Friday, April 11, 2014

Things I've learned the hard way

//Don't use your cell phone while you're driving (it's illegal in California). And if you get a ticket for it once, don't do it again and get a second ticket.

//Don't ever shave your eyebrows. It's not a good look for ANYONE.

//Don't cut your own bangs.

//Don't drink on an empty stomach. Or do. Just maybe not in excess.

//If your gas light comes on don't try and see how long you can drive before you run out of gas.

Pretend like this gif works.
//Don't try and sing karaoke on a Monday night after you've chugged four AMFs. Especially don't try and sing "Like a Virgin" and "Smooth" if you don't actually know how the song goes. Your roommate will have to hold you vertical on the stage so you don't fall into the drummer and then the bouncer will suggest you leave. On a Monday. Before 10pm. And you will take a nap next to a tree.


//If you haven't run at all in the past year, don't sign up for a 5K "just for fun." It's never fun.

//If your boyfriend takes you to the drive in to see District 9, don't fall asleep five minutes in. He'll be mad at you.

//Always pay your bills on time. Especially if the bill collectors have your parents' home phone number and they can call them and then your parents find out how irresponsible you are and it's awkward all around.



//You will never wear purple corduroy capri pants. Don't buy them.

//Don't ever put your hand through a window.

//Don't ever start painting your nails after 9 on a weeknight.



//Candy is a horrible dinner. Delicious for five minutes, but horrible.

//NEVER MIX ALCOHOL. JUST DON'T DO IT.

//Don't ever make excuses to keep dating a guy, especially if every time you talk to him you end up in tears.

//Don't place your worth in a man.

//Don't go for "just one more shot." It's never just one more and it's never worth it.
That's all. It's Friday and Kevin will be here at 4 and I'm making pulled port for dinner and then we're watching a horror movie and going for a night hike because I am an awesome girlfriend k the end BYE.


 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

15 comments:

  1. I'm just really curious what this nail painting technique is on that gif...

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  2. HAVE FUN with Kevin!!! Can't wait to hear how the pork turns out!

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  3. ALWAYS go for one more shot, you big party pooper. Gah, you think you know someone and then THIS...

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  4. I got a good chuckle out of all those ;D
    I hope you have an amazing weekend!

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  5. These are hilarious. And a few may apply. Have a great weekend!
    xo

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  6. These are definitely some great lessons. Have a great weekend!!

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  7. ALWAYS make out under the stars on your night hike.

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  8. A night hike? That sounds fun...or also like the beginning of a horror movie. I didn't realize that was a thing. Have fun!

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  9. these are very valuable lessons, some of these I've learned the hard way too... it's why you and I get along so well.

    Oh, and send me some of the pulled pork please. mmmmm pig butt.

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  10. I feel like "Smooth" would be really hard to pull off in karaoke no matter who you ar.e

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  11. haha I love this I have made the 5k mistake a couple of times...should have learned the first time...but "It'll be fun, they said" :-)

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  12. Solid advice! i have tried one too many times to cut my own bangs.

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  13. Soooo was it a friend that got those two texting tickets? Cause I know someone who knows someone who knows someone in NC who has gotten one and STILL doesn't put the phone down. You may know her too....

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  14. this was the perfect read for a monday morning; hilarious

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