Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Did he REALLY just say that?

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in over a year. It sucked. I only did it because I have to run a 5K with my family on Saturday and I'd like to NOT be crawling over the finish line. I really hate running on the street in my town because it's so small and I always pass by someone I know and I hate that. So I signed up for a free 3-day pass this week because it's totally possible to do the couch to 5K in three days right? RIGHT? Also, did you guys know that you can use your apple earbuds to take selfies? I figured that out after the gym. Look.

My older sister got out of running the race this year because she's pregnant,
so I guess I know what I need to do for next year.
Kidding.

     That really has absolutely nothing to do with the next part of this post but thanks for reading it. Honestly this race is good for me because it's getting me to work out, and lord knows I need that and I need it badly. 

     Anyway, I've been extra cynical lately in the man department (I know, I didn't think that was possible either). Yesterday I was thinking about guys I've dated and all the stuff they've said to me that I just think is dumb and it irritates me that I put up for it for even 5 minutes. Don't put up with dumb stuff, people. If you ever have any conversations like these with a guy you should probably smile and back away slowly. 

On a group date when I was fifteen.
Me: "Brrr...I'm cold." Hoping he'll put his arm around me.
Him: "I'm not."
At midnight around Christmas we were watching a movie.
Me: "I'm going to have a piece of chocolate, do you want one?"
Him: "You're going to have one now?"
Me: "Yes. It's Christmas and it's GHIRARDELLI."
Him: "Babe, you really shouldn't. It's really bad for you. . .it'll go straight to your hips."
Me: 
and

One time when I was in a bad mood with my boyfriend of one month:
Me: "I'm sorry, I'm really grumpy. It's PMS."
Him: "Oh, you're on your period now?"
Me: "No. It's PMS."
Him: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Uh, yeah."
Him: "Huh. I guess I've just never heard of a girl getting PMS before her period before."
Me: ". . . ."
Him: ". . . ."
Me: "Do you even know what PMS means??"

On a second date at Disneyland with a really awkward guy"
Him: "Hey, let me see your hand."
I show him my hand and he intertwines our fingers so we're holding hands for the first time.
Him: "Isn't that cool? They fig perfectly!"
Me: "BARF." (in my mind of course because I'm a lady)
A high school boyfriend said this while we were kissing:
Him: "My hump my hump my humps, my lovely lady lumps."
On a date with a guy who should have put a million dollars in the douche jar:
Him: "I'm so glad you have blue eyes and straight teeth...that's like the most important thing to me in a lady."
Me: "Uh, is that a joke?"
Him: "No, like, your eyes are really blue."
On a first phone call with a guy I met online:
Me: "So what kind of movies do you like?"
Him: "I just can't watch enough rom-coms, they're my favorite!"
 photo ScreenShot2013-06-23at112320PM_zps46bb1b5d.png

24 comments:

  1. Oh, no no no.

    But at least you know you have pretty eyes and perfect teeth :)



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  2. Wait....so my apple earbuds take photos?!?!

    How? Really? Are you lying?

    And by the way...that hand holding comment made me literally shiver from reading it. That guy had terrible moves.

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  3. Thank you for sharing the my humps story. It made me giggle. Oh and the hand holding guy... Hello LOOOOOOSER

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  4. I love you for including a Danielle Staub gif. Oh man.

    Also, men are stupid.

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  5. Did you know your eyes are...like, REALLY blue??
    Hahahaha.
    And the PMS guy!! What the fluff man...

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  6. I just really need to know how you're so good at finding GIFs. Also, I hope I don't have any stories like this tomorrow. Eek.

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  7. you're actually missing out on the boy that likes rom-coms! so many he's just not that into you type movies you could watch together!

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  8. So you agree, you think you're eyes are like, really blue?

    Aaaaannndd I'm in the same boat as you, just started seriously training for my tri in less than three weeks. Wingin' it for the win!

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  9. Hahaha. :)
    Love it.

    (And yes, totally doable in the couch to 5K in three days.)

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  10. I love that your family does a 5k together. I think it's sweet. :)

    What's not sweet are all the lame lines these guys are saying. Gosh, where are these guys from?!? I love reading this stuff! But I do feel sorry that you had to go thru this.

    womp womp

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  11. i had a guy i met at a bar tell me my eyebrows were perfect...what? thats the best you've got? byebye

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  12. Another post detailing why I'm totally ok with being single. Totally.

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  13. omg stop!! The things guys say are sooo stupid and you have definitely had your fair share.
    As for your 5k and going to the gym just this week before doing it, YOU GOT THIS!! I ran a 5 mile race with my family this past weekend and did absolutely no training... could I walk the next day? no. But I did it. So your 3 days of training has to count for something :)

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  14. I thought I had it bad in the man department. I've heard some stupid things in my time but I think the PMS thing takes the cake. I\m glad I'm not the only one who's been on dates with some real duds!

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  15. Haha all these guys are seriously the worst!!!

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  16. I'm dying... and we are twinning so hard because I literally had this SAME convo at dinner tonight. lol

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  17. Those are all hilarious! Thanks for sharing those :D

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  18. Is this real life? These guys are idiots.

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  19. Oh my gosh the little clips are hilarious!!!

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  20. LMAO this is ridiculous. guys are idiots.

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  21. oh you are just hilarious and i just love you and no that isn't creepy its real blog love

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  22. hahahahahaha oh my gosh... this is fantastic! Dating stinks, but you rock.

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