Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The 5 stages of waiting for a guy to text you

1. Denial. He hasn't texted yet. That's ok! He probably lost his phone. Maybe my phone broke. It probably fell into the toilet as he was texting me. Or maybe my phone is broken. I'd better text myself just to make sure my phone is working. pause. Oh, it is. Ok, let's be rational. Maybe he was in a car accident. OMG! That's it! He was in a car accident and now he's in the hospital in the ICU and nobody even knows about me because we've only gone on one date! And his phone probably broke in the crash and he doesn't remember my phone number. I'd better call all the hospitals and find out if he's in any of them because that is the only acceptable reason for why he hasn't texted me yet.
 
 
 
2. Anger. Are you kidding me? It's been almost a whole afternoon and he hasn't texted me? How hard is it to send one simple text? NOT HARD. He could have texted me in the car when he was stopped at a red light, in line at the drive through of Taco Bell, in line at the grocery store, or he could have just taken a "bathroom break" but really it would have been a "text the girl you went out with last night break." MEN ARE HOPELESS. When he texts me I'm going to make him wait A WHOLE HOUR before I text him back. THAT WILL SHOW HIM.
 
 
 
 
3. Barganing. What did I do wrong? I probably said the wrong thing on our date. He probably hates me. Did I have spinach in my teeth? That would be really weird since all we ate was ice cream. Maybe he didn't like the way I styled my hair. OMG did my breath stink?? I must have done something. If we go out again I'll act completely different. I'll laugh at his dumb jokes and I won't make fun of him when he wears white socks with black shoes again. I'LL CHANGE. I'LL BE BETTER FOR HIM.


 
4. Depression. I will be alone forever. There's no reason for me to even get out of bed. Nobody will ever love me and I will be Bridget Jones forever and ever.
 
 
 
 
 
5. Acceptance (*if you ever actually make it to this stage which I'm not convinced has ever happened*). It's fine, I don't need a man. I am a strong, independent woman who does not need to smoke a man! I'll just leave my phone in the other room and not even think about him anymore. Wow I'm glad I'm over this. Ha ha, I sure was being silly earlier.

 
 
(Now excuse me while I go check my phone.) 
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

39 comments:

  1. Perfection. I like to think that I provided some of the research for this in depth post ;)

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  2. Shit. This is dead on. I can't tell you the number of times I've gone through states 1-4. But like you said, stage 5 isn't real!

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  3. This is SO spot on. Literally all of those thoughts cross my mind every damn time. I'll never win. Or learn. It's fine. #catswilldo

    › xo fal • falfindshappiness.blogspot.com

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  4. I'm in denial that denial is actually a legit "stage" I mean let's be honest, there are so many things that could have happened to him and/or his phone… it broke, he lost it, it got stolen, he was jumped/mugged, his house was robbed, he was at the bank when someone was all "this is a stick up!" and they made everyone throw their phones on the ground and stomped on them, he was on a boat this morning and it jumped out of his hands, slid off the boat and into the sea forever - that happened to me so I know it can happen to someone else. Maybe he was abducted by aliens. Maybe he was mid text when his phone walked in and he got in trouble and his boss took his phone until the end of the day.
    See what I mean? So many reasons! The possibilities are endless. ;)

    LittleBirdBlogs

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  5. Word for word exactly how it happens! So perfect!

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  6. girl. you just explained my life. i'm not sure whether i feel better knowing that someone does the same thing as me, or whether i feel worse after reading how pathetic we sound. thanks for this spot on description! :)
    Nicole @ A Peek Into New Chapters

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  7. Hahhahahha This is EXACTLY how it happens, every single time!!!

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  8. Stage 5 is a myth right?! I recognize 1-4 but 5 is a mystery!

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  9. Stage 5 is REAL. But it only lasts for about five seconds, at which you think "OMG I think I just heard my phone vibrate," and you run into the room to get it and check it. Stage five is more like "I'm going to make myself busy doing these meaningless things, but I'll believe that they are important because ya know, I'm a strong, independent woman who has all these critical tasks that need to get done, and then I'll get around to checking my phone in a few hours."
    This is what I miss the least about being single.

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  10. Stage 5 doesn't exist it's just an endless loop from 1-4.

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  11. This is absolutely fucking brilliant. I love it.

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  12. Oh man -- do I remember those days! Only, in my case, if I got to stage 5, or at least convinced myself I was at stage 5, and put the phone somewhere else, it only lasted an hour max, and then I was running back to check it AGAIN!

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  13. My 'Stage 1' was always excitement... because I was so optimistic they were going to text... this stage lasted about 20 minutes.

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  14. This should be published somewhere because it is THE FREAKING TRUTH.

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  15. you forgot stage 6... At the end of stage by you go straight to bat shit crazy and 1) think your phone is constantly vibrating in your pocket or 2) text him again or if it's really bad, 3 call a couple times and leave a voice mail asking if he got the text.

    I've never done any of that.

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  16. Perfect subtle friends reference! And this post is unfortunately VERY true.

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  17. Hey! I awarded you the Blog of the Year 2013 Award! Congrats!

    http://thecrackedlensblog.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/blog-of-the-year-award/

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  18. I am probably going to refer to this post for everything from now on! This is just perfect!! And I have never gotten to stage 5... womp womp!

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  19. Oh my gosh, that's too funny. I remember feeling and thinking these exact same things. You honestly think that their phone must have died, or OH NO something must have happened (let me text to make sure he's okay), or I really shouldn't have told him about that one time, senior year of college.... So many thoughts! Dating is fun but oh so intense. The dates are fun. But everything outside of the dates (okay everything IN YOUR HEAD) is not so fun.

    Good luck on your dating adventures, whichever phase you're in right now!
    He'll text you back. And if he doesn't, he isn't good enough for you. Because you're amazing.

    Also I wrote about you the other day! I made a list of my favorite blogs, and you were on there (in no particular order... I had to mention that because you were last... it doesn't mean you're my least favorite, favorite blogger). If you're curious, you can see it, but NO PRESSURE. :-D http://beforeduringandafterblog.com/2013/12/02/check-favorite-blogs/

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  20. Ha, I've TOTALLY done this. Went through the stages just a couple of weeks ago ;) haha

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  21. I mean... For the past few days my iMessages have been acting up so sometimes I get peoples texts and sometimes I don't!!!! So... Maybe he did text and is thinking you're not responding? Mwah haha, apple is evil.

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  22. So accurate. It's 10:30 and I've had 5 glasses of wine and this still makes sense

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  23. HAHAHA I'm ashamed at how true this is.

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  24. This is so true and put a smile on my face :)

    agirlandhersparkles.blogspot.com

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  25. OKAY I UNDERSTAND YOUR STAGES BETTER.

    Also, this is spot on with how I've felt the past few weeks when guys don't text me as quickly as I'd like...


    Also, I'll get to the bottom of the k situation. That is all. Love you.

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  26. Oh good LAWD this is accurate! Idk how I survived before I had a cell phone... lots of sitting at home. Yikes!

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  27. HA! Great stuff! I usually add a make myself so busy and turn my phone off phase. And then a turn my phone on after two hours and a tail spin after there are still no texts.

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  28. This is amazing....and so true haha! love this post!

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  29. Its like you're in my head. You know me! Weird.

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  30. Oh man. It's like you knew me in my early 20s

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  31. aaaaaaaand THIS is hilarious. love it.

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