Friday, September 13, 2013

I'm clumsy and had bad taste in shoes

     Hi it's Friday and I'm braindead so all I have today are some embarrassing stories from my past.
     
     //Years ago when I had a boyfriend we went mini golfing with his family. I wanted to beat him because he was talking up a big game and it was annoying me (clearly a healthy relationship) so I steadied my legs, locked my gaze, and whacked the little ball....straight into his mom's crotch.
Something like that.

     //I used to sell wedding dresses. The first bride I had all on my own was really sweet and she had a big budget so obviously I loved her. I was putting her in a $3K dress and it was a little big on her, so I grapped a heavy duty clamp to hold the extra fabric and make it fit. She screamed and I was horrified to realize that I had clamped her skin in with the fabric. It was awful. But she still bought a $3K dress.
      

     //In high school I was playing first base on a co-ed softball team and I was wearing jeans like an idiot and I jumped up to catch a ball and my pants split completely up the middle. And I didn't even make the catch.
I just really wanted to use this gif.

     //My freshman year of college I was wearing these ugly weird foam heels (that I was completely obsessed with and a small jean skirt and I was walking on a lawn right in front of a ceremony in front of about 50 adults and I tripped and totally ate it. Not just a little trip, but a complete feet-in-the-air flailing fall.
I was THE COOLEST PERSON EVER.

     //I worked at Subway in high school and when I started I thought a BMT was a Bacon Meatball Tomato sandwich. I made (AND SOLD) 3 footlongs before someone asked what I was doing because a BMT is actually pepperoni, salami, and ham. And it's delicious so you should go eat a toasted one.

     That's all I have for today so see ya wouldn't wanna be ya (unless your name is Jennifer Lawrence in which case YES).



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18 comments:

  1. Bacon, meatball, tomato sammich sounds like something someone would concoct after dancing with MJ, if ya catch my drift.

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  2. I totally have taken a ball to the boob before. NOT FUN. I also worked in bridal and nothing is more awkward than being in a small room with a half naked bride.

    Plus, last weekend I wore these adorable shoes out, only to trip over a curb and eat shit. I tore my pants and have A HUGE scrape on my knee that has now caused half my leg to bruise.

    Bottom line: I FEEL YOU GIRL.

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  3. I tripped 3 times yesterday wearing sneakers. Almost bit it walking down the steps of my lecture hall. THANK GOD I DIDN'T. Glad I'm not the only one who's less than graceful!

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  4. I can't imagine a scenario in which one would be mad at a bacon, meatball, tomato sub.

    Yum.

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  5. haha at the falling down story. seems like that happens to me all the time!

    i was at the CNE which is a huge end of summer festival and one of the big attractions is the food building. so as i'm coming out of the food building carrying (in both hands) two huge cups of awesome fries, i FELL DOWN THE STAIRS in front of all the tables that surrounded the building (of course) and although i looked like a total asshole, I DIDN'T DROP ONE FRY! like a boss. but i did hear a lot of laughing and then someone said "OMG, that's KAT!!" and they laughed even harder :(

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  6. I would totally eat your BMT sandwich. Sounds delicious.

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  7. Hahahahaha! The BMT! They watch you make it and everything! Amazing.

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  8. We all had some of those heels girl - you are not alone! That is hilarious about the golf ball to the crotch! She probably deserved it! HAHA

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  9. HAHAHA BMT. Your boyfriend's mom probably deserved th crotch shot because she probably thought you weren't good enough for her son.

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  10. Girl, I have fallen on my butt so many times in front of others, it ain't even funny.

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  11. AWWWW we have alot in common..we are blog fails alot...we are clumsy....I fall up steps ...ALOT.

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  12. HAHAHA I laughed so hard at the subway story!!! That is too funny that 3 people actually ate that....even though a Bacon Meatball Tomato sandwich doesn't sound half bad....

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  13. I worked at Subway through High School as well. Apparently I'd been giving people less bacon than normal on their BLT's for two years and no one corrected me. OOPS.

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  14. Soooo I worked at Jersey Mikes in high school - TWINSSSSSSSSSSSS

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  15. The BMT Makes no sense! I think your idea sounds much more like it!

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  16. i worked at pizza hut in high school and one time i accidentally put 'cheddar cheese' into the computer instead of just the normal cheese pizza option and that person's pizza came out super yellow/orange and weird looking. everyone was like "what happened to this pizza?" and i never fessed up..

    -nicole @ apeekintonewchapters.blogspot.com

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  17. Haha jean skirts were so fetch in college... Ok maybe not but my insistence on wearing one every weekend says otherwise.

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  18. i couldn't stop watching that tennis GIF. so i didn't read the rest of it. so i kind of just imagined us playing tennis. you're the one getting hit with the balls.

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