Thursday, May 2, 2013

Texts on a Thursday

I have this one friend, Jacey, who thinks she's really funny. 
And you know what? She's right. Because she and I have the same sense of humor, and I'm obviously hilarous, so that's called LOGIC.

It's no lie when I tell you that 85% of Jacey's texts to me are funny. The other 15% are her trying to get me to do something like pick her up from the gym or go to her house rightnowplease.

I decided to delve into the annals *snicker* of our text messages to find some gems to share publicly. Because good things deserve to be shared.
It didn't take long to find these, because scrolling through text messages on an iPhone takes a while and I can be pretty lazy, so none of these snippets are older than March.
I could post SO many, but not all of them are exactly appropriate. Sorrynotsorry.

Me: Oh my gosh I HAVE A MUSTACHE.
Jacey: I know. I'VE TRIED TO TELL YOU.
Me: No you haven't!
Jacey: Yes I have but you freaked out so I said I was kidding
Me: A MUSTACHE isn't the kind of thing you pretend to be kidding about!
Jacey: Oops
Me: I'm mad at you
Jacey: If it makes you feel better I only notice it when the sun hits it just right. Which is VERY rare.

Me: I love you
Jacey: I know
Jacey: I luv u
Me: Um. No. Plus I shouldn't have to ask.
Jacey: Haha I'm funny

Me: I'm going to get a cat.
Jacey: HELL NO
Jacey: I can't allow it.
Me: Why?
Jacey: Because cats are evil.
Jacey: I will pray for you.
Me: If you get to have a dog then I get to have a cat. It won't affect you at all.
Jacey: You'll talk about it and take pictures of it.


Jacey: I had a dream that I took you to spin and you wouldn't sit by me because you wanted to sit by the 'good' spinners and it was so mean and hurtful

Jacey: I wasn't supposed to tell anyone.
Me: You didn't.
Me: I'm an extension of you
Me: We are the same person.
Jacey: That's the best think you've ever said


Jacey: In a perfect world we would both be off work today and we would cuddle and walk on the beach and eat Firestone and watch Netflix.


In response to a text asking for a suggestion for a wedding gift:
Jacey: And get some pretty dish towels and roll them up and put them in the bowl with the tongs and a pretty card and a picture of your face.

Jacey: Black smoke. No new pope.
Jacey: I know you're on the edge of your seat.

When discussing what could be the cause of my back pain:
Me: I'm sorry. I'm dying, remember? From kidney failure.
Jacey: I'll give you a kidney.
Jacey: You gave me your Netflix password, it's the least I can do.

When discussing the possibility of doing something that would land her butt in jail:
Me: Orange really wouldn't go well with your skin tone.
Jacey: I know. But I'll get skinny in jail because there wouldn't be See's candy or donuts or wine.


When telling me about her new shoes that are just a little bit too small:
Jacey: The sales lady said to wear a wet sock with them for a few hours around the house. Comfy.
Me: That's disgusting.

Now, if you ask nicely I just might give you her phone number so you can be entertained as much as I am.

AND, not only is she pretty funny, but she also lets me wear her clothes and sometimes she brings me lunch. Plus she's crafty. I think that's a triple threat.

The End.

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