Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Regrets don't define me

     I'm just over here thinking about About Time and how badly I want to see it again. I can't say enough how good that movie is. Go see it. I've been thinking about it a lot, specifically the time travel aspect. Duh, Juliette, that's what the whole movie was about. If I could travel back in time, where would I go? What would I change? Most people I know say they like to live life with "no regrets," but I'm not like that. There are so many things that I wish I could go back and change, but I also know that's impossible (or is it????? kidding) so I accept, learn, and move on, while still recognizing that if I could go back and change things, I would. So, for fun (and so I have a blog post) let's go back...

...to middle school when I thought that slicking back my hair and shaving my eyebrows was a really good look for me. It wasn't. It was all just so bad. (You can read more about my incredible fashion sense here.)


....to high school and explain to myself that at 25 my metabolism will slow down and my laziness will kick into full gear, so let's just be prepared for that and stop thinking of cookies and bacon as their own food groups, k?

....to my freshman year of college, when I went to a party at CSUN (a school with 35K students) with some of my friends. The party randomly ended up being on the same floor that my ex-boyfriend lived on, and I remember standing outside his door looking at the number and wondering if I should knock. I didn't, but I've always wondered what would have happened if I had. (Although I later found out that he had pink eye at the time so really it's probably better that I stayed away.)

...to my sophomore year of college, when my friend Brian invited me to go to San Francisco with some of our mutual friends for a weekend. I couldn't because it was a training day at Disneyland and I didn't think I could switch it. I could have. I should have.

...to my junior year of college, when I was seeing a therapist who wasn't a good fit for me. I would ask for a different therapist who really listened and didn't make snide remarks about the problems and fears I shared with her.

...to the day I graduated college, and I would take more pictures. I have tons of pictures with my friends, but only one with anybody in my family: my sister-in-law (who wasn't even my sister-in-law at the time). I don't have any pictures with my grandparents, parents, siblings, aunt, and thinking about that makes me mad and sad.


....to when I worked at Disneyland and somebody told me my "torso was too long" for me to be Cinderella but if "that changed" to let them know. I'd ask that b**** exactly what she meant by that. Should I have an elective surgery to remove a vertebrate? What exactly are you trying to say?

...to Father's Day 2010. It was the day after my sister's bachelorette party and she and I were too 'tired' to go to church. Later I found out that a different ex boyfriend had been there. I've always wondered what our interaction would have been like. Probably super awkward.



     But here's the thing: I can't go back, I know that. And I know there's no point in dwelling on these things, so I try to just learn from them instead. Knock on that door. Take those pictures. Don't take anybody's BS. Take that trip. Don't shave your eyebrows.

     What choices will I make today that I'll remember forever? In a few years, what will I wish I had done differently? I don't think there's anything wrong with wishing I could change some things. I think the problem comes when I dwell on it and let regrets rule my life and define me. My regrets don't define me; they shape me. If I'd made different choices I'd be shaped a little differently, and that would be ok. But the choices I make today, tomorrow, next week, etc. will also shape me, and I want to look back on my choices and be satisfied by either recognizing that I made the right choice or recognizing the lesson in my poor choice. Either way, this is life, and I want to live it.
 
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

15 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. ^^um what? This is an awesome post! I love that you included the Rafiki pic. It's nice to think about what might have been, but even better knowing you wouldn't be the person you are today without those decisions you made. :)

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  3. Ah there are SO many stupid things I did that I would go back and change (taking that guy back for the FOURTH time-what was I thinking??) but I guess that's what life is all about.. making mistakes and learning from them. Although, those eyebrows are pretty scary.

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  4. god i love disney movies. that rafiki thing is so true. i wish i could go back for so many reasons but i guess it's kind of good how things turned out. weird fashion sense and all. i did the exact same thing on my college graduation. well there was a lot i would change about college in general.

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  5. This is an all together FANTASTIC post!! And slicking back your hair, classic! That was definitely a great look for everyone!

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  6. It is always good to look back but only so we can see how far we have come! I think had you done some of those items you may have regretted you wouldn't be where you are, and maybe with a few more bumps and bruises. Oh the fashion choices I made growing up, I tried to burn all pictures of said insanity! Haha!

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  7. Oh my good lord girlfriend, thank god for the re-growth of eyebrows huh? Looking good up there in that first picture. I too thought that slicking my hair back was the best thing since 3D Doritos. I even wetted a bristle brush to do it. WTF?!

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  8. I mean...Cinderella has a much shorter torso than you...obviously...

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  9. First. I'm really glad you decided to regrow your brows. I did the same thing at my graduation and I kind of regret it too. So because we both regret it, when Boomer graduates, I will make damn sure that kid gets pictures with the whole freaking family.

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  10. I actually got my graduation date mixed up and missed my own college graduation ceremony. THAT's something I'll forever kick myself for.

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  11. I am totally obsessed with About Time! Seriously can not stop thinking about it.

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  12. Completely obsessed with About Time as well. I love this post...it's got me thinking about all the times I would go back to as well.

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  13. I love this post!! I am SOOO excited to see about time this weekend!! There are so many things I woudl go back and do..

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  14. stealing this. love you k bye (even with no eyebrows)

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