Fine. Guess I have to prove it.
You asked for this.
I can bake cupcakes like a PRO at 10pm, and I can improvise and use marshmallows for frosting when there isn't any actual frosting. And they'll taste AMAZEBALLS. (Also, I say "amazeballs.")
Martha Stewart AND Julia Child called the other day asking for tips.
Not only can I bake, but I can also peel the skin off a potato like no one you've ever seen.
Need REAL mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving? GOT YOU COVERED. None of that boxy flaky crap when I'm around! It's real potatoes and milk, mashed to perfection and then slathered in just butter because I'm of the belief that gravy ruins everything.
I AM SO SPORTY.
Check out my form (mostly in the picture on the right because I was in wuHAY better shape then)! Honest to cheesecake, I was an ALL-STAR for a few years. I even still have the jacket and it MIGHT still fit me. You don't wanna mess with me. I play slow-pitch softball like a BOSS and I only trip
once in every game occasionally.
I'm an entrepreneur!
I've been supporting myself since the young age of like 6 or 7. Here I am manning the lemonade stand (there's ALWAYS money in the lemonade stand ... anyone?) while my
employees servants brother and sister are "helping." Once I made like $17. And I spent it all on candy and I probably didn't share. I DID stuff the Smartees wrappers in the side of my bed and then the carpet people came and found them and my mom was so embarrassed. Another time I'll tell you about my wad of chewed gum.
I have such great taste in movies.
If you know what movie I was watching here then you are a winner and we can be friends.
If you don't then we can still be friends but we'll have to have a marathon to watch all 8 films in 1 weekend.
Maybe I'll bake you some of my famous marshmallow cupcakes or mash you up some taters.
(What's taters, precious?)
I have like SUCH good style.
Basically Snooki but without the 'ho' part.
And without the baby or the arrests.
Actually forget the whole Snooki part because I don't want to be like her, I was just at a Jersey Short party in this picture. So actually, I'm a CHAMELEON and can go with the flow. That's a good quality too.
I have a really good sense of humor and am creative.
I made this outfit. I was a superhero.
My power was throwing sheep. Those are sheep velcroed onto my shirt. I made them.
I'm such a winner.
I don't know about you, but I feel a LOT better about myself right now.
Now I'm going to go live up the rest of this 3-day weekend and have as much fun as a single girl can have without being Snookie!
(It's still a lot of fun, in case you were wondering.)
I might even go for a run.
(I'm not gonna go for a run.)
I'll probably eat some dessert at some point.
And I expect to do copious amounts of sleeping.
(Also I have a good vocabulary.)
(FYI even though all these things are true this whole post is meant to be taken as a joke and to remind myself of how small I was when I thought I was so big.)