Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I'd rather get a Twicket

The worst thing ever happened last night. I had a first, but not a good first. I was driving to Target to buy the necessities (toilet paper, nothing fun... lame, right?), and in my excitement I needed to pass a semi and I went just a leetle faster than I should have and then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the red and blue flashing lights of doom. I was on the freeway and getting pulled over on the freeway is one of my worst fears, so I slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder and into some weeds and then I heard the cop get on his stupid fancy gives-him-too-much-power loudspeaker and say, "Driver, pull all the way off the freeway." And I was like, But that means I have to drive like hunneds of yards with a cop driving behind me with his lights on and what if somebody I know sees me and after I get off the freeway where do I go and holy crap why am I not crying yet I need to be crying by the time he comes to my window! So I had to exit the freeway and go to a side street and then he came up to my car and didn't even ASK me why I was going 81 in a 65 zone, he just informed me that I was. Because he didn't ask me WHY I wasn't able to make up some story about how I was having explosive diarrhea digestive issues or about how I had to get to Target really fast to get medicine because my friend was sick and was basically dying. All I did was sit there and stare off into the distance and hand him my license and registration and I wished I could have gone Honey Boo Boo on him.

He asked me if I still live at the address on my license, which is my parents' address, and I didn't want to get in even MORE trouble for not changing my address yet, so I lied and said, "Uhhhhh well no, I just moved like, a couple of weeks ago." But THEN I realized that the address on my registration is my current address so while he was back there running my information or whatever it is he was doing back there (which was probably playing 2048 because there was no reason for it to take so long) I started freaking out that he was going to notice the address discrepancy and like, arrest me. And then I would cry and be like, "No no no no no!" and then I'd get in trouble for resisting arrest and then I'd be on an episode of Cops and everybody would laugh at me. OH BUT MAYBE THEN I'D BE TURNED INTO A GIF!!

Sometimes I'm dramatic.

He gave me the ticket and told me to "Have a nice day" and I scoffed at him a little and cried and tried to give him puppy dog eyes, but he had already turned away so it didn't work, plus I don't think they can take back a ticket after they've written it. I still had to go to Target but by this point the tears were flowing and I was doing the full on blubbering ugly cry in the parking lot.

 But don't worry, I finally got it together enough to wear my sunglasses inside and buy the toilet paper and then go home and not eat dinner because I was too pissed. Oh but then I went downstairs to get some water and I tripped down a couple of the stairs and landed on my ankle and I was pissed because I was doing such a good job of not getting speeding tickets or tripping down the stairs but then in the same night I ruined both of my streaks. Plus, Jacey laughed at me for tripping. But that's fine. I would have laughed at me too.

Do you have any secret tricks for getting out of tickets?

25 comments:

  1. I am sorry, this was a really funny story. Haha! I laughed through most of it!

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  2. hahaha oh dear! www.thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I'm sorry :(( that's crappy! My dad is a cop so I have a little thingy that gets me out of tickets.. but one time I FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO THE GUY AND I GOT A TICKET. hahaha.

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  4. that sucks, I have not mastered the getting out of tickets thing if you figure it out let me know

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  5. That sucks! I somehow have managed to get out of countless tickets! I must be really good at giving the puppy dog eyes! haha

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  6. Oh my god, that's my nightmare come true! I know someone who got out of a ticket by crying and telling the officer that she was on her way to find out if she was pregnant & how her boyfriend would leave her if she was (she didn't even have a boyfriend... brilliant). The guy let her off with a warning.

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  7. UGH. I never never never get out of speeding tickets ever. Like, really... they all just hate me and want me to be sad and poor. So then I started trying to obey the speeding sign things.

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  8. YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY AND GET OUT OF THE TICKET.
    I'm disappointed. That is all.

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  9. Explosive diarrhea would've been a good one!!

    Claire Danes does NOT have a pretty cry. Yikes!

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  10. I wonder if the explosive diarrhea excuse would work?! I got a speeding ticket heading up to an island in Lake Erie for a girls' weekend and he asked me why we were in such a hurry. I had a cooler of booze in my backseat and that needed to be drunk ASAP - duh! What an idiot :) Well, you survived one of your greatest fears of getting pulled over on the freeway. Congrats!

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  11. I don't have any tricks to getting out of tickets, I just get weirdly lucky and the cops that pull me over are super friendly and I wind up making them laugh. I don't really have any good jokes though, I'm just bluntly honest and I guess they like that? Who knows. But don't listen to me ha ha.

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  12. Ugh what a night! The only time I got pulled over for speeding (so far...knock on wood) was when I had just gotten my license, I was in my town, and I had like, 3 of my friends with me. I was so embarrassed that I was ugly crying before he even got to my window, so he let me off with a warning. I hope at least your ankle is ok!

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  13. I'm terrified of being pulled over at all! It's never happened!

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  14. I've been pulled over what I consider a lot. 5 times....and I've only received a ticket once, granted some of those were just them telling me that my brake light or something else wasn't out. But I'm always just honest. Of the one ticket I got I was able to get it dismissed.

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  15. Gosh, so annoying. I got pulled over once for being less than 15 feet behind the car in front of me, that had a broken tail light. The cop then told me it was "just his pet peeve." Okay cool, cops are my pet peeve can I go now? I've heard that flashing a military ID can get you out of a lot... I haven't tried yet, but maybe you should get a fake one ;)

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  16. I've only been pulled over twice, once I broke down crying telling him I was going to get grounded and I was never going to see the light of day, my parents were going to lock me away and throw away the key if I got a ticket. I was probably 18... lol and the second time I knew the cop and I argued with him. It was dark, how does he know it was mustang lights he saw speeding? Knock on wood that I don't get pulled over again, pretty sure I've used up my ticket luck... Maybe you should practice fake crying? It'll probably come in handy for everything.

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  17. Oh no! I totally cried when I got pulled over! I was crying so hard the cop had to calm me down and then luckily he only gave me a sticker fine because my college parking pass was in an "illegal" spot on my back window. I started to smart mouth him and he told me to stop before he gave me a real ticket.

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  18. I once had a copy give me a ticket THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY for texting and driving. That was fun because I couldn't even think to make up an excuse about why I was on my phone. Shouldn't they give us a chance to explain ourselves?!

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  19. To get out of my last speeding ticket I just told the (female) officer that I had no idea how fast I was going because I was in such a good mood that I didn't even check! And she told me she didn't want to ruin my good mood and to have a great day. :-)

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  20. I'm still just really sorry that this happened to you. Stupid cops. Stupid semis going slow. Stupid speed limits.

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  21. oh man I got pulled over a few months ago, I was driving to the airport at 4:30am to catch a flight and I was the only car on the road. So of course I wasn't paying attention. Thankfully I'm pretty sure the cop was way younger than me, and he saw my hot pink suit case in my backseat haha. I got a "slow down" and "have a nice day". I got lucky.

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  22. What a crappy evening and all that because you needed toilet paper, Go figure!

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  23. I pretty much did the same thing once. I told the cop I wasn't from the town, that I was just a college student, in a moment of pure stupidity and then I thought oh crap my license has my address on it! An address that is obviously not a college student's address. I blame yours on the semi!

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  24. I have the perfect way to get out of a ticket: Don't speed and follow the laws! Voila! ;)

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  25. Getting pulled over can be embarrassing! And it’s never easy to act cool when you see those blue and red lights flashing behind you. Anyway, there really is no secret trick to avoiding it. The best thing you can do is to be polite and respectful when you have to talk to the officer. Admit that you made a mistake and take responsibility if you really committed it, and politely argue against the point if you think you have the right of it.

    Norma Richards @ Just Bail Bonds

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