Friday, December 6, 2013

Movies gave me unrealistic expectations about Christmas

If you weren't already aware by the mass amounts of Christmas trees on Instagram, let me just tell you that Christmas is in 19 days. It's the time of year to put a forest in your living room, hang socks above your fireplace, and do anything to make sure people know that it's officially the most wonderful time of the year. Once that's done you can sit on the couch with your hot cider/cocoa with marshmallows and turn on the tv only to be bombarded by Christmas movie after Christmas movie. These movies immediately give you expectations, high expectations, for what this season should look like. Snow! Love! Presents! Joy! Kindness! Warm blankets! Magic! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! Jude Law! All completely reasonable expectations. Right? Totally. Let's explore.
 
 
The Holiday
 
Expectation: if I just pick myself up and move off to another continent for a couple of weeks during Christmas then I'll find my one true love, and it won't matter that I have walls around my heart or that I've been a victim of unrequited love for longer than I care to admit. I'll meet someone who cares enough to break down those walls or requite love (is that a thing?) and I will be completely changed because Christmas is magical and JUDE LAW.


 
 

Reality: Jude Law will not tell me I'm lovely so instead I will spend Christmas morning looking for love from my sister's dog who is clearly more interested in my brother's breakfast than kissing me back. Which is actually fine because I'm not even a dog person. I'll also be eating lots of carbs and hanging out with my family instead of alone in a stranger's home.


 
 
 

Home Alone
 
Expectation: My parents will plan a magical trip to Paris with our entire family, but they'll be too wrapped up (get it? WRAPPED?) in themselves to remember to let me out of the attic to get on the plane with them. I'll be forced to eat junk food and protect my house from burglars who are bumbling idiots and who almost kill me, but instead I'll be saved by a man who is probably supposed to be Santa Claus.
 


Reality: We won't plan a trip because getting that many people to be able to coordinate their schedules is right up there next to impossible, plus my dad hates flying and only my brothers have passports. So instead we'll all be crowded around my grandma's table eating carbs and wearing hats and then sitting on a couch looking like we love each other.


 
 
 


Elf
 
Expectation: It's completely plausible for people from two wildly different backgrounds to get together even though the guy shows signs of  slight perversion slash stunted brain growth slash really really poor eating habits slash does he ever do laundry because he is always wearing the same thing and I bet those tights don't smell great. However, his love for Christmas will make the two of them fall in love and visit the North Pole regularly. Or did they end up living in the North Pole? That part always confused me.


 
 
 
 
Reality: I'm still trying to get dogs to show me affection.
 

 
 
 
Love Actually
 
Expectation: WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. SOMEBODY will confess his love to me, either the Prime Minister, my husbands best friend, or a man with whom words are unnecessary because our connection is so strong that we communicate with our hearts. We're obviously using more than 10% of our hearts. Whatever happens, it will all be ok because it's Christmas and at Christmas everything is always ok.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Reality: We don't even have a Prime Minister in the United States, so instead I'll spend Christmas with a doctor.
 
 
 
Frosty the Snowman
 
Expectation: Snow.
 
 
Reality: I love in California. By the beach. We're convinced snow is a myth.
 
 
 
 
The Santa Clause
 
Expectation: Santa is real but your dad killed him. Now your dad is Santa and CHRISTMAS MAGIC.
 
 
Reality: ...my dad has a beard.
 
 
 
Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to scour the streets for Jude Law. 
  photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

21 comments:

  1. You never fail to make me laugh!

    The Holiday is especially deceptive. But still so good. I can't ever pass up Jude Law.

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  2. juliette! my roommate and i were literally JUST watching the holiday last night we said THE EXACT SAME THING YOU DID!! well i mean, maybe in different words, but the idea was the same. i love when i read things that put all my inner thoughts and feelings into words AKA where is MY jude law. or the real jude law. i'll take either.
    Nicole @ A Peek Into New Chapters

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  3. hahaha! Juliette, you're hilarious! And this little list is so true! Except in Indiana we always have snow....ick!

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  4. I LOVE THIS WHOLE ENTIRE POST.

    Okay, so a few things...

    your dad shouldn't murder santa and become mr. claus, he has some work to do on his beard and 'jolly' belly...

    you need to stop looking for love from that dog. it's never going to happen. like, ever.

    my family wears those christmas hats too and I thought we were the ONLY ONES

    JUDE LAW

    canada has a prime minister, so you should basically just move here alreday.

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  5. I love seeing all these pictures of you, boo!!

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  6. That dang Holiday & Love Actually totally makes you believe in holiday inspired love.... alas I don't think any Englishmen will be romancing me off my feet this year.

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  7. If Jude Law would happen upon my doorstep I would drop everything and go to England for as long as it took.

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  8. Hey other Juliette — I just came across your blog and if this post is anything like your other posts, I have expectations that your blog is awesome. I think reality might be in line with that! And from one single girl to another, Holla! :)

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  9. OMG this is hilarious hahaha. I always make my dog love me against his will.

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  10. I love this post! hahaha the list is on point!

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  12. The fact that I watched Love Actually last night and I hate the fact that we don't have a Prime Minister that I can intern for for him to fall in love with me
    Also, love The Holiday

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  13. haha this is great! Love Actually is amazing. I always wanted someone to show up at my door with love note cards and play me a sweet song. P.S you're super pretty can you please stop. :)

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  14. What is it with those kooky Brits and their holiday movies? And where is my declaration of love? Poop.

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  15. THIS IS EVERYTHING. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

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  16. Your posts have been so spot on lately!!!

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  17. This is the best Christmas related post I've seen this whole year - and I'm not just being nice :) Love Actually is one of my favorites, but seriously - no chance of any of that shit ever happening.

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  18. WE are OK because in Canada we do have a Prime Minister, lol. What a fantastic post, so spot on.

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  19. Ha, this is too funny. And you definitely listed off some of my favorite movies. I'll just keep pretending that Jude Law will show up on my doorstep someday (even though I'm already married) ;)
    xo TJ

    http://www.hislittlelady.com

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  20. My favorite reality was your one for the Santa Clause. "My dad has a bread." It made me laugh. I totally agree as well movies totally raise expectation of Christmas.

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