Wednesday, August 28, 2013

My rebellion backfired on me

     I wasn't too rebellious in high school because I was a big chicken and I was afraid of getting caught doing something wrong. Occasionally my friends and I would sneak out of our houses and just walk up and down the streets at midnight talking, and I'd jump in a bush if I saw a car coming, because the po-po are totally gonna bust me for being out past curfew! Yeah Juliette, because the "po-po" (you are not a gangsta so STOP THAT) have nothing better to do than look for sober 16 year olds taking a walk, and FYI diving into a bush is way more suspicious than just walking around, you moron. So when I turned 18 I decided it was time to spread my rebellious wings so I bought a lottery ticket (gasp!) and got my belly button pierced. Then I wanted to pierce ALL THE THINGS, and I did. Look.

     I had to take my tongue ring out for work because apparently mermaids don't have tongue rings, whatever, and I took my belly button ring out in November but it refuses to close up, so now I just have a cool looking hole on my abdomen and no, you aren't getting a picture of that you freak. Then my tragus and rook piercings fell out and closed up, so I got my tragus done again and asked them to put a pretty stud in it and to make sure it was screwed on kinda tight so it wouldn't fall out, please. The guy who did that was an overachiever because it's been at least 5 years and I'm stuck with THIS.
     It won't come unscrewed. I am literally stuck with it forever That big ugly stud is clinging to my ear and it won't let go. It's kind of making me weirdly claustrophobic. Like, if I think about it too much then I get freaked out because I really think it might be in my ear for all of eternity, which is ironic because my reasoning for getting piercings is that "they're kind of edgy but not permanent." I've had dreams of being able to unscrew it and I wake up sadder than I am when I dream about Christian Bale still being Batman. A few months ago I went to a tattoo parlor and asked them to try and get it off but when they started twisting I kept moving and squealing and the guy said I can't do this if you're gonna act like this, you need to shut up or get out. I still have the piercing so you can probably guess which one I did.

     So last night for Jacey's birthday she decided to get a tattoo, and I thought great! I'll stop being a baby and I'll ask them to get this dumb stud out of my ear cartilage! I feel like you can already figure out where this is going. Jacey was talking to the tattoo guy about her ink and I just stood there looking really out of place and thinking about how I still want to get a triple frontal helix like the one I saw on Pinterest.

     Finally I walked up to the front and asked someone if he could try to take my stud out. He couldn't but he pointed me to a very tough [and not pleasant] looking guy who was sitting on a grimy couch reading a magazine and looking like he really didn't want to be disturbed but guess what? I disturbed him anyway and just couldn't stop talking, which shouldn't be surprising.

     Hi can you unscrew my tragus stud? It's so big and I don't like it but it's stuck and I haven't been able to unscrew it and I freak out when people try to do it because I'm a big chicken and I'm afraid it's going to rip out my cartilage and I'm just so scared I'm sorry I know it's not a big deal but WHY ARE YOU GETTING PLIERS OUT OF THAT DRAWER?

     He wasn't amused. It would be easy, the cartliage is super thick in that spot, and it wouldn't tear, and would I please just chill and let him do his job? HA.

     Ok but can you be really careful because I'm freaking out and I'm really nervous and I'll try not to make any noise because I know that's really bad but I can't promise anything.

     He put the pliers on the ball and started twisting, and then...

     STOP NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS I'M FREAKING OUT PLEASE STOP.

    So he threw his hands in the air and said FINE and then gave me a dirty look.

     And he went back to reading his magazine and I watched Jacey get her tattoo and neither of us passed out...but I still have that stupid tragus piercing and I have no idea how I'll ever get it out! Someone said that I'll probably have to go to the doctor and have it sawed off but whoever said that is a jerk because that sounds horrifying. And I feel like I'll never be able to go back to that tattoo parlor again because I'm such a chicken and they're all judging me and I made a scene in there TWICE and this stupid earring is stupid and stuck. So if you have any ideas of what to do about my problem please let me know.

     The rest of the night was great, though. Some friends and I took Jacey to dinner and drinks for her birthday and I think we succeeded in getting her frunk (fun drunk). Plus we were home by 9pm which this grandma LOVES.

     
What, you don't grab your boob when you take a selfie outside of the donut store at 830?

The moral of the story is that sometimes things are permanent and bigger isn't always better, and hard cider doesn't give you a hangover.
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

22 comments:

  1. I saw that same thing on Pinterest and want it so bad! I even bought the jewelry for it. I'm just terrified of needles.

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  2. Hahaha omg I cannot believe your piercing won't come out. Maybe you should try to put something really slippery on it. Or just get blackout and then go to the tattoo place and have them remove it then! (That last idea will only work if you go with a friend you trust a lot, haha!)

