I'll go visit, but I'll stay living here in Murica.

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  7. The spelling thing? That's technically British, we spell things properly :P
    Fab post though, made me smile!

    Jess xo

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  8. So, I'm new here, but I decided I LOVED you when I saw, "And none for Gretchen Weiners."

    LOVE IT.

    Also, #4, and #9 on this list are APPALLING. It's also really fucking strange that they speak french in one part of Canada and English in others. Confusing much? Plus one of my coworkers calls bagels BAG-ELS. Like a shopping BAG. Weird. And endearing. Those canadians.

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  9. I love hockey, but you shouldn't be aloud to just call something bacon. That's false advertisement ;)

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  10. That map just got me in trouble at work because I busted out laughing!!!! Conceited llama HAHAHAHA thats fabulous! Obviously I'm easily amused also.

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  11. So excited to have a reason to blog everyday in July! And bonus points for the first day being about my home & native land!

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  12. With the exchange rate if you were to exchange your US $ for Canadian $ and then come to Canada you would actually be paying the same price as you would in the US. And for us, it costs us more money to take out American money but because things are 'cheaper' there, it all works out. Does that make any sense? haha

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  13. Okay this is hilarious....especially that map and no Target??? I know when I heard that I wept a little bit for Canadians.

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  14. Happy Canada Day Juliette! Even though yes you probably would be a bad Canadian lol... which was not very Canadian of me to say but maybe living in America is rubbing off on me. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that happy hour has definitely been legal in Canada for more than a week but sadly champagne deals never seem to be included!

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  15. You aren't alone. I call it Canadia too. I think they should probably just change the name.

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  16. No Target?!! How do they survive!!!?? And I love your map!! :)

    Brianna
    http://keepingupwiththekeens2428.blogspot.com/

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  17. I don't know why everything is more expensive in Canada but it's really frickin annoying. It makes it hard to shop here when we can just cross the border and get clothes for like $3 instead of $40. I think it's something to do with how distribution is more expensive....or they are just screwing us. And that map is right...it does look like a conceited llama, I had never noticed that!

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  18. So are there prompts for this blog every day thing? Because I'm lazy and can't come up with content on my own. Also, weekends? I'm not doing it. Also. Derek's family has a house in British Columbia and I'm going to it next summer wheeeeee!

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  19. I totally approve of calling it Canadia and the conceited llama.... I laughed WAY TOO HARD at that the first time I read this and now again when I'm typing this and I'll probably laugh again when I think about it later

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  20. no target?! that blew my mind!

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  21. Haha love it. Just went for the first time last weekend. Have you been to NOTL?

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  22. Not to the bearer of bad news, BUT the Candian price is higher because Canadian money is worth more than American money but like whatever.

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  23. This was hilarious. I love the protest sign. And how can they not have Target?????? Do they realize what they are missing? Ohhh video/picture Target post to show Canadians what it is!

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  24. #7 It was America who started randomly spelling words due to Noah West who in 1806 invented the American language with its own idiom, pronunciation, and style. Mostly to prove independance from England and her language. So there you go :)

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  25. To clarify: 1) We do have Target, we got it last year (at least in Ontario - where Degrassi was filmed :P). However, you are correct in that 99% of people don't care and the 1% who do care (aka me) still recognize it's not as good as the American one and still travel to America just for Target.

    2) Happy Hour was only illegal in the province Faith lives in. Happy hour has always been a thing here - THANK GOD!

    Loved this post :)

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  26. I didn't realize that so many people called Canada "Canadia!" I do that too! How often does a word have to be used before it makes it in the dictionary? :)

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