Texts on a Thursday: Disneyworld edition is
finally ending today!!
Jacey finally realized that Florida weather is awful and walking around a crowded theme park for a week loses is luster around the end of the second day (or within the first two hours if you're really a grouch) and she's driving home. This was the longest vacation EVER but thankfully she was 3 hours ahead instead of 3 hours behind, which meant that when I was getting ready for work before 6am it was almost 9am her time, so it worked out really well except for
every day the days when I decided to sleep til 5:55 and not give myself time to actually do my hair so I've been sporting some really attractive bed head. And glasses.
I've never been to Disneyworld but I have spent many many many many days at DisneyLAND and it's definitely not a place I'd pick for a week-long vacation ... probably because I'm a little jaded thanks to a particular person who has something against my torso.
(Vague paragraph brought to you by Bitter & Still Holding a Grudge.)
Remember that Jake is only 5. That's important.
Read and enjoy while sipping some ice cold Diet Coke through a skinny straw.
(The skinnier the straw the better the taste. Swear.)
Jacey: Jake just told Sue she smells like hot dogs and mustard
Jacey: I told him to please stop talking
Jacey: He didn't
Jacey: "I'm wearing these ears because I'm going to DISNEYWORLD. If you want to know my name just look at the back of my head" says Jake to every person he sees
Me: Are you having fun?
Jacey: Yes. But it's hot and I'm hungry
Jacey: And I don't have good shoes
Me: What shoes are you wearing?
Jacey: Target clearance flip flops. Mistake.
Me: I could have told you that.
Jacey: I did 90 crunches yesterday and it was the worst mistake ever
Jacey: I spent 3 dollars on a small diet coke and the carbonation syrup ratio is off.
Me: That's AWFUL
Jacey: I'm not handling it well
Me. Did you cry? Throw it on the ground? Pout?
Jacey: The third one. Obviously.
Me: I'm finally going to see silver linings playbook
Jacey: With who?Me: A burrito.
Jacey: Disneyworld 1. Me 0
(Attached was a picture of her grumpy, sunburnt face)
Jacey: I'm going to shower and skype with Joshua and go to bed.
Jacey: And wake up at 630 to go to the gym
Me: I know you have good intentions but please don't get mad at me for not thinking you're going to the gym
***The next morning***
Jacey: So I didn't go to the gym
Jacey: But I have a good excuse
Me: Uh huh
Jacey: My dad kept me awake from 3-5 snoring like a MONSTER
Jacey: I kicked him and he stopped for 30 seconds
Jacey: So I'm just not allowed to eat anything good today as my punishment
Jacey: And I am going to give my dad dirty looks all day
Jacey: And make him buy me coffee
Jacey: And carry red bull in his back pack
Jacey: I can't text you as much today. I felt rude yesterday
Me: Ok. I can understand that
Jacey: I love you. Thank you for understanding
Me: You are very welcome and I love you too
Jacey: If I sent a text meant for you to Joshua he would think I'm cheating on him
Jacey: This is prime meltdown hour at the magical kingdom
Jacey: There's a little redhead crying with one sandal missing
Jacey: A NINE year old stomping and screaming
Me: And I have to wear a bikini in 4 hours
Jacey: I'm wearing a bikini now and it's probably the worst part of my vacation so far
Jacey: I'm mat at my jeans
Me: I hate jeans
Jacey: They are tight and it's rude
(At 7pm Florida time)
Jacey: I need a nap and they want to do activities
Jacey: We left one hotel and now we are staying at a Disney one and he was rolling his suitcase out telling EVERYONE "I have a suitcase because I do NOT live here"
Jacey: I'm throwing nutter butters at jake like he's a dog
Jacey: So many bad things just happened to me
Jacey: I was changing for the flight in the lobby bathroom because we checked out of our room and we have been at the pool
Jacey: I put my clothes in the sink while I peeled my bathing suit off.
Jacey: Automatic sink
Jacey: Drenched clothes no back up
Jacey: 6 hour flight
Jacey: And bath and body works lip gloss aka stickiest gloss in all the land exploded in my purse
Jacey: My clothes are so wet
Jacey: I have hotel shampoo in my eyes
Jacey: It is so humid
Jacey: And I'm sure I gained 10 pounds
Jacey: Oh and I'm sunburned
Jacey: And somehow I have 3 carryons
Me: Your life is in shambles.
And that concludes this edition of Texts on a Thursday.
I don't know about you but I think I'm done with Disneyworld, and I wasn't even there.
And I'm really excited because Jacey's bringing me a present but she'll only give it to me if I'm nice to her, which is really irritating and makes it not feel like a present so much as a bribe to get me to be nicer than I am on a daily basis.
Soooooo I guess I should write that Jacey is sooooo nice and pretty and funny and I'm sooooo glad she's coming home because she's soooo nice and fun.
(Ten bucks says that after she reads this she says something about my attitude and threatens to not give me my awesome present.)