At least three times a month I'll be trying to make dinner plans with somebody and during our lengthy process of deciding where to eat, it will be revealed that I DO NOT LIKE SUSHI. That declaration is almost always met with a gasp of shock and then I'm peppered with questions like, but have you TRIED the crispy salmon roll with minced eel?? or ok, but I think if you have five shots of sake before you eat it you'll change your mind. No, I don't think so, and I'll tell you why in a minute. But when I was thinking about this I also thought about other things I don't like and that was fun so I made a list READ IT AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOT ALONE IN MY DISLIKE OF SUSHI AND STUFF. Also, I keep typing "sushi" as "shushi" so obviously I need another cuppa coffee.
If I had any computer skillzz at all I'd make a cool header or something that said, "A list of things I don't like," but I'm not good at that so...sorry but I know you didn't come here to see my lack of graphic making skills. No, you came here to see if I've put any googly eyes on stuff lately. I have, by the way.
Things I Don't Like
//Sushi. BECAUSE in 2007 I had sushi for the first (and last) time before a night of drinking 6 Smirinoff Twisteds. That night ended with me getting to see the sushi again and now I won't eat it, the cooked or the raw kind. KEEP ITAWAYFROMME.
//Beer. I wish I liked beer, I really do. I try to, and sometimes I take sips of it, but I haven't acquired the taste yet. I'm still sticking with my hard ciders and margaritas until somebody can invent a beer that doesn't make me feel like I'm drinking feet.
//Yoga. No thanks. I did it once but I had to hold in a
//Twitter. JK. Fooled you.
//Krispy Kreme donuts (or glazed donuts in general). In Jr. High I was going to Catalina Island for science camp (stop, I don't know why I'm so cool) and our fundraiser was selling Krispy Kreme donuts. We had to pick up the donuts about an hour away from where I live and I walked into a room in a church where twelve thousand Krispy Kreme donuts were being stored and it was like I was being hit by a wall of glaze and it was disgusting. I had to spend all day trying to sell those damn donuts and at the end of the day I was STARVING so I took a bite from one and it tasted awful and I spit it out no I'm not dramatic.
//Bauble necklaces. I think they're pretty on other people but they're too big of a statement for me to wear.
//Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Give me pumpkin smelling candles or even pumpkin pie (PIE!) but don't even try to stuff a pumpkin flavored drink down my throat. But when the red cups at Starbucks come out you can bet I'll be all about the peppermint white mochas.
//Bangle bracelets. I LOVE bracelets but I hate hearing them whenever I move my arm and I hate it when they bump against the desk/steering wheel/computer keyboard/etc etc etc.I have a bunch though so I'll usually start out the day wearing one or three and take them off 5 minutes into the work day.
//Dogs. In elementary school I was at a birthday party and a jack Russell terrier chased me down a driveway and attacked the bottom of my pants (THANK GOD FOR
BELL BOTTOMS FLARES) and a Rottweiler came and saved me. And I hate dog slobber. And fur. And how much energy they have. Go ahead and tell me that I don't have a soul but I'm ok with it.
//Fantasy football. This was never a problem until I got a blog twitter account and seriously every other tweet is about fantasy football and trades and stats and I'm just like I'M STILL PISSED ABOUT BASEBALL.
//Ryan Gosling. I. Don't. Get. It. And don't get mad at me, this just means more Ryan for YOU. (You're welcome.)
So if you would like to come over for some tri tip, sprinkle cake donuts, cats, and baseball, that'd be great.