Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Want to Be ....

Some people, when they're young, know what they're going to be once they reach adulthood. Others try several different things during their course of life. Some never figure it out. Some have a vivid "Aha!" moment, where they know at once which path to take.

And some sit and wait . . . and wait . . . and wait. 

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew I never wanted to be a teacher, I didn't have that much patience. And I didn't want to be a chef, because I couldn't even tell when break n' bake cookies were finished cooking. And I most certainly didn't want to be a doctor, because I wouldn't want to get that close to perfect strangers and have to inspect their toe fungus or mucusy cough or goopy eyes. Gross.

When I started college, here was my rationale for choosing to major in Communication Studies.

"I love to speak and be in front of people, and the major is broad. People who major in Communications have gone on to do so many things that sound interesting! And I'll have four looooong years to study and figure out what to do with my life. It's perfect!" 

And the major was perfect. I learned a lot, I love most of my classes, and I was challenged. The classes were tough, no matter what negative opinions you have of the stygmatized "easy" Comm classes. And at the end of my four years of college? Well, I'm sitting in my parents' house, in the new living room, with these thoughts:

"Four years goes by a lot more quickly than you think it will when you're newly 18. And four years isn't nearly enough time to figure out the rest of your life! And how, if I didn't know before, was I supposed to decide on one thing when I have hundreds (ok, maybe only dozens) of careers at my fingertips?? Why am I still clueless about the rest of my life???"

And no, I am not being dramatic. I am being honest. Some days I wake up and think I have it all figured out. And I do, for about two weeks. In the past 6 months or so, this is what I've thought of:

  • I'll be a newscaster! And I promptly set out Googling different ways to get into reporting. I thought of ways to get around the whole "I don't have any experience in newscasting at all" hurdle, only to decide I don't know if that's what I want to do.
  • I'll be a comedian! But really, most comedy is somewhat inappropriate, and I want my Grandma to be able to be involved in my career, and I couldn't see her sitting in the audience listening to me ramble on about how Hot Pockets are gross and give people diarrhea (even if it's true).
  • I'll be a writer! This lasted the longest, I think. I bought books about writing, I wrote every day (which I still do), I gave myself prompts, I settled on different titles for all my different books (and then I found out that the title is usually the last thing that's done . . . whatever). And then I just stopped.
  • I'll just be a mom!! Well, while this is definitely (God willing!) in my 10-year plan, I sort of need something to get me from point A (single, looking for a career) to point B (in a career and a relationship) to point C (married and on my way to having kids). I never liked math, but I know that things need to add up correctly in order to get the right answer.
What I know now, and have always known, is that God has a plan for my life. And what I've said before and not believed at times, is that I want God's plan for my life. But there's a problem: I don't know what that is. I'm torn between two decisions, neither wrong, both right, one best. But I don't know which to choose. I don't know which is best. And so I pray. I pray for guidance. I pray that the answer will become clear. I pray I will make the right decisions. And I wait.

And now, I think I may have finally stumbled upon something I would like to do (knock on wood! which I realize is a bit inappropriate given that I just wrote about God). Something that incorporates all the things I enjoy. Something that would allow me to move back home. Something that would allow me to be happy. Something that would allow me some financial stability. Something that would allow me to take pride in what I do, and to gain more expertise and to hone my current skills further. And it's a secret, until it becomes reality. 

Recently, I heard someone say that there are two reasons we're afraid of our future: 
1) We're afraid we might fail, or 2) We're afraid we might succeed

Cliche, I know, but they're cliches for a reason!!!

So now, while I'm rocking in my parents' LayZ Boy recliner staring at what used to be a brick fireplace, I think I'll choose to be excited for my future. Excited for what I'll accomplish. Excited for the strides I'll make. Excited, and not scared

And then, one day, I'll write about it in my book, and you'll read it there, too.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Lately....

Wow! So much has happened ... and I'm honestly hesitant to post much because there are so many unknowns right now. I have some big decisions to make, but thankfully I have some time still before I need to finalize anything. Sooner is always better, right? Christmas was lovely ... it was different this year because my older sister is now married so she had to split the day between her in-laws and our family, and my Grandma and Aunt were sick so they couldn't come to our house in the morning like they usually do ... and our house is in the final throes of a remodel so we didn't get a Christmas tree until Christmas Eve. But none of that really mattered, because we were all together after 2pm on Christmas Day, and it was wonderful. Have I ever mentioned just how much I love my family, and my growing extended family? Well, I do. A lot.

