Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Emojis I don't want and emojis I NEED.

     Emojis: every iPhone user loves them and every non-iPhone user dreams about them (don't lie, you know it's true). It's pretty obvious that Apple did something right in creating emojis. I mean, I don't think I'd be able to switch from using an iPhone because I love the emojis so much. (Maybe that's an addiction issue...?) But after using an iPhone for the past 10 months I've realized that some emojis are totally and completely usesless.

Like these.

I MEAN REALLY.
All those different books?
Is this really necessary?

I vote that we get rid of that stupid protractor (geometry nightmares, hello) and insert an emoji that does the eye roll. I've needed that emoji more than once. PROOF:

I also would have used it here:

COME ON, EMOJI PEOPLE.
Get it together.


Give me an emoji that's kind of tinted green and maybe one that's throwing up so I can use it when I'm hungover I have the stomach flu. DUH.


I mean really...are you using any of these? If you're using the American flag you probably also tweet some form of this a lot: #MERICA. So obviously you need your American flag using rights revoked, which isn't very American at all but let's be real: some things need to happen. And why isn't there a Canadian flag? Faith, are you mad about that? Or does Canada have different emojis?
Why do we need a floppy disk (disc??) emoji? Or a beeper? Or all those CDs?? Or a fax machine??

Get rid of some of those dumb emojis and GIVE ME ONES I CAN USE.

Like an emoji with a shaking head.

Actually, I'd prefer an emoji that does the head shake AND the eye roll at the same time.
PLEASE, EMOJI GODS, PLEASE.

Also, I think there should be some kind of emoji or special font that portrays sarcasm.
I'd use it ALL THE TIME.

I would also appreciate an emoji that was sticking one finger up in the air.
Just one finger. The middle finger.
I'd have used it here:


And can we talk about the food emojis for a minute?


I don't even know what half of those things ARE. Take away the stupid skewer things and give me a bowl of cereal, a sandwich, a pie, or a burrito! And if you HAVE to have the sushi then fine, Apple has my permission to leave it there. And if there was a barfing emoji I would use it next to the sushi all the time.


Could have used a burrito emoji.

ALSO could have used a burrito emoji.

Along those same lines, give me a drooling emoji so when people post pictures of their food and drinks I can reply with an emoji that accurately portrays what's happening to my face at that moment.


But I think we can all agree on the food emoji the world is lacking the most.
Right, Shannon?


Where is the taco emoji??


Sami noticed too.
APPLE, THIS IS A PROBLEM.


There's a simple solution.
Get rid of some of the stupid emojis and give me some better ones.

      It shouldn't be that hard. There's another iPhone update soon, right? Just add some new emojis and make the people happy. Has anyone even used that weird french horn thing up there, anyway? Does it have legs? Is it walking? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??? It doesn't. AT ALL.

What emojis would you get rid of?
What emojis would you add?
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

45 comments:

  1. F'ING PREACH.
    all of this. who do we contact to get this horrible wrong righted?

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  2. Best post ever. Can I send this to Apple? They need to read this. And make shit happen.

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  3. I love this so much! Like seriously. Someone mentioned yesterday that of all the people emojis there is no African American.. that's just racist Apple.

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    1. The Asian man 'almost' makes up for the lack of African American.

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  4. I have a droid, no iphone so I feel lost in this post.

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  5. EX. CUSE. ME.
    EX-FRIGGEN-SCUSE ME. That is SUSHI and I use that mofo ALL the damn time.
    Because I am a sushi FIEND and the sushi emoji is here to stay. OK, HO?!

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  6. I've only had an iphone for a month or so...where do I find these?! I am not yet in the know with all of the things my phone can do.

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  7. Oh my gosh, I'm dying laughing! Every few weeks I search through all of the emojis looking for an eye roll one, because I keep thinking I'm wrong that it doesn't exist. It seems like there should be one.

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  8. oh man, I use the sushi ones about 3 times a day. Nothing says "I'm the happiest I've ever been" like the sushi emojis

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  9. //jealous android user// I never want an iPhone, I just want the emojis. I want ALL OF THE EMOJIS

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  10. I all of a sudden feel like there has been a whole world I have missed out on.. I have an iPhone yet use no emojis.. What the heck is wrong with me?!

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  12. Maybe you can start a emoji riot. I would join the bandwagon for that one. We definitely need some tacos, an eye roll and italics for sarcasm. I hate putting things in caps when I'm being sarcastic, it just doesn't get the message across right. Also, have you ever noticed the weird golden M thing? It's on the same page as the ATM emoji right next to some random green box with symbols in it (what is that?!) and the black W thing. The whole page really could go away besides the X's and O's.

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  13. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    I am DYING right now. This is hysterical!!

    They totally need some sarcastic emoji's.

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  14. I TOTALLY agree with this post! I rant about this all the time; we need to work for Apple and help them out with their emoji developing. I want that job! It's sad that when someone says something makes me want to puke, I have to get creative and use the monkey with his hands over his mouth (and I have to actually give a caption: "that's me holding my mouth so I don't throw up at what you just said"). Just awful. We shouldn't need to caption our emojis.

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  15. PREACH. They are really dropping the ball on this. BBM had a face palm emoji + a barfing green one. COME ON APPLE!

