Monday, August 19, 2013

Good friends don't care how high your pants go

     Nine years ago I spent an entire summer living with 25 other people on a bus touring the US and performing concerts in churches and staying in host homes at night. It was challenging and fun and emotional and I'm still surprised they even let me on the tour because I really don't sing and dancing requires coordination but whatever, I lasted three months and it looked a little like this.

Find me. I'm wearing purple.
Find me. I'm wearing pink in the back.
Find me. I'm in the back.
In pink. I had to take a picture of a picture and the quality is awful sorrynotsorry
but don't I look so coordinated???
There's a 95% chance I was lip syncing.
Look how COOL WE WERE (I'm on the right DUH).
     So I know what you're thinking: what does this have to do with anything?? EVERYTHING. When you live with people on a bus you're bound to make some friends, and one of my closest Tour E friends is Jenni. Unfortunately, when we met she lived in Virginia and I lived in California so we never visited each other and our communication was extremely sparse until FACEBOOK thanks Mark Zuckerberg. BUT! Jenni recently got married to an Army man who just happened to be stationed in Monterey, CA, which just happens to be only a few hours away from me. SCORE. So after 8 months of the two of us saying we should really visit each other wouldn't that be fun? we settled on a weekend and I got to see my friend. It had been 9 years since the tour bus dropped her off at the airport and I had waved goodbye as she walked into the LAX terminal, and in those 9 years she and I have both changed tremendously, but some friendships are just bound to stand the test of time, and ours did. So I got my two large Diet Cokes (don't judge me) and headed north. I was a little nervous that the whole weekend would just be terribly awkward, but mostly I was just really excited to relive some really fun (and some not so fun) memories.

     Okay first of all, I'm horrible at packing. HORRIBLE. I always pack about 7 times as many things as I actually need. Like, for my two day trip I had 5 pairs of shoes, 8 shirts, and 10 pairs of underwear, and a giant bag of toiletries that I didn't even need. BUT MAYBE I'LL WANT TO WEAR A SEQUINNED SHIRT TO BASKIN ROBBINS! YOU DON'T KNOW!

     On Friday when I got to their apartment there was a lot of screaming and hugging and jumping and screaming...

...and then Jenni and Matt took me to Schooner's in Monterey and I tried mussels for the first time and I was pleasantly surprised that they actually tasted pretty good! I was nervous because, well, mussels look like boogers. I took exactly zero pictures on Friday night because I totally forgot to take my phone out of my purse because I was busy living in the moment and catching up with my friend and I don't regret it.

    After the delicious not boogery mussels we went home and drank wine and talkedandtalkedandtalked. At one point Matt interrupted our conversation and said, hey, don't come over here by the front door, and Jenni said, did the cat catch a snake again? And I was like UM EXCUSE ME, A SNAKE, AGAIN??  And they told me that one of their cats thinks it's fun to catch snakes and bring them inside.  Oh cool, good thing I'm not afraid of snakes OH WAIT YES I AM. I looked at the snake and a) it was dead, and b) it was small, like it just looked like a worm, so I wasn't too freaked out.

     On Saturday Jenni and I went to the Elkhorn Slough (pronounced "slew," I thought it would rhyme with "plow" but for once I was wrong) and went on a kayak tour. Richie was our guide and I wish you could have seen me flirt with him! Guys, I was on my AAAAA game and even Jenni commented about what a good flirter I was, so of course I had to tell her my track record with flirting. That led into conversations about bad dates, being single, and just general "why I hate dating" talk. But anyway, back to the kayaking.

     The kayak place gave us a choice of what to wear: our clothes, a wetsuit, or splash gear. I mean come on, there was no way I was going to try and shimmy myself into a wetsuit, so I asked for splash gear. Richie disappeared into racks of ocean-wear to find stuff for me and I wanted to yell out, "Grab me something five sizes bigger than what you think I need!" but I refrained, and when he emerged with pants and a sexy pullover windbreaker I was nervous. He dropped it in front of me and I realized that I was going to have to put the pants on right in front of him. I tried to act casual and cool but when the whole time I was pulling the pants up I just thought to myself, suck it in! suck it in! think skinny! think skinny! squeeze those cheeks! It was a little dicey going over the honkeytonk (there's no way to suck in your butt) but in the end I was pleasantly surprised that everything fit. And did you know that pants that go up past your belly button are actually pretty comfortable?

