I wasn't too rebellious in high school because I was a big chicken and I was afraid of getting caught doing something wrong. Occasionally my friends and I would sneak out of our houses and just walk up and down the streets at midnight talking, and I'd jump in a bush if I saw a car coming, because the po-po are totally gonna bust me for being out past curfew! Yeah Juliette, because the "po-po" (you are not a gangsta so STOP THAT) have nothing better to do than look for sober 16 year olds taking a walk, and FYI diving into a bush is way more suspicious than just walking around, you moron. So when I turned 18 I decided it was time to spread my rebellious wings so I bought a lottery ticket (gasp!) and got my belly button pierced. Then I wanted to pierce ALL THE THINGS, and I did. Look.
I had to take my tongue ring out for work because apparently mermaids don't have tongue rings, whatever, and I took my belly button ring out in November but it refuses to close up, so now I just have a cool looking hole on my abdomen and no, you aren't getting a picture of that you freak. Then my tragus and rook piercings fell out and closed up, so I got my tragus done again and asked them to put a pretty stud in it and to make sure it was screwed on kinda tight so it wouldn't fall out, please. The guy who did that was an overachiever because it's been at least 5 years and I'm stuck with THIS.
So last night for Jacey's birthday she decided to get a tattoo, and I thought great! I'll stop being a baby and I'll ask them to get this dumb stud out of my ear cartilage! I feel like you can already figure out where this is going. Jacey was talking to the tattoo guy about her ink and I just stood there looking really out of place and thinking about how I still want to get a triple frontal helix like the one I saw on Pinterest.
Finally I walked up to the front and asked someone if he could try to take my stud out. He couldn't but he pointed me to a very tough [and not pleasant] looking guy who was sitting on a grimy couch reading a magazine and looking like he really didn't want to be disturbed but guess what? I disturbed him anyway and just couldn't stop talking, which shouldn't be surprising.
Hi can you unscrew my tragus stud? It's so big and I don't like it but it's stuck and I haven't been able to unscrew it and I freak out when people try to do it because I'm a big chicken and I'm afraid it's going to rip out my cartilage and I'm just so scared I'm sorry I know it's not a big deal but WHY ARE YOU GETTING PLIERS OUT OF THAT DRAWER?
He wasn't amused. It would be easy, the cartliage is super thick in that spot, and it wouldn't tear, and would I please just chill and let him do his job? HA.
Ok but can you be really careful because I'm freaking out and I'm really nervous and I'll try not to make any noise because I know that's really bad but I can't promise anything.
He put the pliers on the ball and started twisting, and then...
STOP NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS I'M FREAKING OUT PLEASE STOP.
So he threw his hands in the air and said FINE and then gave me a dirty look.
And he went back to reading his magazine and I watched Jacey get her tattoo and neither of us passed out...but I still have that stupid tragus piercing and I have no idea how I'll ever get it out! Someone said that I'll probably have to go to the doctor and have it sawed off but whoever said that is a jerk because that sounds horrifying. And I feel like I'll never be able to go back to that tattoo parlor again because I'm such a chicken and they're all judging me and I made a scene in there TWICE and this stupid earring is stupid and stuck. So if you have any ideas of what to do about my problem please let me know.
The rest of the night was great, though. Some friends and I took Jacey to dinner and drinks for her birthday and I think we succeeded in getting her frunk (fun drunk). Plus we were home by 9pm which this grandma LOVES.
|What, you don't grab your boob when you take a selfie outside of the donut store at 830?|
The moral of the story is that sometimes things are permanent and bigger isn't always better, and hard cider doesn't give you a hangover.