Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Someone had a crush on Clay Aiken

     If you're anything like me then you hate it when you go to read a new blog post and you're all excited because hello, new content and a way to procrastinate, and then the entire post is about the blogger's IRL friend who you don't even know. You're like who is this person? She doesn't even blog? Then why do I care about her? She doesn't even go here! Well then you won't like where this is going but bear with me for just a few minutes because it's important and I've never asked you for any favors before today.... at least not that I can remember so let's go with it.

     Today is Jacey's birthday!We've been friends for almost 10 years, except for a couple of months in high school when we were in a fight about something and then the fight was magnified when she heard me say to a friend "Let's go see MC2" and she thought I was speaking in code about Miss Congeniality 2 because I didn't want her to go with me but really I just didn't want to say all the syllables. But don't worry, I bought her a card with a puppy on the front that said "I'm sorry" on the inside and gently tossed it on the counter at the bakery where she worked. She'll tell you I threw it at her face but that's a lie. I was very gentle just like I always am (except when I'm playing bloody knuckles).
    // She and I met in 2003 when we both wanted to be in a homeschool production of Little Women, and we both succeeded in securing roles in the "B" cast (understudy), which really just means "You're not good enough to have a real role so we'll let you perform in one matinee performance because your parents are paying for this experience." I might be a little bitter still. Anyway, one of the first times Jacey and I carpooled to rehearsal she was wearing a [required] floor length prairie skirt and for some reason I thought she was wearing a back brace, and I pitied the poor girl who probably had undergone numerous surgeries and had never played sports, and wasn't she a trooper for working hard so at rehearsal? Well, the Jerk Award goes to me because Jacey didn't have a back brace and she actually played tennis and softball, which I would have known if I had made conversation instead of just assuming her prairie skirt was a back brace. It wasn't a back brace, did I mention that?

     // During the first few months of rehearsal, we both had a crush on the same guy, but she dated him first, secretly. OH THE SCANDAL of her secret boyfriend! He wrote her a song and threatened to sing it to her and asked her to winter formal but then they broke up because she felt guilty about lying to her mom. So then of course I dated him because good friends share everything right? He gave me a purple construction paper heart for Valentine's Day (he was 16, not 6) and then he wrote me a song too and threatened to sing it to me and I think that was the straw that broke the tone deaf boy's heart because after that we broke up because I also felt guilty about lying to my mom. We had a lot of guilt. (Side note, this guy is the one who said "I'm not" when I said I was cold.)

     // When I got my driver's license I wasn't allowed to ride with passengers for the first 6 months and I was a strict rule follower (except when it came to curfews and boys and movies) and one time I made Jacey walk next to my car while I drove about 2 miles an hour next to her, which was probably 10 times more dangerous than if she'd been in the car with me but it was the law and I'm terrified of the po-po, remember?
    // In high school we were at her house alone and we got someone to buy us B&J wine coolers because isn't that what all the cool kids were doing? We each drank two and it was really hardcore.

    // One time I pretended to throw my phone at her face but the phone slipped and actually hit her in the face. Like, right in the middle. Oops.

    // One time in high school Jacey and I drove down to LA to visit the college I wanted to go to and see her grandparents, and on the way down I almost drove into a median and we tried to memorize all the lyrics to Daniel Powter's "You Had A Bad Day" but we failed hard.
     // Jacey used to have theeee biggest crush on Clay Aiken. In case you forgot what Clay looks like...here.

     // Jacey taught me about white wine spritzers (moscato and Sprite, drink it now) and I'll be forever grateful.

     // If I'm going to Jacey's house, I know I don't need to wear a bra.

Dear Jacey,
     Happy birthday! I hope the bacon waffle you have for breakfast is the most delicious thing you've put in your mouth so far this year, and I hope Louisa's doesn't forget to add the bacon like they did the first time I ordered it. Make sure you eat a lot of carbs today because let's be real, you won't be drinking water tonight IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. This next year I hope you learn to listen to me more and take my advice, because well, you know, I've been right a lot lately. I also hope you get a lot of cute clothes for your birthday so I can borrow all of them. I would also really like it it you could stop working on weekends because that's been really inconvenient for me this past year. Thanks for talking about boys and hair with me and for listening to me when I need to vent. Happy birthday!

(Oh, and don't forget to enter to win $200+ from the sponsors of Tales of a Twenty Something!)

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  1. Hahahahahahaha I am dying laughing over her walking next to your car (and of course clay Aiken) but I can just picture that.

  2. haha I love the last one. Definitely me and my best friend. "I'm coming over but I look like garbage" "I'm not wearing a bra so that's cool".

  3. This is absoloutely the cutest. And I like it when bloggers talk about their real life friends, it's like getting a glimpse at who they really are!

  4. who wears bras anyway?! or is that just a thing people do in portland, walk around braless

  5. Bahaha I once laughed with a mouthful of Dr. Pepper and spit it all over my Bestie's face. She was so mad...

  6. Wine coolers!! Ooooh those were the days! {I dated Clay's cousin when I was in college ... and harrassed him nonstop just for being related to the guy!! Oh the shame!LOL }

  7. You know you're really close with someone when you opt to go bra-less.

  8. I'm dying over the car part.. we had that rule too and I NEVER followed it because I was and still am a rulebreaker. HAHA.

  9. hahaha I love this so much. So much like my best friend and I.

    I can't believe you threw a phone at her face. Jerk.

  10. DYING. back brace, prairie skirt, the phone, the car, clay - everything. DIED.