Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I got my face shaved

Long weekends are one of my very favorite thing, so in other words I am just like everybody else. On Friday I left town at 2pm to head down south because remember, I had big plans to hang out with Keith and his parents and to not hit his mom in the crotch with a golf ball. Want to feel like you were in the car with me? Well just imagine listening to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on CD for 5 1/2 hours and driving through NOTHING and you'll have a pretty good idea of what it was like.

There is a funny story at the end. But don't skim because I'LL KNOW.

But really. Driving through NOTHING.


OH WAIT it wasn't ALL nothing because in the middle of all the nothing there was a random taco truck and I passed it and then had to turn around to take a picture for the internet. I wanted to stop but it looked too rapey for my taste. I mean sure that van had windows but that tint is super dark and sketchy.


But then FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I made it up the mountain to Keith's house and we ate dinner and watched so much Jeopardy and all was right in the world because duh, Alex Trebek. 

AND THEN.

I didn't know this, but apparently it's like, a thing for towns to do town-wide yard sales, and it's a big deal and people get really excited for it. The town next to my hometown does this and I didn't know that until very recently. I think they need to find a better PR person. Anyway, Keith and his parents love these yard sales so we had big plans to find all kinds of treasures on Saturday. And by "we" I mean "they" because I have never been yard sale-ing and I'm not good at haggling but I had no problem with going and hanging out. And it was a lot of fun until

THE INCIDENT. 

Ugh.

Keith likes to do this thing where he buys and wears clothes that most people wouldn't want to be seen in. He recently bought a pair of bright red shoes (pictured) because he thought I would hate them (because that's what you do when you care about somebody) but jokes on him because I actually really like them. HA. But anyway, we were at this one yard sale and the lady had this huge rack of jackets and shirts and of course Keith found the absolute ugliest jacket in the world and the lady said he could have it for $1 (I actually think she would have paid him to take it) and he refused to take it off for the rest of the day.

I don't like to use this phrase but you guys, I literally cannot.

Then his parents were looking at plants and I have the opposite of a green thumb and Keith couldn't care less about plants so we went for a little walk and climbed some rocks and took some pictures and it turns out this picture could also double for a "what half of my face would look like without an eyebrow" picture. Also there's the jacket. Also you can't see the background which really pisses me off because it's super pretty.


SEE???


There are so many "And then's" in this post and I'm sorry if that's annoying but it's just the way it is.

So, and then we went to Lake Arrowhead and went shopping and bought some shirts. If you remember, I hate shopping so neither of the shirts were for me. I spent about 11 seconds looking for some shoes for the wedding I'm in this weekend but then I got bored so we looked at more button-downs for Keith. Memorial Day sales are amazing things and these shirts were like 80% off and I may not be a shopper but I know a good deal when I see one.

Look at the lake.

A few other things that I don't have pictures for but I need to share...

Keith had been staring at my face a lot on Saturday. I kept saying, "What are you looking at?" because it was borderline excessive and creepy. He kept replying, "Nothing," so I just figured that either A) I had something on my face, or B) he just wanted to be romantic and stare at me.

I was wrong.

Later in the day we were just relaxing and he looked at me and said some of the most terrifying words that can ever come out of anybody's mouth:

"Can I tell you something without you getting mad at me?"
My thought process was this. HELL NO. Do I smell? Is there something on my face? Is there something in my teeth? Did he find a white hair? Do I have a huge zit?

I was wrong. He said, "Never mind," because I kind of hid my head under a blanket and said "NO YOU CANNOT AND NOW I AM PARANOID." But then finally he said,

"It's just that you have some REALLY long hairs coming out of your cheek and I think you should let me shave them."

Finally he convinced me to let him shave my face and I was pissed.

"ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL IS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE ABOVE THE NECK!"

Which is a lie because I had just shaved my mustache the night before but he didn't need to know that.

THEN we went to his parents' house on Sunday and he brought up my face whiskers and now my nickname is "Whiskas." Like the cat food.

Joke's on him though, because later he asked me to cut his hair for him and I've NEVER cut a guy's hair before and I accidentally gave him a little bald spot above his ear and now I'm never allowed to cut his hair again.

