The worst thing ever happened last night. I had a first, but not a good first. I was driving to Target to buy the necessities (toilet paper, nothing fun... lame, right?), and in my excitement I needed to pass a semi and I went just a leetle faster than I should have and then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the red and blue flashing lights of doom. I was on the freeway and getting pulled over on the freeway is one of my worst fears, so I slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder and into some weeds and then I heard the cop get on his stupid fancy gives-him-too-much-power loudspeaker and say, "Driver, pull all the way off the freeway." And I was like, But that means I have to drive like hunneds of yards with a cop driving behind me with his lights on and what if somebody I know sees me and after I get off the freeway where do I go and holy crap why am I not crying yet I need to be crying by the time he comes to my window! So I had to exit the freeway and go to a side street and then he came up to my car and didn't even ASK me why I was going 81 in a 65 zone, he just informed me that I was. Because he didn't ask me WHY I wasn't able to make up some story about how I was having explosive diarrhea digestive issues or about how I had to get to Target really fast to get medicine because my friend was sick and was basically dying. All I did was sit there and stare off into the distance and hand him my license and registration and I wished I could have gone Honey Boo Boo on him.
He asked me if I still live at the address on my license, which is my parents' address, and I didn't want to get in even MORE trouble for not changing my address yet, so I lied and said, "Uhhhhh well no, I just moved like, a couple of weeks ago." But THEN I realized that the address on my registration is my current address so while he was back there running my information or whatever it is he was doing back there (which was probably playing 2048 because there was no reason for it to take so long) I started freaking out that he was going to notice the address discrepancy and like, arrest me. And then I would cry and be like, "No no no no no!" and then I'd get in trouble for resisting arrest and then I'd be on an episode of Cops and everybody would laugh at me. OH BUT MAYBE THEN I'D BE TURNED INTO A GIF!!
Sometimes I'm dramatic.
He gave me the ticket and told me to "Have a nice day" and I scoffed at him a little and cried and tried to give him puppy dog eyes, but he had already turned away so it didn't work, plus I don't think they can take back a ticket after they've written it. I still had to go to Target but by this point the tears were flowing and I was doing the full on blubbering ugly cry in the parking lot.
But don't worry, I finally got it together enough to wear my sunglasses inside and buy the toilet paper and then go home and not eat dinner because I was too pissed. Oh but then I went downstairs to get some water and I tripped down a couple of the stairs and landed on my ankle and I was pissed because I was doing such a good job of not getting speeding tickets or tripping down the stairs but then in the same night I ruined both of my streaks. Plus, Jacey laughed at me for tripping. But that's fine. I would have laughed at me too.
Do you have any secret tricks for getting out of tickets?