Back to marine life and stuff.

     I always thought that picture meant that male and female otters held hands in the water and I thought it was kind of cute, but Richie told us that male otters are actually pretty mean to female otters. When they *ahem* "copulate" the boys bite the girls noses. RUDE. And then when the baby otters are just pups sometimes the dads will kidnap them and hold them for ransom and make the moms bring them food before they'll give them back. BOYZ R MEAN.

     Okay let's be honest: Richie's extensive knowledge of marine life was weirdly attractive. He knew everything about a million different types of birds, all the harbor seals, sea stars (that he picked up and let us hold, gross), anemones, giant sea slugs (we didn't see anything DARN), crabs, etc etc etc. Also he had some beautiful hair that I think was longer than mine and I just wanted to play with it. But then my attraction to him lessened when we asked him where to go to get a good sandwich for lunch and he suggested a Mexican restaurant. Richie didn't have his listening ears on, but on the upside I got a great margarita.

...with a MERMAID hanging out on the rim!!

Wait, let's take a closer look...

...there it is.

     We were exhausted after that so we went home and watched Breaking Bad and Orange Is the New Black and I took the best nap of my life. THE BEST. Then we drank margaritas and wine spritzers and ate pizza and watched Can't Hardly Wait, and wanna see something cool?

Mike Dexter is Carlisle Cullen.

You know you're good friends when you feel comfortable not wearing any makeup.
     We woke up around 530 on Sunday morning because we could hear Jennie's cats getting attacked outside. Then a neighbor cat came into her house so we (by we I mean Jenni) had to chase him outside, and then I curled up in the fetal position because I'm pretty sure there was an army of ninja warriors in my uterus all fighting to see who could be the biggest jerk of all. I silenced them with generic Tylenol though, so go me.

     Sunday we got Jenni caught up on Breaking Bad and we got me caught up on Orange Is the New Black, and can I just say WHOA WHAT THE HELL?? Then I had the best sandwich of my life from this place called Ike's and then I drove home and that's it the end thanks for listening and reading wasn't it fun?

Sami's Shenanigans
Linking up with Sami, as always!

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  1. How fun!!! That's awesome you two finally got to see each other! :)

  2. UM EXCUSE ME. But why am I having to find out that you were a AAAAA flirter thru your BLOG? Is this information not privy to Me and the Sams and the Faithy? Cause I think it is.... You don't go Jilly Coco. But go Allie Coco for using the word privy correctly.

  3. Carlisle Cullen still freaks me out. that hair. that skin. make it stop.

  4. Sounds like a fantastic weekend! My BFF is moving to Cali at the end of next year with her Marine husband. I'm looking forward to making the trip out there to see her. Hopefully we'll do something fun while I'm there!

  5. So jealous of your sea otter adventure but not exactly your splash gear. You pulled it off though.

  6. Sounds like you had an awesome weekend! So glad you guys finally got to get together after so long!

  7. Looks like you had so much fun! Definitely km now you're close friends when you can skip makeup and they don't judge you.

  8. Sounds like such a fun weekend... I love kayaking, and you rock the wetsuit sister friend! :)

  9. I am pretty sure I would bitch slap LT if he bit me on the nose after copulating.

    Or if he stole my baby otter.

  10. This just makes me so happy. I'm sad there are no otter pictures though :( I want a mermaid on my next marg please and thanks.

  11. Bringing 10 pairs of underwear on a two day trip is completely acceptable and not at all weird. YOU NEVER KNOW!

  12. what the hell, no makeup and you look like that?!?
    I look worse than death and I'm really going to be either 1) apologizing to my future husband (see ya in 6 years buddy) or 2) always waking up early/going to bed late to insure he never sees me sans makeup.
    so there's that.

    How did you not tell me this? I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

  14. The mermaid on the margarita is an awesome touch! Also I'm completely heart broken that otters are so mean. :/

  15. The kayak trip sounds like fun. Also, I tend to pack too much underwear for a vacation too because the alternative is packing too few pairs and nobody wants that.

  16. oh my god lmao. These stories are amazing.