Tuesday, August 13, 2013

So MAYBE I overreacted

     You guys might remember me mentioning that in college I had a crush on every guy.I was convinced that I would go to college and meet the love of my life in my first semester and it would be totally perfect. I had it all planned out: we would do e v e r y t h i n g together. Classes, sports, meals, weekend trips to the beach, blahblahblahblahblah gag me someone watched too many chick flicks! Obviously this didn't happen. Whenever I met a new guy I instantly pictured out future together because I was actually a crazy stage 5 clinger apparently.  

     My freshman year I met this guy, we'll call him Doug (hello, obviously I don't ever use real names around here), and I was convinced that we were destined. He was so tall, and athletic, and we had so so so many things in common. I liked to pretend that it was love at first sight and ok maybe I practiced writing my name with his last name a few dozen times. Anyway, we went on a couple of dates that year but things just kind of "fizzled out" like so many relationships do (and uh what does that even mean??). So when we came back to school sophomore year I had kind of given up on him, and he was actually kind of annoying me. We had a few classes together (that happens when you go to a small college and are in the same small major, ugh) and we got assigned to group projects together a few times. I had moved on and I wasn't interested in him one bit.

BUT (and isn't there always a but?)...

     Story detour time! My college had an event in the spring called Spring Banquet, and it was basically a prom. One of my college dreams was to get to go to Spring Banquet with a handsome man. I mean, I got to go to a prom in high school even though I was homeschooled, and it wasn't that great so I wanted Spring Banquet to just be the most amazing thing ever. I hadn't gotten asked freshman year and I was actually really upset about it. As in, the night of the Spring Banquet there's a really good chance that I ate cookie dough and cried. I was a little dramatic.
I just wanted my own Cinderella Story. BARF.

SO. One day when I was at work at a certain amusement park possibly wearing a wig, I got a phone call.

"Hey! Juliette, it's Doug."
I groaned a little because maybe I was a jerk.
"Oh, hey Doug. What's up?"
"How's it going?"
"Um, pretty good. I'm just at work right now."
"Oh cool. How's it going?"
"Uh, it's fine. My break is only a couple more minutes though. What's up?"
"Well um, I was just wondering if, you know, if you want to go to Spring Banquet with me?"
"Um, well, it's on a Saturday, right? I usually have to work Saturdays. But let me see if I can switch some things around at work, ok? I'll get back to you as soon as I know."
I was really bad at saying no. Plus it was Spring Banquet.
"Oh, well, ok. I guess I'll talk to you later then."

I know I know I know I know I KNOW. It was my dream! And Doug was a tall handsome man with whom I had sooooo much in common! So what was the problem?

In short, I didn't enjoy his company. It was boring. So I sighed and complained to myself that I had to say no to a date that I really actually wanted to go on if anyone else had asked me. Maybe I should still go, though? No, that would be leading him on. But maybe I'd have a great time? No, I wouldn't. So I forgot to call him back. Whoops.

The next week I was in my dorm room and my roommate got a phone call from a friend of hers.
"Oh my gosh, Stacey just got asked to go to Spring Banquet!"
"Oh cool!" I said, trying not to let my jealousy show in my voice. I also remembered that I'd never called Doug to tell him I couldn't go to Spring Banquet. I'd do it tomorrow, I decided.
"Some guy named Doug asked her. I don't know him, but I think they're on the swim team together."
"Uh, that's funny," I said, feeling really hot and angry, "because Doug asked me to Spring Banquet last Saturday, and I haven't given him an answer yet."
"Uh oh," my roommate said.

I was fuming. Livid! Who did this guy think he was, asking two girls to the same event? It totally didn't matter that I didn't even want to go. It was the principle of the matter! How rude! Guys are such jerks. He needed to be taught a lesson! And I just happened to be feeling really really sassy that night. SO. I picked up my phone and dialed his number because he was not getting away with this.

