Monday, February 24, 2014

Don't lie to impress somebody

So, recently I've been talking to a friend, a friend I haven't seen in several years. A guy friend. You know how when you catch up with somebody you haven't talked to in a while (especially a guy) you have to try to impress them? You make yourself sound just a little more exciting than you are, you do just a few more cool things than normal, and you do some fun activities that maybe you don't actually do in real life.
 
Here's what I said on the phone: "I've been staying sooooo busy lately. I go on hikes allllll the time. It's so much fun! I love hiking! The trails are awesome. I go like twice a week because I just love the fresh air and the views and everything. It's so fun. I'm such a hiker."
 
Here's what I should have said on the phone: "I've been staying sooooo busy lately. I go on hikes Netflix binges all of the time. I love hiking Netflix! The trails shows are awesome. I go watch like twice a week day because I just love the fresh air stories and the views outfits Olivia Pope wears and everything. It's so fun. I'm such a hiker Netflix binger."
 
 
WHY AM I AN IDIOT?
 
He is ACTUALLY a hiker. I know this. That's why I even said it, because I was thinking, "Cool, we'll have something to talk about: hiking." Idiot.
 
We've actually gone hiking before, but it didn't work out well. I hadn't hiked in like 10 years and I didn't know I was supposed to wear athletic clothes, so I wore jeans. And about halfway up the mountain a picture was taken, a picture that should never see the light of day. So naturally I'm going to put it on the internet for everybody to see.
It would be so great if I could look like this instead:
 
But I haven't hiked at all yet in 2014. I embellished my life a little bit and it's totally going to backfire on me. And now I have like 11 days to become a hiker. What do you think, is it possible? All I need to be able to do is walk up a mountain at more than a snail's pace and be able to carry on a conversation the whole time. Totally doable. And by that I mean I TOTALLY SCREWED MYSELF.
 

 
Or not. Send me good wishes. And maybe some advice. Or some magical powers, that would work too.

24 comments:

  1. haaa girl that is hilarious and I can totally relate!! Good luck its amazing what you can do when you try and convince yourself that you can!

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  2. it's totally fine, you just have to distract him with your beauty so you can hike up the mountain slowly. or pack a surprise picnic that you HAVE to stop and eat halfway up the mountain, you know.. for a break.

    but I really just love that you told him you're a hiker when you KNOW he hikes, hahaha.

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  3. So, so funny. You can do it though! Just tell yourself it's pretty much just walking.

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  4. Been there, done that. Just keep telling yourself its a vigorous walk...and keep stopping to take in the scenery.

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  5. I am sure you could totally do it. But if you are feeling extra sassy, perhaps you incur an ankle injury and suggest being outdoorsy by drinking on a patio somewhere instead?

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  6. I once told a guy I loved skiing and ice skating... So, naturally, he invited me to go ice skating. And then I busted my ass right out of the gate and I'm pretty sure he figured it out real fast.

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  7. Good luck! Hiking/running is not for me, but it looks like it can be fun!

    Kristin
    Crumbs & Curls

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  8. Girl, you better start working on some breathing exercises and maybe some cardio.

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  9. hahah! Sorry. I know you can do it and look fresh in the process!

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  10. When you get really winded just say "oh look at that bird" while you turn and catch your breath. Haha! You can do it!

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  11. I'm just jealous you get to do outdoorsy things as I sit here freezing my butt off.
    Also, at least you didn't say you were a champion rock climber or something that would be harder to fake...

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  12. Come to Alabama and I will teach you. I just went up a three mile incline to the top of a mountain this weekend. Granted I was on a bike, but biking is actually a lot harder than walking. If you're walking and you stop, you just stand there. If you're biking and you stop, you start to go backward, and that is NOT FUN. Or I will just come to Cali and hike with you.

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  13. Oh my gosh! You poor thing! I mean I was totally laughing while reading this post but at the same time I feel really bad. Just hope for the best but be prepared for the worst! happy trailing?
    So note to self: Never lie about athletic abilities because lets be serious....I'll make a fool of myself.

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  14. Maybe you'll end up marrying him and you guys can laugh about how you pretended to like the outdoors and hiking and all that when really you just love eating and watching TV... Oh wait, that's my life. Haha

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  15. good luck.. sending positive thoughts your way.

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  16. hahaha.. you're hilarious! and good for you talking to someone new ;) i like!!

    xo caro, the caro diaries

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  17. I've only gone hiking once. So I know exactly what you mean. :)

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  18. Maybe there's a Netflix documentary that could teach you how to become a hiker in 11 days!

    From Mississippi With Love

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  19. Um. Thanks for sharing this and making me find out about it on your blog. jk. but really. can I have more details than the internet please and thanksssss

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  20. I've done this kinda bragging with my poor painting skills. I told my guy cousin that I can paint paint paint all the time because I figured out that hottie loved to paint. He made me paint 4 paintings and that was seriously awful!

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  21. if you get winded, just pause to "take a look at the beautiful scenery". hiking is just walking along rugged trails/terrain and hills...it's the terrain that can make it tough, especially if the hills are steep. it's a great workout though!

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  22. This is an excellent lie to have backfired. Can't wait to hear about it!

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  23. I am laughing so hard, this is totally something that I would do! Good luck :D I can't wait to hear about it!!

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