Oh darn.

29 comments:

  1. A list of things that I love most in this post, in no particular order:

    1) Keith’s jacket
    2) The fact that you shave your mustache because I do too (mine though, not yours)
    3) The Big Bang gif
    4) Your new nickname

    Peace out, Whiskas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).

      Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks..

      Delete
  2. Oh my, that jacket is something I would except a 70-year old lady in a walking group to wear. With matching pants of course. On the hairs, at least he told you, that could be really weird if his parents noticed and said something, which I would hope they wouldn't...but still. You look great regardless!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That jacket is bananas. It's hilarious and I kinda love it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A few things. I love Jeopardy. Like, refuse to NOT watch it. I must be home at 7:30 so I can get my Jeopardy on. My fiance has those red shoes. I also, on occasion, must shave my mustache (I got the Irish skin with the Italian hair. Worst combination in the history of ever.). Erich is the one who pointed out that I have a mustache in the first place. Why do they think that won't totally freak us out?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Between that jacket and your facial hair, you two are certainly in the running for world's most attractive couple.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HAHAHA I literally just waxed my face for this reason

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahahaha my bf said the same thing to me and I was mortified and hes like ugh well you want me to let you walk around like that... lol! whiskas...nice!

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is an excellent story. Thank you for entertaining me daily.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This post is hilarious, thank you for making my 3pm afternoon at work a little better.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh, this post is golden. Thank you for making my accidental allnighter a little bit better. As for the jacket...I say BURN IT WITH FIRE.

    ReplyDelete
  11. hahahahahaha WHY DID YOU LEAVE OUT THESE GOLDEN NUGGETS OF COMEDY THIS MORNING?
    I'm dying.

    Also, his jacket is amazing. When I visit, I'm bringing my rainbow sweater, and Keith and I will have SO MUCH FUN.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My husband likes to tell me when my mustache needs some tending to. They're so sweet :/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm laughing so hard right now, I can't even think of any good remarks to say to all of this. I just can't stop laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. haha. Keith was so cool at the beginning of the post for wearing that awful jacket and red shoes. But what an a-hole to call you Whiskas and tell his family. He earned that bald spot!

    -Jackie
    http://ournashvillelife.com

    P.S. I love listening to audio books while I drive, especially in bad traffic. It almost makes it enjoyable for me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ohhh my god. Fun fact: I spend far too long looking at my face in the mirror looking for random weird hairs. And one time my mom cut my brother's hair except she FORGOT TO PUT THE GUARD ON THE TRIMMER and he had a huge bald spot on the back of his head! So funny.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have two random hairs that grow out of my cheeks... you are not alone. My brother buys ugly shit like that too. He loves going to thrift stores looking for windbreaker jackets and fanny packs and crap. And then wears them in public. Like WHY?

    ReplyDelete
  17. That drive. Yikes.

    And that reminds me of my 1,700 mile move coming up. It shall be interesting to say the least.

    At least you got to see a pretty lake?!

    ReplyDelete
  18. haha omg, the jacket!! hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  19. what exactly is the design on the jacket?? the overall look is just awful! i can't believe he wore that out :)

    funny stories!

    ReplyDelete
  20. this is one of my favorite posts ever. 1. I love that he buys things just because you won't like them 2. I HATE SHAVING COLIN'S HEAD. Totally doing the bald spot next time. 3. that jacket, i can't

    ReplyDelete
  21. The jacket! It goes perfectly with his porn stache that's growing in very nicely btw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry you can't grow your own pornstache anon, sounds like you're pretty jealous.

      Delete
  22. i really like your hairy face. i don't care what anyone says.

    ReplyDelete
  23. He has quite the taste in clothes LOL

    ReplyDelete

  24. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks..

    ReplyDelete
  25. Payback time for “whiskas” nickname, huh? I’m not sure if he deserved that little bald spot, but I'm sure he’ll forgive you. Haha! About your girly mustache, I think you should try other more permanent alternatives than shaving, or something that lasts longer like waxing and such. Good luck!

    George Chambers @ Amani Medspa

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete