You meet him at the restaurant (because you don't know him very well and you're not ready for him to see where you live because did you see The Craigslist Killer on Lifetime??) and you're not sure whether to shake hands or hug:
Then you're sitting at the table and at first you're excited because FOOD:
But then all of a sudden you forget how to make conversation like a human, and you start saying things that make absolutely no sense:
And he says, "Um, are you ok?"
And you're sweating and you just want to go home but of course you can't tell him that, so you say,
You can feel the situation going downhill so you try to recover, but everything that comes out of your mouth sounds wrong:
You realize the evening isn't going according to plan, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom to make an emergency phone call to your BFF to help you figure out how to salvage the situation. She tells you to stop freaking out, and she gives you a suggestion:
DUH! Your friend is a genius.
So you try it.
But you fail miserably, mostly because:
Oh girl, you need to go home, but you can't, because you have to get through one last horribly awkward part of the date. The bill. Who pays? Obviously he should, but you still have to pretend like you want to. But you're bad at pretending, so you conveniently excuse yourself to the bathroom again. That's twice in ten minutes, FYI. When you get back, he's not at the table. He was so anxious to leave that he's now standing at the door waiting for you.
You're like, "I had such a great time...."
And he laughs awkwardly and says, "Hehe...me too...."
And you take a step forward to give him a goodbye hug but he has shut that down and instead, you get this:
So you go home and cover the embarrassment of the evening with a pint of ice cream:
And now it's time to take some advice from Jenna Marbles.