Thursday, April 10, 2014

Irrational Anxiety

In college I had a total freak out melt down one night when I realized that Kevin and I were supposed to go on a picnic over the weekend and I didn't know what kind of bread to use for our sandwiches. Did he like white? Wheat? Whole grain? Bagel thins? I had no idea and it kept me up at night. I'm pretty sure I ended up getting some whole grain stuff with the seeds and stuff on the top and it was completely fine and my anxiety was all for nothing. But then last night I had to go to the grocery store because I'm going to make pulled pork sandwiches on Friday night, and I started getting a little nervous because I wasn't sure if I needed pork tenderloin or pork shoulder (or if there's even a difference), what kind of BBQ sauce to get (honey, chipotle, spicy, mild, why are there so many choices?!?!?), what color onion, etc etc etc. It also didn't help that I forgot which grocery store I was in and I got totally turned around and had a mild panic attack when I thought I was supposed to be by the vegetables but instead I was over by the toilet paper and I felt personally victimized by the grocery store for confusing me even though it was 100% my fault.
So then I started thinking about other things that make me have irrational panic attacks, and since I'm super nice and generous I'm going to share the list with you.
1. When the battery on my phone gets below 20% and I don't have access to a charger. Or when my phone freezes and I'm convinced it's going to be dead forever and I'm going to lose all my pictures and text conversations.

2. When I go to the grocery store and either can't find the items I need or somebody else is standing right in front of them and I have to pretend to be interested in the packages of kosher bread or something while they finish looking at the different kinds of salsa because you better believe I'm not saying "excuse me" and butting in front of them.


3. When I get road rage driving behind a person and drive by them to yell at them only to realize... I recognize them. From church.

4. When I'm in line at Starbucks or Jamba Juice and I can't decide if I want to stick with my vanilla macchiato or try something different like an iced soy toffee nut something and all of a sudden it's my turn and I haven't decided but there are a bunch of people behind me and I am totally holding everything up.

5. When my landlord tells me that he's going to come over with an electrician when I get off work to fix some broken outlets but I haven't had a chance to clean the kitchen and also I just wanted to eat my leftover burrito on the couch with no pants on but now I can't and my plans got changed and I wasn't ready for it.


6. When my gas light comes on and I wasn't expecting it and I don't know how much farther can I go before it's really necessary to get gas?


7. Any time I see a spider. DIE, BITCH.

8. When my boyfriend doesn't text back and I'm sure it's because he's dead.
Also I really love this gif

27 comments:

  1. But #4... THE worst part is that I almost ALWAYS end up spewing out some weird thing I'd never actually order and then hate it. WHYYYYY?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am the same way in line.... thinking, maybe I'll try this, it sounds good. And then I go back and forth a million times and usually take ten minutes just to order what I was originally going to get anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. And Glozell totally knows what's up when it comes to an eight-legged situation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I loved this. so. much. I can relate to so many of them. my gas light terrifies me too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. #5 is the reason I never call my apartment management to have anything fixed. Like, inviting them into my home would ruin my day. My closet has been without a light for 6 months and our dishwasher leaks every time I run it but I refuse to call, because I don't want to deal with the hassle of it all. Sigh...I really would love a light in my closet...

    ReplyDelete
  6. The spider one...a spider crawled over the dash over my car today...almost made me wreck.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I never have the guts to say "excuse me" to the person who is hogging the area I'm trying to get to in the grocery store. So, I pretend I'm looking at something else while I side eye them until they leave.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh god the gas light. I have had some serious panic attacks over that stupid light.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Number 2. All the way. Even worse when two people are standing with their carts chatting away in front of the laundry pods and my brain says : "Wait. There's nothing else in this aisle that makes sense to stare at. HELLO IM STANDING HERE. What do they think I'm doing? Maybe I can see through the buggies to figure out which brand is right for the price. Oh theres a red sticker. Does that mean its on sale? FUCK i really want to know if its on sale. I bet it smells amazing. Maybe I can awkwardly reach around this lady's butt to get it... but I don't even know that I want it yet. Again, HELLO. MOVE. BE POLITE. get each others phone numbers and text while you're standing in line or something. Oh god, their kid seems me. Should I make faces at it? No I'll ignore it. Now its crying... shit. Are they really giving ME the evil eye? Ugh finally they get the hint. Wait which one was on sale again?"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh my goodness this list, just yes, to everything!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Every single one of these. Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes, just yes.. To all of the above.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, yes, and yes. There's also the anxiety that comes from blacking out around your coworkers. Ohhhh wait, that's just me. WOMP.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yes yes yes yes to number 4. I HATE that! Anything where I'm in the front of the line and people are waiting behind me makes me nervous. Waiting for a chance to U-Turn under the freeway, ordering at Subway. Oh god.

    ReplyDelete
  15. i always panic at starbucks because i can never remember the drink sizes and always end up with some thing that is the size of a shot glass and why doesn't anyone understand that we should be allowed to order in ENGLISH?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Haha! I can relate to a lot of these but I definitely freak out too when my husband doesn't respond to texts or calls!

    Kayla
    www.lovelucygirl.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. #1 and #4 couldn't be truer. I usually end up letting about 6 people go ahead of me because I can't decide on a beverage and if I'm going to pay $346 for a small drink it better be the best one evar. & my phone battery always decides to drop under 20% when I'm the farthest away from my apartment, which under normal circumstances it would be premature for me to start panicking except for the fact that my phone died the other day at 15%. Fifteen!

    ReplyDelete
  18. There is no moment more awkward than pretending to check out some random item at the grocery store while you wait for other people to move! I feel as if I'm being so obvious with my horrible acting. haha

    ReplyDelete
  19. The gif lady on #7 is going to give me nightmares... forget the spider.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yesterday, me and #4. I let the guy go on front of me because I wasn't done ordering and became all nervous with him waiting for me.

    ReplyDelete
  21. We should probably be best friends now because this list basically sums up my entire life.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Story of my life. I think only my mother could sum up my weird anxieties any better than this did. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The gas light was CREATED to induce anxiety, I swear.

    ReplyDelete
  24. #2 happens to me ALL THE TIME. I once spent a solid five minutes reading the ingredients on different brands of yogurt because some guy was blocking the cheese.

    ReplyDelete