Thursday, August 1, 2013

I bet you didn't know...

     Yesterday I had to renew my car registration, and it was a huge pain in mah donk, mostly just because I had to shell out a lotta lettuce for that shiny stupid blue sticker. It could have been worse because until Jordan told me that AAA renews registration I was readying my brain for the torturous hell of the (dun dun DUNNNNN) DMV. So thanks Jordan. I owe ya. Although I was sort of hoping that I'd meet a really hot guy at AAA but instead I just met a lady who was probably 65 and her name could have been Margo. It wasn't, but it could have been.

     So after I shelled out all those lovely little doll hairs in the form of a check, I went home and was just so exhausted that I flopped down on my bed for five minutes, and when I woke up it had been two and a half hours that I had napped in my bra and pants and sunglasses and that is not the attire I usually prefer during my sweet nap time but whatevs. All that to say that I really have nothing of substance to write today but that doesn't mean y'all are off the hook. No way.

     Before we go any further (farther?) happy birthday to the princess of funny and selfies and darts, Whittypants! I searched high and low for a present for you and this is what you get, a picture I stole borrowed off your own blog and altered JUST FOR YOU because I'm really generous.

     Allie told me I should just write a bunch of random stuff today and I liked that idea, mostly because I woke up riding first class on the Hot Mess Express this morning....

....and I'm just not feeling it. So buckle up, because it's gonna be a bumpy ride and I'm not apologizing.

//Did you know that the resting temperature of testicles is 94-96 degrees, so when it's that hot outside it is literally hot as balls (you did if you were on Twitter this morning). You're welcome. I read that on the internet so I know it's true.

//None of you know what my blog name means and I'm really sorry about that so here's a short little explanation. Whenever I meet people and say my name is Juliette they respond with like ROMEO and Juliet?? and I say no, the OTHER Juliette, and they look at me all confused and stuff and then I just have to sigh and say yeah sure, like Romeo and. So one day I'll be totally famous and instead of people saying like Romeo and Juliet they'll say OMG OMG you're the OTHER Juliette! And I'll be like yeah, chill out but on the inside I'd be like

//I never thought I'd make any friends through blogging, but I was wrong (that's the only time I've been wrong, fyi), and I'm so glad. You guys are great, and tweeting and texting and reading your blogs gets me through the day! xoxo and stuff.

//The average boob weighs 1.1 pounds.

//Nomophobia is the fear of being without your cell phone or losing your signal. I think it's safe to say that we all suffer greatly from this phobia. Without your phone, life basically has no meaning. Why bother eating if you won't be able to instagram it? Why say something funny if you won't be able to tweet about it?

//Each employee at Ben & Jerry's gets to take home 3 pints of ice cream a day sooooooo that's my new dream job.

//Apparently studies show that eating chocolate can improve your math skills but I don't believe that because trust me, I eat a LOT of chocolate and I just can't math very often.

     And that's all. That's the end. If you made it this far you were probably reeeeeally bored and have already read all the new Buzzfeed articles for the day, soooooo thanks for sticking around. 
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  1. 3 pints a day? Hello new part time job!
    Pretty sure my boobs weigh about 10 lbs each or they feel like it at least.

  2. Seriously. I tell you to write a post about random shiz and you hit that one out of the park too. TELL ME YOUR SECRETS. oh and I can assure that one of my boobs does not weigh 1.1 lbs.

  3. Well now I feel justified for saying it was hot as balls the other day. Although I said it in front of my seven year old (accidentally), who then repeated it to my SUPER conservative mother. Whoops.

  4. Okay I hate hate hate paying to Rene my tabs, such a rip off and it's SO expensive and I'm always late so I drive around having panic attacks and worrying about being pulled over for like 2 months. You're adorable and don't worry I eat tons if chocolate and still suck at math ):

  5. 3 pints of ICE CREAM holy hell i'm jealous!

  6. I'm pretty sure neither of these little things on my chest people swear are boobs weigh 1.1 lb, if I had to guess I'd say .1 lb each.

  7. 1.) you're totes welcome for the tip. :) like i said, it's saved my life on a number of occasions.
    2.) damnit, now i want to work at ben and jerry's, but there isn't one where i live, so now i'm mad about that.
    3.) i was on twitter this morning. that whole exchange between you and Allie was hilarious.
    4.) apparently, i like lists.

  8. haha pretty sure my boob doesn't weight much more than 1.1 womp. womp.

  9. I need 3 pints of ice cream a day!!!

  10. I mean I'd cut off my boobs to lose 2 lbs? Or not. Those suckers are my saving grace so people don't look at my huge ass. JK. Every Friday I get an email from a coworker of random ass facts.. I'm going to start sending it to you haha.

  11. It's a good thing I don't suffer from Nomophobia. I rarely get service at home. I'd move if I could afford it, based on that alone. And now I have a new dream job too. Problem is I've never even seen a Ben & Jerry's. Life is rough over here.

  12. Wow I love the boob & balls facts! Good to know!

  13. Pretty sure my boobs weigh 1.1 ounces each. What field should I major in to get a job at Ben & Jerry's?

  14. you are the damnest funniest person I've ever met

  15. there is nothing in the world I hate more the registering my car. Mostly because before I can do that I have to do safety and emissions and before that I have to change four tires and fix my wiper blades... yada yada yada. ANNOYING!

  16. 1 - I just found your blog a few days ago and I really like it so I promptly followed you on Twitter and Instagram and maybe Pinterest? I've been on a Pinterest kick lately. Hope you're OK with that. If not, too bad.
    2 - I think the average weight of my boobs are 10 lbs. a piece. It makes me feel better if I step on a scale.
    3 - I have a friend who worked security at Ben & Jerry's and she said there was a freezer filled with the little cartons of ice cream and the security guards were free to take whatever they wanted. So jel.

  17. THREE PINTS of Ice cream? That's effing ridiculous. and amazing. Also, I want those ass fact emails forwarded to me from Sami! Haha

  18. Pretty damn sure my boobs weigh more than that, but you never know! hahaah.

  19. How the eff did I miss this post?

    First of all - this is possibly the most informative blog post that I've read in weeks.. months.. years.

    I'm happy to now know the resting temperature of balls. This could come in handy. Trivia night, anyone?
    I'm pretty sure that my boobs are so small that they might weight 1lb TOGETHER - if I'm lucky.
    I want 3 pints of ice cream a day.

    I suffered from nomophobia in a bad way when I was stuck at my cottage without reception. That shit was just rude.