Last night I saw Divergent. Divergent? Divergent? "Divergent"? I always forget if titles of moves are supposed to be italicized, underlined, in quotes, or something different. Whatever. You know what I mean. So last night, I saw Divergent. At 5:45pm. And it was uhhhhhhhmazing. Or amazing, take your pick. Basically, I was sitting there watching everything happen and since it's been well over a year since I read the book I didn't remember what was going to happen and it was awesome.
And at the beginning I was like OH MY GOSH FITZ FROM SCANDAL IS TRIS'S DAD! AND HE STILL DOESN'T HAVE EYEBROWS! Seriously, somebody help that guy out. I feel like he really needs eyebrows.
And then I was like, wow, Tris's mom looks super familiar. Why? It's Ashley Judd, in case you're wondering, but that meant nothing to me. I think maybe she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones and I was just thinking of the movie Chicago, maybe?
Also, Kate Winslet was in the movie and she definitely did NOT look like Rose like, at all. And it just made me want to go watch Titanic.
And then every 3 minutes I was like WHOA SOMETHING COOL IS HAPPENING. And Shailene Woodley has beautiful eyelashes and I would like them. Also she made me want to get a tattoo on my collarbone.
And Theo James.
And at the end I was so happy with the movie that I basically looked like this girl from ANTM when she almost got kicked off but then Tyra had a heart and kept her.
Ok, but let's back up a little bit. Have you guys ever heard of Theater Wine? It's probably not what you think. Or it might be, depending on what you're thinking. It is NOT when you go to a theater that serves wine and drink it legally and out in the open. Theater Wine is when you smuggle wine in to the theater in a purse. But not in the wine bottle. You hide it, like they did on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when they poured the wine into Diet Coke cans. (That was smart because they got to drink Diet Coke and then wine, which are both the drinks of the gods.) I used a 32 oz. PowerAde bottle... which can hold more than just one bottle of wine. You should definitely take Theater Wine with you the next time you go to a movie. Just make sure you have a DD blah blah blah.
One thing I did NOT enjoy were the ignorant sluts seated behind us who insisted on talking and laughing loudly during the entire movie and making me think of this clip from Mad TV:
Except it wasn't funny. And I most definitely turned around and shushed them more than once, and then took a sip of my Theater Wine and felt like an old crotchety grandma who should have been at home soaking her dentures and angrily waving her cane at the kids to get off of her lawn.
It was lovely.
And then I was in bed by 9:30.
Have you seen Divergent? Do you sneak alcohol anywhere? Can I have yo' number?