Earlier this evening my brother Robert and I were in the living room reading our respective books that (which?) we got for Christmas, and my mom came out and took pictures because it was just so special. Then she took a video, which I don't think I've ever seen her do before!

I LOVE being home.

My Hair?

DAY TWENTY-FOUR: A PHOTO THAT YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE IN


I've posted this picture before, but I don't care. 

Christine

DAY TWENTY-THREE: A PHOTO OF YOUR FRIEND AS A BABY


I'm wearing the red, and Christine has no pants on. I'm glad I actually have this picture, because it meant that I don't have to search facebook like a stalker for baby photos! Christine now lives in San Diego, and before yesterday I hadn't seen her in ... a long time! It may have been a year and a half! We grew up two houses away from each other, and would have sleepovers together, play in the big hole in the sand, fight over who got to be named "Jenny" when we played pretend games (and I always ended up being "Enny" ... we were weird kids ....), eat too much junk food ... and she would come over to the house I babysat at 7am for me to do her hair for her when she broke her wrist. True Blue.

My Town

DAY TWENTY-TWO: A PHOTO OF YOUR TOWN


This is Los Osos and some of Morro Bay. I grew up in Los Osos, and though I may be biased in my opinion, it is perfect. It's a quiet, sleepy town with only 7 stoplights and two (?) streets with sidewalks. It is NOT in Northern California, it's on the Central Coast. The two should NEVER be confused.

I'm over this ...

DAY TWENTY-ONE: A PHOTO OF YOU STANDING UP


This was my freshman year of college. Kim and LaRae and I were going to get hair dye. Mine turned out a weird brown color that I didn't like very much. If I'm a bird, you're a bird.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Something I love ...

DAY TWENTY: A PHOTO OF SOMETHING YOU ENJOY DOING


I enjoy reading. And I REALLY  enjoy reading about commonly misused words and phrases. 

Trips

DAY NINETEEN: A PHOTO OF YOU ON A SCHOOL TRIP


This was my sophomore year of college, when me and 3 other people in my Literature of L.A. class went to MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art). We also went to the La Brea tarpits. I did not enjoy myself. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Back to School?

DAY EIGHTEEN: A PHOTO OF ONE OF YOUR CLASSES


I don't actually have a picture of any of my classes, but this is pretty close. Karina, Dr. Muehlhoff, Jimmy, me. Dr. Muehlhoff is everyone's favorite Comm. professor. This was at our Lambda pi Eta end of semester ceremony. LPE is the communications honors society. And I miss college.

Awkward

DAY SEVENTEEN: A DRUNK PHOTO OF YOU


I wasn't drunk here, but a lot of people at this party were. This was about 2 1/2 years ago at my friend Rebekah's 21st birthday celebration ... it was pirate themed. 

16

DAY SIXTEEN: A PHOTO FO YOU AT THE LAST PARTY YOU WENT TO


Matt, me, Alyssa, and Garrett at Brytni's twenties themed 21st birthday party. It's crazy to think that I met Brytni and Alyssa over 3 years ago when I started working at Disneyland. Ohh how times have changed ...

Parentals

DAY FIFTEEN: A PHOTO OF YOU AND SOMEONE YOU LOVE




I love my parents. So much. They've been there for me through so much, and I am unbelievably blessed beyond measure. Their love for each other and Christ is so evident ... I would be so incredibly lucky to have what they have someday.

Fave

DAY FOURTEEN: A PHOTO OF ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE FAMILY MEMBERS


This is my older sister, Kathrene. This photo was taken on June 26th, 2010 ... her wedding day. She is an amazing sister and friend, and I am so blessed that she and I are so close! I can't wait until I can move closer to home and we can see each other more often ... texts and phone calls just aren't the same. I'm trying to convince her to let me move into the spare room in their house, but for some reason she just doesn't seem too thrilled about that .... ;)

Kathrene is inspirational, amazing, strong, selfless, caring, intelligent, beautiful, considerate, organized, creative, thoughtful ... all around amazing. I love you!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friends

DAY THIRTEEN: A PHOTO OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)

The past couple of years I haven't really liked the term "best friend," because I think it's hard to classify what a best friend is. I'm close to a lot of people.


Like Lisa. Lisa is my roommate, my friend, and my sister when she goes to the doctor so that I can have full access. Ha. And she listens to me complain and puts up with my messiness.


And Jacey. I hardly ever see Jacey, since school took us states away from each other. (Ok, Arizona and Orange County aren't THAT far apart, but we're busy people!) But Jacey and I can text or talk and pick up right where we left off the last time. We've made it through fights in high school, boyfriends, and sleepovers. And I love this girl.


Karen is my other mom. And she's fabulous. And she knows almost everything about me.


I can't find a picture of me and Cristen ... I guess that's telling me I should be better at organizing my photos. But this is Cristen's son, Maddex. He's five now! Cristen is one of my dearest friends... sadly we're hardly ever able to talk, and I haven't seen her in far too long, but I love her. Cristen and I became close when she was pregnant and I was infatuated with a boy. And the first year of Maddex's life, before I went to school, I practically lived at Cristen's. I love her.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Day 12

DAY TWELVE: A PHOTO OF YOU


Yes, I can pogo stick.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ten on a Tuesday

I don't care that it's Wednesday and not Tuesday. I'm wasting time while putting off getting ready to go to work.
1. Where are you from? Have you lived there your whole life?
I was born in Dallas and 9 months later was uprooted by my parents and we moved to Los Osos, CA. I claim that as where I'm from. Yes, be jealous. Although, I have now lived in Southern California for over 4 years and I don't hate it anymore ... so we'll see what happens here .... 
2. How would you classify your clothing style?
Ummmmm.... I don't know. Before I met Lisa I didn't really have style. Seriously. It was jeans or sweats with T-shirts and tanks. Seriously. My biggest thing is that is has to be comfortable. Comfortable and classy. I hate this question.
3. What kind of car do you drive?
A '95 Volvo. It's maroon and awesome
4. What would your dream home look like if you could have it (or already do!)?
I have no idea. I always thought I wanted a two-story house, but I've heard those are a pain to clean and the stairs can get really annoying. I do know that I would want a lot of windows and open space. None of this claustrophobic dark wood paneling crap. And I would have vaulted ceilings and lots of lights.
5. Do you have kids, and if so, how many and how old were you when you had them?
No babies that are biologically mine, but there are some kids that I claim as my own. You know who you are.
6. What is your favorite hobby?
I change hobbies about every two weeks. Right now it's eating, but it has also been reading, crocheting, writing, working out, and training the puppy.
7. Are you going to have any New Year’s resolutions for 2011?
I never have resolutions, and I think it's dumb to have to wait for January 1st to start some resolutions. But if I HAD to choose, I would quit soda, exercise more, journal, and have daily devotions. And eat more veggies.
8. What is something, if anything, that you’d want to change about yourself?
I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days. I am a slob, and I really don't like that about myself. I REALLY don't like that about myself. So, I wish I wasn't a slob. And I wish I was more optimistic. 
9. What is something that you love about yourself?
I can get along with most people, and I'm flexible.
10. Pick one of the following: Someone to cook for you, someone to do your laundry, or someone to do your dishes.
LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY!!! I HATE doing laundry. I love cooking and I never have very many dishes, but I absolutely hate laundry. There's just too much to it. Ugh. Take it away!

Movies

DAY ELEVEN: A PHOTO OF YOUR FAVORITE FILM(S)



I LOVE THIS MOVIE. It's super quoteable and lighthearted, and just hilarious. These two together are fantastic. It's one of the very few movies that I could watch over and over and over again and not get sick of it. I feel partly bad for not saying something deep and thought-provoking like Lord of the Rings or Pride and Prejudice ... but to be honest, sometimes Lord of the Rings, as much as I LOVE the movies, can be too deep and I don't want to think that hard. And I never liked Pride and Prejudice. So, there you go. I'm a shallow surface-y Fey/Pohler little girl.