"Hey Doug! It's Juliette!" My enthusiasm was so fake.
"Oh...hey...what's up?" He already sounded nervous. GOOD.
"Sorry it's taken me a few days to get back to you, I had to work a bunch of things out at work, but I wanted to let you know that I got that Saturday shift covered and I'd love to go to Spring Banquet with you!" I knew 100% that I was being a jerk. A total jerk, and I didn't even care.
"Oh...uh...well, see the thing is I actually asked someone else because I hadn't heard from you." He sounded panicked. GOOD.
"EXCUSE ME?" I screeched like a banshee said, feigning shock and surprise. 
"Uh, yeah, well, I needed to know, and I hadn't heard from you, so I asked Stacy."
"Um, Doug, I had to pull a lot of strings to get that Saturday off [I hadn't done anything to get that Saturday off. I still had a shift] and I was really looking forward to going with you [I wasn't]! You just asked someone else without even trying to call me again??"
"Uh, well, yeah."
"That is the rudest thing I have ever heard! That's horrible! You can't treat women like that. That is so disrespectful. I can't believe you would do that! Do you know how hard it was to get that Saturday off??"
"Uh, well, I guess you should have just gotten back to me sooner."
"NO, DOUG. This wasn't my fault. You were the one who asked me, and I was so excited for it. I've wanted to go to Spring Banquet ever since my oldest brother told me about it when I was twelve! I can't believe you would do this to me. The next time you ask a girl out on a date you'd better be prepared to actually take that girl and not just replace her when it's convenient for you!" And I hung up. Oh, and I was fake crying throughout the entire conversation. I am fully aware that this was not a very nice thing to do.

I KNOW. I am a dramatic bitch a little dramatic.

Later that evening I was doing some homework when there was a knock on my door. It was my friend Kim and she was holding sunflowers and a card, and she Doug had asked her to bring them to me because he was a little scared of me right then. Oops. So I rolled my eyes (because I am mature, obviously), took the flowers and apology card, and picked up my phone to call my roommate and tell her what just happened.

"Hello?" A hesitant male voice answered the phone.
"Uh, hi, this is Juliette, who is this?"
"This is Doug."

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!! Doug was the most recent call on my phone and I accidentally dialed him instead of my roommate!! I AM A HUGE IDIOT!!!
"Oh...uh hey. I was calling because Kim dropped off the flowers and I wanted to say thanks. They're pretty."
"You're welcome."
"......................................ok. Well, that's all. Bye."

And I hung up faster than I've ever hung up before, and things were pretty awkward with him for a few months, but we're still sort of friends, and we never went out on a date again. And I never did get invited to Spring Banquet, so I guess I got what I deserved. 
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  1. This cracked me up. Clearly, it's all about the principle. I mean, these are the situations that put a little chest-hair on those boys, amma right?

  2. That's funny. Like really funny. I wish I was your friend in college we would have gotten along great. I went to a social with one guy and left with another guy (because he offered to take me to waffle house). Classy, I know.

  3. hahahahaha

    I'm not going to lie - I actually just laughed out loud. Why were we all such annoyingly dramtic bitches when we were younger? I honestly probably would've hopped aboard the crazy express and would've done something like this... so don't feel bad.

  4. haha tragic. and awesome. and you totally taught him a lesson of some sorts

  5. Amazing post as usual!

    I has a date for my junior prom...until I was de-dated because my friend decided that his brand new girlfriend should go, "but don't worry, [he] found a replacement!" Guys sucked. I should've flipped like you did, but I was friends with both of them so I couldn't. LAME.

  6. Hahaha this is sooo funny! He totally deserved it. Guys suck, but we've discussed this many a time. xo

  7. Hahaha. Love it. At least you got some flowers out of it, ya?

    Totally stalking you on IG right now.

  8. hahahahahah That's so funny. I'm sure it sucked in the moment, but now it's hilarious!

  9. Best story ever!!! This was pretty funny and similar to my own life in s many ways! :)

  10. Hahahahaha...that's too funny. I've accidentally dialed the wrong person or text the wrong person in an argument. All bad.

  11. Whenever I think of banquets I think of trophies being handed out, haha!

  12. HAHA oh my gosh, this is an awesome story. :) I totally would've done the same thing.

  13. seriously, your comments are downright hysterical. you deserved to have gone to the spring banquet!!

  14. Hilarious story! So glad you taught him a lesson!

  15. I see nothing jerky, wrong, or dramatic with this story.

  16. This might be my favorite story of all time and you nailed it with the gifs as usual but wait.. YOU WERE HOME SCHOOLED?! Tell me more. Just kidding, don't tell me more because in like two weeks you can tell me all about it over drinks. Yessss.

  17. hahahaha!

    I love the drama! I can only imagine what he was thinking when you started 'crying' on the phone. Poor guy but it sounds like you taught him a good lesson!

  18. STOPPPPP. This would totally happen to me. Actually it has but in a less dramatic sense. Your story had me cracking up and I LOVE that you made him feel guilty, bahaha he deserved it :)

  19. That was the most dramatic story I've ever heard lmao. I would've gone by myself! Girl's night!

  20. Ha! You are seriously amazing. I'm dying.