    <3, Charlotte

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  3. I have my rook and tragus on both ears. I change my tragus jewelry quite often, but the rook? No, and thank you. I tried once, and it was not a good experience. At all.

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  4. ha this is hilarious. I'm such a weenie I only have my lobes pierced and that's it :)

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  5. You are braver than me. I got my belly button done and it ripped out...PAINFUL...after that I was done..now I am on to tattoos!

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  6. As you know I have my tragus pierced and I've had my tongue and lip, but I took both of those out. I have a small hoop in my tragus with a purplish black ball on it. The hoop ends up going in my ear and I forget I have it. Except your stud looks HUGE. Why is it so big?

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  7. You are way more brave than I'll ever be. I'm terrified of needles. I used to want my nose pierced until I watched a YouTube video of some chick getting hers done and passed out. World's biggest wimp, right here. Kinda want my belly button done, but still too big of a wimp.

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  8. I want the triple helix too! I'm hopefully getting it in a couple of months when I go in and get my next tattoo! I'm sorry about your tragus. I totally understand though, because I used to make my mom change my belly button ring because it grossed me out. Don't judge me.

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  9. Um I have an industrial bar in my left ear that will never be leaving me for the exact same reason! I actually love it and honestly forget about it until someone says, "Oh I never knew you had that before!" and gestures vaguely to my face and I'm like, "...a nose?..." But I have thought about changing the simple barbel out for something cooler several times and every time I tried to unscrew the little balls that hold it on - I JUST CAN'T. I guess they stripped the screwy things when they screwed them on, so there's no way to un-screw them or something. I think it's been 8 or 9 years now that the little guy's been in there. I've pretty much resigned myself to being buried with it but let me know if you figure something out!

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  10. OMG I feel claustrophobic just reading about the piercing being stuck, like I literally feel sick. I get that feeling when I can't get a ring off my finger, like OMG it's never coming off and I'm going to die with this on

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  11. One of my friends got her cartilage pierced our freshman year of college, and one morning she woke up and her ear had completely swelled up to the point where you couldn’t even see the earring anymore (it was awful). She went to her regular doctor who took a pair of pliers and just snapped the end of the earring off—it probably took him a total of 5 seconds once he got a good handle on the earring. It didn’t hurt her at all! My advice to you is to go to your doctor with a friend, feel brave (tell yourself that you WILL get it removed today, no chickening out), and just don’t think about it while they’re doing it. It’s not quite the “sawing” your friend mentioned but I think going to a doctor’s office is a pretty good option.

    PS/ I only found your blog about a month or two ago but it has quickly earned a spot on my “must-read” blog list. Thanks for keeping me laughing everyday!

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  12. my tragus got stuck once too! they were able to get it undone with the pliers easy if you give them a chance!

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  13. Hahahaha I'm just laughing. One time I decided to get a tragus piercing while drunk and it hurt like a biotch and I hated it so I took it out. I've also had my nose pierced and my monroe pierced because I thought I was really cool. :)

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  14. I'll take it out for you. I'll get you nice and drunk and then unscrew that sucker.

    I had mine pierced too, and I loooooved it. And then it fell out one night and grew over and I've been debating for like 5+ years about getting it re-pierced... but this just convinced me that I really reallllly shouldn't do that.

    Seriously though, I'll take it out for you. Wasn't kidding about that part.

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  15. Gah that really sucks, I've always wanted a bar through my upper cartilage, but I can't for work. (Apparently nurses are supposed to look like nice little angels, who knew). Not to scare you but whoever said that about going to the doctor may be right... but I doubt they'll use a saw, it could most likely be clipped or cut then pushed through. Either way, I hope you get it out soon!

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  16. I like that pinterest piercing! I did that same thing when I was a teen! "I'm so cool! Give me alllll the piercings!"

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  17. i went through a phase where i got a tongue ring and belly ring. then my mom and dad were so appalled because old school chinese parents don't understand that shit. it was a total buzz kill and awkward for everyone.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  18. I'm so sorry your piercing won't come out but if it's any consolation, I laughed the whole way through this post and I'm still smiling. Super glad I followed you already.

    - Lix | A Classic Notion

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  19. A lot of tattoo artists don't/won't tattoo you if you are drunk [blood thinning, etc] but since they won't be doing any ink ... do you think you'd relax a little if you were slightly intoxicated?! Maybe?! I get the giggles and talk a lot when I'm drunk ... and don't pay attention to whats going on. It might be worth a shot!

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  20. in my head i'm going to pretend you have other parts pierced. as in parts you can't see. HOLLA.

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  21. take a xanax. get some wd40. the pliers are going to be necessary. I've had mine pierced twice too. I had the same problem and I promise that it doesn't hurt because you have had it for so long.

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