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  16. I'm all for the emoji of a finger flipping a bird. I need that one!

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  17. HAHAHA can't. stop. laughing. Yes there needs to be a taco and android needs to get on the emoji bus. Emojis ALMOST make me want to switch. Almost.

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  18. hahaha.. yessss a taco one is so needed.. actually having tacos tonight. would have been perfect. Jeez Apple, step your game up!

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  19. Bahahahaha. J. Tiff, you kill me. Dead.

    But seriously, I 10000% agree with this. Get your shit together, Apple. I mean seriously.

    But really though... no Canadian flag? That's douchey. Thank God I have canadian emojis to heal the pain.

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  20. YES. I hate some of them and use the pointless ones when I'm pissed at my friends so they get confused. GIVE ME SOME TACO (that sounds inappropriate, but I don't care.)

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  21. Hahahaha at this whole thing. You NEED to tweet this post to apple stat.

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  22. I'd love a little middle finger emoji. I also really want one that has crossing fingers... ya know.. for good luck? Maybe I'm just unlucky, but I use those little praying hands a lot. I'd like to switch it up. ::crosses fingers::

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  23. I just tried to find an emoji app in the iphone app store yesterday because there are emojis I want, but don't exist. Boo! So, I totally agree with you.

    No luck in the app store, either.

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  24. I don't get the Canadian flag on my CANADIAN phone. Laaaaame!

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  25. Gah I love this! I've been saying FOREVER that I need an eye rolling emoji!

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  26. I'm glad I not the only one who puts this much thought into the usefulness of Emojis.

    And thank you for mentioning that there's no Canadian flag. Really ticks me off!

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  27. I want to give this post a hug. I love it so much. I also believe there needs to be an awkward face.. maybe like a weird smile. And probably a giant bottle of wine emoji. But most definitely a vom emoji. My life needs it.

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  28. I've always said these same things to myself. It's bananas how insane some of those emoji's are.

    Just a tip, if you turn speak selection on and then send an emoji to someone it reads them (in really fun accent choices) and you find out what the hell they are. One of those big hairy monsters is a Japanese Ogre mask. Why this is needed, the world will never know. I happen to think the Japanese people have control of the emoji's because really, why are there like 913749237423 things that look like rice? And sushi! And a Japanese Ogre mask. WTF really?

    Also, I've been asking for a fingers crossed emoji for a long time. And the middle finger one. How are you going to have about eleventy hand gestures and neither of those? I just don't get it.

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  29. Best and most accurate post ive read all friggin day! I whine about this alllllllllllll the time! I want a giraffe, a starfish, some real food options, agree with the eye rolling/vomit face. Oh lordy, there was one I really needed the other day...hmmm i should just start keeping a list for every time I'm met with emoji disappointment. :(

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  30. Haha I love this! I will say I have used that old school document before... but I was a history major so maybe that has something to do with it!

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  31. Apple needs to read this post. This is all genius!

    Sometimes I wish for a nerdy emoji...you know a geeky looking smiley.

    Oh...am I missing something because I downloaded an app to bring the greatness that is emojis to my iPhone. Are they standard with iPhone 5's or something?? Because if not then we really need to be taking this up with whoever created the emoji app!

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  32. AGREED on all counts when it comes to the random neglected emojis that should exist.

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  33. LMFAO omg I never even noticed the unused ones.

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  34. lol.. I know this is a funny post, but I will explain the reason for all the emoji's. First, the Japanese language is complex. A single word describes a whole sentence when compared to English. As a result, typing on a keyboard was painstaking and instead, they created "emojis" to create sentences. This has nothing to do with Apple, except that they implemented the language, which is why it is listed under "languages". Android has this too, you just need to download the language pack for your phone and select the keyboard.

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  35. Buttttttttt, Apple didn't make emojis. They're Japanese and it started off as an app, hence the sushi and all the Japanese items.

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    1. SERIOUSLY! People need to remember that. It's a japanese thing that people in America started to bandwagon on. In fact, most people end up using the Emoji's incorrectly...

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  36. Maybe it's because these emoji are Japanese? MAYBE? Hence why there are onigiri, sushi and obento as well as other japanese things. They aren't called Emoticons for a reason, Emoji and Kaomoji( stuff like (^-^)/ ) are both japanese.

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  37. Notice how there isn't an emoji with a face that has pound signs (or dollar signs)... the Japanese should try harder.
    £_£ $.$

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  38. Honestly how can our emojis be more important than than the food we eat and the cloth we wair? Our t-shirts are full of chemicals and toxic and produced under awefull and unhuman working conditions, our food is genetically manipulated and out of cheep mass production... But yeah let's worry about the emojis... :P

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  39. I honestly hate emoji addicts like you that don't know that emojis are actually from Japan.

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  40. You know what, like I agree all of them but PLEASE RESPECT THOSE JAPAN FOODS, YOU THINK THOSE ARE WHAT!? You made me feel offended, its ramen, dango, oden, sushi, bento and all those japanese food and drinks, why can't iPhone make it as emoji, you asked who would even use those? I use those, its not only American have iPhones, Japan also have iPhones which means those japan food emojis are needed for us. Whats wrong with that like HELLO? EXCUSE ME!?

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